同主题ARGUMENT101 =August Rush=小组第3次作业 by cqyanbo

cqyanboUID: 2515250

:) 写得挺惨的。。。

mermaid_hanUID: 2607690

A breakfast cereals company’s president has an opinion that company’s profits should be increased by carrying out a new version of Wheat-O which is fortified with soy protein. Furthermore, president also asserts that health of company’s customers will improve. This company’s president’s assertion is based on a recent study. However, if president does not show some other evidence to support this assertion, this assertion, in my opinion, is specious.

First, president judges according a recent study that people who eat soybeans at least five times per week should be healthier than who do not eat, because people who eat soybeans have lower cholesterol levels. But this is not a case. This study does not demonstrate the disparity of cholesterol content between these two kinds of people. If this disparity is too little, can president confirm that people with higher cholesterol levels is healthier than others? On the other hand, there is no information that can be used to preclude the possible that people would not have other quota of their body raised, if they eat too much soybeans. Thus, either of these two points can make president’s judgment wrong.

Secondly, even （even if or even though）president can prove that people who eat soybeans per week can have healthier body, there is no evidence can prove that company’s new Wheat-O cereal fortified with soy protein can attract more customers. President losses to explicate that people eat Wheat-O cereal with soy protein can obtain the same efficient as the people eat soybeans directly. Otherwise, if president wants to company’s production can attract more customers, this production should have advantages on taste, packaging, price and even the fame of this company. Nevertheless, only has high soy protein, president cannot have confident on Wheat-O cereal’s sales.

Finally, assuming that consumers can be attracted by this new production, the company does not necessarily earn a substantial profit with the increase of this new production. Profitability is a function of (relevant with)both revenue and expense. The president fails to take into account the potential revenue loss caused by increase of workers who will be employed to satisfy the requirement of increase customers. Without weighting revenue against cost, the president cannot confidently come to conclusion that the company will make more profits.

In sum, the president fails to validate the assertion that company’s profits should be increased by adding soy protein into Wheat-O cereal. To make the argument more convincing, the president should provide more evidence to prove that eating soybeans can certainly raise health of a person. In addition, to be better evaluation, president should demonstrate that soy protein can provide the same efficient as soybean. Moreover, president should point out that the income company gains from increased customers can offset the cost company used to hire more employees.
总结：错误都指出来了，但是举得可能性少一些，such as 很多，再挑一方面写比较好。这样就写一个方面感觉作者欠考虑似的。比如倒数第二段。还有问题间的连接词不是很多，显得不够流畅，用些besides啊！。。。。我的水平有限，就先这样吧。