0910AW 个人习作（欢迎互拍） ISSUE130 by Ga-ROW Sleepingboy

Neptune2010UID: 2626044

欢迎来拍~ (我也会回拍的）

受草木班的启发、、这也算是我脱离模板化写作的初试（没限时）~
感觉好像在写散文、、

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 777
DATE: 2009/6/16 1:27:28

The importance of children's socialization can be illustrated by the simple analogy: For an immense clock to function delicately, all gears inside should accord with certain standards and accuracy measure, otherwise they are likely to either be unfit or worn out quickly while in use, making the clock ineffective any more. Equally, for a society for function properly, children’s socialization seems to be the prerequisite.

More specifically, the reasons for children’s socialization have significance at the following three levels. At personal level, socialization constitutes an indispensible part of a child's healthy development, and warrant at least subsistence within the society. Compete forfeiture of it will lead to anti-social behavior, autism or possible failure when they turn into adults. At organizational level, socialization promotes a sense of cohesion by instilling cooperation and trust between group members, which maximize the motivation and resources for development. On the society level, socialization strengthen mutual understanding, and more importantly mediate misunderstanding, thus can actually help to resolve many enduring social problems such as class conflicts, racial discrimination, collective anti-social behavior and so forth. By showing the aforementioned advantages, it would seem that socialization for today's children will warrant a better future society.

However, one fundamental assumption exists in the first place------that is a society itself must be a healthy one. It may seem too vague to state the word "healthy". Yet the following cases will help to clarify my point.

Just consider the severely problematic society like Palestine, one that is dominated by religious conflicts and immoral conducts like suicide killings. Should children get socialized to "embrace" their society’s mainstream notion on the western world-----apathy and hatred, they are automatically instilled with a biased opinion to the Jews. Consequentially, some of them are trained by extreme Islamists to be the future suicide bombers, devastating their society.

Or consider the less severely problematic society like China. As my own experience tells that, current Chinese society is a so competitive and didactic one that socialization actually means conformity. In other word, for the future subsistence, children have to learn to conform on their own ideas and behaviors to a large extent for the purpose of fitting the society's rigid standards, and they are taught to understand it as “the reality”, not to challenge!

The problems that lie in these societies are inherently related to deep-rooted mainstream values as well as institutions. In turn, optimistic might strongly urge the educators to provide the future solution by teaching children some of the fundamental values and morality such as democracy, respect, sympathy, cooperation, impartiality and so forth, before children learn to socialize with others. After all, without healthily forming some of these values, children’s socialization on can be counter-productive. However, the paradox arising from the solution of education is that how can today's educator instill these sorts of values and moralities when their own are confined by the society's mainstream values and institution. It is unlikely that the Pakistanine children are taught to learn and appreciate western ideas and democracy. Therefore, a complete reliance on education as well as socialization amounts to pure fantasy for these problematic societies.

Admittedly, any society has problems, and an educational solution is not feasible enough. In my opinion, it is still largely the society's mainstream forces (adults)'s responsibility to make a positive move, not passively shift it to the next generation! Yet, I have to concede this is an indeed difficult resolution if one considers the fact that adults are too conservative (compared with children) to accept new values and ideas that could help to improve the society, because they have been already socialized! Just so, we cling to many brave unconformists to propel social developments. History is replete with their efforts to question the society and tradition according to truth, moral integrity, and individual value system rather than society's standards, bringing about various social developments, and finally contribute to human progress. Unfortunately, over-socialization for children will limit the future unconformists’ independent thoughts as well as individuality that any society should try to avoid.

While socialization to some extends warrant children a future subsistence and facilitates development, its potential harms in many ill societies weigh just as much as the benefits. A society's ultimate development actually both relies on the cohesive efforts made by those socialized adults and the challenge made by those unconformists with healthy value system, moral integrity, individuality, and wisdom. Thus, for having a better future, the real solution is not only to improve education and teach children to appropriately socialize, but also to make immediate steps to address current problems, and of course lend our support to those unconformist for fundamental advances.

fiefuytUID: 2303116

The importance of children's socialization can be illustrated by the simple analogy: For an immense clock to function delicately, all gears inside should accord with certain standards and accuracy measure, otherwise they are likely to either be unfit or worn out quickly while in use, making the clock ineffective any more. Equally, for a society for function properly, children’s socialization seems to be the prerequisite.(这一段似乎都在给儿童社会化重要性下定义，作为一篇文章的开头，这样的写法似乎不太能出彩)

More specifically, the reasons for children’s socialization have significance at the following three levels. At personal level, socialization constitutes an indispensible part of a child's healthy development, and warrant at least subsistence within the society. Compete forfeiture of it will lead to anti-social behavior, autism or possible failure when they turn into adults. At organizational level, socialization promotes a sense of cohesion by instilling cooperation and trust between group members, which maximize the motivation and resources for development. On the society level, socialization strengthen mutual understanding, and more importantly mediate misunderstanding, thus can actually help to resolve many enduring social problems such as class conflicts, racial discrimination, collective anti-social behavior and so forth. By showing the aforementioned advantages, it would seem that socialization for today's children will warrant a better future society.（给出孩子需要社会化的原因，从三个层次分析，很到位）

However, one fundamental assumption exists in the first place------that is a society itself must be a healthy one. It may seem too vague to state the word "healthy". Yet the following cases will help to clarify my point.（过渡段，过渡到社会应该如何教育孩子）

Just consider the severely problematic society like Palestine, one that is dominated by religious conflicts and immoral conducts like suicide killings. Should children get socialized to "embrace" their society’s mainstream notion on the western world-----apathy and hatred, they are automatically instilled with a biased opinion to the Jews. Consequentially, some of them are trained by extreme Islamists to be the future suicide bombers, devastating their society.Or consider the less severely problematic society like China. As my own experience tells that, current Chinese society is a so competitive and didactic one that socialization actually means conformity. In other word, for the future subsistence, children have to learn to conform on their own ideas and behaviors to a large extent for the purpose of fitting the society's rigid standards, and they are taught to understand it as “the reality”, not to challenge!（举了Palestine和中国两个例子）

The problems that lie in these societies are inherently related to deep-rooted mainstream values as well as institutions. In turn, optimistic might strongly urge the educators to provide the future solution by teaching children some of the fundamental values and morality such as democracy, respect, sympathy, cooperation, impartiality and so forth, before children learn to socialize with others. After all, without healthily forming some of these values, children’s socialization on can be counter-productive. However, the paradox arising from the solution of education is that how can today's educator instill these sorts of values and moralities when their own are confined by the society's mainstream values and institution. It is unlikely that the Pakistanine children are taught to learn and appreciate western ideas and democracy. Therefore, a complete reliance on education as well as socialization amounts to pure fantasy for these problematic societies.(分析出问题的原因)

Admittedly, any society has problems, and an educational solution is not feasible enough. In my opinion, it is still largely the society's mainstream forces (adults)'s responsibility to make a positive move, not passively shift it to the next generation! Yet, I have to concede this is an indeed difficult resolution if one considers the fact that adults are too conservative (compared with children) to accept new values and ideas that could help to improve the society, because they have been already socialized! Just so, we cling to many brave unconformists to propel social developments. History is replete with their efforts to question the society and tradition according to truth, moral integrity, and individual value system rather than society's standards, bringing about various social developments, and finally contribute to human progress. Unfortunately, over-socialization for children will limit the future unconformists’ independent thoughts as well as individuality that any society should try to avoid.（提出解决问题的方法）

While socialization to some extends warrant children a future subsistence and facilitates development, its potential harms in many ill societies weigh just as much as the benefits. A society's ultimate development actually both relies on the cohesive efforts made by those socialized adults and the challenge made by those unconformists with healthy value system, moral integrity, individuality, and wisdom. Thus, for having a better future, the real solution is not only to improve education and teach children to appropriately socialize, but also to make immediate steps to address current problems, and of course lend our support to those unconformist for fundamental advances.（总结段）

PS：昨天一不小心把题目看成是ISSUE13了，还以为是我刚写过的第一篇，结果今天跑上来一看是ISSUE130，顿时傻了···
作者的文笔好得没话说，反正比我是高出一大截，我还需要好好拜读呀，哈哈：P
这篇文章感觉已经很成熟了，无论是语言用词还是段落层次都已经很分明了，这里有个小意见，希望下次发文章时能在正文前列个小提纲，这样改的人会方便很多：）
唯一美中不足的我觉得就是第一段了，以下定义的方式作为开头无可厚非，但是如果能够用一个更吸引人更独特一点方式从一开始就抓住考官的注意，相信分数会更高滴：）开头的方式可参考孙远的GRE写作，里面提到了几种开头的方式，不知对你会不会有点帮助。
水平有限啊水平有限，这句话绝对不是谦虚，暂时能拍的就这些啦，如果拍的能对楼上有些启发我就已经很开心啦，还请楼上的见谅呀：P

Neptune2010UID: 2626044

谢谢你的评语，激动ing~~~（今天才看到、、）
开头我是想下个定义、看来弄巧成拙了、、
写I还真的要避免乱下定义，改成主题句！