【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt】作文小组dengqinbo第12次作业

dengqinboUID: 2596994

Topic: Teachers assign daily homework to students. Do you agree or disagree daily homework is necessary? Why and why not?

In china, children are not the happiest group as people think they are. Because they are not only children but also students, they have to do heavy assignments composed by teachers every day. Having been suffered from this life for over 12 years, I am finally relieved. If you ask me whether daily homework is needed, I will say "NO" without thinking. In this essay, I'd try to convince you by following reasons.

To begin with, I just think daily assignment is too much for a child. Giving pupils homework, teachers claim, can guarantee the effective teaching. Students are expected to review the imparted knowledge at the daytime, let's say "four multiplies five is twenty". In normal cases a math teacher will leave them to write one-hundred times of this simple formula as homework. But this repeated time-consuming task proves nothing but extremely boring. Even a kid with bad performance of school can easily grasp the short "phrase" within five minutes, needless to say one who possess a high intelligence. Thus, it is true to say the students spend previous time and effort on  homework without gaining anything.


Another drawback of daily task is that it does harm to students' physical health and mental health. According to a report made by an education department, nearly 60% high school students have been in a state of sub-health. The symptoms include decreasing eyesight, light depression, severe fatigue, medium-intense anxiety and so on. In addition, more and more parents begin to cast doubt on the necessity of homework, saying that every single night, their children are burned out by finishing the numerous papers of each subject. It is a sign that alarms the educators to retrospect the real function of homework and to eliminate the bad effects brought by it.


Finally, I would like to make an assumption: When children are not any longer under the stress of plenty schoolwork, when they are free from the non-humanistic teaching method, and when the time and effort wasted is  saved to do something more meaningful, the youthful generation must be able to show an unprecedented creativity, energy and felicity. They will be, as an old saying goes, the rising sun at eight o'clock.

To conclude, routine assignment，by giving heavy burden to students,  should have been replaced for their sake. The educators need to seek out an alternative and more effective way to realize the primary purpose of education.

请猛拍，多谢。

dengqinboUID: 2596994

没人拍。。。。自己来贴一个。美国7年纪小朋友给我作文的修改和评语。。肯定会对大家认识美国人的写作思路有所帮助。同样的，黑色部分里面也有一些是她修改了的，大家对照着原文看吧。

In china, children are not the happiest group as people think they are because they are students loaded with heavy homework on their shoulders every day and be stressed out. Having been suffered from this life for over 12 years (what does that mean, you did this before? Does this mean you don’t get homework anymore?), I am finally relieved. Don’t say if you ask me! Say what you think is right! You want to be bold! Daily homework is unnecessary, its stressful and unhealthy.If you ask me whether daily homework is needed, I will say "NO" without thinking. In this essay, I'd try to convince you by following reasons. Don’t say you have to try! Say it like you KNOW that they will be convinced. Alsom state your reasons first.

To begin with, I just think AGAIN DO NOT SAY THINK!!!!!!!!!! Daily assignments is too much for a child.  Teachers THINK that since they give their pupils mountains of homework , it is effective teaching. Yes, homework is good but giving too much is bad. Students are expected to review the imparted knowledge of the day. Let's say "four multiplies five is twenty", in normal cirmustance a math teacher will leave them to write one-hundred times of this simple formula as homework. But this repeated time-consuming task proves nothing but extremely boring. (good!) Most kids remember this after a few time, repeating this procedure is boring and unnecessary. The point of homework is to give kids exercise to their minds. You should give them a fair amount of problems that have a variety of topics instead of focusing on one easy topic. Doing the same things over and over again, is wasting if you already know it well. Even a kid with bad performance of school can easily grasp the short "phrase" within five minutes just as easily as someone how is very intelligent.     needless to say one who possess a high intelligence. Thus, it is true to say the students spend previous time and effort on  homework without gaining anything.


Another drawback of daily task is that it does harm to students' physical health and mental health. According to a report made by an education department, nearly 60% high school students have been in a state of sub-health. The symptoms include decreasing eyesight, light depression, severe fatigue, medium-intense anxiety and so on. In addition, more and more parents begin to cast doubt on the necessity of homework, saying that every single night, their children are burned out by finishing the numerous papers of each subject. Homework is tedious work, students only need to know HOW to do it so in class, they can prove it to you in tests and essays . It is a sign that alarms the educators to retrospect the real function of homework and to eliminate the bad effects brought by it.


Finally, I would like to make an assumption: When children are no longer under the stress of plenty schoolwork, when they are free from the non-humanistic teaching method. Kids can spend time doing OTHER things, like sports, art, they can discover new talents by doing this and think differently from the rest. If everybody thought in the same way, people would not improve, if some thought differently, there would be more creativity and people would be more evolved. and when the time and effort wasted is  saved to do something more meaningful, the youthful generation would be able to show an unprecedented creativity, energy and felicity (this is good). They would explore the world with their eyes and in their disrable ways; they  would discovery something new when playing with peers ; they would come up with original ideas after reading books in which describle the unknown world.  When the day comes, they will be, as an old saying goes, the rising sun at eight o'clock.

Instead of having students do something over and over again, like 5x4= 20, they should be learning about WHY 5x4=20. If they grasp the concept and reason on how to do this, then they can do it for every problem which saves a lot of time. To conclude, routine assignment， ( I do not understand any of this! This is bad grammar, or I just am not good enough to understand this!) by giving heavy burden to students,  should have been replaced for their sake. The educators need to seek out an alternative and more effective way to educate students.

网兜妮妮UID: 2612538

l楼主的文章语言很流畅，没有生硬的感觉（这点很值得我学习），那个美国小朋友帮忙改的作文看了之后很有启发。
尤其是第一段，改了之后清楚而且生动，很顺，表达也好。
语言方面小美国已经改得很地道了，没什么说得，楼主本身的语言表达功底不错，学习了。

从观点上说说吧。
1 个人觉得第一个论点那里，可以写成“误区——纠正”的模式，说服力会更强。就是“每天完成作业代表有效率的学习”，这是一个误区，你的论点是“有效率的学习在于真正掌握知识并且能运用，因此对于掌握知识而言，DAILY HOMEWORK 并非必要条件和唯一渠道”。这样对比来论证估计逻辑会更清楚，效果会更好。
2 第二个论点是说DAILY HOMEWORK对身心都不好，个人觉得楼主的论证略有偏颇，应该是“每天的家庭作业由于要在一天完成第二天上交，所以很难有创造性的作业，因为时间太短所以小组讨论等形式的作业就被排除在外，而单调重复性的作业不利于身心发展”，这样的话表达应该会更全面。
3 后面一段用假设的论证方法很有说服力，这样的结构也更完整了，学习。

综上，楼主的语言组织能力很强，希望我的意见对你有帮助，共同进步~

babffUID: 2539532

In china, children are not the happiest group as people think they are. Because they are not only children but also students, they have to do heavy assignments composed by teachers every day. Having been suffered from this life for over 12 years, I am finally relieved.（感觉这句有点太偏激了，再说为什么你现在解脱了呢？？别人可能会问的） If you ask me whether daily homework is needed, I will say "NO" without thinking. In this essay, I'd try to convince you by following reasons(通过问题引出论点很不错).（嘻

To begin with, I just think（that） daily assignment is too much for a child. Giving pupils homework, teachers claim, can guarantee the effective teaching. Students are expected to review the imparted knowledge at the daytime, let's say "four multiplies five is twenty". In normal cases a math teacher will leave them to write one-hundred times of this simple formula as homework. But this repeated time-consuming task proves nothing but extremely boring. Even a kid with bad performance of school can easily grasp the short "phrase" within five minutes, needless to say one who possess a high intelligence. Thus, it is true to say the students spend previous time and effort on  homework without gaining anything.(感觉童鞋是不是细节写的过于详细，可以适当的精炼一些，可能考场上很难写这么多的)
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Another drawback of daily task is that it does harm to students' physical health and mental health. According to a report made by an education department, nearly 60% high school students have been in a state of sub-health.（引用调查数据，闪光点） The symptoms include decreasing eyesight, light depression, severe fatigue, medium-intense anxiety and so on. In addition, more and more parents begin to cast doubt on the necessity of homework, saying that every single night, their children are burned out by finishing the numerous papers of each subject.（是不是后面加个，即便这样，成绩也没见好。。。要不然如果成绩很好，家长为什么会怀疑每天做作业的必要性呢？） It is a sign that alarms the educators to retrospect the real function of homework and to eliminate the bad effects brought by it.$ P1 o6 O( q1 c% n, E+ {, t6 ]
! z7 j& m& @7 i% `+ q- E. ^2 ~3 f

Finally, I would like to make an assumption（引用假设，也是岩哥说的闪光点）: When children are not any longer under the stress of plenty schoolwork, when they are free from the non-humanistic teaching method, and when the time and effort wasted is  saved to do something more meaningful, the youthful generation must be able to show an unprecedented creativity, energy and felicity. （运用排比句，童鞋好强）They will be, as an old saying goes, the rising sun at eight o'clock(用了名言。。。闪光点。。请问童鞋这是你脱稿限时作文吗？如果是。。。你就是我的榜样).( D* K  U7 n%^( j: ^7 l

To conclude, routine assignment，by giving heavy burden to students,  should have been replaced for their sake. The educators need to seek out an alternative and more effective way to realize the primary purpose of education.! z'


不好意思。。。最近再赶一篇论文。。。所以评晚了。。请见谅哈

dengqinboUID: 2596994

两位的评语都太好了，对我的作文修改帮助很大，而且我也从两位的评价中看到我的文章的缺点所在，好让我在以后的写作中注意和改进。。
真的很感激你们！！！
大恩就不言谢啦！！