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发表于 2007-11-3 00:12:12
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Is reading books not as important as it once was?Can people learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books?(用疑问开头是很好的ISSUE开头,但感觉这两句话过于简单,不能起到很好的震撼效果,建议修改,可以在后面加上as the statement contends)The speaker claims so about the both above questions.(这么说是中式英语吧,可以说成the speaker holds an assentient points on both of the above questions.)books or any other written materials cannot replace these advantages of learning from television.However,I strongly disagree.I concede that in some respects,television is more effective and valuable than books as a medium for learning. Nevertheless, in most respects,however,books always play a leading role in learning.(我觉得开头可以简化,提出问题以后,直接是I concedeXXXX,in my view+your viewpoint.可以不必说speaker的观点)
To begin with,television holds certain advantages over books in learning skills,(+逗号,后面是非限定性定语从句) which require careful operation.(论点很新颖)For instance,when medical students who is learning the skills of operating on patients,perhaps the best way is that they watch the operating process face-to-face with the professor,in which situation they can discuss the details and outline of operation after the professor have finished the operation.Nevertheless,(用这个词,不好总使however) in real situation,medical students are not allowed to be in the operating room when an operation is in the process due to the safety of the operation and the limited space of the operating room.So learning from television that record the overall operating process of an operation is the best way for medical students.(very good instance!可以考虑再简洁一些就更好了!)In which situation,not only all the class can learn together but also the professor can explain every detail and outline of the overall operation.In my view,this is the most effective means in learning such accurate skills.Thus,these advantages of learning from television cannot be replaced by books or any other written materials.(可以用主动语态来表示books or any other written materials cannot replace these advantages of learning from television.)
However, the speaker overlooks most respects in which books is predominant to television as a measure(means是一个略带贬义的词) of learning.Through human history,we learn knowledge from books, while television ,which is mainly as a manner of entertainment,was invented in the last two centuries.Actually,when we were children,we developed our positivity and diligence by reading books,which may have great influence on our lifetime of learning.If we believe that we can learn as much by watching television as we can by reading books, therefore, we choose to watch TV all day.Then perhaps we will become lazy ,which is opposed to the goal of education,even though we may learn something useful.
Moreover ,the speaker ignores that certain type of knowledge can be learned only by books.(很好的论点,但建议此论点用主动语态提出only books can learn certain type of knowledge.)Considering the period of human civilization of recent two thousand years,(说5千年,外国人可能会觉得比较夸张,不合他们的思考方法吧)a great deal of knowledge has been recorded in books.In order to learn accurate and objective knowledge we can not but to learn from books.Some people may contend that why not learn by television for the sake that many historical events have been transferred to television.However,in the contemporary society for the purpose of pursuing the most profit in every business,the producers of television may modify some historical events in order to cater to widest possible viewers,which may result the knowledge we learned is doubtful.(good argument here)
The final argument has to do with that it is more convenient and cheaper to learn by books than by television.As we know,televisions are available only when there is electricity ,batteries or cable connections.However,we can’t always satisfy such conditions in a given place due to some unexpected situations.Moreover,television are not only more expensive and bigger in size,but also less portable and widespread than books.However,we can learn any knowledge if we have a correlative book in any place if we are allowed given that books are portable.In addition,books are widespread and can be available for poor people ,who may be unable to afford for buying a television,in the poorest district such places as South Africa.
In sum ,television is effective in learning certain type of knowledge that requires accurate operation.However,in most respects,books have instinct advantages over books as a medium for learning.In the final analysis,we had better to employ both approaches to learn knowledge in that each of them has their respective advantages and the renovation of knowledge changes so quickly that we have to use every comparatively more effective means when it comes to learning.
我在语言上修改的相对多一些,因为ISSUE的逻辑修改还不太会,而且怕影响你文章的整体性.提出点建议吧:
感觉ISSUE在论证时展开的比较局限,还可以在The speaker ignores the decided tendency on the part of owners and managers of television media to filter information in order to appeal to the widest viewing audience, and thereby maximize profit; the speaker’s claim has to do with how well books and television serve their respective archival functions.等方向展开.
言不尽意,为之了了.
[ 本帖最后由 lifeng_913 于 2007-11-3 00:15 编辑 ] |
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