0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by 水岩663

水岩663UID：2538544

今天才写第二期同主题写作，希望还来得及~

ARGUMENT173
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.
'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'


In the argument presented above, the arguer concludes that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying international stories on their magazine covers. Although this argument might seem reasonable at first glance, it is in fact ill convinced--in light of several critical respects. The reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the arguer relies on the assumption that their competing news-magazine issues sell well or made profits after decreasing the number of cover international news stories. Although it is entirely possible, the arguer offers no evidence to substantiate this critical assumption. It is very likely that their competing news-magazines also sell poor, even worse than them, after they decreased the number of cover stories about international news. If so, they need not learn experience from their competing news magazines. Obviously the arguer's reasoning is untenable unless the arguer can convince me that this scenario is very unlikely.

Secondly, the arguer assumes that the international news covers was the only reason contribute to their poorest selling, yet this need not be the case, especially considering that the arguer does not supply any evidence to confirm this assumption. It is quite possible that the whole magazine market is regulated or in recession thus people have to tighten their belt though reading news on internet, possibly the market keeps booming but their company’s prompting is poor. Moreover, common sense tells us that the quality of the magazine is the life of the magazine. It is hard to image that such magazine will be sellable with contents out of date or out of people’s taste, or with tendentious accounts of national events. So without considering and ruling out such and other alternative explanations, the arguer's recommendation of refraining from displaying such stories on magazine covers is questionable.

Finally, the arguer further assumes that their cost of maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news will keep on increasing and therefore they should decrease emphasis on international news. Nevertheless what the arguer assumes, in reality, would not happen. Even if the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus will increase in the foreseeable future, it does not necessarily indicate that they should decrease their emphasis on international news. Since this unwise decision would bring a series of matters, for example, their foreign bureaus could not work effectively on the one hand, on the other, readers interested in reading international news would not focus on Newsbeat at all, especially considering that other magazine had decreased the number of international cover stories. Therefore, to reach the cited conclusion, the arguer must explain either why none of these alternatives is available or why none of them is able to sustain.

In sum, the arguer's argument is a rather sweeping statement, since it is not based on reliable evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a conclusive argument. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer should provide more concrete evidence, reason more convincingly, and take the above-mentioned possibilities into account.

wildrose800331UID：2602131

In the argument presented above, the arguer concludes that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying international stories on their magazine covers.(个人觉得可以稍微换下文中的词） Although this argument might seem reasonable at first glance, it is in fact ill convinced--in light of several critical respects. The reasons are stated as follows觉得这一句可以省略哦 因为已经说了respects 大家就等着看了.

First of all, the arguer relies on the assumption that their competing news-magazine issues sell well or made profits after decreasing the number of cover international news stories（时态要一致啊 貌似是过去时吧；因为整篇没有提提高利润这一说法，你是否要先点明，在用这一例子呢？）. Although it is entirely possible, the arguer offers no evidence to substantiate this critical assumption. It is very likely that their competing news-magazines also sell poor, even worse than them, after they decreased the number of cover stories about international news. If so, they need not learn experience from their competing news magazines. Obviously the arguer's reasoning is untenable unless the arguer can convince me 据说最好不用第一人称啊 可以换成 prove that this scenario is very unlikely.

Secondly, the arguer assumes 换个词吧presume that the international news covers was the only reason which contributed contribute to their poorest selling, yet this need not be the case, especially considering that the arguer does not supply any evidence to confirm this assumption. It is quite possible that the whole magazine market is regulated or in recession thus people have to tighten their belt though reading news on internet, possibly the market keeps booming but their company’s prompting is poor这里偶有点不懂哦. Moreover, common sense看高人说最好不用commen sense这样的说法tells us that the quality of the magazine is the life of the magazine. It is hard to image that such magazine will be sellable with contents out of date or out of people’s taste, or with tendentious accounts of national events. So without considering and ruling out such and other alternative explanations, the arguer's recommendation of refraining from displaying such stories on magazine covers is questionable.

Finally, the arguer further assumes that their cost of maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news will keep on increasing and therefore they should decrease emphasis on international news. Nevertheless what the arguer assumes, in reality, would not happen个人觉得有点武断哦. Even if the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus will increase in the foreseeable future, it does not necessarily indicate that they should decrease their emphasis on international news. Since this unwise decision would bring a series of matters, for example, their foreign bureaus could not work effectively on the one hand, on the other, readers interested in reading international news would not focus on Newsbeat at all, especially considering that other magazine had decreased the number of international cover stories. Therefore, to reach the cited conclusion, the arguer must explain either why none of these alternatives is available or why none of them is able to sustain.

In sum, the arguer's argument is a rather sweeping statement, since it is not based on reliable evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a conclusive argument. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer should provide more concrete evidence, reason more convincingly, and take the above-mentioned possibilities into account.结尾比较概括 偶喜欢
整片语言没有问题 经常有妙语佳句冒出来（ 偶用绿色标出了哦） 就是觉得不怎么缜密 其实偶自己也是这个毛病。。。 共勉吧

水岩663UID：2538544

thanks a lot！
讲得很对，谢谢！
文中那个是说他们公司的广告宣传做的不好的意思~
后来我想到我应该把1、2个逻辑错误换个顺序攻击，可能会好点的

wildrose800331UID：2602131

3# 水岩663
恩 谢谢你给偶加分 偶个人觉得之后的总结也很重要
别人给的意见 一定要在改改文章  这样考试之前背也背自己的原创 呵呵

xiaoxiaoWUID：2611108

1# 水岩663
你好 我是你上家，因为最近处于建筑专业的集中周，改的不是很及时，抱歉
Inthe argument presented above, the arguer concludes that they指代不明 shoulddecrease their emphasis on international news and refrain fromdisplaying international stories on their magazine covers作者的结论应该适当改写. Althoughthis argument might seem reasonable at first glance, it is in fact illconvinced--in light of several critical respects. The reasons arestated as follows.

First of all, the arguer relies on the assumption that their competingnews-magazine issues sell well or made时态混乱，这里似乎应该将来语气强一点 profits after decreasing thenumber of cover international news stories这个……不知道这种用法对不对，请指教. Although it is entirelypossible, the arguer offers no evidence to substantiate this criticalassumption. It is very likely that their competing news-magazines alsosell poor, even worse than them, after they decreased the number ofcover stories about international news.意犹未尽，应该再展开 If so, they need not learnexperience from their competing news magazines. Obviously the arguer'sreasoning is untenable unless the arguer can convince me that thisscenario is very unlikely.这段没有展开 攻击的不透彻，感觉类似模版的句子太多太长 把作者的思路都打断了，另外 我的个人意见啊，作者这个原因所根据的最根本的假设是学习竞争杂志减少国际新闻措施，己方会挣钱，而不是竞争杂志减少国际新闻后会挣钱，这是主动者的不同。攻击应该攻击最基本的

Secondly, the arguer assumes that the international news covers was theonly reason感觉的有点太绝对，改成most important可能好些 contribute to their poorest selling, yet this need not bethe case, especially considering that the arguer does not supply anyevidence to confirm this assumption. It is quite possible that thewhole magazine market is regulated or in recession thus people have totighten their belt though？reading news on internet, possibly the marketkeeps booming but their company’s prompting is poor.略微有点口语化 Moreover, commonsense tells us that the quality of the magazine is the life of themagazine.重复 It is hard to image that such magazine will be sellable withcontents out of date or out of people’s taste略微重复, or with tendentiousaccounts of national events. So without considering and ruling out suchand other alternative explanations, the arguer's recommendation ofrefraining from displaying such stories on magazine covers isquestionable.

Finally, the arguer further assumes that their cost of maintainingforeign bureaus to report on international news will keep on increasingand therefore they should decrease emphasis on international news. 复述的太长 有凑字数的嫌疑Nevertheless what the arguer assumes, in reality, would not happen.Even if the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus will increase in theforeseeable future, it does not necessarily indicate that they shoulddecrease their emphasis on international news这句的信息量也很小很小，应该和第一句合成TS Since this unwisedecision would bring a series of matters, for example, their foreignbureaus could not work effectively on the one hand这点不充分，作者说减少在外开支因为作者自己的假设说民众不感兴趣，这样这点和下面那点两个理由都很无力，有点强词夺理的感觉, on the other,readers interested in reading international news would not focus onNewsbeat at all, especially considering that other magazine haddecreased the number of international cover stories. Therefore, toreach the cited conclusion, the arguer must explain either why none ofthese alternatives is available or why none of them is able to sustain.

In sum, the arguer's argument is a rather sweeping statement, since itis not based on reliable evidence or sound reasoning, neither of whichis dispensable for a conclusive argument. To make it logicallyacceptable, the arguer should provide more concrete evidence, reasonmore convincingly, and take the above-mentioned possibilities intoaccount.最好具体说明一下

通过此文感觉作者攻击角度掌握的不好，抓的都不是最关键的漏洞，展开也不是很好。攻击要击穿！
毒舌，见谅……
疑问之处欢迎讨论

水岩663UID：2538544

4# wildrose800331

赞同~

水岩663UID：2538544

5# xiaoxiaoW
谢谢 修改，就是需要毒蛇~
1.cover international news stories  应该加个abou会好点
2“作者这个原因所根据的最根本的假设是学习竞争杂志减少国际新闻措施，己方会挣钱，而不是竞争杂志减少国际新闻后会挣钱，这是主动者的不同。”我觉得之所以他会觉得学习了会挣钱，根本原因在于他假设了对方挣钱了，要是没有这个假设，他就不用学习了
其他的我都虚心接受~:loveliness: