Issue16 [快刀杀鸡]7/14作业by clemmensen

clemmensenUID: 2663199

ISSUE
16 "Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."

提纲
1、现代生活为人们带来的便利，这也的确在许多方面削弱了部分人的能力，但这并不表示现代生活在阻止人们成为强大而独立的个体。
2、强大而独立是什么？无论是体质强健，还是意志坚强，我们都可以称其为strong and independent。并非要一切都不依赖于外界才是强大而独立。
3、现代生活为人们提供的便利是多方面的，本身并没有好坏之分，很多人可以通过这些便利以一种快捷的方式比过去更轻松地变得强大而独立。
4、是否强大而独立，主要取决于个人自己的选择。阻碍人们发展的是缺乏良好的态度和必要的引导。
5、是个人的品行决定他自己是否能变得强大，合理利用现代生活带来的便利可以向社会灌输这个道理，使更多的个人变得强大。

OUTLINE
1、Modern life brings us much convenience. In some aspects modern life undermine some people’s strength and abilities, but I think this means that modern convenience prevents people from being strong and independent.

2、What does strong and independent mean? Physical standard is not the only standard we judge a person, mental standard is no less important than it. A Strong and independent individual isn’t someone who lives all by himself.

3、We can’t simply tell contemporary life is good or not. It varies.

4、To be weak and dependent or to be strong and independent is up to people themselves.

5、 What truly prevent people from being strong and independent is lacking right attitude and necessary guide.


正文

Most people agree that nowadays people live a better life than before. There’s no doubt that modern life brings us much convenience. In some aspects modern life undermine some people’s strength and abilities, but I think this means that modern convenience prevents people from being strong and independent.

What does strong and independent mean? Are only people who have a strong body strong and independent? I don’t think so. Physical standard is not the only standard we judge a person, mental standard is no less important than it. Those who have a strong mind can also be strong and independent. For example, Stephen Hawking, the British theoretical physicist, is almost completely paralysed. Hawking is indeed physically weak, as he lost the use of his legs, arms, even the ability to speak, but no one can deny that he’s great. As a scientist, he has outstanding research results. As an ordinary person, his perseverance in dealing with dilemma deserves everyone’s respect. A Strong and independent individual isn’t someone who lives all by himself. Even in the primitive society, where there’s not any modern luxuries and convenience, people lived together to prevent themselves from being hurt by wild animals, and they depended on stones or other implements to hunt, to get food; an individual can hardly survive.

We can’t simply tell contemporary life is good or not. It varies. With contemporary facilities, a lot of people can be strong more easily now than in old time. If there’s not modern medical science, how can Hawking still survive? If there’re no hi-tech products, as a result the electronic voice synthesizer hasn’t been invented,
how can Hawking give speech to us? Modern convenience helps Hawking, an indeed weak person, to be a legend. If there’s no modern convenience, we might have missed a lot of outstanding talents.

In contemporary society, to be weak and dependent or to be strong and independent is up to people themselves. What truly prevent people from being strong and independent is lacking right attitude and necessary guide, but not contemporary life. We decide how we take use of hi-tech products and other convenience, abuse or proper use. In some case, individuals lost their strength and independence because of the abuse of modern inventions. The abuse of antibiotics can weaken one’s body, though antibiotics are invented to cure diseases. Take computer for example, though many teenagers are addicted to computer games, it allowed students to get touch with a wider field of science than their parents. If teenagers accept the opinion that they should save time and computer is a machine to help them to learn better, become more intelligent, they will take good use of computers. On the other hand, if there’re not computers, though no one would be addicted in computer games, many great inventions wouldn’t come out.

In conclusion, it’s one’s mettle determines that if one can be strong and independent. Modern convenience is simply a tool; it’s people who decide how to use it. Truly strong and independent people know how to live a high quality life with it. Modern media, also a kind of modern convenience, if used properly, can tell more people what is right and what is wrong.

ajohnaresUID: 2661147

Most people agree that nowadays people live a better life than before. There’s no doubt that modern life brings us much convenience. In some aspects modern life undermine some people’s strength and abilities, but I think this means that modern convenience prevents people from being strong and independent.

What does strong and independent mean? Are only people who have a strong body strong and independent? I don’t think so. Physical standard is not the only standard we judge a person, mental standard is no less important than it. Those who have a strong mind can also be strong and independent. For example, Stephen Hawking, the British theoretical physicist, is almost completely paralyzed. Hawking is indeed physically weak, as he lost the use of his legs, arms, even the ability to speak, but no one can deny that he’s great. As a scientist, he has outstanding research results. As an ordinary person, his perseverance in dealing with dilemma deserves everyone’s respect. A Strong and independent individual isn’t someone who lives all by himself. Even in the primitive society, where there’s not any modern luxuries and convenience, people lived together to prevent themselves from being hurt by wild animals, and they depended on stones or other implements to hunt, to get food; an individual can hardly survive.
(前两段采用word修正方式，请看邮件)

We can’t simply tell (whether) contemporary life is good or not. It varies. With contemporary facilities, a lot of people can be strong more easily now than in old times. If there’s not modern medical science, how can Hawking still survive? If there’re no hi-tech products, as a result the electronic voice synthesizer hasn’t been invented, how can Hawking give speech to us? Modern convenience helps Hawking, an indeed weak person, to be a legend. If there’s no modern convenience, we might have missed a lot of outstanding talents.
这一段给我感觉和上一段有点重叠，可以并在一起。不过没有必要老拿人家霍金爷爷说事儿是吧，说的有点惨兮兮的。

In contemporary society, to be weak and dependent or to be strong and independent is up to people themselves（论点提出的很好）. What truly prevent people from being strong and independent is lacking right attitude and necessary guide, but not contemporary life. We decide how we take (make) use of hi-tech products and other convenience, abuse or proper use. In some case, individuals lost their strength and independence because of the abuse of modern inventions. The abuse of antibiotics can weaken one’s body, though antibiotics are invented to cure diseases. （good analogy） Take computer for example, though many teenagers are addicted to computer games, it allowed students to get touch with a wider field of science than their parents. If teenagers accept the opinion that they should save time and computer is a machine to help them to learn better, become more intelligent, they will take good use of computers. On the other hand, if there’re not computers, though no one would be addicted in computer games, many great inventions wouldn’t come out.

In conclusion, it’s one’s mettle determines that if one can be strong and independent. Modern convenience is simply a tool; it’s people who decide how to use it. Truly strong and independent people know how to live a high quality life with it. Modern media, also a kind of modern convenience, if used properly, can tell more people what is right and what is wrong.

提纲中写了五点，我觉得没有必要包含开头结尾段吧。这样来看中间三段，基本可以分为两个层次，一是定义“strong and independent”，二是阐明强大而独立，主要取决于如何利用L & C.原文在后者处理的有些拖沓，无妨明确为以下两点：为什么说强大而独立取决于人们如何利用L & C，以及提出要求人们应该怎么做。
语言方面，我觉得尽量不要用口语表达，也不要用’这样的省略符号。有些句式的构造和词语的运用可以模仿范文，若要修改我也只能敬谢不敏了。
个人觉得这样评改字体颜色等比较难调整，请看邮件里我对前两段修改的样板。

葡萄熟了UID: 2638802

1.提纲中说“但这并不表示现代生活在阻止人们成为强大而独立的个体。”
而正文第一段却是“ but I think this means that modern convenience prevents people from being strong and independent.
'到底是agree还是disagree呢
2.第二段中"Physical standard is not the only standard we judge a person, mental standard is no less important than it." 这个句子语法错误吧， 两个分句之间要用连词连接 否则一个句子有两个主语和谓语 不符合谓动单一 “ 。。。is not the only standard we judge a person。。。”standard 和 we之间要有 that which之类的词吧