TOEFL暑假集结号作文第五次作业 by DriftKing

DriftKingUID: 2664045

agree or disagree: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.  (08.3.2)

1、表明立场，是否要导游取决于要去哪？
2、人文景观的话，最好有个
3、自然景观的话，最好没有
4、总结，点题

As the development of economy, people became more wealthy than the past, so they have more opportunities to go out of the city when they have a vacation. Someone recognize it is better to join in a team followed by a tour guide while others prefer to visit somewhere by themselves, which one is a better choice? I think it is depend on the objective where people want to go.

Take myself as an example, when I go to the places of historic figures I would like to join in a team with a guide. Because s/he can tell me what have happened in this area, why people give this name to the temple, what great person have also went to there also and how they express their feeling... These stories are interesting, but if I go to there alone, few people can give me these information.

On the other hand, If I go to someplace that is produced by nature, I would like to go without strangers. For reasions that there may some miracles where I want take a lot of pictures, and want to take a seat in order to feel the power of the nature, I do not want someone to disturb me at that moment. That is to say, I want arrange the time by myself, I go when I want to go, stay when I need to stay, any introduction to me is not needed.

After all, when people need a vacation and wondering if they should join in a team with a guide, all they should to do is determine where you want to go and how they want to enjoy themselves, and choose the best way they need.

DriftKingUID: 2664045

TO  rabienrose Tiring the simple live moving between home and school or office all the year, people want to have a trip to some strange places. Many people prefer to travel in a group led by a tour guide. But in my opinion, this is not the best way to travel. We travel in order to get some particular life experience, so we would better to travel by ourselves.首段亮出观点，很明确，很棒！ First, if we take the convenience the most important factor of travel, we need not trouble ourselves to have a trip. （看了好多遍，感觉作者想表达的意思是：如果我们仅仅为了方便这个最重要的理由去旅行的话，我们还不如不去旅行？如果这样的话，句子还是有问题的，首先convenience后边应该有个which is，如果我写后半句：we do not need to have a trip）Although experienced tour guide can make the travel more convenient, but we don't need it. What we real need is particular experience obtain from travel感觉太啰嗦了. According to my experience, visiting some places where few（这个few表否定，苏州应该不是没人去的地方吧） traveler visits can get great fun. I used to visit Suzhou, a city （+which）was famous with its Chinese Classic Garden. But I visited none of the garden in the city, because there were so many visitors that make me feel uncomfortable. Instead, I walked around normal roads in the city. Found that(删掉吧) the Chinese classic style （+which）was permeated in the city, not(感觉instead of较好) limited in the gardens. I sat alone the cute tiny man-made river to feel the breath of city of Su Zhou with my heart. I saw the real Suzhou.我猜作者的观点是：如果仅仅为了便利就组团的话，还不如不去。然后说导游有经验，但是我们不需要。我们要去那些没人的地方，比如苏州，大家都去园林，我不去，太吵，我要去街头巷尾发现艺术，静静的感觉这个城市。 其实作者的思路是好的，就是没有很好的表达出来。这个不应该是convenience，应该是freedom比较好吧，而且不应该用few来形容people，那样就成探险了。例子不太合适，很少有人去旅游不去园林的，除非你是专家，我感觉你想表达的是不想随团，因为时间不合适，容易拥挤。。。 ; i: [2 ?. Y* ]0 j Second, traveling by ourselves can enjoy much freedom. Different people have distinct interesting, some are interested in beauty of nature, and others are interested in human culture. Some like to travel with a relaxed style, others like to see as much places as possible.（感觉不太好，没对比的迹象） If we travel in a big group, we have to promise in order to conform(follow) to others. （+However）If we travel by ourselves, we can not only easily choose our favorites places to visit, but also easily change our travel itinerary. For example, if we feel tired, we can suspend our plan casually and have a rest. If we find a wonderful place, we can stay there longer than we plan, and decrease or cancel time spending on other places不错的观点和句子，值得学习\+ d/ _$ i& [* [6 r3 D Therefore, although we can enjoy much convenience traveling in a large tour group, I prefer to plan and prepare my travel by myself and travel in a tiny group.（文中没有提到的观点，不要放在末段总结） 1、反对观点 2、不convenience 3、不自由 4、总结 首先赞作者很有想法，提到的例子有的跟论点联系起来虽不太合适，但都是挺别致新颖的想法，值得学习！ 然后建议作者写个提纲，这不是为别人写，是为你自己（当然也可以在心里写）。这样可以让你的文章结构很清晰，目标也很明确，避免跑题。（这也是ETS建议的，其实这个不多余，相反非常实用） 文章的问题还在于作者就写了一个分论点（其实完全否定我感觉不太好写） 语言方面句式比较单一，语法也需要加强 要拿ETS的评分原则训练自己 作者可以多研究范文 或者本组的MVT，出来吧葡萄，文斌，dingxiangzi。。。这些牛同学的文章，我改过他们的，都很不错，很有特点的。 因为我也水平有限，说的不合适的还请见谅，同时也欢迎大家一起讨论，加油！

taoyukun-daidaiUID: 2657922

As the development of economy, people became more wealthy than the past, so they have more opportunities to go out of the city when they have a vacation. Someone （一个人对一群人貌似不恰当）recognize it is better to join in a team followed by a tour guide while others prefer to visit somewhere by themselves, which one is a better choice? I think it is depend on the objective where people want to go.$ v* T; a  f$ t! g/ U" T$ Y; S

Take myself as an example, when I go to the places of historic figures I would like to join in a team with a guide. Because s/he（好懒啊） can tell me what have happened in this area, why people give this name to the temple, what great person have also went to there also and how they express their feeling... These stories are interesting, but if I go to there alone, few people can give me these information（中文味道好严重，倒过来说好一点～）.* c$ B2 c' g( k*

On the other hand, If I go to someplace that is produced by nature, I would like to go without strangers. For reasons that there may some miracles where I want take a lot of pictures, and want to take a seat in order to feel the power of the nature, I do not want someone to disturb me at that moment. That is to say, I want arrange the time by myself, I go when I want to go, stay when I need to stay,（good） any introduction to me is not needed.6 v5 ?: @) K0 O$ @

After all, when people need a vacation and wondering if they should join in a team with a guide, all they should do is determine where you want to go and how they want to enjoy themselves, and choose the best way they need.


写得挺好的，阐述的也比较自然，不过感觉像是你写了一篇纯真的中文论文然后翻译过来的。。

文赋UID: 2611067

agree or disagree: The best way to travelis in a group led by a tour guide.
(08.3.2)

1、表明立场，是否要导游取决于要去哪？
2、人文景观的话，最好有个
3、自然景观的话，最好没有
4、总结，点题

As the development of economy, peoplebecame wealthier than the past, so they have more opportunities to go out ofthe city when they have a vacation. Someone recognize it is better to join in ateam followed by a tour guide while others prefer to visit somewhere bythemselves, which one is a better choice? I think it is depend on the objective-->attractionwhere people wantto go-->plan to visit.

Take myself as an example, when I go to the places ofhistoric figures-->famous historic spots, I would like to join ina team with a guide. Because s/he can tell me what have--had happened in this area, why people give this nameto the temple, what-->whichgreat person have also went to there also and how they express their feeling.These stories are interesting, but if I go to there alone, few people can giveme theseàthose information.

On the other hand, If I go to someplacethat is produced by nature, I would like to go without strangers. For reasonsthat there may some miracles where I want take a lot of pictures, and want totake a seat in order to feel the power of the nature, I do not want someone todisturb me at that moment. That is to say, I want arrange the time by myself, Igo when I want to go, stay when I need to stay, any introduction to me is not needed-->unnecessary.

After all, when people need a vacation and wondering-->wonder (need和wonder并列，不用分词形式) if they should-->should they join in(删除) a team with a guide-->and led by a guide, or traveling alone, all they should->need to do isdetermine where you-->they want-->wish to go and how they want to enjoythemselves, and choose the best way they need.

• 1.
  字数略微偏少，两个例子全是以个人为例，不是太好，虽然不会因此扣分，但是分数肯定也难以上去；
• 2.
  表达方式还是要多积累一些，实在不行，可以写完作文，上网查一些不确定的表达方式，毕竟现在是备考阶段，多积累总有好处；
• 3.
  分类讨论的方式写作文，一般只有两段主体，这就要求主体要写的充实才行，所以相较三段论还是比较困难的。

...
DriftKing 发表于 2009-7-22 23:10