0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by iloveusa2009

iloveusa2009UID: 2650557

The author asserts that the Newsbeat should decrease international news and refrain from displaying such stories on the cover. To support the assertion, the author notes that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those featured international news stories on the front covers, and that over the same period, comteting news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. The author also cites that the cost of maintaing Newsbeat's foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. This recommendation contains several logical flaws, which render it unconvincing.

First, the author unfaily assumes that Newsbeat's poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were attributable to those featured international news stories on their front covers. It is entirely possible that during the same period this type of magzines' selling enviroment is in the depression. For that matter, perphaps during the depressed periond Newsbeat was more popular than others because they have reported more international news. Without ruling out other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of those particular issues, the author cannnot convince me that the international cover news were the cause of Newsbeat's poor sales.

Secondly, the author fails to metion why other magazines decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Perphaps they have no choice but only can do this because of their finacial deficit. Moreover, the author also fails to indicate whether these magazines got profit afer that. It is entirely possible that other magazines experieced a poor-selling period after they decreased the international cover stories. If so, then the author's recommendation would make little sense.

Thirdly, the increasing cost of maintaining Newsbeat foreign bureaus to report on international news does not indicate they should decrease their emphasis on international news. The author fails to metion how much increased in the payment and whether Newsbeat can afford or not. Perphaps the increasing cost is a cup of tea for Newsbeat's financial budget. On the other hand, even though the cost is increasing, the profit will increase more once people are more interested in international news than before. Whthout more information about the overall readers' appetite and Newsbeat's finacial situation, the author cannot make any conclusion that they should decrease their emphasis on international news because of the increasing cost.

In sum, the memo is unconving as it stands. To strengthen the recommendation, the author must show that it is the international cover news, and not some other factors that were the reason of those poorest-selling magazines. To better assess the author's recommendation, we would need to know what changes in sales other magazines experienced by decreasing the international news. We would also need more information about the impact of increasing foreign bureaus costs on Newsbeat magazine operating with international news.

fiefuytUID: 2303116

The author asserts that the Newsbeat should decrease international news and refrain from displaying such stories on the cover. To support the assertion, the author notes that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those featured international news stories on the front covers, and that over the same period, competing
（拼写）news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. The author also cites that the cost of maintaing Newsbeat's foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. This recommendation contains several logical flaws, which render it unconvincing.（第一段是对问题的重复，似乎可以更加精简一些，直截了当地做个概括，可在后面多增加一些对题目的挑刺，毕竟A考试的十分主要的一个目的是对你的逻辑分析能力的考查）

First, the author unfaily assumes that Newsbeat's poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were attributable to those featured international news stories on their front covers. It is entirely possible that during the same period this type of magzines' selling enviroment is in the depression(这句话8错). For that matter, perphaps during the depressed periond Newsbeat was more popular than others because they have reported more international news. Without ruling out other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of those particular issues, the author cannnot convince me that the international cover news were the cause of Newsbeat's poor sales.

Secondly, the author fails to mention(拼写) why other magazines decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Perphaps they have no choice but only can do this because of their finacial deficit. Moreover, the author also fails to indicate whether these magazines got profit afer that. It is entirely possible that other magazines experieced a poor-selling period after they decreased the international cover stories. If so, then the author's recommendation would make little sense.

Thirdly, the increasing cost of maintaining Newsbeat foreign bureaus to report on international news does not indicate they should decrease their emphasis on international news. The author fails to metion how much increased in the payment and whether Newsbeat can afford or not. Perphaps the increasing cost is a cup of tea（小菜一碟的意思么？很新颖呀） for Newsbeat's financial budget. On the other hand, even though the cost is increasing, the profit will increase more once people are more interested in international news than before. Whthout more information about the overall readers' appetite and Newsbeat's finacial situation, the author cannot make any conclusion that they should decrease their emphasis on international news because of the increasing cost.

In sum, the memo is unconving as it stands. To strengthen the recommendation, the author must show that it is the international cover news, and not some other factors that were the reason of those poorest-selling magazines. To better assess the author's recommendation, we would need to know what changes in sales other magazines experienced by decreasing the international news. We would also need more information about the impact of increasing foreign bureaus costs on Newsbeat magazine operating with international news.

在看完你对我这篇文章的修改再来该你的大作，着实压力不少呀：P感觉你写A应该已经形成自己的一套方法了吧，无论是从批判的逻辑性还是语言的严谨性以及表达的多样性来看这都堪称是一篇上乘之作，里面的很多表达方式在我看来都值得好好学习呢：)
另外就是文章出现的拼写错误建议在写完文章之后好好再检查一下，如果在考试的时候在你的文章里出现拼写错误真是可惜呀
还有就是第一段的处理方式，个人不太喜欢采用对问题重复的方式，觉得不简练，有些啰嗦，不如直接奔主题，考官可能会更加喜欢
PS：差距太大，水平实在有限，对你的文章的修改只能提出这么些意见，希望不会另楼主失望：P
十分感谢你对我的文章提出了那么多详细而且有用的修改方法，让我受益匪浅，感情之情无以言表，现在发现自己的文章漏洞太多，逻辑太不清楚，都不知从何改起了，哎···
另外就是想向你请教一个问题：我的逻辑性实在是太弱，一篇A看下来很难找到逻辑错误，往往要看上个四五遍可能才能挑出一两个，而且在下笔的时候总觉得没东西可表达，自己找出的问题一两句话就说完了，剩下的很多空话都只是凑字数，不知楼主在一开始接触A时有没有遇到类似的问题呢，又是如何解决的呀？如能赐教，不甚感激：)

iloveusa2009UID: 2650557

非常感谢楼上朋友的修改，对于你提出的问题，在初期你完全可以参考《猴哥满分作文》里面的Argument部分，或者从网上下载Argument的分析提纲。

其实Argument练习几篇之后，多数也都是顺着这个提纲去过题库的，然后再选出那么有代表性的20篇左右强化联系一下就好了。

如果你上过新东方的课，修锐是专门挑了大约20篇稍微不太好分析的难题理顺了一下思路，把这20篇写好就可以了。

如果你上过宁立波的课，他的建议也是要写二三十篇，其中重点练习“比较”类的题目10篇。

至于我在刚开始接触A的时候，我感觉这就是我经常作的事情的英文版陈述，因为之前我经常在论坛上与人争论辩驳拍砖，我最喜欢鸡蛋里面挑骨头，因为我是一个极其苛刻挑剔刻薄的人。对于我来说，写Argument的时候我只需要收敛一下我挑错的泛滥程度就可以了。

之前看过论坛里面相关的精华帖子，非常感谢那些朋友的经验分享，你说的那个开头要简洁我通过批改你的作文我也学习了，的确这方面要修正以下，还有结尾我自己也感觉很啰嗦。

针对多数人不屑一顾的批判survey，我个人依然强调其必要性，不过需要指出的是，统计类错误相比因果类错误来说属于次要错误，一般要放在因果类错误后面写，但并不意味着不写，要知道现实的科研工作和教学中，对统计数据的质疑和批判依然是一个重要的项目，不容忽视。

还有一个要说的就是要巧妙地找出题目的隐藏前提并加以批判，这个环节做好了，就是通往6分之路，多数朋友的帖子中也是围绕这个问题展开阐述的。

以上。

祝复习顺利，有空再交流！

fiefuytUID: 2303116

哈，写了这么多，楼主真是好人，要好好学习下：）
我这个暑假会去上新东方，总觉得自己写A还没入门呀，急得很，而I每写一篇修改的时间比写的还要多，哎，郁闷呀`````
不知楼主复习到什么程度来了，A写几篇，I写了几篇呀？

iloveusa2009UID: 2650557

你什么时候机考？开始几篇慢点写没问题，逐步得你就找到感觉了，别着急，每个人都是这么练出来，包括美国人。

你回顾一下你小学写作文，那些老师不也是让你写了改，改了再写的吗？这样多来几篇不就找到感觉了？
小学多数孩子都不愿意写作文，高考作文要求也不过千字。但是现在我等，随便回个帖子、写个blog都要数千字了，这些也都是不断练习的熟练的过程。

小学6年，每年10个月的上学时间，一般一个月写一篇作文吧？？这个强度已经可以了，六年下来就是60篇，中学六年再加60篇。这样算起来有120篇，当然前期很多的文章算是帮助孩子们逐步找到驾驭语言感觉。这里面，真正有点思想的也就不过40--50篇左右。上到大学之后，除非你是文学专业，否则，你一年之中是写不到10篇文章的。

这样看来，咱们现在要求I和A各写20-30篇，也算是弥补大家没有经历英语中小学写作教育的缺憾了，那这些课补上，大家才能进一步缩小与美国人在语言上的差距，并进一步的跻身美国高质量教育环境中继续深造。

我各自也就写了10篇左右吧， A写得多一些，I稍微少一些。
我还是强烈建议大家先把A搞定，再逐步提高I。毕竟，A的错误类型是相对固定的，大家先按照魔板练习找感觉，等熟练之后再修改自己的模版及语言细节.这里的模版，不是简单的语言套路的copy，而是抓住要逻辑关键词的提取。你可以用中文反复写几个题目的提纲，写10几个之后，你就会发现，其实中文当中对于一些惯常出现的错误的反驳，无外乎也就是那几种句式和关键词，这些东西的提取重复不算雷同和抄袭，就好比你做数学题，加减乘除等运算符这些重复的频率是必需的。A要力争5-6分，这样才能给I减轻压力，毕竟，即便你再有思想，语言这个表达形式依然是众多非英语国家考生的瓶颈，I的话能力争4分就算基本备考成功了。

以上

fiefuytUID: 2303116

讲得真好，赞一个
想要一下子提高语言表达能力还真不是易事，而且速度慢
保A争I这个原则我忘了呢？大概是最近纠结A纠结得太过度了，凡事过尤不及呀：P
争取今天下午写篇A，到时候拿给你看看呀：）
我是8。24的机考，一开始以为时间还挺多，复习一直都是慢慢悠悠的，现在猛然发现时间很紧了，自己AW不但没搞定，连单词也啥印象了，急啊急啊
不知你是什么时候机考呀？

renee8512UID: 2376852

The author asserts that the Newsbeat should decrease international news and refrain from displaying such stories on the cover. To support the assertion, the author notes that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those featured international news stories on the front covers, and that over the same period, comteting news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. The author also cites that the cost of maintaing Newsbeat's foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. This recommendation contains several logical flaws, which render it unconvincing.

First, the author unfaily assumes that Newsbeat's poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were attributable to those featured international news stories on their front covers. It is entirely possible that during the same period this type of magzines' selling enviroment is in the depression. For that matter, perphaps during the depressed periond Newsbeat was more popular than others because they have reported more international news. Without ruling out other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of those particular issues, the author cannnot convince me that the international cover news were the cause of Newsbeat's poor sales.

Secondly, the author fails to metion why other magazines decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Perphaps they have no choice but only can do this because of their finacial deficit. Moreover, the author also fails to indicate whether these magazines got profit afer that. It is entirely possible that other magazines experieced a poor-selling period after they decreased the international cover stories. If so, then the author's recommendation would make little sense.

Thirdly, the increasing cost of maintaining Newsbeat foreign bureaus to report on international news does not indicate they should decrease their emphasis on international news.The author fails to metion how much increased in the payment and whether Newsbeat can afford or not. Perphaps the increasing cost is a cup of tea for Newsbeat's financial budget. On the other hand, even though the cost is increasing, the profit will increase more once people are more interested in international news than before. Whthout more information about the overall readers' appetite and Newsbeat's finacial situation, the author cannot make any conclusion that they should decrease their emphasis on international news because of the increasing cost.

In sum, the memo is unconving as it stands. To strengthen the recommendation, the author must show that it is the international cover news, and not some other factors that were the reason of those poorest-selling magazines. To better assess the author's recommendation, we would need to know what changes in sales other magazines experienced by decreasing the international news. We would also need more information about the impact of increasing foreign bureaus costs on Newsbeat magazine operating with international news.
感觉楼主写的非常好，呵呵，感觉您现在能够很好的按照一定框架来书写文章了，绿色的句子学习中。最后一个小的建议，楼主最后一段参照北美范文有些多了～能适当调整修改一些就更好了。刚开始准备AW的新人，不当之处请多见谅.