issue136 习作by child 希望大家拍~~

hurongchildUID: 2595535

今天写得顺一些了~希望大家看看然后打个分，说说不足之处，谢谢~~
The speaker asserts that the circumstance of absence is very, very rare. However, I believe that in our lives, the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very often.

In our lives there are many things that we totally have no choice about，including our parents and the family we are born into, our hometowns and nations, and the experiences we have in our childhood and adolescents. These things are either something we are born with or decided by our parents.

However, we have to admit that after that in our later life there are many decisions we need to make by ourselves. For instance, how to spend our childhood--to live optimistically and learn the new things or to play games all days long; how to treat other people around us--friendly or coldly; where to go to get education and work and who to marry. There are things that many of us have freedom to decide about.

Still, every one of us have so many things we cannot decide about. What our ideas, qualities and characteristics are alike now, and what we believe and are interested in are all things we do not have options to. It is because that we have been influenced, greatly and not invisibly, ever since we were born. Every one of us cannot imagine what we would be alike without other's influence. If I had been born in a totally different culture, I would have been completely different, not materially but mentally. I am a layer now, but I would be a economist if I was born into another culture. Who knows what would happen? Therefore, these are things that every one of us can not choose.

There is another circumstance we have to take into account--the life of the people living in the bottom level of society. The poor, many of whom have almost no opportunity to choose in their whole life, still consists a big part of the population. They desire a better life, but they cannot choose; they want to be educated well and study hard, but they cannot afford that; they dream about jobs that pay well, but they are not able to find a way to get ones; they want to see the outside world, but have no money to leave the village. These people cannot choose even once in their entire life, but to walk continually on the same road.

We can see that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very often. The thing that matters is how to make everyone have a free live and how can we solve the life of those in poverty. These should be worked on seriously.

蘅芜雪UID: 2646650

考前两天攒人品…………我不从细节上抠了，只说大致的感觉还有整体框架上的一些改进之处。

第一点，我觉得后面整个论证过程和你第一段的ts不是很符合啊…………
我觉得还是吧论证没有选择的段落集中一下，免得感觉思维有些跳跃混乱~

每个段落还可以再发展。除了主题句和例子，还有一些解释主题句的发展部分，需要增强。

语言上还需要characteristics~现在可能因为时间仓促，不是很多样化。

但毕竟这个题算比较难的了，写这样不错~~~加油加油！！