0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by jessicalulu

jessicaluluUID: 2471730

ARGUMENT173
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'

Retrospecting the feature of lowest-selling magazine and the change of its rivals, some newsmagazines, supposing that the international news to be featured on front cover totally, or perhaps mainly, adversely affecting the sales in the past three years, and then mentioning a fact that the expanding expenditure in their office of foreign news agency to report on international news, the author accordingly suggests that they should cut down the amount of reported international news and front covers’ international news. However, we can easily find that there are so many factors affecting the selling of a magazine, and above all that the author mentioned was unconvincing and ridiculous.

The author first needs to determine the relative proportion of magazine-customers who choose magazines depending on their attractive front covers rather than any other reasons. It is a well known fact that the content of a magazine is critical in ensuring the quality of it, in other words, the popularity or the gorgeous market position of it. People would be looking for accurate and insightful articles inside the magazine, rather than, what is shown on the front cover. And if it is a national magazine, publishing most of the national and important international news, the readers of national news would be willing to afford it, even if it features international news stories on its front cover, as long as it provides readers with quality national news also, at this time, the effect of front cover is negligible. On the other hand, the belated or superficial international news can account for the low sales when the magazine just featured international news on its front cover. In such cases, readers would prefer TV, radio or internet to know such news faster and more insightful. After knowing about them from these alternate media options, they would not prefer to read about them again in a magazine. The condition would be further worsened if the magazine fails to provide thorough analysis of the issue. Above all, the selling of a magazine is judged by compositive determinants. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's implied claim that readers don't like to read international news is unsubstantiated.

Another important thing to consider is the real reason that competing magazines cut down international news as a front cover, and the effect subsequently. We can imagine that, if they decide to change their magazines’ styles and types, as kinds of reasons, from reporting international news to national news, they may decrease the number of cover stories about international news. We can also imagine that the global economic depression may make the capital of newsmagazines publisher shorten, so they are too tough to sustain their old business plan, and then come a series of changes. However, change is not always good, and there are not exactly two same leaves. Even the action of controlling international news featured as front cover put it over, we cannot say whether it is suitable for the poorest-selling magazine.

Finally, even though the uncomfortable sale is associated with the boring international news front cover, we cannot deprive the expenditure on international news reporting institution for granted. Because we must make sure that the international news is unvalued anymore. Without providing strong quantitative evidence that the foreign service is completely disliked by the readers, shutting the foreign service would be a loss for the magazine, as it must have incurred a heavy loss of initial investments for such a service. So, at this stage, it might be beneficial to continue maintaining the foreign service, and serve the readers of international news.


To sum up, the author should do a survey to explain why their magazine maintain such a low selling in the past three years, then he may need to provide evidence to support the facts that readers dislike international news and reducing the emphasis on international news would increase the number of readers.

jessicaluluUID: 2471730

脱离了恶心的模版，比issue写得还纠结的argu。无论怎样，我写完了，完全不想再看一眼。纪念一下~sigh...

艾尘草UID: 2591798

Retrospecting the features of lowest-selling magazine and the change of its rivals, some newsmagazines, supposing that the international news to be featured on front cover totally, or perhaps mainly, adversely affecting the sales in the past three years, and then mentioning a fact that the expanding expenditure in their office of foreign news agency to report on international news, the author accordingly suggests that they should cut down the amount of reported international news and front covers’ international news.[开始就被强大的79个字雷到了。。。呜呜~膜拜。。。但是这句话有点乱~] However, we can easily find that there are so many factors affecting the selling of a magazine, and above all that 【what 是不是更好呢】 the author mentioned was unconvincing and ridiculous.

The author first needs to determine the relative proportion of magazine-customers who choose magazines depending on their attractive front covers rather than any other reasons. It is a well known fact that the content of a magazine is critical in ensuring the quality of it, in other words, the popularity or the gorgeous market position of it【这句的指代有点不明白 占有市场的地位？这里不是说内容最重要，市场份额应该是某一产品而不是内容才对】. People would be looking for accurate and insightful articles inside the magazine, rather than, what is shown on the front cover. And if it is a national magazine, publishing most of the national and important international news, the readers of national news would be willing to afford it, even if it features international news stories on its front cover, as long as it provides readers with quality national news 【这里是不是应该加个连词】also, at this time, the effect of front cover is negligible. On the other hand, the belated or superficial【这里忍不住赞一下JESSI的形容词驾驭能力~~佩服】 international news can account for the low sales when the magazine just featured international news on its front cover. In such cases, readers would prefer TV, radio or internet to know such news faster and more insightful. After knowing about them from these alternate media options, they would not prefer to read about them again in a magazine. The condition would be further worsened if the magazine fails to provide thorough analysis of the issue. Above all, the selling of a magazine is judged by compositive determinants. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's implied claim that readers don't like to read international news is unsubstantiated.【这个观点提出的好~】

Another important thing to consider is the real reason that competing magazines cut down international news as a front cover, and the effect subsequently。。。【这句有点头重脚轻】. We can imagine that, if they decide to change their magazines’ styles and types, as kinds of reasons, from reporting international news to national news, they may decrease the number of cover stories about international news. We can also imagine that the global economic depression may make the capital of newsmagazines publisher shorten, so they are too tough to sustain their old business plan, and then come a series of changes. However, change is not always good, and there are not exactly two same leaves.【创意】 Even the action of controlling international news featured as front cover put it over, we cannot say whether it is suitable for the poorest-selling magazine.【注意注意~~这个文章比较的不是POOREAST 是 Newsbeat】

Finally, even though the uncomfortable sale is associated with the boring international news front cover, we cannot deprive the expenditure on international news reporting institution for granted. Because we must make sure that the international news is unvalued anymore. Without providing strong quantitative evidence that the foreign service is completely disliked by the readers, shutting the foreign service would be a loss for the magazine, as it must have incurred a heavy loss of initial investments for such a service. So, at this stage, it might be beneficial to continue maintaining the foreign service, and serve the readers of international news.


To sum up, the author should do a survey to explain why their magazine maintain such a low selling in the past three years, then he may need to provide evidence to support the facts that readers dislike international news and reducing the emphasis on international news would increase the number of readers.【简洁~】

这里先膜拜一下JESSI这里没有模版的A~~吼吼~~
逻辑让步很好~但是句子感觉上还是怪怪的 说不上来是什么味道。。。。。~ 还有全文没有说到NEWSBEAT这个题目，JESSI再看看哈~
词语表达多样性和准确性上让无限佩服中。。。。
JESSI加油啊`~

jessicaluluUID: 2471730

看到我写得多烂，你会更雷的~

JulymayUID: 2645085

Retrospecting the feature of lowest-selling magazin and the change of its rivals, some newsmagazines, supposing that the international news to be featured on front cover totally, or perhaps mainly, adversely affecting the sales in the past three years, and then mentioning a fact that the expanding expenditure in their office of foreign news agency to report on international news, the author accordingly suggests that they should cut down the amount of reported international news and front covers’ international news.(这是一个非常长的句子，如果我没有弄错，之前黄颜色的是三个并列短句的核心词，是吗？我觉得如果这三个短句句式可以统一就会非常漂亮了。其实，这三个短句已经非常炫了，所以插入语最好少一些，否则显得有点主次不明) However, we can easily find that there are so many factors affecting the selling of a magazine, and above all that the author mentioned was （were）unconvincing and ridiculous.
The author first needs to determine the relative proportion of magazine-customers who choose magazines depending on their attractive front covers rather than any other reasons. It is a well known fact that the content of a magazine is critical in ensuring the quality of it, in other words, the popularity or the gorgeous market position of it. People would be looking for accurate and insightful articles inside the magazine, rather than, what is shown on the front cover. And if it is a national magazine, publishing most of the national and important international news, the readers of national news would be willing to afford it, even if it features international news stories on its front cover, as long as it provides readers with quality national news also, at this time, the effect of front cover is negligible.(这句话里面有两个谓语) On the other hand, the belated or superficial international news can account for the low sales when the magazine just featured international news on its front cover（如果在这句话里面加上“确实”、“不可否认”之类的词，可能对驳论的表达更为有利。）. In such cases, readers would prefer TV, radio or internet （Internet）to know such news faster and more insightful. After knowing about them from these alternate media options, they would not prefer to read about them again in a magazine. The condition would be further worsened if the magazine fails to provide thorough analysis of the issue. Above all, the selling of a magazine is judged by compositive determinants. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's implied claim that readers don't like to read international news is unsubstantiated.（如果我没有遗漏的话，读者不爱看国际新闻这一信息在前文中并未提及，最好前后呼应。）
Another important thing to consider is the real reason that competing magazines cut down international news as a front cover, and the effect subsequently. We can imagine that, if they decide to change their magazines’ styles and types, as kinds of reasons, from reporting international news to national news, they may decrease the number of cover stories about international news. We can also imagine that the global economic depression may make the capital of newsmagazines publisher shorten, so they are too tough to sustain their old business plan, and then come a series of changes（这一短句跟前问主语不一致）. However,（这里用表示强转折的However可能不如用Furthermore来得清晰） change is not always good, and there are not exactly two same leaves. Even the action of controlling international news featured as front cover put it over, we cannot say whether it is suitable for the poorest-selling magazine.
Finally, even though the uncomfortable sale is associated with the boring international news front cover, we cannot deprive the expenditure on international news reporting institution for granted. Because we must make sure that the international news is unvalued anymore.（这句话后面如果能插入一个例子，分析将会相当有力。比如：曾经有一段时间阑尾被认为是没有用的，所以一些国家的孩子一出生就割掉了阑尾，但最近人们发现阑尾其实是非常有用的{具体什么用我忘记了，呵呵}） Without providing strong quantitative evidence that the foreign service is completely disliked by the readers, shutting the foreign service would be a loss for the magazine, as it must have incurred a heavy loss of initial investments for such a service. So, at this stage, it might be beneficial to continue maintaining the foreign service, and serve the readers of international news.


To sum up, the author should do a survey to explain why their magazine maintain such a low selling in the past three years, then he may need to provide evidence to support the facts that readers dislike international news and reducing the emphasis on international news would increase the number of readers.

JulymayUID: 2645085

楼主还是相当牛的，尤其是第一段开头的那个长句子~~

jessicaluluUID: 2471730

to 艾尘草： 亲的意见都在文中，我自己的意见用黄色表示~亲看一下，我们再研究研究？辛苦了~嘿嘿~ Retrospecting the features（单数才对，对应lowest-selling magazine是单数） of lowest-selling magazine and the change of its rivals, some newsmagazines, supposing that the international news to be featured on front cover totally, or perhaps mainly, adversely affecting the sales in the past three years, and then mentioning a fact that the expanding expenditure in their office of foreign news agency to report on international news, the author accordingly suggests that they should cut down the amount of reported international news and front covers’ international news.[开始就被强大的79个字雷到了。。。呜呜~膜拜。。。但是这句话有点乱~]（恩，这句话我也觉得，之后J帮我改的意见提得挺好，插入语太多了导致的。其实是参考了66的关于A开头的那个帖子写的，亲也可以看一下哈。） However, we can easily find that there are so many factors affecting the selling of a magazine, and above all that 【what 是不是更好呢】恩，接受嘿嘿~谢谢~ the author mentioned was unconvincing and ridiculous. The author first needs to determine the relative proportion of magazine-customers who choose magazines depending on their attractive front covers rather than any other reasons. It is a well known fact that the content of a magazine is critical in ensuring the quality of it, in other words, the popularity or the gorgeous market position of it【这句的指代有点不明白 占有市场的地位？这里不是说内容最重要，市场份额应该是某一产品而不是内容才对】. 呃，我发瓜了，写得驴头不对马嘴...后半句整体删之。People would be looking for accurate and insightful articles inside the magazine, rather than, what is shown on the front cover. And（and we can imagine that, 这样是不是要好点） if it is a national magazine, publishing most of the national and important international news, the readers of national news would be willing to afford it, even if it features international news stories on its front cover, as long as it provides readers with quality national news 【这里是不是应该加个连词】also, at this time, the effect of front cover is negligible. On the other hand, the belated or superficial【这里忍不住赞一下JESSI的形容词驾驭能力~~佩服】 international news can account for the low sales when the magazine just featured international news on its front cover. In such cases, readers would prefer TV, radio or internet to know such news faster and more insightful. After knowing about them from these alternate media options, they would not prefer to read about them again in a magazine. The condition would be further worsened if the magazine fails to provide thorough analysis of the issue. Above all, the selling of a magazine is judged by compositive determinants. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's implied claim that readers don't like to read international news is unsubstantiated.【这个观点提出的好~】 Another important thing to consider is the real reason that competing magazines cut down international news as a front cover, and the effect subsequently。【这句有点头重脚轻】呃，确实是的~. We can imagine that, if they decide to change their magazines’ styles and types, as kinds of reasons, from reporting international news to national news, they may decrease the number of cover stories about international news. We can also imagine that the global economic depression may make the capital of newsmagazines publisher shorten, so they are too tough to sustain their old business plan, and then come a series of changes. However, change is not always good, and there are not exactly two same leaves.【创意】 Even the action of controlling international news featured as front cover put it over, we cannot say whether it is suitable for the poorest-selling magazine.【注意注意~~这个文章比较的不是POOREAST 是 Newsbeat】？亲的这个意见我没懂。我是想表达，即使rivals减少了国际新闻作为封面这个行为取得了成功，他们的经验也不一定适用于这个销量不好的，即也去减少international news 作封面。亦或是我表达的问题？newsbeat？我们再BS一下吧~ Finally, even though the uncomfortable sale is associated with the boring international news front cover, we cannot deprive the expenditure on international news reporting institution for granted. Because we must make sure that the international news is unvalued anymore. Without providing strong quantitative evidence that the foreign service is completely disliked by the readers, shutting the foreign service would be a loss for the magazine, as it must have incurred a heavy loss of initial investments for such a service. So, at this stage, it might be beneficial to continue maintaining the foreign service, and serve the readers of international news. To sum up, the author should do a survey to explain why their magazine maintain such a low selling in the past three years, then he may need to provide evidence to support the facts that readers dislike international news and reducing the emphasis on international news would increase the number of readers.【简洁~】

“还有全文没有说到NEWSBEAT这个题目，JESSI再看看哈~”
额，这个我也不太懂~

jessicaluluUID: 2471730

to Julymay: 紫色是我的一些回复，谢谢你的修改~我会一一回应~非常感谢

Retrospecting the feature of lowest-selling magazin and the change of its rivals, some newsmagazines, supposing that the international news to be featured on front cover totally, or perhaps mainly, adversely affecting the sales in the past three years, and then mentioning a fact that the expanding expenditure in their office of foreign news agency to report on international news, the author accordingly suggests that they should cut down the amount of reported international news and front covers’ international news.(这是一个非常长的句子，如果我没有弄错，之前黄颜色的是三个并列短句的核心词，是吗？我觉得如果这三个短句句式可以统一就会非常漂亮了。其实，这三个短句已经非常炫了，所以插入语最好少一些，否则显得有点主次不明) （恩，你的意见非常好的，重写一下~另外这种开头其实不是我首创，是666版主一篇关于argu开头该如何写的帖子里借鉴来的，你也可以看一下，我觉得非常好的一个帖子~）However, we can easily find that there are so many factors affecting the selling of a magazine, and above all that the author mentioned was （were）（关于这个时态，恩，过去时吧~）unconvincing and ridiculous.
The author first needs to determine the relative proportion of magazine-customers who choose magazines depending on their attractive front covers rather than any other reasons. It is a well known fact that the content of a magazine is critical in ensuring the quality of it, in other words, the popularity or the gorgeous market position of it. People would be looking for accurate and insightful articles inside the magazine, rather than, what is shown on the front cover. And if it is a national magazine, publishing most of the national and important international news, the readers of national news would be willing to afford it, even if it features international news stories on its front cover, as long as it provides readers with quality national news also, at this time, the effect of front cover is negligible.(这句话里面有两个谓语) （灰常别扭的一句话，改写改写~谢谢亲~）On the other hand, the belated or superficial international news can account for the low sales when the magazine just featured international news on its front cover（如果在这句话里面加上“确实”、“不可否认”之类的词，可能对驳论的表达更为有利。）（恩，接受~很好的建议哈~）. In such cases, readers would prefer TV, radio or internet （Internet）to know such news faster and more insightful. After knowing about them from these alternate media options, they would not prefer to read about them again in a magazine. The condition would be further worsened if the magazine fails to provide thorough analysis of the issue. Above all, the selling of a magazine is judged by compositive determinants. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's implied claim that readers don't like to read international news is unsubstantiated.（如果我没有遗漏的话，读者不爱看国际新闻这一信息在前文中并未提及，最好前后呼应。）我以为这个是题干的一个隐含逻辑，题目说，销量最差者用国际新闻做封面，竞争者都减少了以国际新闻做封面了，而且海外采访机构的费用增加，所以我们应该减少国际新闻的量和国际新闻做封面的量。为什么减少国际新闻呢？因为他不够吸引读者，为什么不够吸引读者呢？因为大家不喜欢读他。所以我认为这是题干隐含的一个逻辑漏洞点。
Another important thing to consider is the real reason that competing magazines cut down international news as a front cover, and the effect subsequently. We can imagine that, if they decide to change their magazines’ styles and types, as kinds of reasons, from reporting international news to national news, they may decrease the number of cover stories about international news. We can also imagine that the global economic depression may make the capital of newsmagazines publisher shorten, so they are too tough to sustain their old business plan, and then come a series of changes（这一短句跟前问主语不一致）. However,（这里用表示强转折的However可能不如用Furthermore来得清晰）（furthermore用于为争论引入新的意见，however强转折，恩，J的意见还是很好哈，其实是有递进的意思在里面。） change is not always good, and there are not exactly two same leaves. Even the action of controlling international news featured as front cover put it over, we cannot say whether it is suitable for the poorest-selling magazine.
Finally, even though the uncomfortable sale is associated with the boring international news front cover, we cannot deprive the expenditure on international news reporting institution for granted. Because we must make sure that the international news is unvalued anymore.（这句话后面如果能插入一个例子，分析将会相当有力。比如：曾经有一段时间阑尾被认为是没有用的，所以一些国家的孩子一出生就割掉了阑尾，但最近人们发现阑尾其实是非常有用的{具体什么用我忘记了，呵呵}）阑尾被认为有免疫方面的作业~呵呵~ Without providing strong quantitative evidence that the foreign service is completely disliked by the readers, shutting the foreign service would be a loss for the magazine, as it must have incurred a heavy loss of initial investments for such a service. So, at this stage, it might be beneficial to continue maintaining the foreign service, and serve the readers of international news.


To sum up, the author should do a survey to explain why their magazine maintain such a low selling in the past three years, then he may need to provide evidence to support the facts that readers dislike international news and reducing the emphasis on international news would increase the number of readers.

关于隐含逻辑那个点，我觉得我们可以探讨一下，因为我目前改的文中没有谁出现过这种思路，所以并不确定这样理解是否合适
另外有个问题想请教一下，international news/stories fetured as front cover，究竟该怎么换个表达说得简洁一些呢？有没有什么建议呢？困惑~文中多次出现，啰嗦至极。。。

jessicaluluUID: 2471730

to Julymay: 紫色是我的一些回复，谢谢你的修改~我会一一回应~非常感谢

Retrospecting the feature of lowest-selling magazin and the change of its rivals, some newsmagazines, supposing that the international news to be featured on front cover totally, or perhaps mainly, adversely affecting the sales in the past three years, and then mentioning a fact that the expanding expenditure in their office of foreign news agency to report on international news, the author accordingly suggests that they should cut down the amount of reported international news and front covers’ international news.(这是一个非常长的句子，如果我没有弄错，之前黄颜色的是三个并列短句的核心词，是吗？我觉得如果这三个短句句式可以统一就会非常漂亮了。其实，这三个短句已经非常炫了，所以插入语最好少一些，否则显得有点主次不明) （恩，你的意见非常好的，重写一下~另外这种开头其实不是我首创，是666版主一篇关于argu开头该如何写的帖子里借鉴来的，你也可以看一下，我觉得非常好的一个帖子~）However, we can easily find that there are so many factors affecting the selling of a magazine, and above all that the author mentioned was （were）（关于这个时态，恩，过去时吧~）unconvincing and ridiculous.
The author first needs to determine the relative proportion of magazine-customers who choose magazines depending on their attractive front covers rather than any other reasons. It is a well known fact that the content of a magazine is critical in ensuring the quality of it, in other words, the popularity or the gorgeous market position of it. People would be looking for accurate and insightful articles inside the magazine, rather than, what is shown on the front cover. And if it is a national magazine, publishing most of the national and important international news, the readers of national news would be willing to afford it, even if it features international news stories on its front cover, as long as it provides readers with quality national news also, at this time, the effect of front cover is negligible.(这句话里面有两个谓语) （灰常别扭的一句话，改写改写~谢谢亲~）On the other hand, the belated or superficial international news can account for the low sales when the magazine just featured international news on its front cover（如果在这句话里面加上“确实”、“不可否认”之类的词，可能对驳论的表达更为有利。）（恩，接受~很好的建议哈~）. In such cases, readers would prefer TV, radio or internet （Internet）to know such news faster and more insightful. After knowing about them from these alternate media options, they would not prefer to read about them again in a magazine. The condition would be further worsened if the magazine fails to provide thorough analysis of the issue. Above all, the selling of a magazine is judged by compositive determinants. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's implied claim that readers don't like to read international news is unsubstantiated.（如果我没有遗漏的话，读者不爱看国际新闻这一信息在前文中并未提及，最好前后呼应。）我以为这个是题干的一个隐含逻辑，题目说，销量最差者用国际新闻做封面，竞争者都减少了以国际新闻做封面了，而且海外采访机构的费用增加，所以我们应该减少国际新闻的量和国际新闻做封面的量。为什么减少国际新闻呢？因为他不够吸引读者，为什么不够吸引读者呢？因为大家不喜欢读他。所以我认为这是题干隐含的一个逻辑漏洞点。
Another important thing to consider is the real reason that competing magazines cut down international news as a front cover, and the effect subsequently. We can imagine that, if they decide to change their magazines’ styles and types, as kinds of reasons, from reporting international news to national news, they may decrease the number of cover stories about international news. We can also imagine that the global economic depression may make the capital of newsmagazines publisher shorten, so they are too tough to sustain their old business plan, and then come a series of changes（这一短句跟前问主语不一致）. However,（这里用表示强转折的However可能不如用Furthermore来得清晰）（furthermore用于为争论引入新的意见，however强转折，恩，J的意见还是很好哈，其实是有递进的意思在里面。） change is not always good, and there are not exactly two same leaves. Even the action of controlling international news featured as front cover put it over, we cannot say whether it is suitable for the poorest-selling magazine.
Finally, even though the uncomfortable sale is associated with the boring international news front cover, we cannot deprive the expenditure on international news reporting institution for granted. Because we must make sure that the international news is unvalued anymore.（这句话后面如果能插入一个例子，分析将会相当有力。比如：曾经有一段时间阑尾被认为是没有用的，所以一些国家的孩子一出生就割掉了阑尾，但最近人们发现阑尾其实是非常有用的{具体什么用我忘记了，呵呵}）阑尾被认为有免疫方面的作业~呵呵~ Without providing strong quantitative evidence that the foreign service is completely disliked by the readers, shutting the foreign service would be a loss for the magazine, as it must have incurred a heavy loss of initial investments for such a service. So, at this stage, it might be beneficial to continue maintaining the foreign service, and serve the readers of international news.


To sum up, the author should do a survey to explain why their magazine maintain such a low selling in the past three years, then he may need to provide evidence to support the facts that readers dislike international news and reducing the emphasis on international news would increase the number of readers.

关于隐含逻辑那个点，我觉得我们可以探讨一下，因为我目前改的文中没有谁出现过这种思路，所以并不确定这样理解是否合适
另外有个问题想请教一下，international news/stories fetured as front cover，究竟该怎么换个表达说得简洁一些呢？有没有什么建议呢？困惑~文中多次出现，啰嗦至极。。。

JulymayUID: 2645085

To jessicalulu:
   马上就重新改过贴出来了，Jessi真是相当的用功呢~~~
  先说说关于“读者不喜欢”那个论点的问题，我觉得这个论点本身非常好，他的出现也很符合逻辑。我的意思是说，Jessi在之前的论述里面没有点明“作者认为读者不喜欢国际新闻”，所以在后面出现这一个论点的时候就有一点唐突。我个人是完全能理解，相信考官也能理解，只是我个人认为如果能前后对应，论证上面就会比较严谨，你觉得呢？
   再说关于international news的问题，我也在纠结着……我初步觉得如果最开始用international news那个长长的东东，后面就开始用点指代不知道行不行，我还没试过~
   最后，谢谢Jessi提的那个666版主的帖子，我这就去膜拜一下~~争取下次也能写一个长句子~~~（我的句子还没有超过两行）

艾尘草UID: 2591798

1# jessicalulu jessi 呼呼~我的意思是这个ARGUEMENT整体是根据NEWSBEAT而建议的，但是整体上你都没有提到NEWSBEAT这件事情，我觉得最后的建议应该提到对NEWSBEAT~~呵呵~~

jessicaluluUID: 2471730

12# 艾尘草
嘿嘿，听了你的意见，我后来又看了下题，发现我根本没有注意到题目里还有Newsbeat这种字眼。。。sigh。。。谢谢亲昂~