TOEFL 4—6月Dark_Tournament写作小组 wazza 第21次作业

wazzaUID: 2473807

Have you ever been hesitated before making a choice, say, buying a piece of pearl necklace or taking a summer vacation in Hawaii? That is the issue that many people talk about nowadays. Following the rapid economic progress in the last decades, individual wealth also increases. But how to make use of money is an ambivalent issue. Some people vote for that we should focus on short-term but impressive pleasure, such as a trip to Egypt. However, with all facet carefully considered, I am still believe that people had better to spend money on subjects that last long time.

In the first place, the longer a person owns an article, the more significance it has. Generally speaking, people attach themselves to those old things, such as a watch from the grandfather, a book bought in childhood and the like. The meaning and the enjoyment is proportional to the period of ownership. In some extent, it is the source of happiness. Take my mother for instance. Since I was a little child, I noticed her golden ring on her finger. It is just a ring of an ordinary type, but it represents the love between her and my father and the warmth of my family. This spiritual symbol encourages each member of my home. It is this ring that means my parent's firm love.

In addition, the cost on subjects lasting long time is a kind of smart consumption, which fully utilizes wealth. Pleasure, a magical feeling, is always the pursuit of human beings. However, people barely enjoy themselves freely every moment. Though travelling is an exciting and enjoyable hobby, few people can travel frequently in a year round. But it is another story when people spend money on objects that persist for ages. For example, purchasing a SONY LCD television is a wise choice. Only by pressing the button can a person relax and have fun at once. Thus, the single expense brings numerous times of pleasure. So why not to be a smart consumer?

Admittedly, short-term pleasure has its own benefits. A tour to Hawaii, walking on the long white beach and under the bright sunshine, is certainly a feast of eyes. At the same time, the trip leaves a joyful impression in individual memory. But this advantage cannot compete with those of expending money on long-term articles.

gaofei323UID: 2588256

Have you ever been hesitated before making a choice, say, buying a piece of pearl necklace or taking a summer vacation in Hawaii? That is the issue that many people talk about nowadays. Following the rapid economic progress in the last decades, individual wealth also increases. But how to make use of money is an ambivalent issue. Some people vote for that we should focus on short-term but impressive pleasure, such as a trip to Egypt. However, with all facets carefully considered, I am still believe that people had better to spend money on subjects that last long time.(稍微有点啰嗦的感觉~精简一下可能更好)

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In the first place, the longer a person owns an article, the more significance it has. Generally speaking, people attach themselves to those old things, such as a watch from the grandfather, a book bought in childhood and the like.(看不太懂attach to的意思，换下addict to) The meaning and the enjoyment is(are) proportional to the period(length) of ownership. In some extent, it（是指meaning and enjoyment? 是的话应该用they） is the source of happiness. Take my mother for instance. Since I was a little child, I have noticed her golden ring on her finger. It is just a ring of an ordinary type, but it(去掉) represents the love between her and my father and the warmth of my family. This spiritual symbol encourages each member of my home. It is this ring that means my parent's firm love.

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In addition, the cost on subjects lasting long time is a kind of smart consumption, which fully utilizes their wealth. Pleasure, a magical feeling, is always the pursuit of human beings. However, people barely enjoy themselves freely every moment. Though traveling is an exciting and enjoyable hobby, few people can travel frequently in a year round. But it is another story when people spend money on objects that persist for ages. For example, purchasing a SONY LCD television is a wise choice. Only by pressing the button can a person relax and have fun at once. Thus, the single expense brings numerous times of pleasure. So why not to be a smart consumer?（写的很棒哦~赞一个！）

Admittedly, short-term pleasure has its own benefits. For example, a tour to Hawaii, walking on the long white beach and(去掉) under the bright sunshine,（不需要都逗号吧） is certainly a feast of eyes（在沙滩散步是一饱眼福？感觉说不太通）. At the same time, the trip leaves a joyful impression in individual memory. But this advantage cannot compete with those of expending money on long-term articles.

文章总体很棒~措辞很恰当~句式也多样

个别句子的语法需要注意一下

感觉有个结尾段时不时会更好一点呢~ 总结一下全文

加油~ Good luck

wazzaUID: 2473807

谢谢楼上的评价，我是对着时间写的，所以最后结尾已经没时间写了

bb980UID: 2527518

Have you ever been hesitated before making a choice, say, buying a piece of pearl necklace or taking a summer vacation in Hawaii? That is the issue that many people talk about nowadays. Following the rapid economic progress in the last decades, individual wealth also increases. But how to make use of money is an ambivalent issue. Some people vote for that we should focus on short-term but impressive pleasure, such as a trip to Egypt. However, with all facets carefully considered, I am still believe that people had better to spend money on subjects that last long time.
    In the first place, the longer a person owns an article, the more significance it has. Generally speaking, people attach themselves to those old things, such as a watch from the grandfather, a book bought in childhood and the like.（有点口语化了吧） The meaning and the enjoyment are proportional to the period of ownership. In some extents, they are the source of happiness. Take my mother for instance. Since I was a little child, I have(应该有个HAVE吧...感觉，因为前面有个SINCE) noticed her golden ring on her finger. It is just a ring of an ordinary type, but it（删掉吧...没有必要） represents the love between her and my father and（删掉前面一个AND，用逗号~！） the warmth of my family. This spiritual symbol encourages each member of my home. It is this ring that means my parents' firm love.
    In addition, the cost on subjects lasting long time is a kind of smart consumption, which fully utilizes wealth. Pleasure, a magical feeling, is always the pursuit of human beings. However, people barely enjoy themselves freely every moment. Though travelling is an exciting and enjoyable hobby, few people can travel frequently in a year round. But it is another story when people spend money on objects that persist for ages. For example, purchasing a SONY LCD television is a wise choice. Only by pressing the button can a person relax and have fun at once. Thus, the single expense brings numerous times of pleasure. So why not to be a smart consumer? Admittedly, short-term pleasure has its own benefits. A tour to Hawaii, walking on the long white beach and under the bright sunshine, is certainly a feast of eyes. At the same time, the trip leaves a joyful impression in individual memory. But this advantage cannot compete with those of expending money on long-term articles.

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    Admittedly, short-term pleasure has its own benefits（有点突兀）. A tour to Hawaii, walking on the long white beach and under the bright sunshine, is certainly a feast of eyes. At the same time, the trip leaves a joyful impression in individual memory. But this advantage cannot compete with those of expending money on long-term articles.


说理满充分的....调理也比较清晰
很喜欢你的风格~！
只是我觉得在倒数第二段加个过渡段会好点~！
总的来说还是很不错的~！
一起加油吧..~！