Argument67【Triple Week】第1次练习by mymuro

mymuroUID: 2356228

TOPIC: ARGUMENT67 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."
WORDS:380    TIME: 00:30:00     DATE: 2009-7-11 23:36:10

In this argument, the arguer concludes that people should close the library in Polluxton and use the library in Castorville to serve both villages for the sake of saving money and improving service. To support this conclusion, the arguer shows a policy beforehand about garbage collection. Examining the evidence, we will find several flaws lacking of credibility.

In the first place, few complains about the new department do not indicate that citizens in the two cities are satisfied with the service supplied by the new garbage collection for the sake that it may be inconvenient for the citizens to speak out their dissatisfaction . The author should provide the citizen's attitude to support his viewpoint on improving the service with low cost. Furthermore, even if the service offered by the new department is being improve, there is no any evidence to prove the decrease of the expense.

Secondly, even if the new garbage collection department can supply improved service, it does not means the combination of the two libraries will has the same result for garbage collection and library are not comparable in their function. For instance, people do not need to go to the garbage recycle bin to throw out their daily rubbish but they must go to the library to read or lend books. To the garbage collection department, may be merging is an effect way to reduce the expense. However, to the library, the influence is completely different. Can the new library be adequate capability to reserve all the books? Would the process of emerging cost a number of money? Therefore, the author should some researches on to test the possibility to merge the two libraries.

Last but not least, to combine the two libraries does not just simply close one of them and the actual situation of the two libraries should be considered with caution. Surveys should be taken to investigate the using condition of the citizen in order to decide whether to close one of them as well as which one to be closed. The convenience for citizens, the expense, the capability to reserve books is necessary to be taken into account.

raining813UID: 2663259

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=982919&extra=

哈哈，有劳了您哪~！:loveliness:

raining813UID: 2663259

呵呵，还是给你粘过来吧，看的方便~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT67 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."

Castorville和Polluxton两个村镇都经历了地产税纳税居民数量的下降。
为节省开支并提高服务质量，两个村镇最近合并了它们一度独立的垃圾收集部门，成立了座落于Castorville的单一部门，新部门所上报的关于其服务的投诉很少。去年Polluxton的图书馆使用者比前一年减少20％。这表明我们现在应该象我们在垃圾收集方面所作的一样进一步经济化和提高服务，通过关闭Polluxton的图书馆和使用Castorville的图书馆来为两个村镇提供服务。



WORDS: 440
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-7-12 19:26:09

The author concludes it is wisely to close the library in Castorville to serve both villages, like the merger of the garbage collection. To substantiate the conclusion, the author cites the merger of the garbage collection is a convinced sample. On basis of this evidence, the author claims the complaints about its service are few reported. However, the argument is illogically flawed, in four respects.
The threshold problem involves that, the author fails to consider the cost after the merger of the garbage collection in two villages. The common sense informs me the merger means less jobs and more unemployment. Any government ignores this issue may have to pay a heavy price. Without accounting for and ruling out this possibility, the author cannot infer the merger of libraries is feasible.
The second problem involves that, the author unfairly equates the decreasing of the number of the readers in library with the merger of the two libraries. There may be other explanations about the decreasing of the readers, since I am not informed the basic amount of the readers at beginning: what if the reader rate is considerable high in the past, if so, the 20% decreasing is aberrant and insignificant.
Another problem involves that, the author overlooks the further impact after merging the two libraries. Perhaps the readers are less likely to go to library than the past, because it is inconvenient for them to borrow books form their villages to another, considering the transportation and their time and energy. Lacking of this possible reason, I am not convinced to accept this issue.
Finally, even I were to concede the foregoing evidence turns out to support the assumption, the author also fails to take into account whether the library and garbage collection are comparable. He or she recommends the garbage collection carries out same conclusion as library, but the analysis between them might be unsubstantiated. The author fails to illustrate that garbage collection and library are similar enough at every aspect and are indeed comparable. Thus, before library decides to copy the garbage collection, the author should take the differences into account and make careful study on the comparability of the two subjects.
In sum, the argument is not well supported unless the author provides me with more compelling evidence. To better assess the argument, the author must ensure me the actual cost after the merge of the garbage collection, therefore, I can evaluate the merge of library correctly. I would need to know the statistical on the library is reliable and integrity. I would also need to know the tenable reasons for the garbage collection and the library are comparable.

raining813UID: 2663259

恩，首先， merge 的名词形式是merging么？

我查了金山词霸，好像 merger更合适吧。

其次，小女怀揣一北美范文淘来的好句，可否加在第二段therefore后面，以加深段意：

“ the more untenable the evidence, the less reliable the results”
最后...我怎么没找到结尾呢？
是因为时间不够仓促而终，还是作者大人从来预言又止？

区区建议，仅做参考~ :)

mymuroUID: 2356228

LS的MM，谢谢建议
不过，发帖的形式请看看我的PM，统一格式对大家有好处，不懂得话问我吧

PS:该死的腾讯群系统升级到现在还没完，要是在群上就好讲了，请大家体谅

ahngUID: 2605383

TOPIC: ARGUMENT67 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."
WORDS:380    TIME: 00:30:00     DATE: 2009-7-11 23:36:10

In this argument, the arguer concludes that people should close the library in Polluxton and use the library in Castorville to serve both villages for the sake of saving money and improving service. To support this conclusion, the arguer shows a policy beforehand about garbage collection. Examining the evidence, we will find several flaws lacking of credibility. (开头不错，简洁明了！)

In the first place, few complains about the new department do not indicate that citizens in the two cities are satisfied with the service supplied by the new garbage collection for the sake that it may be inconvenient for the citizens to speak out their dissatisfaction. The author should provide the citizen's attitude to support his viewpoint on improving the service with low cost. Furthermore, even if the service offered by the new department is being improve, there is no(not) any evidence to prove the decrease of the expense.(最好举个例子从反面来说一下，否则太笼统了)

Secondly, even if the new garbage collection department can supply improved service, it does not means(mean) the combination of the two libraries will has the same result for garbage collection and library are not comparable in their function. For instance, people do not need to go to the garbage recycle bin to throw out their daily rubbish but they must go to the library to read or lend books.(恩，这个例证写的好) To the garbage collection department, may be(maybe) merging is an effect(effective) way to reduce the expense. However, to the library, the influence is completely different. Can the new library be adequate capability to reserve all the books? Would the process of emerging cost a number of money? Therefore, the author should (do) some researches on to test(这里写的不顺) the possibility to merge the two libraries.

Last but not least, to combine the two libraries does not just(去掉,equates to) simply close one of them and the actual situation of the two libraries should be considered with caution. Surveys should be taken to investigate the using condition of the citizen in order to decide whether to close one of them as well as which one to be closed. The convenience for citizens, the expense, the capability to reserve books is necessary to be taken into account.

(貌似少了一个总结的小结，不知是否是您本身的风格。)

（1）基本思路逻辑性还是满好的：1、抱怨的少不代表就满意；2、图书馆和拉机场不可比；3、不仅仅去掉一个图书馆这么简单
（2）语言还不错，有少量语法错误
（3）论证的深度还可以再加强点，一个点出来至少要跟一句话来进不一展开，例如第二段的Futhermore。
（4）整体行文还是很不错的。
（5）一点意见：尽量少说The author should do.多说The author fails to do.所有建议的内容可以放在最后一段总结，而在大部分文章中应该着重对作者进行评价。