=七月流火=小组第2次小组作业 argu4 by maggiegu1019

maggiegu1019UID: 2683879

TOPIC: ARGUMENT4 - The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town-Adams Realty and Fitch Realty-Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams."




The arguer recommends that you should use Adams if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price. The argument rests on an evidence that the Adams owns 40 real estate agents while Fitch only has 25. To justify this claim, the statistical figures of the revenue last year are cited. To strengthen the argument ,another example ,that the Fitch sales the arguer's house ten years ago take more time than another home sell last year by Adams, is presented. The argument is fraught with vague, unwarranted and oversimplified.

Firstly, the argument commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. How can the arguer draw the conclusion that you should use Adams if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, only through these simple evidences and vague statistical figures. The house which is sold ten years ago in 4 months can not compare and contrast to the home which is sold last year. Besides the effectiveness and efficiency of the company, there exist many other factors, which may erect a unrelenting effect, should be taking into account, such as the demand of the estate market, the information supplement, even the traffic condition may restrict how long the house is sold.


Secondly, the insufficient evidences provided fail to lend a solid validate .No specific statistical of working hours of each agent who works in either Adams or Fitch is presented. Though the total revenue of Adams is more than Fitch, there exists a possibility that the average revenue of each agent of Fitch per hour is richer than that of Adams. Some how, work in Fitch is only a part time job for their agents, which means the workers in Fitch is more effective and efficient, for this reason ,we of course will choose Fitch instead of Adams.

Thirdly, the comparison presented in the argument is unscientific and unwarranted.
There exists a world of differences between the estate market ten years ago and that of now. Perhaps there exists many other factors which play a decisive role in that how long the house will be sold, such as the house sold ten years ago may be considered as remote for traffic condition ,the home which sold last year may lie in the center of city which may contribute of quickly selling. The arguer provides no more detail information about this factor, which is significant. The market demand in last year may be higher than it was ten years ago, which contribute a lot to selling the home quickly last year. Even there may be possibility that the home sold last year itself is too much better than the one sold ten years ago.

Last but not least, the argument rests on a gratuitous casual relationship, which is lacking of legitimacy. The evidence that he Adams, the revenue of which is more than Fitch, owns 40 real estate agents while Fitch only has 25, can not be consider as a exclusive prerequisite to draw the conclusion Adams is better than Fitch. We can conclude that the average revenue of Adams is less than that of Fitch. In this sense, the Fitch is much more effective and efficient than Adams. It is essential that how about the quality of the house itself which play a significant role in selling the house quickly.

As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer should be suppose to demonstrate more convincing evidence and accurate statistical figures, which can provide a convincing reference to draw the conclusion that you should use Adams if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price.

lghscuUID: 2552043

1# maggiegu1019

TOPIC: ARGUMENT4 - The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town-Adams Realty and Fitch Realty-Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams."


M1019
第一段：指明论点论据，准备发起攻击
第二段：工作效率的比较
第三段：author房子的因素: traffic condition, position and market demand
句子收获：
The arguer recommends that … The argument rests on an evidence that… To justify this claim,… To strengthen the argument…The argument is fraught with vague, unwarranted and oversimplified evidence
The arguer provides no more detail information about
market demand
Last but not least, the argument rests on a gratuitous casual relationship, which is lacking of legitimacy.
As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer should be suppose to demonstrate more convincing evidence and accurate statistical figures, which can provide a convincing reference to draw the conclusion that you should use Adams if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price.


The arguer recommends that you should use Adams if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price（开头句不错，直接点明作者观点。但是，存在一个问题，restation比较严重，请看”
复述题目不是照抄，要完美改写，一般主动被动改写，名词的替换，词组代替动词等等方式，实在没有的变化就变and前后两个词的顺序（GRE作文电子书）”，改为”The arguer recommends that Adams would be a better choice when you wish to sell your home more quickly at a better price”）. The argument rests on an evidence that the Adams owns 40 real estate agents while Fitch only has 25. To justify this claim, the statistical figures of the revenue last year are cited. To strengthen the argument (个人觉得这个模板不妥，似乎作者的三个论据并没有如模板所示的递进关系),another example ,that the Fitch sales (of) the arguer's house ten years ago take(took) more time than another home sell(sold) last year by Adams, is presented. The argument is fraught with vague, unwarranted and oversimplified.(这三个形容词用在这里显得气势咄咄逼人，对author肯定是无情的打击啊，呵呵，为了体现你的大度，还是少用两个吧，呵呵，”The argument is fraught with unwarranted evidence”)


下面这一段可以不要：在”thirdly”段详细论述了difference
Firstly, the argument commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. How can the arguer draw the conclusion that you should use Adams if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, only through these simple evidences and vague statistical figures. The house which is sold ten years ago in 4 months can not compare and contrast to the home which is sold last year. Besides the effectiveness and efficiency of the company, there exist many other factors, which may erect a unrelenting effect, should be taking into account, such as the demand of the estate market, the information supplement, even the traffic condition may restrict how long the house is sold.


Secondly, the insufficient evidences provided fail to lend a solid validate(validation) .No specific statistical(statistics) of working hours of each agent who works in either Adams or Fitch is presented. Though the total revenue of Adams is more than Fitch, there exists a possibility that the average revenue of each agent of Fitch per hour is richer than that of Adams. Some how, work(working) in Fitch is only a part time job for their agents, which means the workers in Fitch is(are) more effective and efficient, for this reason ,we of course(不要用肯定性太强的词，we might) will choose Fitch instead of Adams.

Thirdly, the comparison presented in the argument is unscientific and unwarranted.
There exists a world of differences between the estate market ten years ago and that of(of不要) now(不是now，是last year). Perhaps there exists many other factors which play a decisive role in that(不要that) how long the house will be sold, such as the house sold ten years ago may be considered as (being) remote for traffic condition ,the home which (which不要)sold last year may lie(lay) in the center of city which may contribute of(to) quickly selling(这是一个句子吧，但它又作为such as 的补语，两个原因都是哈). The arguer provides no more detail information about this factor, which is significant(直接改成”about this significant factor”，有拼字数的嫌疑噢，不过这篇文章字数达标了，呵呵). The market demand(diction很不错) in (in不要) last year may be higher than it was ten years ago, which contribute(contributes) a lot to selling the home quickly last year. Even there may be possibility that the home sold last year itself is too much better than the one sold ten years ago.


与”secondly”段重复性比较大
Last but not least, the argument rests on a gratuitous casual relationship, which is lacking of legitimacy. The evidence that he(the) Adams, the revenue of which (of which the revenue)is more than Fitch, owns 40 real estate agents while Fitch only has 25, can not be consider(considered) as a(an) exclusive prerequisite to draw the conclusion Adams is better than Fitch. We can conclude that the average revenue of Adams is less than that of Fitch(与”secondly”中的” the average revenue of each agent of Fitch per hour is richer than that of Adams.”重复). In this sense, the Fitch is much more effective and efficient than Adams(同样重复). It is essential that how about the quality of the house itself which play (how… whichàthe quality of the house plays) a significant role in selling the house quickly.

As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer should be suppose to demonstrate more convincing evidence and accurate statistical figures, which can provide a convincing reference to draw the conclusion that you should use Adams if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price.

以上意见仅供参考(lghscu)