13号就要考试了,作文求拍,鞠躬感谢~

想秋刀鱼的猫UID: 2304079

13号就要考试了,作文求拍,鞠躬感谢~:loveliness:

1. Some people think that a large amount of time and money should be spent on the construction of public facilities but some others think arts should be emphasized. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the recent rapid economic development, there is a heated debate over the issue whether numerous time and money should spend on the construction of public facilities or focus on the arts. To my knowledge, my judgment will surely incline to the benefit from the latter. In a further approach, it is arts that can protect traditional culture and improve the quality of people’s lives, which are far more beyond our imagination. My points will be justified in following perspectives.

To begin with, it is necessary and appropriate for the public to emphasize the arts. Take museums and galleries for instance, these are institutions provide people with diverse heritage and culture about human history, ranging from potteries in Sumerian era, paints by Vincent to figure of Venus. In this way, people would promote appreciation of their own heritage, which can be very helpful to stimulate their protective awareness of traditional culture. Therefore, the arts play a essential role in social development.

Besides, the public’s demands of spiritual civilization have increasing rise as the rapid economic development. They pay more attention to arts, in particular, many parents cultivate their children’s interest towards diverse arts , such as instrument, painting and so on. Moreover, undoubtedly, arts have become a beautiful ornament to our life, making our lives colorful with beautiful artistic pictures and words. From this aspect, arts improve the quality of people’s lives indeed.

An advanced civilization must not limit its effects to science and technology alone, but must give full value and support to cultural activity in order achieve a better improvement.




2.动物是人类的朋友还是衣食来源。A or D?

These days there is a growing concerning about animals. A large number of people hold the opinion that animals should be regarded as human’s friends, rather than materials for human’s clothes and diet. For my part, I am in favor of their viewpoint. In a further approach, it is animals that can advance science and technology and blame the world ecology, which are far more beyond our imagination. My points will be justified in following perspectives.

To begin with, animals make some very significant positive contribution to the development of human science and technology, it is widely understood that various inventions, which have an influence on human society, are all inspired by animals. For instance, aircraft was referred to birds; radar was related to bats; and even microscope was research on flies! From this aspect, animals should be considered as helpful friends of human indeed.

Besides, our world is composed of several parts. Animals take an essential section. As far as we known, all life on earth is interconnected. If human keep on killing animals, especially some endangered species, the whole ecosystem could fail the balance of nature, and finally our own survival could be jeopardized. Thus, only protecting animals can our ecosystem run properly. In this way, people should take animals as our friends.

In spite of points listed above, undoubtedly, some products from animals, include, but are not confined to meat, eggs or fur, are really necessities in our daily lives.

Nevertheless, compared with some little profit, making friends with animals could help the world more glorious. If the public were to recognize it, they could gain more benefit.

想秋刀鱼的猫UID: 2304079

作文永远是最痛苦的噩梦...再次谢谢~鞠躬鞠躬~

想秋刀鱼的猫UID: 2304079

:dizzy:有米有筒子帮忙呀~

gordoncaoyUID: 2464740

楼主见笑了。在下作文7分。。。希望和楼主分享作文心得。

首先说，我觉得楼主的作文语法和用词都非常准确，也能达到Sentence Variety的要求，所以基本功应该是相当扎实的，所以在下就在楼主的行文结构和内容方面评论下，班门弄斧一下。

我先说第一篇吧，我觉得分数应该在6.5左右。为何有0.5的差距没到7分呢？我觉得，是在于楼主的文章不够丰满。当然，不是字数的问题，262个单词，是符合要求的。文章的结构应该是一边倒的，没错吧？所以楼主文章的构造是没有问题，问题在于内容相对较少。第一个原因和第二个原因论述的比较到位，但是只论述两个原因，一般来说会给评分老师感觉很不饱满，楼主可以加一个原因，放在最后一段，last but not least, . . . 如果楼主觉得实在想不出原因，也可以在第二段的位置，写上一个另外一方面的理由，作为辩证的一段，也是可以的。

下面是我对于文章第二段论述的一点小小的改进建议。我觉得楼主在论述第一段的论点应该是：The arts is essential in people's daily life. 对吧？其实我觉得，这一点论点太大了，楼主可以考虑下，把这点分为两个理由来论证. The first one is: the arts can make people to remember their past and better appreciate the modern society. The second one is: The arts provided a way for people to access to a higher spiritual level. 这样的话，再加上第三段的理由，就可以构成三个理由了。楼主觉得呢？

其实评论一篇文章，我想说的是，在楼主想不出理由的时候，可以把一个大的理由拆成两个具体的，再分别加上具体的事例，这样会好很多。。

gordoncaoyUID: 2464740

下面说说第二篇吧。

有一点我看不懂，就是In spite of points listed above, undoubtedly, some products from animals, include, but are not confined to meat, eggs or fur, are really necessities in our daily lives.这一段的作用。如果单独成段，那么觉得太单薄，给文章一种头重，脚非常轻的感觉。如果楼主是想来一个辩证的论证，那我觉得应该要加上更加充实的例子，或者来一个Top sentence，来总起一下这一段。

文章的语言和语法，依然犀利，那一点小小的问题还是出在文章的段落开头。在下以为:每一段body部分，最好都应该有一个top sentence来总起，而不是直接就论证。比如第二段，animals make some very significant positive contribution to the development of human science and technology, it is widely understood that various inventions, which have an influence on human society, are all inspired by animals 这句话不是top sentence，而是后面的论述部分。虽然第二段结尾处有一个总结，但是对于老外的行文规则来说，这样做已经有点晚了。楼主应该在开头就告诉他们，你要论证的原因，到底是什么，这就是top sentence。

其他的问题都不大了。我觉得还剩下几天时间，楼主可以针对你缺少top sentence和我上面提到的问题，精益求精一下。

谢谢~~

想秋刀鱼的猫UID: 2304079

6# gordoncaoy

我的逻辑上面就是特别混乱,发现经过指点下突然明白了许多,

非常谢谢指教,再次鞠躬^_^