issue 130 第一篇issue 大家帮忙谢谢啦

枫烨UID: 2468624

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

709字。。。。70分钟。。


Children are the builders of our future society. The education they received determines how these children can help bring about a better society. The author argues that the destiny of society is determined by the socialization children received, while, on the contrary, we have not really find the best way to educate them. In my perspective, I fundamentally disagree with the author's first claim after a meticulous consideration, at the same time, I agree insofar with the second claim that we adults should find a more effective way to raise our descendants.

As for the first claim, it is no denying that how children are socialized have some relationship with the destiny of society. Socialization refers to the process of learning one's culture and how to live in it. For individuals, it means to learn the skills and habits for acting and participating within the society. For one thing, children learn how to communicate with people around them and skills to survive all of which have a great meaning for their future. The scientific realm as an example, as with more and more academic symposiums and video conferencing today, a scientist can not avoid expressing his/her ideas to counterparts ,as well as learning experience from others, thus the ability to exchange what we think is of more significance. When we learn how to exchange our innovative ideas, we can better build our society in a way that more high-tech technologies can be created. For another, to adopt and build our society, a well socialized psychological quality is indeed necessary. Children need a spirit to overcome the difficulty they face in the future and to adjust themselves when they are frustrated.

Though as claimed above that socialization of children is relative to the destiny of society, it is not the only factor. A convincing case we can find is that, the former president of the united states Franklin D Roosevelt, who was disability in his childhood, did not receive a normal socialization as his peers and had a strange character when he grew up. But we all know he is a great president, because his New Deal during the world war two not only infused a strong power in American's economy but also became a classic example for us to research today. From this case we can say that socialization only can not determine the future. Some people will ask what other factors are other than socialization. I think the answer is complex. But one thing I can sure is that science and technology have an important and irreplaceable role in the progress of our society. As with the three scientific evolutions, society has moved from agriculture society to information society. All these changes are brought by our scientists who have accumulates the wisdom of our ancients other than those who are just well socialized.

For the second claim as the author states, I should admit that the education system today still exist a series of demerits and shortages. It relates not only to the education resources but also to the way we teach our children. Firstly, the insufficient of our education resources has had a long history since we did not recognize the meaning of education in the past, but when we have recognized it, the number of children rushed into school increased far more rapidly than we can imagine.
Secondly, the way we teach our children still remains on the stage that separating the knowledge with the practical experience. Learning mathematical, for instance, for most of children they just learn how to calculate the purely numbers in their books, while can not apply these knowledge into their daily life. It is not merely for us to see these “high score while low ability “students.

From the analysis above, it is not hard for us to draw the conclusion that the destiny of our society determines not only by how our children are socialized but also by the foresight of today’s leader together with the progress in scientific realm. Putting all the hope of our future on children is a sense of lack of responsibility to our future. At the same time, we should change our education system to adopt the modern society and to make our children more skillful in the future.

枫烨UID: 2468624

顶一下。。

timepursuerUID: 2534411

lz几号机考？写这么多！argument 写几篇了？

melodyfeatherUID: 2676881

总评：楼主似乎在结尾有些跑题，题目中的两句话从中国人的思维确实没什么必然联系，但既然放在一起还是要联系在一起看的，至少要兼顾（这个貌似我也没怎么做好，还是希望有高人指点一下）。


130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

709字。。。。70分钟。。

……不必这么多字吧

Children are the builders of our future society（有点怪，可能是我个人水平问题）. The education they received determines how these children can help bring about a better society. The author argues that the destiny of society is determined by the socialization children received, while, on the contrary, we have not really find the best way（原文没说要最好，建议用一般级就可以了比如proper 或者 appropriate） to educate them. In my perspective, I fundamentally（别，太极端了，此乃大忌,既然是要经过仔细考虑，只能说明是doubtful） disagree with the author's first claim after a meticulous consideration, at the same time, I agree insofar with the second claim that we adults should find a more effective way to raise our descendants.

As for the first claim, it(there? 楼主可不可以应用下权威的例句是It is no denying? 我好像觉得队又好像不对) is no denying that how children are socialized have some relationship with the destiny of society. Socialization refers to the process of learning one's culture and how to live in it. For individuals, it means to learn the skills and habits for acting and participating within the society（终于找到定义了，谢谢楼主）. For one thing, children learn how to communicate with people around them and skills to survive all of which have a great meaning for their future. The scientific realm as an example, as with more and more academic symposiums and video conferencing today, a scientist can not avoid expressing his/her ideas to counterparts（peers, counterpart 一般是地位上的对等） ,as well as learning experience from others, thus the ability to exchange what we think （with each other，或者直接用communicate）is of more significance（后半句单独验证比较合适）. When we learn how to exchange our innovative ideas, we can better build our society in a way that more high-tech technologies can be created. For another, to adopt (?) and build our society, a well socialized psychological quality is indeed necessary. Children need a spirit to overcome the difficulty they face in the future and to adjust themselves when they are frustrated.(这两句和整段的关系是什么？是不是分开些比较好？)
能不能把build换掉？貌似没有build society 的，搂住能不能找下例句？

Though as claimed above that socialization of children is relative to the destiny of society, it is not the only factor. A convincing case we can find is that, the former president of the united states Franklin D Roosevelt, who was disability in his childhood, did not receive（experience） a normal socialization as his peers and had a strange character(这里我也不太懂，不过和personality的辨析关系是什么？) when he grew up. But we all know he is a great president（But we all regard him as great president）, because(for,可无视) his New Deal during the world war two not only infused a strong power in American's economy but also became a classic example for us to research today（太chinglish了，exemplar enlighten the later generations ）. From this case we can say that socialization only can not determine the future.
（这个例子针对的是个人成长，是不是最好还是针对社会些，毕竟社会史群体问题）

(Some people will ask what other factors are other than socialization that determine. I think the answer is complex. But one thing (自信一点，直接说科学技术是就可以了，老美看不得这样的废话的)I can make sure is that science and technology have an important and irreplaceable role in the progress of our society. As with the three scientific（industry 或者technology,或者我理解错了，如果是，搂住请告诉我这个背景知识，谢谢） evolutions, society has moved from agriculture society to information society. All these changes are brought by our scientists who have accumulates the wisdom of our ancients other than those who are just well socialized.)括号里面的单独成一段

For the second claim as the author states, I should admit that in the education system today still exists a series of demerits and shortages. It（指什么？） relates not only to the education resources but also to the way we teach our children. Firstly, the insufficient of our education resources has had a long history since we did not recognize the meaning of education in the past, but when we have recognized it, the number of children rushed into school increased far more rapidly than we can imagine.
Secondly, the way we teach our children still remains on the stage that separating the knowledge with the practical experience. Learning mathematical, for instance, for most of children they just learn how to calculate the purely numbers in their books, while can not apply these knowledge into their daily life. It is not merely for us to see these “high score while low ability “students.这一层，楼主最好要围绕socialization.


From the analysis above, it is not hard for us to draw the conclusion that the destiny of our society determines not only by how our children are socialized but also by the foresight of today’s leader together with the progress in scientific realm. Putting all the hope of our future on children is a sense of lack of responsibility to our future(这句没有被论证到). At the same time, we should change our education system to adopt the modern society and to make our children more skillful in the future.

帮忙看看我的吧130：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773039977

其他还感兴趣有空也看下吧，楼主的很多表达以及词汇还是让我开了眼界的

PS：我还有4天就得考了，还没有人帮我改过作文呢……

43：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773039937
48：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773039946
50：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773039955
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88：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773039969
103：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773039973
130：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773039977
144：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773039980
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17：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773044578
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40：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773047429
221：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773050747
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51：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773055909
36：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773055907

zhangsiyangUID: 2680373

4# melodyfeather

一个字，烂！

marvinchenUID: 2537741

我也觉得把两句话分开写不太好，但貌似很多资料都是这么写的，我看了很多还是觉得李建林的那本issue5.5的提纲好一点，其他都感觉有点偏题