TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组写作组 天聋地哑 第十一次作业

天聋地哑UID：2594947

It’s better to use own knowledge and experience to solve question, or ask other people for advice?


There is a drastically debated issue about whether we should ask other people for advice or not when we confront with more complex question which is based on our ability and measured by our own level of knowledge and experience. Although other people may hold one or two opinions---to use own knowledge or experience, or pose such problem to other people to find better solutions or advices to help us choose, I agree that we should take this situation dividing into two backgrounds or surroundings to evaluate.

To begin with, using our own knowledge that acquires from our study in university or other identical types of colleges and experience that is more accumulated in our daily working or living when we encounter with different kinds of questions or problems, appears more important to ourselves in diverse aspects, such as creativity, innovation, and the potentiality of perseverance and so forth. According to one survey launched by NPPCDG---committee of Adulthood Potential Education Research Center which is one of most famous organizations about researching on potentiality of people, creativity is not an isolated ability, but is related with other two “parameters”--- innovation and potentiality of perseverance. Experts in this center points out that the effect of solving any question by virtue of using our own capability firstly will receive more outstanding outcomes than that of doing it by asking for other people to help firstly. In brief, question or problem more complex or even thorny is, our potentiality better galvanized successfully will be.

However, if one person is invariably trying to use his or her own knowledge and experience when solving question or problem instead of attempting to accept other advisable suggestions or advices from other “experienced doyen”, such case will become or even evolve into a new but embarrass state- obstinacy or self-will— conterproductive effect contrasted with our expectation of original intention. Consequently, going too far is as bad as not going far enough. Sometimes, to avoid trapping into unnecessary dilemma, trying to ask other people for advice before the things begin is undoubtedly the best practice, since it has many advantages that the formal practice has not---beyond is as wrong as falling short.

In conclusion, I assume that we should take our wise perspective on a wide horizon, not merely put in a narrow corridor. Yet, over-depended on other people rather than reckoned on your own efforts will also degenerate your potential capability which is yet mentioned above.

天聋地哑UID：2594947

拍文的同学辛苦啦~~~:handshake

liurui8802UID：2595045

There is a drastically debated issue about whether we should ask other people for advice or not when we confront with(are confronted with) more complex question which is based on our ability and measured by our own level of knowledge and experience. Although other people may hold one or two opinions---to use own knowledge or experience, or pose such problem to other people to find better solutions or advices to help us choose, I agree that we should take this situation dividing into two backgrounds or surroundings to evaluate.（不知道是不是有这种表达法，保留意见）

To begin with, using our own knowledge that acquires（及物动词,你后面接的并列谓语第一个谓语却是from...) identical types of colleges and experience that is more(more能修饰动词吗？）accumulated in our daily working or living when we encounter with different kinds of questions or problems, appears more important to ourselves in diverse aspects, such as creativity, innovation, and the potentiality of perseverance and so forth.(楼主把托福作文当GRE阅读来写了，可能进入误区了,而且这句主题句没有起到总领段落作用） According to one survey launched by NPPCDG---committee of Adulthood Potential Education Research Center which is one of
the most famous organizations about(in)
researching on potentiality(potential即是名词) of people, creativity is not an isolated ability, but is related with other two “parameters”--- innovation and potentiality of perseverance. Experts in this center points out that the effect of solving any question by virtue of using our own capability firstly（first)
will receive more outstanding outcomes than that of doing it by asking for other people to help firstly重复. In brief, question or problem more complex or even thorny is, our potentiality better galvanized successfully will be（the more, the more).& Y  i% @% [/ L9 d, R) w+ T6 s
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However, if one person is invariably trying to use his or her own knowledge and experience when solving question or problem instead of attempting to accept other advisable suggestions or advices from other “experienced doyen”, such case will become or even evolve into a new but embarrass state- obstinacy or self-will— conterproductive effect contrasted with our expectation of original intention. （跟上面段落主句一样的问题）Consequently,going too far is as bad as not going far enough. Sometimes, to avoid trapping into unnecessary dilemma, trying to ask other people for advice before the things begin is undoubtedly the best practice, since it has many advantages that the formal practice has not（有点指代不清，虽然知道你的formal  practice是不寻求帮助，但是这个段落里面没有被它指代的内容）--beyond is as wrong as falling short.& O/ n3 ]$ j5 v7 P5 E( o

In conclusion, I assume that we should take our wise perspective on a wide horizon, not merely put in a narrow corridor. Yet, over-depended on other people rather than reckoned on your own efforts will alsodegenerate your potential capability which is yet mentioned above.
文章有以下问题：
1，个人觉得论证不到位。不知道作者看过一些关于托福作文的书没有，论证举例，推理说明在写作中很重要，但是可惜的是在作者的文章中很少看到这样的论证方法。相反，作者特别在第三段中只顾自己说不问他人观点是固执的，是过犹不及的，缺少论证。
2，文章明显受到GRE的影响，上来的两段论证一开头就5-6行的长句，缺没有起到开头句应有的总领下文的作用，这样的长句不仅不能为作文增色，反而让人觉得晦涩，没有实际意思。虽然作者考了GRE大可不把托福作文放在眼里，但是托福有托福的规则。那些满分作文句子不见得多复杂但是流畅。
单纯个人意见，仅供参考，若有冒犯，请多包涵。

奔跑蜗牛UID：2579189

看了那几个长句，可见楼主的语言功底之深厚。
楼主过多重视语言的技巧 感觉没有很充实的论证自己的文章，老师说建议不要写两方面平衡的观点，一是不好写，二是外国人不爱在TOEFL里见到。
引用 旅狼的话“外教说如果希望在国外拿到作文的高分，短句子必不可少，没有人希望在文章中看到大段大段的长句子，即使是最好的作家，一片十几页的文章中，长句子的数量也不过1-2句。”

irvine666UID：2575525

There is a drastically debated issue about whether we should ask other people for advice or not when we confront with(confront是vt，confront with是使...面对) more complex question which is based on our ability and measured by our own level of knowledge and experience.(提出主干来看：question is measured by our own level of knowledge and experience. 这个分句是想说明个什么意思？) Although other people may hold one or two(distinct,people hold one opinion说的通，但是什么叫people hold two opinions?更何况你下面的两种opinion根本就incompatible) opinions---to use own knowledge or experience, or (to,楼主对并列结构的了解不够) pose such problem to other people to find better solutions or advices to help us choose(这句话罗嗦的不行,直接换成to search for help of others不就行了...), I agree that we should take this situation dividing into(dividing this situation into) two backgrounds or surroundings(parts,你下文2段都在讲个人能够单独解决的问题，哪儿来的two backgrounds?) to evaluate（这是个vt）.(问题：1.作者的某些词汇，貌似是在词霸上查了就直接拿上来用，语境完全不对 2.并列结构前后不一致的语法问题很大 3.最严重的是，作者的句子里有着明显的模仿北美范文的痕迹，过于追求以定语宾语从句为代表的长句，然而基础不够扎实，造出来的长句语法错误多，从而严重影响其他人的理解.)

To begin with, using our own knowledge that acquires(acquired) from our study in university or (in 继续犯并列结构语法错误) other identical types of colleges(这是个啥玩意儿？同一类型的大学？) and 【experience that is more accumulated(more纯属多余，而且这里也不应该用more) in our daily working or living when we encounter with(去掉) different kinds of questions or problems】(这么大一段都在解释experience...不累么...我读的都累了), appears + (to be) + more important to ourselves in diverse aspects, such as creativity, innovation, and the potentiality of perseverance and so forth.（最后来总结下这句话里面的东西：using our own knowledge is important. 作者用了如此庞大的一个句子，从knowledge开始不停的套用从句，事实上给人的感觉就是：你不是为了强调using knowledge is important,你是为了强调knowledge is important. 重心整个就不对.） According to one survey launched by NPPCDG---committee of Adulthood Potential Education Research Center which is one of most famous organizations about researching on potentiality of people, creativity is not an isolated ability, but is related with other two “parameters”--- innovation and potentiality of perseverance. (这个survey 能够支持experts的，或者你的结论？我怎么看这个survey怎么像是为了强调如何诱导potentiality of people...而不是你中心句里的using knowledge is important.)Experts in this center points out that the effect of solving any question by virtue of using our own capability firstly will receive more outstanding outcomes than that of doing it by asking for other people to help firstly. In brief, question or problem more complex or even thorny is, our potentiality better galvanized successfully will be(提取主干：question or problem is potentiality will be 老实说我读不懂...我估计也没几个人读得懂...这种问题放在结尾句里面很致命！).&

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However, if one person is invariably trying to use his or her own knowledge and experience when solving question or problem instead of attempting(这是个典型的歧义句子，你的attempting到底是和solving并列还是和trying并列？最好改一下when那个从句的位置) to accept other advisable suggestions or advices from other “experienced doyen”, such case(it) will become or even evolve into a new but embarrass（这是个动词） state- obstinacy or self-will— conterproductive effect contrasted with our expectation of original intention.（排开各种指代模糊，歧义错误不谈，首先, invariably using his or her own knowledge and experience为什么会导致obstinacy你并没有解释清楚就直接放上来了，其次，这个中心句的本意应该是从另一个方向考虑采纳别人的意见也是有帮助的（见你的第一段最后一句），而你的TS里写成了批驳过分依靠自己能力的坏处） Consequently, going too far is as bad as not going far enough.(从你上面的句子来看，这个consequently是不合理的) Sometimes, to avoid trapping into unnecessary dilemma, trying to ask other people for advice before the things begin is undoubtedly the best practice, since it has many advantages that the formal practice has not---beyond is as wrong as falling short.

In conclusion, I assume that we should take our wise perspective on a wide horizon, not merely put in a narrow corridor. Yet, over-depended on other people rather than reckoned on your own efforts will also degenerate your potential capability which is yet mentioned above.

最后总结一下楼主的思路：
第一段提出我们应当分情况考虑问题
第二段提出用自己的知识解决问题很重要（没有讲到在什么情况下）
第三段提出过于只依靠自己的知识会导致固执（既没有详细论述为什么需要采纳别人的意见（整个一段话就在最后一句提了一下），更没有附上分类的情况）

作者的语法基础在句子里看出，比较薄弱，不知道是因为粗心，还是其他原因。
此外，过于依赖从句来编排所谓的长句不是一个明智的举动。从句尤其是which,that, who引导的从句，表达了对前文的强调关系和前后间强烈的逻辑衔接，如果一句句话里面从句太多强调的东西太多，就会削弱你的主题。

总之，问题很多，文章需要大修改。

考试了UID：2613528

点评的很精辟。  
坦率说， 不知是受人误导还是装模做样， 故弄玄虚， 楼主的问题是不会好好说话。
直接了当，直奔主题， 说了太多没用的， 那点有用的观点和论据都找不到应有的位置了。
一个建议： 即使长句也别过25字。

天聋地哑UID：2594947

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

possibilityUID：2601740

我还真看不懂，这么长的长句。真是复杂啊。