issues144 @@A Dream@@小组第2次作业（我的第一篇啊大家猛拍啊）by小小amy

小小amyUID: 2541111

"It is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value.” A person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
苍天啊大地啊居然写了6个小时……到最后实在是不知道在写什么了，结尾结不了。。。

（501words）
I agree on it that artist gives society something of lasting value. It is always the artist leads the generation’s fashion, opinion, value and even culture. Art stays in the long river of history till today so we see those worldwide famous paintings, listen to maestros’ classic music maybe aged hundreds years, watch movies illustrating kaleidoscopic thoughts and study those literature masterpieces to appreciate. Art is everywhere, from Shakespeare to Michael Jackson, infiltrates our life invisible. Why invisible? They are deep in culture

But what about critic, they play the role of turning the wrong social tendency, saving the nation’s last precious value and getting down to the way of building a better society. Maybe they give advices to people who can’t find their head or tail in a confusing wild world fulfilled with conflicting values and ideas, what critics criticize is based on former thoughts already came to shapes long ago. Then critics study them and analyze them, giving their opinion on what is valuable and what should be avoided. Critics are those people who criticize the world they are in but not perfect for people. In the other say is that critics are people whose feet in both camps, drinking with cups but complaining about “the cup is plastic; it shouldn’t be invented at the first place to pollute our environment”. There’s no need to deny critics make contributions to society to form better values in a culture, but what they’re really up to is just pushing and experiencing part of it. It is part of a process to clear up what people value most. What really tell which should survive among different thoughts of culture is time.
Critics’ comments remain in history appears in text books, affect a generation or two, then they fade away and stays in textbooks for a record only. Nevertheless, art stays, and stays in various ways. Art is the process or product of deliberately arranging elements in a way that appeals to the senses or emotions. It encompasses a diverse range of human activities, creations, and modes of expression. Successful artists draw paintings, create music, write novels and develop their thoughts, which can be seen everywhere and affect our life style. Art lead the aesthetic elements, soon it forms into fashion and will become popular with millions people following, like Michael Jackson’s dance and his speechless fighting for blacks. Oliver Twist, as Dickens’ first famous novel describes about the poor misery life in slum rocked the Britain, still travels on its way to later generations and stretches its influence. Mona Lisa still smiles to modern world letting out the sense of elegant, happiness and mystery.
Art is a vehicle for the expression or communication of emotions and ideas, a means for exploring and appreciate new elements.
It is artists create masterpieces people still worship nowadays. They lead the enduring value to the high tide through the long journey of time. While critics become one of the elements push the tide of lasting value.

佛爷UID: 2648279

TOPIC ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value.” A person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

I agree on it that artist gives society something of lasting（换个词吧permanent） value. It is always the artists lead the generations' fashion, opinion（ideology）, value and even culture. Art stays in the long river of history till today so we see those worldwide famous paintings, listen to maestros’ classic music maybe aged hundreds years, watch movies illustrating kaleidoscopic thoughts and study（appreciate） those literature masterpieces to appreciate. Art is everywhere（infiltrates the heart of our life thoroughly）, from Shakespeare to Michael Jackson,  merges into each other with civilization.（在第一段应该给出自己的观点，比如读完第一段我以为你站在art一边，转到下一行突来一个but我就被你的立场迷惑了）

But what about critics, they play the essential role of turning the wrong social tendency, saving the rarest value of nation and getting down to the way of删 build a better society. Maybe they give advices to people who can’t find their head or tail in a confusing wild world which fulfilled with conflicting values and ideas, what critics criticize is based on former thoughts already came to shapes long ago. Then critics study them and analyze them, giving their opinion on what is valuable and what should be avoided. Critics are those people who criticize（comment） the world they are in but not perfect for people. In the other say is that（In other word） critics are people whose feet（a foot） in both camps, drinking with cups but complaining about “the cup is plastic; it shouldn’t be invented at the first place to pollute our environment”. （从Critics are those people who到此，我觉得既然要捧critics就用大篇幅说他的正面，不然你的态度就混乱了。让步的写法，感觉把握的不是很好）There’s no need to deny critics make contributions to society to form better values in a culture, but what they’re really up to is just pushing and experiencing part of it. It is part of a process to clear up（clarify） what people value most. What really tell which should survive among different thoughts of culture is time.（这说时间可以弄清一切，那么是不是与刚才论述的critics的价值相违背呢？）

Critics’ comments remain in history appears in text books, affect a generation or two, then they fade away and stays in textbooks for a record only. Nevertheless, art stays, and stays in various ways.（这一段怎么又捧artist啦） Art is the process or product of deliberately arranging elements in a way that appeals to the senses or emotions. It encompasses a diverse range of human activities, creations, and modes of expression. Successful artists draw paintings, create music, write novels and develop their thoughts, which can be seen everywhere and affect our life style. Art lead the aesthetic elements, soon it forms into fashion and will become popular with millions people following, like Michael Jackson’s dance and his speechless fighting for blacks.Oliver Twist, as Dickens’ first famous novel describes about the poor misery life in slum rocked the Britain, still travels on its way to later generations and stretches its influence. Mona Lisa still smiles to modern world letting out the sense of elegant, happiness and mystery.

Art is a vehicle for the expression or communication of emotions and ideas, a means for exploring and appreciate new elements.It is artists create masterpieces people still worship nowadays. They lead the enduring value to the high tide through the long journey of time. While critics become one of the elements push the tide of lasting value.

题目中说“不是，而是”这样的观点，你采取了中立的态度。认为两者都重要。这是比较难写的态度，我觉得。
在论述中你分别论述了artists 和 critics两者的好与坏，但感觉文章逻辑上的衔接不是很好。
我个人认为这种情况发生的原因在于逻辑思路上缺少了一环，
那就是，如果要采取中立态度，认为两者都起重要作用，那就要论述artists跟critics的相互影响与互相不可分离的关系。
第一次，改得不好，加油~写得认真，给你加了一分：）

lossingzoneUID: 2519545

I agree on it that artist gives society something of lasting value. It is always the artists lead the generation’s fashion, opinion, value and even culture. Art stays in the long river of history till today so we see those worldwide famous paintings, listen to maestros’ classic music maybe aged hundreds years, watch movies illustrating kaleidoscopic thoughts and study those literature masterpieces to appreciate. Art is everywhere, from Shakespeare to Michael Jackson, infiltrates our life invisible. Why invisible? They are deep in culture
Art is everywhere, 这的确没错，但是要讨论的话题是artist gives the society something of lasting value，所以应该突出lasting，这里阐述其everywhere未免有点偏离主题。

But (用这个词做承接不好，不如不要)what about critic, they play the role of turning the wrong social tendency, saving the nation’s last precious value and getting down to the way of building a better society. Maybe they give advices to people who can’t find their head or tail in a confusing wild world fulfilled with conflicting values and ideas, what critics criticize is based on former thoughts already came to shapes long ago. Then critics study them and analyze them, giving their opinion on what is valuable and what should be avoided. Critics are those people who criticize the world they are in but not perfect for people. In the other say is that critics are people whose feet in both camps, drinking with cups but complaining about “the cup is plastic; it shouldn’t be invented at the first place to pollute our environment”. There’s no need to deny critics make contributions to society to form better values in a culture, but what they’re really up to is just pushing and experiencing part of it. It is part of a process to clear up what people value most. What really tell which should survive among different thoughts of culture is time.
这一段用了很长的篇幅去阐述什么是critic，但如何说服别人相信“critic doesn’t give the society something of lasting value”呢？我觉得对critic特征的描述可以缩减，但是必须要突出critic如何没有带来lasting value.

Critics’ comments remain in history appears in text books, affect a generation or two, then they fade away and stays in textbooks for a record only. Nevertheless, art stays, and stays in various ways. Art is the process or product of deliberately arranging elements in a way that appeals to the senses or emotions. It encompasses a diverse range of human activities, creations, and modes of expression. Successful artists draw paintings, create music, write novels and develop their thoughts, which can be seen everywhere and affect our life style. Art lead the aesthetic elements, soon it forms into fashion and will become popular with millions people following, like Michael Jackson’s dance and his speechless fighting for blacks.（这里，加上开篇时所说的artists lead generation’s fasion...，觉得就是没和lasting value扣得紧。没错，artists是引领时尚，但是fashion之类的东西能lasting吗？很难保证） Oliver Twist, as Dickens’ first famous novel describes about the poor misery life in slum rocked the Britain, still travels on its way to later generations and stretches its influence. Mona Lisa still smiles to modern world letting out the sense of elegant, happiness and mystery.
Art is a vehicle for the expression or communication of emotions and ideas, a means for exploring and appreciate new elements.
It is artists create masterpieces people still worship nowadays. They lead the enduring value to the high tide through the long journey of time. While critics become one of the elements push the tide of lasting value.（若这个观点在最开始时就能清楚表达出来，后面进口这个观点写，这篇文章应该会很不错）

第一次改作文，改得不好勿怪。

小小amyUID: 2541111

2# 佛爷
额。。。。我会好好改正逻辑部分的。。。。辛苦了,THANK U SO MUCH.

I agree on it that artist gives society permanent value. It is always the artists lead the generations' fashion, ideology, value and even culture. Art stays in the long river of history till today so we see those worldwide famous paintings, listen to maestros’ classic music maybe aged hundreds years, watch movies illustrating kaleidoscopic thoughts and appreciate those literature masterpieces. Art infiltrates the heart of our life thoroughly， from Shakespeare to Michael Jackson,  merges into each other with civilization. 开篇第一句即我的观点。第一段其他废话是不是不应该说。

What about critics? It seems that they play the essential role of turning the wrong social tendency, saving the rarest value of nation and getting down to build a better society. They give advices to people who can’t find their head or tail in a confusing wild world which fulfilled with conflicting values and ideas. What critics criticize is based on former thoughts already came to shapes long ago. Then critics study them and analyze them, giving their opinion on what is valuable and what should be avoided. There’s no need to deny critics make contributions to society to form better values in a culture, but what they’re really up to is just pushing and experiencing part of it. It is part of a process to clarify what people value most. 阐述批评家的作用。

Critics’ comments remain in history appears in text books, affect a generation or two, then they fade away and stays in textbooks for a record only. Nevertheless, art stays, and stays in various ways. Art is the process or product of deliberately arranging elements in a way that appeals to the senses or emotions. It encompasses a diverse range of human activities, creations, and modes of expression. Successful artists draw paintings, create music, write novels and develop their thoughts, which can be seen everywhere and affect our life style. Art lead the aesthetic elements, soon it will be accepted by millions people. Oliver Twist, as Dickens’ first famous novel describes about the poor misery life in slum rocked the Britain, still travels on its way to later generations and stretches its influence. Mona Lisa still smiles to modern world letting out the sense of elegant, happiness and mystery. All these works gave us the strong value instructor of art which can stay permanent—the art affect the world no matter in erstwhile or nowadays and people worship them.重点讲艺术的持久影响。希望可以衔接结尾。

Art is a vehicle for the expression or communication of emotions and ideas, a means for exploring and appreciate new elements. It is artists create masterpieces people still worship nowadays. They lead the enduring value to the high tide through the long journey of time. While critics become one of the elements push the tide of lasting value.

小小amyUID: 2541111

3# lossingzone
谢谢啦~~~批的满好的~~~我会加油的。thanks a lot~~~

I agree on it that artist gives society permanent value. It is always the artists lead the generations' fashion, ideology, value and even culture. Art stays in the long river of history till today so we see those worldwide famous paintings, listen to maestros’ classic music maybe aged hundreds years, watch movies illustrating kaleidoscopic thoughts and appreciate those literature masterpieces. Art infiltrates the heart of our life thoroughly， from Shakespeare to Michael Jackson,  merges into each other with civilization. 开篇第一句即我的观点。第一段其他废话是不是不应该说。

What about critics? It seems that they play the essential role of turning the wrong social tendency, saving the rarest value of nation and getting down to build a better society. They give advices to people who can’t find their head or tail in a confusing wild world which fulfilled with conflicting values and ideas. What critics criticize is based on former thoughts already came to shapes long ago. Then critics study them and analyze them, giving their opinion on what is valuable and what should be avoided. There’s no need to deny critics make contributions to society to form better values in a culture, but what they’re really up to is just pushing and experiencing part of it. It is part of a process to clarify what people value most. 阐述批评家的作用。

Critics’ comments remain in history appears in text books, affect a generation or two, then they fade away and stays in textbooks for a record only. Nevertheless, art stays, and stays in various ways. Art is the process or product of deliberately arranging elements in a way that appeals to the senses or emotions. It encompasses a diverse range of human activities, creations, and modes of expression. Successful artists draw paintings, create music, write novels and develop their thoughts, which can be seen everywhere and affect our life style. Art lead the aesthetic elements, soon it will be accepted by millions people. Oliver Twist, as Dickens’ first famous novel describes about the poor misery life in slum rocked the Britain, still travels on its way to later generations and stretches its influence. Mona Lisa still smiles to modern world letting out the sense of elegant, happiness and mystery. All these works gave us the strong value instructor of art which can stay permanent—the art affect the world no matter in erstwhile or nowadays and people worship them.重点讲艺术的持久影响。希望可以衔接结尾。

Art is a vehicle for the expression or communication of emotions and ideas, a means for exploring and appreciate new elements. It is artists create masterpieces people still worship nowadays. They lead the enduring value to the high tide through the long journey of time. While critics become one of the elements push the tide of lasting value.