偶的第五篇5T文章,都来拍啊,一定回拍

alex6945UID: 2130168

Neighbors sometimes are very important people in one’s lives, thus there are always heated arguments about what makes a good neighbor. Although the criteria of a good neighbor vary from people to people, some basic notions are accepted by many. A neighbor of respect, honesty, optimism and humor are most welcomed.

For the first part, respect is always the essential characteristic that joins people together. If the basic respect between each other can not be maintained, foundations of any relationship can no longer exist. Respect means that they will greet each other when they meet and keep one’ s personal affairs . Neighbors may not be friends, yet they are the people that can be trusted.

Secondly, honesty is also a good characteristic. A neighbor’s honesty is shown when they apologize to you for their children’s breaking your fence or their pets’ devouring your flowers and vegetables and when they take care of one’s pets and house when one is on holiday. With a neighbor like this, one would never worry about annoying trivialities.

Thirdly, a neighbor possessing the characteristic of optimism and humor is welcomed by most people. My neighbor upstairs happen to be a person full of humor. With his presence, everyone is in good spirit and we just constantly laughs. I can still recite some of his jokes now.

There are still many characteristics that account for a good neighbor, but the obvious ones have been presented as above. A neighbor of respect, honesty, optimism and humor are most welcomed.

danielfeiUID: 2143290

Neighbors sometimes are very important people in one’s lives, thus there are always heated arguments about what makes a good neighbor. Although the criteria of a good neighbor vary (varies)from people to people, some basic notions are accepted by many. A neighbor of respect, honesty, optimism and humor are most welcomed

For the first part, respect is always the essential characteristic that joins people together. If the basic respect between each other can not be maintained, foundations of any relationship can no longer exist. Respect means that they will greet each other when they meet and keep one’ s personal affairs . Neighbors may not be friends, yet they are the people that can be trusted
(本人觉得RESPECT并非是人的一种personality 一种characteristic 我的愚见是friendly 或 kind-hearted or sth.)
Secondly, honesty is also a good characteristic. A neighbor’s honesty is shown when they apologize to you for their children’s breaking your fence or their pets’ devouring your flowers and vegetables and when they take care of one’s pets and house when one is on holiday. With a neighbor like this, one would never worry about annoying trivialities

Thirdly, a neighbor possessing the characteristic of optimism and humor is welcomed by most people. My neighbor upstairs happen to be a person full of humor. With his presence, everyone is in good spirit and we just constantly laughs(laugh). I can still recite some of his jokes now.

There are still many characteristics that account for a good neighbor, but the obvious ones have been presented as above. A neighbor of respect, honesty, optimism and humor are most welcomed

此外总体相当流畅，但各段主题句所用的模版 FIRST ， SECOND 有些单调

帮我看看
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 danielfei 于 2006-4-29 20:26 编辑 ]

DidoyUID: 2181213

以下是我的拙见
A neighbor of respect这里我觉得respect不能用来修饰neighbor。

respect is always the essential characteristic that joins people together. respect不是一种characteristic，或许应该改成respecting others is always the......比较还一点

If the basic respect between each other can not be maintained, foundations of any relationship can no longer exist.用了两个cannot，有点罗嗦
如果这样改呢
Without the basic respect between each other, foundations of any relationship can no longer exist.

Respect means that they will greet each other when they meet and keep one’ s personal affairs .这句话有点绕，还带点中国味道
或许可以改成
Respect does exist in people's greetings when meeting and in behaviors of keeping other's personal affairs.不过这样也不是很好，因为两个并列结构不完全等同，一个用的when，一个用的of。。。或许我们还可以商讨一下。。。

Neighbors may not be friends, yet they are the people that can be trusted.这一句作为结尾句，有些问题，首先你整个段落说的都是尊重这个品质，这里却提到了朋友，虽然你否定了他，但是整个一段里都没有用到过这个概念，然后be trusted，虽然可以这样推，因为邻居尊重你的隐私，所以他值得信任，但是有时整段也没提到过，或许你应该在结尾句前加一句诸如一个尊重别人隐私的邻居值得信任之类的过渡句。

A neighbor’s honesty is shown when they apologize to you for their children’s breaking your fence or their pets’ devouring your flowers and vegetables and when they take care of one’s pets and house when one is on holiday. 这句话很长，我觉得有点串句了，这个and后面的这部分and when they take care of one’s pets and house when one is on holiday好像和honesty没有关系吧。。。或者他是谁的从句我看不出来，你可以想办法把他组织得更好。其次是，这一句话中你用了三个when，表示时间的从句不一定要用when的不是么？分词也可以呀。

With a neighbor like this, one would never worry about annoying trivialities.这里也是，和前一段的结尾具有同样的问题。如果阅卷人只看首末句呢？这句已经偏离了整段的主题了

Thirdly段，主题句说到了乐观，后面的叙述则完全没有，只在讲幽默。

welcome和embrace可以同意替换

另外，作文题目是quality不是characteristic，这两者虽然都有品质的意思，但是是有差异的。

首段和尾段不错，很到位，也很流畅。但始终简短的思维逻辑有些混乱，觉得你有点写着写着会顺着思路写出去，就算中间有些偏topic sentence的地方，段落末句一定要拉回去，否则别人会觉得很乱。

最后，谢谢你认真给我改的作文！我们一起加油!

[ 本帖最后由 Didoy 于 2006-4-30 22:29 编辑 ]

alex6945UID: 2130168

谢谢

DidoyUID: 2181213

不用谢拉
帮你顶一下！加油！