第二期

expire7UID: 2160574

There is a hotly debated problem that what events or ceremonies shape a person an adult? It significantly relates with human life, and, at the same time, different people may possess different answers. In my observance, the campus life, the work and the marriage are most important experiences to make a person from a child to an adult. The reasons support my viewpoint listed below.

To begin with, the life of living campus represents that a child begin to face and solve various questions and challenges by himself. When children study in university and start living in it for 4 years, in a sense they leap a great distance to study and experience how to live solitarily. Since children may go to other places even other countries to study, they ought to mitigate anything by their wisdoms. Although lacking supports form family is a bad experience, it will shape an essential quality-independence, which will benefit children and help them turn to adult.

Then, a job will be another important experience to children, no matter how good or bad it is. The job builds a platform and gives children a crucial lesson to learn to communicate and cooperate. In modern society, with the advance of economy and society, children can learn more and more knowledge and experience than other times. However, there is a terrible question that children are not good at communication and cooperation. Being a mature and adult, children would have to learn the skill of them. Indulging in one job, children are compelled to study those skills. Finally, they learn an important lesson and go to mature.

What’s more, the marriage is an indispensable part of ceremony to an adult. Responsibility is a chief standard to weigh whether a person is a child or a man. When a person’s fate connects with another one, he may own consciousness that he does no longer live by himself and for himself, and another person’s life and future will be influenced by his behaviors and determination. Consequently, he can truly understand the meaning of responsibility. In short, the marriage will be a good ceremony to promote a person to be an adult.

To sum up, from the analysis and evidence stated above, I can safely draw a conclusion that the life of campus, the work and the marriage will make a person adult.

当时写了500w.一段还写了个段内让步。不过最后没有来的及写第三段。重新修改时候发现那个让步作用不大。反而浪费时间。TWE还是有点问题。

expire7UID: 2160574

To begin with, the life of living campus represents that a child begin to face and solve various questions and challenges by himself. I concede that many children can tend themselves well and handle almost all of the things happened in their life before entering the university. Yet, at least they own incessant supports and help from their parents and relatives, even only limited in spirit and mind, which will generate great power to children. Albeit, when children study in university and start living in it for 4 years, in a sense they leap a great distance to study and experience how to live solitarily. Since children may go to other places even other countries to study, they ought to mitigate anything by their wisdoms. Although lacking supports form family is a bad experience, it will shape an essential quality-independence, which will benefit children and help them turn to adult.

这是二段的原型，大家看看是不是不能用？

undoerlcUID: 194641

你的第一论证段主题句是the life of living campus represents that a child begin to face and solve various questions and challenges by himself   这个让步对你的主题句并不能产生论证或补充的作用

undoerlcUID: 194641

There is a hotly debated problem that what events or ceremonies shape a person an adult?( There is a hot debate over what events shape a person an adult. ) It significantly relates with human life, and, at the same time, different people may possess different answers. In my observance, the campus life, the work and the marriage are most important experiences to make a person from a child to an adult. The reasons support my viewpoint listed below(这句写法不对).

To begin with, the life of living campus represents that a child begin to face and solve various questions and challenges by himself. When children study in university and start living in it for 4 years, in a sense they leap(leap本身是飞跃的意思,不用后面的了) a great distance to study and experience how to live solitarily. Since children may go to other places even other countries to study, they ought to mitigate anything by their wisdoms. Although lacking supports form family is a bad experience, it will shape an essential quality-independence, which will benefit children and help them turn to adult.

Then, a job will be another important experience to children, no matter how good or bad it is. The job builds a platform and gives children a crucial lesson to learn to communicate and cooperate. In modern society, with the advance of economy and society, children can learn more and more knowledge and experience than(前面是more and more了,这里搭配上不对了) other times. However, there is a terrible question that children are not good at communication and cooperation. Being a mature and adult, children would have to learn the skill of them. Indulging(indulge是贬义,换engage,get involved in, participate) in one job, children are compelled to study those skills. Finally, they learn an important lesson and go to mature.

What’s more, the marriage is an indispensable part of ceremony to an adult. Responsibility is a chief standard to weigh whether a person is a child or a man. When a person’s fate connects with another one, he may own consciousness that he does no longer live by himself and for himself, and another person’s life and future will be influenced by his behaviors and determination. Consequently, he can truly(可换一个词) understand the meaning of responsibility. In short, the marriage will be a good ceremony to promote a person to be an adult.

To sum up, from the analysis and evidence stated above, I can safely draw a conclusion that the life of campus, the work and the marriage will make a person adult.

呵呵,LZ写的观点和我一样的啊,感觉语言上要避免一些错误,还有最好能加进不同的论证方式来充实文章,说理太多会比较枯燥...and个人感觉marriage那段写得比较有感觉^^

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1 我的

undoerlcUID: 194641

发错了删不掉了

[ 本帖最后由 undoerlc 于 2006-4-18 17:37 编辑 ]

expire7UID: 2160574

原帖由 undoerlc 于 2006-4-18 17:19 发表
There is a hotly debated problem that what events or ceremonies shape a person an adult?( There is a hot debate over what events shape a person an adult. ) It significantly rela ...

谢阿。写了那么久论文习惯了说理说理......就是不习惯用具体例子。嗯尽力改进。谁有好的意见，提一下哦。谢谢。

lyhcynthiaUID: 2178647

这是我看过的第四篇 有关青少年成长的命题作文， 觉得 楼主 的观点很成熟。 很独到。 不错不错！

nostrumUID: 2124189

第二期

There is a hotly debated problem我觉得这样写别扭，改成heated debate that that what events or ceremonies shape a person an adult? It significantly relates with human life, and, at the same time, different people may possess different answers. In my observance, the campus life, the work and the marriage are most important experiences to make a person from a child to an adult. The reasons support my viewpoint listed below.这句话没必要写，删掉显得简洁[/

to begin with,做段落领起，to begin with 不太好，因为它不够这个正式in the first place 可以 the life of living atcampus represents that a child begin to face and solve various questions and challenges by himself. When children study in university and start living in it for 4 years, in a sense they leap a great distance to study and experience how to live solitarily. Since children may go to other places even other countries to study, they ought to mitigate anything by their wisdoms. Although lacking supports form family is a bad experience, it will shape an essential quality-independence, which will benefit children and help a job will be another important experience to children, no matter how good or bad it is. The job builds a platform and gives children a crucial lesson to learn to communicate and cooperate. In modern society, with the advance of economy and society, children can learn more and more knowledge and experience than other times. However, there is a terrible question that children are not good at communication and cooperation. Being a mature and adult, children would have to learn the skill of them. Indulging这个词不好，我表达从事一般用engage in sth in one job, children are compelled to study those skills. Finally, they learn an important lesson and go to mature.

What’s more, the marriage is an indispensable part of ceremony to an adult. Responsibility is a chief standard to weigh whether a person is a child or a man. When a person’s fate connects with another one, he may own consciousness that he does no longer live by himself and for himself, and another person’s life and future will be influenced by his behaviors and determination. Consequently, he can truly understand the meaning of responsibility. In short, the marriage will be a good ceremony to promote a person to be an adult.

To sum up, from the analysis and evidence stated above, I can safely draw a conclusion that the life of campus, the work and the marriage will make a person adult.结尾显得太不充实了，托付的作文形式的要求比issue高一点，所以结尾再充实下
觉得lz就是语言的运用不够灵活，托付作文对语言要求还蛮高，所以这是主要需要解决的问题
lz的结构及思路都不错

[ 本帖最后由 nostrum 于 2006-4-19 00:55 编辑 ]