issue48 by [728西安]小红莓

小红莓UID：2641349

今天写的有点太少了...

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 447
TIME: 00:50:12
DATE: 2009-7-14 21:33:21

As so many significant events in history and people are always curious about who made those, there is always a debate on whether individuals or groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten. As far as I am concerned, even if in some areas it is the famous few who made the most significant events and trends, it is more often the large group of people who did it.

To begin with, there is no denying that in some areas, the famous few have achieve great success without or with only little help from others. For example, in the area of science, Copernicus, Newton, Einstein Albert, and many other scientists have made great success all by themselves. In the realm of art, Van Gogh, Shakespeare, and Beethoven have created the most valuable original works which were still adored by modern people. Their ideas of the discovery, process of struggling, and the fighting for difficulties are only experienced by themselves. As a result, they should be taken emphasis on as individuals.

However, for the whole society, it is always groups of people rather than the famous few who bring revolution to society and therefore are to be memo red. One individual could neither rises a political movement and lead it to a climax, nor return peace to a nation. To make great political difference in history, group of people who have steady decision, wisdom, brave and morality must participate in the events. It's the public who determine the direction of history while the famous few are to lead, guide, or enlighten. In another word, even if there is no Lincoln Abraham, there must be some one who could lead the civil war to success, because the track of history have been determined when the majority of Americans are long for equality and freedom of the slavers.

Sometimes, the large group of people who have made great difference may be forgotten and the famous few who have less influence may be remembered, but the large group would still play a great part of role in the history and promote the development of society. Sometimes, there must be someone who is regarded as a hero so that people could remember the long struggling way their predecessor has experience, or so that people have belief in their mind. It's the more significant influence of the famous few--to guide the general public in any times.

To sum up, both of the famous few and the general public should be remembered because even if in some areas it is the famous few who made the most significant events and trends, the direction of the whole society is determined by large groups of people.

提纲：
①在某些领域，famous few 确实有很大作为
②对于整个社会和历史，群体的力量更大
③尽管群体将被遗忘，但依旧会发挥很大作用。名人的作用在于：人们需要有精神支柱

小红莓UID：2641349

by   Tr442371236：


TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 447
TIME: 00:50:12
DATE: 2009-7-14 21:33:21
As so many significant events in history and people are always curious about who made those, there is always a debate on whether it is the individuals or groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten that made the history. As far as I am concerned, even if in some areas cases it is the famous few who made the most significant events and trends, it is more often the large groups of people who did it.感觉第一段语句的控制方面不好，有点啰嗦，而且没有讲明什么东西。还有就是注意语法和句式。不过开头点题了。

To begin with, there is no denying that in some areas, the famous few have achieve great success without or with only little help from others. For example, in the area of science, Copernicus, Newton, Einstein Albert, and many other scientists have made great success all by themselves真的都是自己的功劳吗，有很多都是站在巨人的肩膀上的。而且这样根本不算例子，不具说服力，因为你只罗列而不是针对一个具体情况具体分析。. In the realm of art, Van Gogh, Shakespeare, and Beethoven have created the most valuable original works which were still adored by modern people. Their ideas of the discovery, process of struggling, and the fighting for difficulties 为困难而战？for 改成against吧，前面划线的都有点倒置了感觉，特别是他和the ideas of the discovery 应该是他和discovery of the ideas吧，而且这样说也不怎地道。are only experienced by themselves. As a result, they should be taken should be taken 有点拗口，直接有deserve吧 emphasis on as individuals.

However, for the whole society, it is always groups of people rather than the famous few who bring revolutions to society and therefore are to be memo red remembered. One individual could can 这里没虚拟吧 neither risesrise好像没这样用的吧，用launch吧 a political movement and lead it to a climax, nor return retrieve peace to a nation. To make a great political difference in history, groups of people who have steady decision, steady decision？wisdom, bravebravery and morality must participate in the events. It's the public who determine the direction of history while the famous few are to lead, guide, or enlighten. In another word, even if there is no Lincoln Abraham, there must be some one who could lead the civil war to success, because the track destiny of history have has been determined when the majority of Americans are longing做想念时候为动词 for equality and freedom of the slavers. 有点乱，有例子但是都是简单举出名字，没有具体分析，说服力不够。不过比我好，我连名字都没背过都是自己当场想的。

Sometimes, the large group of people who have made great difference may be forgotten and the famous few who have less influence may be remembered, but the large group would still play a great part of role a great part of role角色的大部分？play a critical role in the history and promote the development of society. Sometimes, there must be someone who is are regarded as a hero so that people could remember the long struggling way their predecessor has experienced, or so that people have the belief in their mind. It's the more significant influence of the famous few--to guide the general public in any times. 说理还是要围绕你段首的话，尽量用连词使讲理连观点。

To sum up, both of the famous few and the general public groups of people 是想说那些很多尽绵薄之力的人，与public还是有本质区别的吧should be remembered because even if in some areas it is the famous few who made the most significant events and trends, the direction of the whole society is determined by large groups of people.最后段仅是罗列以前写的，等于就是第一段，还缩了两句话。这样不好。要升华，哪怕不是深度上的深化，也应该加句句式上漂亮，或者abstract enough的句子，我是这样认为的。
     加油哦。

ahngUID：2605383

1# 小红莓

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 447
TIME: 00:50:12
DATE: 2009-7-14 21:33:21

As so many significant events in history and people are always curious about who made those, there is always a debate on whether individuals or groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten(这个从句写的不对，缺少谓语). As far as I am concerned, even if in some areas it is the famous few who made the most significant events and trends, it is more often the large group of people who did it.(in some area和more often没有逻辑上的联系啊，我推测你的意思是sometimes famous few did that)

To begin with, there is no denying that in some areas, the famous few have achieve great success without or with only little help from others. For example, in the area of science, Copernicus, Newton, Einstein Albert, and many other scientists have made great success all by themselves.(Newton不是站在巨人的肩膀上的吗？而且，实际上，做研究的人往往需要更多的多方合作，需要阅读大量的历史文献吸取前人思想，才能有巨大的成就) In the realm of art, Van Gogh, Shakespeare, and Beethoven have created the most valuable original works which were still adored by modern people. Their ideas of the discovery, process of struggling, and the fighting for difficulties are only experienced by themselves. As a result, they should be taken emphasis on as individuals.(本段所述的是：有人很少借助帮助而成功，且不说这样的人几乎没有，从题目的角度出发，statement说的是历史更多的是强调个人，将强调个人和强调集体作对比，我觉得，从个人的重要性这个方面来进行论述可能会比较理想。历史总是对一个团体的领袖进行着重的描述，过多的把成就归功于领袖，而忽视了整个团体的力量，这是我对题目的理解)

However, for the whole society, it is always groups of people rather than the famous few who bring revolution to society and therefore are to be memo red（这个没看懂）. One individual could neither rises a political movement and lead it to a climax, nor return peace to a nation.（这句改倒装吧，会比较有气势） To make great political difference in history, group of people who have steady decision, wisdom, brave and morality must participate in the events. It's the public who determine the direction of history while the famous few are to lead, guide, or enlighten. In another word, even if there is no Lincoln Abraham, there must be some one who could lead the civil war to success, because the track of history have been determined when the majority of Americans are long for equality and freedom of the slavers.(这句有点问题啊，你说总会有一个Leader站出来，还是说明了individual的重要性。不如这样说，固然Lincoln的作用不可忽略，但是人民的力量更加强大，没有人民的强大动力，即使再多几个Lincoln也无法取得最终的胜利。)

Sometimes, the large group of people who have made great difference may be forgotten and the famous few who have less influence may be remembered, but the large group would still play a great part of role in the history and promote the development of society. Sometimes, there must be someone who is regarded as a hero so that people could remember the long struggling way their predecessor has experience, or so that people have belief in their mind. It's the more significant influence of the famous few--to guide the general public in any times.（这段怎么又说个人了呢？我觉得你的论点的重点应该是在强调集体力量上面，这一段应该更进一步进行论述，突出本文重点。）

To sum up, both of the famous few and the general public should be remembered because even if in some areas it is the famous few who made the most significant events and trends, the direction of the whole society is determined by large groups of people.（你的总结中的“even if”也明显说明了本文重心应该是后半句）

1、本文字数不多的一个重要原因是：论述深度不够。
2、你的论点是：虽然有时候个人至关重要，但大部分情况下都是集体力量在其作用。
3、但是你的正文3段中，第1和第3段都是在说个人的重要，第2段说集体的重要。
这个结构不大好，我的观点是：
（1）说个人不可忽略
（2）说集体往往被忽略
（3）说集体应该更加受到重视
（4）如果愿意，还可以再说：有时候，忽略个人的力量也未尝不可。
4、开头结尾是不错的，简洁明了。