0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by fiefuyt

fiefuytUID: 2303116

这是偶第一篇文章，本来想写点有创新的东东，写完后发现思路和逻辑有些混乱了，哎，实力不行呀，希望大家很很拍哦，下手千万别留情呀：）
TOPIC: ISSUE13 - "Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
WORDS: 506
TIME: 6h
DATE: 2009-6-21 下午

提纲：
第一段：提出自己观点：需从近期和长远两个方面来讨论政府是否应该采取对策
第二段：从近期来看，政府需进行保护，解释了两方面的原因
第三段：从长远来看，全球化趋势势不可当，语言将趋于一致
第四段：对两方面进行总结
In this technologically advanced society,we are inviarably confronted controversial issue about which people have divergent attitudes:when faced with their lesser-known languages,whether governments of the countries should do something to prevent the extinction.Some maintain that in the processe of globality,the extinction of lesser-known languages is inevitable and governments can do nothing about it.Others assert that the opposite is more reasonable.From my perspective,I'm convinced that we should take this for account from two aspects:the short-term and the long-term.

From the short term,the goverments should taken action to prevent the extinction.On one hand,every language presents the culture of the country,protecting it means to protect one kind of culture and history.Languages serve as evidence for understangding human history.People can find the self-identity from using their own language which is vital for the development of each person.With their own language,people can communicate well.Furthermore,it is much beneficial for all the human beings.The diversity of human culcure contains in the various languages.On the other hand,every country has the right to use the language which was handed down by their ancestors.Their language is their most vital character.Moreover an enormous number of languages represents a vast,largely unmapped terrain on which linguists,congnitive scientists,and philosophers can chart the full capabilities and limits of the mind.Languages embody unique local knowledge of cultures and natural systems in the regions in which they are spoken.

From the long term,the globilization is coming now with its irresistible trend.Our world are becoming the earth village.Maybe one day the world will use one language in the future.There are a lot of
factor that bring about the trend.To some extent,the countries whose languages are lesser-known demonstrate that the whole strength of these countries are increasingly descending which in turn give the reason why their languages are being lost.Because of their own reasons,these country are becoming less significant in the stage of the world so their languages are used less and less by people and finally will be flooded in the ocean of the language.Maybe the only thing governments can do is to give more fund to linguists to support them to documentation the languages which will be come down to our offspring that will tell them at one time there are many languages in the world.However,they can't prevent the extinction.Maybe the governments can prevent the extinction through political,community,and educational means attempts to increae the number of active speakers of the endangered language.With the role of these coutries declining,the endeavor of these countries will be in vain because the languges are play an increasingly inconsequential role in the world and become less and less useful thus no one will be willing to learn such a language.Therefore,in the long term,these language will extinct finally.

In sum,the prevention of the lesser-known languages is indispensible and essential to protect the diversity which is necessary for promoting scientific and technological progress since it is the interaction of ideas that is one of the major generators of human invention.And in long term,the currend is everyone in the world will use only one language and our world are really a village.

okusaUID: 2342264

这个WORD改完贴过来怎么颜色都没了啊。所以我把WORD放在附件里。如果还是不行，我就传给你

红色代表有问题的。蓝色代表好的。打框的是读起来有疑问的，或者用的不恰当的。
In this technologically advanced（好长的定语，尽量把修饰语放在中心词右边）
society, weare inviarably拼写 confrontedcontroversial issues about which people have divergent attitudes: when facedwith their lesser-known languages, whether governments of the countries should dosomething to prevent theextinction (什么的extinction?上面的两个the都感觉指代不明). Someone maintains that inthe processe拼写 of globality, theextinction of lesser-known languages is inevitable and governments can donothing about it. Others assert that the opposite is more reasonable. From myperspective, I'm convinced that we should take this for account from twoaspects: the short-term and the long-term. 最后一句很好，观点出来了！但是这个short/long term需要再解释清楚，否则会像中文的思维：笼统而缺乏具体。

From the short term, the goverments should takeaction to prevent the extinction还是上面的问题，THE extinction指代不明. On one hand, every language presents the culture of the country； protecting it means toprotect one kind？ of culture and history. Languages serve as evidence for understangding拼写 human history. Peoplecan find the self-identity from using their own language which is vital for thedevelopment of each person. With their own language,people can communicate well.有了self-identity以后，为什么使用自己的语言就可以communicate？

Furthermore, it is muchbeneficial for all the human beings. The diversity of human culcure拼写 contains in thevarious languages.
On the other hand,every country has the right to use thelanguage which was handed down by their ancestors.Their language is their mostvital character.Moreover， an enormous number of languages represents a vast,largelyunmapped terrain on which linguists,congnitive scientists,and philosophers canchart the full capabilities and limits of the mind.Languages embody uniquelocal knowledge of cultures and natural systems in the regions in which theyare spoken.

From the long term,the globilization is coming nowwith its irresistible trend.Our world are becoming the earth village.Maybe oneday the world will use one language in the future.There are a lot of
factor that bring about the trend.To some extent,the countries whose languagesare lesser-known demonstrate that the whole strength of these countries areincreasingly descending which in turn give the reason why their languages arebeing lost.Because of their own reasons,these country are becoming lesssignificant in the stage of the world so their languages are used less and lessby people and finally will be flooded in the ocean of the language.Maybe theonly thing governments can do is to give more fund to linguists to support themto documentation the languages which will be come down to our offspring thatwill tell them at one time there are many languages in the world.However,they can't prevent the extinction. Maybe thegovernments can prevent the extinction through themeans of XX XX AND XX political,community,andeducational means attempts to increae thenumber of active speakers of the endangered language. With the role of thesecoutries declining,the endeavor of these countries will be in vain because thelanguges are play语法 an increasingly inconsequential role in the world andbecome less and less useful thus no one will be willing to learn such alanguage.Therefore,in the long term,these language will extinct finally.

In sum,the prevention of the lesser-known languagesis indispensible and essential to protect the diversity which is necessary forpromoting scientific and technological progress since it is the interaction ofideas that is one of the major generators of human invention.And in longterm,the currend is everyone in the world will use only one language and ourworld are really a village.

先说问题吧^_^
-语法拼写请注意！
-有些词汇用的大，我具体不能说出更适合的（水平有限哈），但是觉得某些大词放在那里不妥切。

短期、长期的分段观点很好。但是仿佛论证的时候有混淆。我的观点是，把政府是否该做这个事和extinction本身这个事实混了。

看出fiefuyt是花了心思做了研究才下手写的。所以，文中很明显有主动换词，使语言多样性展现的多处地方！这个很难得！感觉基础很好！
文章开头我看的细，后两段的问题是重复出现的。我就没有一一指出啦~！
感觉这篇文章再把信息整合的整齐一些，语言再简洁一些，就是一片高级的好文~！
不知道这样算不算毒舌啊

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

TOPIC: ISSUE13 - "Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
WORDS: 506
TIME: 6h
DATE: 2009-6-21 下午
提纲：
第一段：提出自己观点：需从近期和长远两个方面来讨论政府是否应该采取对策
第二段：从近期来看，政府需进行保护，解释了两方面的原因
第三段：从长远来看，全球化趋势势不可当，语言将趋于一致
第四段：对两方面进行总结

In this technologically advanced society,we are inviarably（invariably？） confronted controversial issue about which people have divergent attitudes:when faced with their lesser-known languages,whether governments of the countries should do something to prevent the extinction. （这个句子太乱，宁可分开写,或者简明点写一句，不要controversial和divergent attitudes堆在一起，这些非实质性的语言没必要堆来凑字数。In this society with highly advanced technology, people are inevitably confronted with the issue that whether government should act to prevent the lesser-known languages from extinction.） Some maintain（？！insist） that in the processe（！） of globality（？！globalization）,the extinction of lesser-known languages is inevitable and governments can do nothing about it.Others assert that the opposite is more reasonable.From my perspective,I'm convinced that we should take this for account from two aspects:the short-term and the long-term.

题目有两句话，虽然前面一句是事实，也不要假装没看到。最好先说依据确实很多lesser-known languages 面临extinct的危险，然后再说本文主要要讲的whether government should act to prevent them from extinction.

From the short term （+point of view）,the（去掉the） goverments should taken action to prevent the extinction.On one hand,every language presents the culture of the country,protecting it means to protect one kind of culture and history.Languages serve as evidence for understangding human history.People can find the self-identity from using their own language which is vital for the development of each person.With their own language,people can communicate well.（history分论点的两句话不能作为有力的支持。Language 对preserve history更大的功用可能可以说帮助查阅从前的文献记载或者民间传说，比如会读甲骨文啊，象形文字啊对研究那时期的文化很有帮助。人们找到identity可以再下面那个论点说。）Furthermore,it is much beneficial for all the human beings（for human being’s what？要说清楚）.The diversity of human culcure contains in the various languages.On the other hand,every country has the right to use the language which was handed down by their ancestors.Their language is their most vital character.Moreover an enormous number of languages represents a vast,largely unmapped terrain on which linguists,congnitive scientists,and philosophers can chart the full capabilities and limits of the mind.Languages embody unique local knowledge of cultures and natural systems in the regions in which they are spoken.

既然这段说了两个支持点，就得总结一小下，说说这两点共有的好处，所以gov要保护小语种。

From the long term,the globilization is coming now with its irresistible trend.Our world are becoming the earth village.Maybe one day the world will use one language in the future.There are a lot of
factor that bring about the trend.To some extent,the countries whose languages are lesser-known demonstrate that the whole strength of these countries are increasingly descending which in turn give the reason why their languages are being lost.（前后两句话意思重复）Because of their own reasons,these country are becoming less significant in the stage of the world so their languages are used less and less by people and finally will be flooded in the ocean of the language.（后面部分好像转成说从现实意义上难以实现单纯依靠gov保护小语种，而非说globalization对小语种消亡的冲击，那最好不要揉在一段.要么就直接把主题句改了）Maybe the only thing governments can do is to give more fund to linguists to support them to documentation the languages which will be come down to our offspring that will tell them at one time there are many languages in the world.However,they can't prevent the extinction.Maybe the governments can prevent the extinction through political,community,and educational means attempts to increae（！） the number of active speakers of the endangered language.With the role of these coutries declining,the endeavor of these countries will be in vain because the languges are play an increasingly inconsequential role in the world and become less and less useful thus no one will be willing to learn such a language.（这句话又在前面说过了）Therefore,in the long term,these language will extinct finally.

（题目讨论的是should，不是这些语言是不是得消亡，延伸了原意，没有紧扣题目。同样意思，可以分两段说，但换个方式，要时刻注意是否从gov should act to preserve角度来说。从长期，全球化影响下，某些语种会消亡，就顺其自然；从现实意义考虑，完全依赖gov保护有诸多不可行之处，还有其他途径。）

In sum,the prevention of the lesser-known languages is indispensible and essential to protect the diversity which is necessary for promoting scientific and technological progress since it is the interaction of ideas that is one of the major generators of human invention.（这个长句不够有力，而且意思也不明确。不如说the prevention of the lesser-known languages is indispensible and essential to protect the diversity--what diversity？，因为语言对interaction of ideas很重要，而这个是one of the major generators of human invention。逻辑链要力求清晰，不要让人推测。）And in long term,the currend（？！） is everyone in the world will use only one language and our world are really a village.

Lz 整篇文章都存在打完符号没有空格就下一句的问题，拼写错误没有改正，细节上要注意。写完要在word里自己改一下。充实一下自己的思路，尽量以精简的语言表达更多内容。小语种重要，Gov也不一定should act to preserve them，还有民间团体，财团资助和本来运用小语种的人等等。

fiefuytUID: 2303116

感谢感谢太感谢：）谢谢斑竹，谢谢小欣！
激动得都不知道该说什么好了，一定回去好好改，尽快发修改后的文章上来

fiefuytUID: 2303116

It is always said that where there is a different language, there is a unique culture. Each language is a mirror of the culture of a certain geographical region, for the origin, growth and distinction of each language is accompanied by the beginning, thriving, changing, ebb and flow of a culture.In this society with highly advanced technology, unfortunately many minor languages are in danger of extincion since they are used by fewer and fewer people.
According to statistics, 50% of languages in the world will fade at the speed of one language every two week on average at least in next century. No doubt, the situation of many of the world's languages on the verge of extinction is tense.
People are inevitably confronted with the issue that whether the governments of counties in which their languages on the brim of extinction should intervene to prevent such lesser-known languages becoming extinct.
Some insist that in the process of globalization,
the extinction of lesser-known languages is inevitable and governments can do nothing about it.
Others assert that the opposite is more reasonable.
From my perspective,
I'm convinced that we should take this for account from two aspects:
the short-term and the long-term.





From the short term, prevention of lesser-known languages not only needs goverments but also can through other means. On one hand,
governments can provide the strong support to effectively prevent the extinct languages for the issue of language relates to many factors such as society, economic, psychology, culture, politics. Moreover, governments can promote the heritage of languages by vigorous publicizing the link between the languages and the culture via media, via education, for instance, adding the learning the endangered languages to course, via law, such as making the lesser-known languages as the second, the third, and even the forth official languages.
As we all know that the people of continental Europe cling tenaciously to their threatened languages. The French government even assembles many academic authorities to obliterate borrowed words in order to resist the language assimilation and keep the purity of their own language.On the other hand, non-government organizations can work as a subsidiary force.Non-government organizations such as UNESCO and the British Library
have taken action to rescue the wealth. So governments and non-governments in which the lesser-known languages are spoken have the duty to protect the form of civilization.





From the long term, in this era of globalization, our world are becoming the earth village.
Economic tides sweeping the world,with merely the priority of profits, companies like Nike locate their factories in those poor countries, Vietnam for instance, for their low price manual work. On one hand, they offered splendid candies in economic development such as huge mounts of job vaccancies. On the other, the invasion of culture is conducted by their homeland executives applying their own management. Gradually, factories workers picked up the idioms and nuances from their bosses with respects or else for the sake of getting approval of the management. Years later, the impact inside certain world-known company can prevail in an area, even a country. For civilians, the invaded language is of something profitable, while their home tongue may be a kind of signal for poverty or so. They start leaving their homeland in search for better life and hide their home tongue deep inside their hearts and seldom use it since then. More and more people seek for better life with the communication of other language.
What the government can do is only to encourage museums to document this culture and through media to alert people about this phenomenon. All these strategy will not affect the people who work or tend to work aboard. How to own the profits is what arouses attention of many. They are simply apply the tool of another language to improve their own life! What can the government do? Their people shows ignorance of their own culture all because of poverty. In this way, their culture may be true to diminish in the near future, unless their economic power has grown tremedous enough to attract their people back to nurture the growth of this language, and further the culture behind it. Ironicly, it is because the desire of economic strength that the country suffers loss and may later earn it back.Therefore,the extinction of lesser-known languages is an irresistible trend which no one can change it.





In sum,the prevention of the lesser-known languages is indispensible and essential to protect the diversity which is the interaction of ideas that is one of the major generators of human invention.And in long term,
with fewer and fewer left using these languages, some fo these languages are inescapably lost, others are losing. The lesser-known languages of vulnerable groups are victims in the the process of globalization and
very link which are influenced at the earliest and suffer the loss at the soonest.


在 sakuraanne 斑竹和小欣提出的宝贵意见下，我大力修改了这篇文章，耗费了一整个上午，大改特改，现在已经是面目全非了，心里实在还是很没底，不知道改出来究竟怎样，希望 sakuraanne 斑竹和小欣能再抽空帮我看看，万分感谢:)
PS：弱弱地问一句，为什么我的WORD没有自动纠正的功能呀？贴进去后都没有出现绿或红的线线，搞的我出了好多拼写错误，哎`````