CRACK 9T小组第16次作业----harrietann

harrietannUID：2204456

第十六次作业:
writing(child):
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, we pay more and more attention on education, especially the ones related to children. We keep an eye on every single piece of influnce on children, either from the parents or classmates of children. We try to get the information, in this way, about whether it is parents or classmates influence children on their suucess in school more important. And some people hold the opinion that the answer should be classmates for the reason that children spend more time with their classmates than with the parents, while others take the opposite stance. From my point of view, parents are more essential at the issues about a child's performance in school than classmates, which is resulted from that parents teach their children consiously or subconsiously but classmates could scarcely do such things.

First of all, parents take care of their children, which lead them pay attetion to each aspect of their children, the most crucial one of which may probably be a child's success in school. Parents are the first teathers to their children. They teach them to walk and speak, show them rules of action and convention. And as children grow up, they tell the way human study in schools. What parents care about the children could not work the same way as classmates care. Parents cares the method of education, they told the children to get along with classmates kindly, be concentrate every second through out the whole class, and ask questions they do not understand well to the teachers at or after class and so on. All of these tips play critical roles to a child's success in school, but could not be from classmates, the same age with other children. That is to say, parents can teach their children with much more expierence than the classmates can.

Another reason should be that parents can give advices so vital to their children's success in school that classmates can hardly provide properly, which means in some big fairs, classmates can never compete with parents. A child's success in school relates to large number of factors, such as the habits of study, ambtions at school things, and important decisions during the schooling time.  

In addtion, classmates sometimes do nagative influence on children and children themselves are more likely to take the advice from their classmates.

In sum, a child's success in school depend on influence from their parents more than from their classmates.

tips：本人第一次写全文，感觉例子很欠缺，以至于后面完全写不下去了，于是就成了这样的结构，但我想还是先要有个开始，还请大家多多提意见，我会努力的~~
口语链接：
http://www.mediafire.com/?3ej22k5tzr1


[ 本帖最后由 harrietann 于 2007-8-15 23:09 编辑 ]

lizzy1986UID：2281654

加油;d:

harrietannUID：2204456

谢谢大家！！

holdingUID：2285054

CRACK 9T小组第16次作业----harrietann
第十六次作业:
writing(child):
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, we pay more and more attention on education, especially the ones related to children. We keep an eye (pay our attention only) on every single piece of influnce (influence) on children, either from the parents or classmates of children. We try to get the information, in this way, about whether it is parents or classmates influence children on their suucess (success) in school more important (去掉) . And some people hold the opinion that the answer should be classmates for the reason that children spend more time with their classmates than with the parents, while others take the opposite stance. From my point of view, parents are more essential at the issues about a child's performance in school (和前文重复了，罗嗦，建议去掉)   than classmates, which is resulted from that parents teach their children consiously (consciously?) subconsiously (subconsciously) but classmates could scarcely do such things. 第一段写得太长了，作为总起段，语言要尽量简单概括，尤其是在陈述题目本身时　

First of all, parents take care of their children, which lead them pay attetion (attention) to each aspect of their children, the most crucial one of which may probably be a child's (children’s 前后单复数形式尽量一样)　 success in school. Parents are the first teathers (teachers,拼写错误太多) to their children. They teach them to walk and speak, show them rules of action and convention. And as children grow up, they tell the way of human study in schools. What parents care about the children (去掉) could not work the same way (have the same effect) as classmates care (do) . Parents cares (care) the method of education, they told the children to get along with classmates kindly, be concentrate every second through out the whole class, and ask questions they do not understand well to the teachers at or after class and so on. (这一段写的过长，想必来说后面的段落又太短了，在这里可以简单的说明，省下时间，丰富后面的内容)   All of these tips play critical roles to a child's success in school, but could not be from classmates, the same age with other children. That is to say, parents can teach their children with much more expierence (experiences) than the classmates can. 这段的说理虽然很多，但是效果并不好，正像你自己说的“例子没有”。说理很多有的时候还是不如一个例子效果来的好，希望以后多一例子来说明道理。

Another reason should be that parents can give advices so vital to their children's success in school that classmates can hardly provide properly, which means in some big fairs, classmates can never compete with parents. A child's success in school relates to large number of factors, such as the habits of study, ambtions (ambitions) at school things, and important decisions during the schooling time.  

In addtion  (addition) , classmates sometimes do nagative influence (influence negatively) on children and children themselves are more likely to take the advice from their classmates. 这两段的观点还可以有很大的发展论述空间。

In sum, a child's success in school depend (depends) on influence from their parents more than from their classmates.
总体来说，整个文章结构为很容易说理的形式，很好。
具体问题在文章中都以提出。
Ps:楼主的拼写错误多了，建议以后在写完之后可以用word的自查功能自己先改一下拼写错误。
加油！