argument14 【into the fire】by qtangtangs

qtangtangsUID: 2630008

ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."


Before Green Thumb Gardening Center(GTGC) highly increasing the variety of the vegetable seeds prepared for gardeners, the owner should rethink this strategy. First, by expanding the vegetable seeds’ categories to increase the company’s profits seems illogical. In addition, the phenomenon which people are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables cannot strongly prove the conclusion about increasing the variety of vegetable seeds could bring profits. Also, the evidence to support the fact that consumers prefer growing vegetables themselves than before seems poor and unreasonable.

To begin with, GTGC consider that expanding the variety of vegetable seeds can increase their profits. However, there is no evidence to support this viewpoint. The argument stated that consumers are becoming more and more attracted in growing vegetables on their own. This may due to a lot of reasons. It is possible that people were likely to grow vegetables on their own because they could get the fresh vegetables. It is also possible that people think vegetables grew in gardens would have a better care and vegetables would grow stronger and healthier. It may not because of the lack of vegetable categories in the supermarkets. What’s more, if GTGC increase the variety of vegetable seeds including some vegetables which are too difficult for a personal gardener, it may bring negative profits instead of positive ones.

Furthermore, the survey remains questionable. A one-month period is not a particularly long time frame for GTGC to evaluate citizens’ attitude towards vegetables sold in supermarkets. Perhaps the weather was too rainy or too hot which lead to a poor productivity of vegetables. And supermarkets had no ways but to afford less qualitative vegetables to meet the demand of consumers. Or because of some big sales held in supermarkets, the staff had no time to package all the vegetables which couldn’t prevent the vegetables from being broken when they are picked up, so the vegetables were not as good quality as usual.

Also in reference to the good sales of the gardening magazine, there is no strong connection between it and the phenomenon of people becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. It is possible that people were paying more attention to look after their gardens rather than growing vegetables. Maybe some people looked for some new ideas to dress up their gardens because they planned to hold a barbecue party. Or maybe some people intended to renew their garden because their children were about to spend the holiday with them. Or maybe some couples wanted to build up a beautiful garden for their wedding ceremony.

All in all, if GTGC really eager to increase their profits, they should not just base on the memo of the owner, some facets of it remain questionable and unreasonable, also they are not strong enough to prove the idea. I recommend them to do more marketing investigation and use more measures to achieve their goals.

snail8843UID: 2516929

Before Green Thumb Gardening Center(GTGC) highly increasing the variety of the vegetable seeds prepared for gardeners, the owner should rethink this strategy(觉得commendation 或者 claim好些。还有一般开篇第一句话是先转述作者的结论，觉得你这个应该用与conclude相关的句式). First, by expanding the vegetable seeds’ categories to increase the company’s profits seems illogical. In addition, the phenomenon which people are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables cannot strongly prove the conclusion about(后边是个句子，应该用that吧？) increasing the variety of vegetable seeds could bring profits. Also, the evidence to support the fact that consumers prefer growing vegetables themselves than before seems poor and unreasonable.
(三个逻辑错误分别用first、in addition、also引出.感觉有点奇怪)

To begin with, GTGC(不是GTGC认为吧？应该是author) consider that expanding the variety of vegetable seeds can increase their profits. However, there is no evidence to support this viewpoint. The argument stated that consumers are becoming more and more attracted in growing vegetables on their own. This may due to a lot of reasons. It is possible that people were likely to grow vegetables on their own because they could get the fresh vegetables. It is also possible that people think vegetables grew in gardens would have a better care and vegetables would grow stronger and healthier. It may not because of the lack of vegetable categories in the supermarkets. (这句话的it指代什么，按语法指代的是人们对重菜感兴趣，这样的话这句话就不通顺了。)What’s more, if GTGC increase the variety of vegetable seeds including some vegetables which are too difficult for a personal gardener(用difficult很别扭呢), it may bring negative profits instead of positive ones.(为什么会负，应该适当提下成本的问题)
(觉得这段的逻辑有些问题，首先你的首句给我的感觉是你要驳的GTGC认为增加蔬菜种子可提高利润。因此你的论证应该围绕增加种子未必能提高利润。但你的论证确是在论证人们对种子感兴趣的原因，但这2个原因并不能得出人们不会去买种子自己种。还有你这段是对第一段中First和In addition内容的论述)
Furthermore, the survey remains questionable. A one-month period is not a particularly long time frame for GTGC to evaluate citizens’ attitude towards vegetables sold in supermarkets. Perhaps the weather was too rainy or too hot which lead to a poor productivity of vegetables. And supermarkets had no ways but to afford less qualitative vegetables to meet the demand of consumers. Or because of some big sales held in supermarkets, the staff had no time to package all the vegetables which couldn’t prevent the vegetables from being broken when they are picked up, so the vegetables were not as good quality as usual.
(这段是对第一段Also句错误的论述，读到这我就好奇你下一段要论证的内容是和第一段有什么关系了)

Also in reference to the good sales of the gardening magazine, there is no strong connection between it and the phenomenon of people becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. It is possible that people were paying more attention to look after their gardens rather than growing vegetables. Maybe some people looked for some new ideas to dress up their gardens because they planned to hold a barbecue party. Or maybe some people intended to renew their garden because their children were about to spend the holiday with them. Or maybe some couples wanted to build up a beautiful garden for their wedding ceremony.
(又开始回去论述in addition了。觉得你攻击顺序有些问题。因为你第一段的错误的排列顺序和你攻击的顺序不一致。而且第二段同时论证了第1、2个错误，第二段论证第第3个错误，最后一段又在攻击第2个错误。感觉你攻击的顺序安排的不大合理)

All in all, if GTGC really eager to increase their profits, they should not just base on the memo of the owner, some facets of it remain questionable and unreasonable, also they are not strong enough to prove the idea. I recommend them to do more marketing investigation and use more measures to achieve their goals.
(没有给出实在性建议，市场调查的内容是什么？more measures是指什么？)

qtangtangsUID: 2630008

ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."



Before Green Thumb Gardening Center(GTGC) highly increasing the variety of the vegetable seeds prepared for gardeners, the owner should rethink this strategy. First, the survey and the satisfactory sales of the gardening magazine can not lead a strong connection to the conclusion that consumers prefer growing vegetables on their own. Also expanding the category of vegetable seeds will increase the company’s profits is illogic. I will discuss both of them as follows.

To begin with, the survey illustrated in the argument is actually less connected with the precondition. A one-month period is not a particularly long time frame for GTGC to evaluate citizens’ attitudes towards vegetables sold in supermarkets. Perhaps the weather was too rainy or too hot which lead to a poor productivity of vegetables. And supermarkets had no ways but to afford less qualitative vegetables to meet the demand of consumers. Or perhaps some big sales held in supermarkets, the staff had no time to package all the vegetables which couldn’t prevent the vegetables from being broken when they are picked up, so the vegetables were not as good quality as usual.

Also in reference to the high demand of the gardening magazine, there is no strong connection between it and the phenomenon of people becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. Gardening magazine includes all the skills which a gardener could adopt to beautify the garden, styles and suggestions related to gardens. It is an all-in-one magazine about gardens, and growing vegetables may be just a small part of it. Therefore, the magazine-sold-out phenomenon may probably caused by some other reasons instead of residents’ interests about growing vegetables. Maybe some residents want to redecorate their gardens. Or maybe some want to learn more skills about gardening. Or maybe some just want to find out the answers about their problems of the gardens.

Even if I were to concede reluctantly that people were attracted in growing vegetables, there is still no evidence to certificate that the company will gain more profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds. There is no evidence indicating that seeds GTGC is holding now is not various enough for the citizens. There is, too, no evidence indicating that residents are unpleasant with the contemporary situation. Also the cost of the seeds must be under consideration. If GTGC indiscreetly makes the decision to expand the category of the seeds, they may meet with a lot of problems, let alone the original purpose—gaining profits.

All in all, the cause and effect relationship in the argument is questionable. And if GTGC really wants to increase their profits, more marketing investigations such as people’s time spending on the relaxation, people’s recreation activities, and people’s favorite vegetables are highly recommended.

zyp8756UID: 2594775

Before Green【很多开头都是用before啊】 Thumb Gardening Center(GTGC) highly increasing the variety of the vegetable seeds prepared for gardeners, the owner【这代不是很清楚
应该说一下gtgc】 should rethink this strategy【前两句话说的复杂了些 the owner should rethink this strategy that gtgc highly will increase the variety of the vegetables seeds prepared for gardeners to ingest more profits.】. First, the survey and the satisfactory sales of the gardening magazine can not lead a strong connection to the conclusion that consumers prefer growing vegetables on their own. Also expanding the category of vegetable seeds will increase the company’s profits is illogic. I will discuss both of them as follows【follows？】.
To begin with, the survey illustrated in the argument is actually less connected with the precondition. A one-month period is not a particularly long time frame for GTGC to evaluate citizens’ attitudes towards vegetables sold in supermarkets. Perhaps the weather was too rainy or too hot which lead【leads】 to a poor productivity【这个词值得商榷
文中说市民对于商品的质量不满意
所以这里不可以再说生产率了——它对应的是产量】 of vegetables. And supermarkets had no ways but to afford less qualitative vegetables to meet the demand of consumers【超市除了付得起质量更差的蔬菜没有其他方法去满足消费者的需要
不是很顺啊
而且问下什么是消费者的需要
消费者按文章中说是需要高质量的蔬菜
而不是大量充足的蔬菜】. Or perhaps some big sales held in supermarkets, the staff had no time to package all the vegetables which couldn’t prevent the vegetables from being broken when they are picked up, so the vegetables were not as good quality as usual【这个理由给的牵强啊
因为文章没有支持这个观点的相关内容——蔬菜质量没有以前强大了——职员没有以前包裹所有蔬菜——职员变差的原因，到了最后这点缺乏支撑了吧
其实加一句：最近员工减薪积极性不高啊】.
Also in reference to the high demand of the gardening magazine, there is no strong connection between it and the phenomenon of people becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. 【perhaps可能下比较好】Gardening magazine includes all the skills which a gardener could adopt to beautify the garden, styles and suggestions related to gardens. It is an all-in-one magazine about gardens, and growing vegetables may be just a small part of it. Therefore, the magazine-sold-out phenomenon may probably【可能+大概
语义重复
去掉一个】 caused by some other reasons instead of residents’ interests about growing vegetables. Maybe some residents want to redecorate their gardens. Or maybe some want to learn more skills about gardening. Or maybe some just want to find out the answers about their problems of the gardens【连续两个maybe就行了
有些啰嗦】.
Even if I were to concede reluctantly that people were【这个应该是一般现在时
因为一直被吸引
所以公司才会在卖种子上牟利润
要是过去被吸引也就得不出结论了】 attracted in growing vegetables, there is still no evidence to certificate that the company will gain more profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds. There is no evidence indicating that seeds GTGC is【is是不是应该去掉】 holding now is not various enough for the citizens. There is, too, no evidence indicating that residents are unpleasant with the contemporary situation. Also the cost of the seeds must be under consideration. If GTGC indiscreetly【G-word】 makes the decision to expand the category of the seeds, they may meet with a lot of problems, let alone the original purpose—gaining profits.【这两条论证比较充分】
All in all【窃喜
秘藏】, the cause and effect relationship in the argument is questionable. And if GTGC really wants to increase their profits, more marketing investigations such as people’s time spending on the relaxation, people’s recreation activities, and people’s favorite vegetables are highly recommended【最后一句感觉没有说清楚 if。。。
people’s。。。
。。。 should be considered】.
总：一段有些冗繁
二段论据不是很好
后面的基本达到论证的效果
赞
倒数第二段的even if和let alone小词用的不错