[April作文互助小组]Argument52 第三周作业

dinner1022UID: 2456906

第一次写完整版 请多指教~~ 谢咯~~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT52 - The following appeared in a memo to the human resources manager at Baobob Inc., a large architectural firm.

"Several well-known, retired architects were interviewed in Architecture Today about changes in the field. Only one had earned a college degree in architecture. All others had come into the field at an early age by serving apprenticeships that required them to work under the direct supervision of an experienced architect. Several of the colleges that we recruit from report that many promising architecture students leave school early in their undergraduate career. Therefore, because finding talented architecture graduates is becoming more difficult, Baobob Inc. should start an aggressive apprenticeship program and hire students who express an interest in architecture directly out of high school rather than wait for them to get out of college."
WORDS: 531          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2008-3-31 14:59:01

In this memo, the human resources manager from a large architectual corporation claims that instead of recruiting college students, the company should find talents interested in architecture as soon as they graduated from high schools. To support this suggestion, the speaker cites an interview showing only one of the retired architects acquired college graded and also points out that many promising students in universities drop out of schools. However, I can not accept the author's contention.

To begin with, by relying partly on an interview showing that only one of the retired architects had entered college, the author implicit that college education is actually do little with the famous architects. First of all, the evidence provided by the author is too vague to be convinced. The evidence should contain a large number involving all conditions. Only a particular interview with some retired architects cannot be persuasive.

Though we admit that in their times, education really played a miniscule role in nourishing a promising architects, the author unfairly further the conclusion embracing that today's education in architecture also has little effect. However, this is unfair, for the author does not inform us that education today is similar enough comparing to that in their times to sustain this analogical deduction. Without ruling out other factors affecting the educational qualities and environment influencing today's promising architects, the author's conclusion is not warranted.

Thirdly, by basing on the fact that in several schools, many promising architectural students leave school early in their undergraduate career, the author unnecessarily infer that recruiting students graduated from colleges become more difficult. There is no evidence showing that the number of promising students graduated from colleges decreases dramatically and that those students leaving school early in their undergraduate career perform much better than those who finish their college education. What is more, the definition of "promising" is too vague in this argument. To better fortify this argument, the author also has to provide more exact and sufficient evidence; otherwise, I just can not accept it.

Finally, even I concede that promising college students are hard to find, the author's suggestion hiring students directly from high schools is infeasible neither. It is well known that students from high schools, though they show great interest in architecture, the knowledge and technologies mastered by them is sparse, rending this suggestion inadvisable. What is more, interests of some students are nourished after entering colleges. Also it is quite possible that high school students who are interested in architecture convert their hobby and intention. Any of these scenarios, if is true, would undermine the author's contention.

In conclusion, the author's suggestion is not warranted as it stands. To better bolster the assertion, the author has to provide sufficient evidence consists of a large sample representative of most conditions showing that in the previous times education plays a mere role. What is more, the author needs to inform us that education today is similar enough to that in previous times. To better access this article, we also need to be informed that it is the fact that large portion of college students major in architecture leave school and the final suggestion by the author is advisable.

[ 本帖最后由 dinner1022 于 2008-3-31 15:32 编辑 ]

deerprinceUID: 2394244

[April作文互助小组]Argument52 第三周作业
第一次写完整版 请多指教~~ 谢咯~~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT52 - The following appeared in a memo to the human resources manager at Baobob Inc., a large architectural firm.

"Several well-known, retired architects were interviewed in Architecture Today about changes in the field. Only one had earned a college degree in architecture. All others had come into the field at an early age by serving apprenticeships that required them to work under the direct supervision of an experienced architect. Several of the colleges that we recruit from report that many promising architecture students leave school early in their undergraduate career. Therefore, because finding talented architecture graduates is becoming more difficult, Baobob Inc. should start an aggressive apprenticeship program and hire students who express an interest in architecture directly out of high school rather than wait for them to get out of college."
WORDS: 531          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2008-3-31 14:59:01

In this memo, the human resources manager from a large architectural(architecture 这里用名词就好了) corporation claims that instead of recruiting college students, the company should find talents interested in architecture as soon as they graduated from high schools. To support this suggestion, the speaker cites an interview showing only one of the retired architects acquired college graded and also points out that many promising students in universities drop out of schools. However, I can not accept the author's contention.

To begin with, by relying partly on an interview showing that only one of the retired architects had entered college, the author implicit that college education is actually do little with the famous architects. First of all（？没有second之类，就显得很突兀。）, the evidence provided by the author is too vague to be convinced. The evidence should contain a large number involving all conditions. Only a particular interview with some retired architects cannot be persuasive.

Though we admit that in their times, education really played a miniscule role in nourishing a promising architects, the author unfairly further the conclusion embracing that today's education in architecture also has little effect. （让步语句已经说unfair了，这里重复了however）However, this is unfair, for the author does not inform us that education today is similar enough comparing to that in their times to sustain this analogical deduction. Without ruling out other factors affecting the educational qualities and environment influencing today's promising architects, the author's conclusion is not warranted.

Thirdly, by（no by） basing on the fact that in several schools, many promising architectural students leave(left) school early in their undergraduate career, the author unnecessarily infer that recruiting students graduated from colleges become more difficult. There is no evidence showing that the number of promising students graduated from colleges decreases dramatically and that those students leaving school early in their undergraduate career perform much better than those who finish their college education. What is more, the definition of "promising" is too vague in this argument. To better fortify this argument, the author also has to provide more exact and sufficient evidence; otherwise, I just can not accept it.

Finally, even I concede that promising college students are hard to find, the author's suggestion hiring students directly from high schools is infeasible neither. It is well known that students from high schools, though they show great interest in architecture, the knowledge and technologies mastered by them is sparse, rending this suggestion inadvisable. What is more, interests of some students are nourished after entering colleges. Also it is quite possible that high school students who are interested in architecture convert their hobby and intention. Any of these scenarios, if is true, would undermine the author's contention.

In conclusion, the author's suggestion is not warranted as it stands. To better bolster the assertion, the author has to provide sufficient evidence consists of a large sample representative of most conditions showing that in the previous times education plays a mere role. What is more, the author needs to inform us that education today is similar enough to that in previous times. To better access this article, we also need to be informed that it is the fact that large portion of college students major in architecture leave school and the final suggestion by the author is advisable.

逻辑漏洞能够找出，但是论证是一个套路，就是说论据没有给出充足理由，没有可信度，但是应该寻求多样化，比如列举其他可能的因素，会使论证更加有力一些。