【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 风辰的眼泪的第15次作业】

风辰的眼泪UID: 2618183

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In today’s world, to speak well is more important than to write well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. (07.1.26)
Since ancient times, language is used as the most original and prime tool for communication. Currently, language ability is even regarded as the essential judging criteria of a person’s operational capacity. Under this circumstance, people who desire to obtain achievement are necessary to make themselves speak well rather than write well.
As is generally known, communication barrier is a serious obstacle that obstructs the expansion of social interaction. There is an apparent phenomenon that numerous people who are just graduated from colleges and involving into community are unable to communicate with other people favorably. This problem is derived from the current education. Teachers in college always assign a lot of articles to the students, which makes them have less time communicating with each other. Students put most of their energy on writing and neglect the importance of speaking. Until attending the society, they discern that speaking well is virtually the most useful capability.
Speaking well makes others acquaint us more. Some people may think that even if not speaking out also makes others understand us. Of course it is available, but it needs more time than you speak out. When people express their meaning definitely, others will get it immediately. Language is originally invented to make people understand each other more easily, so why not better use of it to make oneself known to others?
Another realistic problem is to find a job. As the primary access, interviewing makes many people feel frustrated because of speaking. Some of the candidates have great scores in curriculum and excellent resumes. Unfortunately, when they are asked by the interviewer, they feel nervous about the serious scenes and don’t know how to express themselves which may bring them failure. Thus, speaking appears a fundamental ability in the interviewing. Speaking well helps people succeed in this competition.
When communicating, we speak; when giving a presentation, we speak; when attending an interview, we speak; when expressing emotions, we also speak. As a consequence, speaking well helps to change one’s life.
334 words   

qiangweiciUID: 2478469

Since ancient times, language is used as the most original and prime tool for communication. Currently, language ability is even regarded as the essential judging criteria of a person’s operational capacity. Under this circumstance, people who desire to obtain achievement are necessary to make themselves speak well rather than write well. (偶觉得这样的开头其实还可以再商榷一下，language的概念太大了 语言不仅仅是口语而已呀~~)

As is generally known, communication barrier is a serious obstacle that obstructs the expansion of social interaction. There is an apparent phenomenon that numerous people who are just graduated from colleges and involving into community are unable to communicate with other people favorably. This problem is derived from the current education. Teachers in college always assign a lot of articles to the students, which makes them have less time communicating with each other. Students put most of their energy on writing and neglect the importance of speaking. Until attending the society, they discern that speaking well is virtually the most useful capability。（这一段的explanation蛮周到 只是让人感觉绕了蛮多 要是更切题就好了 直接讲speaking well能够消除communication barrier会更好）

Speaking well makes others acquaint us more. Some people may think that even if not speaking out also makes(怪怪的 换成这样吧 keeping silence also can make) others understand us. Of course it is available（useful）, but it needs more time than you speak out. When people express their meaning definitely(directly), others will get it immediately. Language is originally invented to make people understand each other more easily, so why not better use of it to make oneself known to others?

Another realistic problem is to find a job. As the primary access, interviewing makes many people feel frustrated because of speaking. Some of the candidates have great scores in curriculum and excellent resumes. Unfortunately, when they are asked by the interviewer, they feel nervous about the serious scenes and don’t know how to express themselves which may bring them failure. Thus, speaking appears a fundamental ability in the interviewing. Speaking well helps people succeed in this competition. （本段缺少ts 在段首的地方加上一句吧 Speaking well exerts a positive influence upon one's job searching journey.）

When communicating, we speak; when giving a presentation, we speak; when attending an interview, we speak; when expressing emotions, we also speak. As a consequence, speaking well helps to change one’s life.(结尾写的好 排比流畅 又简洁生动)

LZ的语言功底挺深厚的，词域挺宽~~只是在本篇中  起了关键作用的language的概念似乎有些值得再考究的地方 这直接影响了别人的理解 和文章的严谨度 建议换成Speaking或者 oral language之类的。 另外lz对于文章框架的处理似乎还有可以提升的空间 尤其是thesis和ts部分 还有lz整篇文章似乎没有什么指示词 这会直接影响文章的易读性 可以在段首或者事例上加上些first  furthermore之类的指示词 建议参考一下张洪岩的《十天搞定TOEFL作文》 或者《美国大学英语写作》。就这样了 要是批改有不周到的地方 欢迎指出来哦 一起加油 呵呵

angelmuziflyerUID: 2548676

Since ancient times, language is used as the most original and prime tool for communication. Currently, language ability is even regarded as the essential judging criteria of a person’s operational capacity. Under this circumstance, people who desire to obtain achievement are necessary to make themselves speak well rather than write well.
As is generally known, communication barrier is a serious obstacle that obstructs the expansion of social interaction. There is an apparent phenomenon that numerous people who are just graduated （just graduate）from colleges and involving (呵呵，如果把前面那个改了，前后一致的话就把这个改成involve themselves )into community are unable to communicate with other people favorably. This problem is derived from the current education. Teachers in college always assign a lot of articles to the students, which makes them have less time communicating with each other(此句有chinglish嫌疑). Students put most of their energy on （in）writing and neglect the importance of speaking. Until attending the society, they discern that speaking well is virtually the most useful capability(这句可以换成倒装句的，呵呵，试下~我们要注意句式多变哈！).
Speaking well makes （too much"make"）others acquaint us more. Some people may think that even if not speaking out also makes others understand us. Of course it is available, but it needs more time than you speak out. When people express their meaning definitely, others will get it immediately. Language is originally invented to make people understand each other more easily, so why not better use of it to make oneself known to others?
Another realistic problem is to find a job. As the primary access, interviewing makes many people feel frustrated because of speaking. Some of the candidates have great scores in curriculum and excellent resumes. Unfortunately, when they are asked by the interviewer, they feel nervous about the serious scenes and don’t know how to express themselves which may bring them failure. Thus, speaking appears a fundamental ability in the interviewing. Speaking well helps people succeed in this competition.
When communicating, we speak; when giving a presentation, we speak; when attending an interview, we speak; when expressing emotions, we also speak. As a consequence, speaking well helps to change one’s life(How about"our life").
334 words     

总的来说，注意了词汇的多变，分论点不错，便于展开。但是衔接词少了些，有些地方有chinglish的嫌疑。功底不错，需要继续多练，呵呵，还有，the 长er, the  better~334个字可以有个保险的分数，但很难拿高分~
收藏 分享 评分