Issue23 有提纲，第一次限时写上550！恳请看一下,定回拍！

thzx0483UID: 179333

Issue23: 568 words  45 minutes
Contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information. As a result, people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information that they pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.
提纲：1：科技确实使人带来很多fragmented information:以大选为例
         2：不一定导致不重视large issue and overall perspectives
         3:  是否重视在人而不在科技

Whether people now are paying little attention to the large issues and overall perspectives? The author believes so for the reason that modern technology provides approaches to small pieces of factual information so that people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information. As far as I am concerned, I concede that contemporary technology indeed makes it possible to get to know small pieces factual information ,however, that does not necessarily lead to the result of less attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.

Admittedly, high technology provides us with a multitude of access to information despite of time and distance. With the invention of computer in the middle of last century, technology is developing at an unexpected speed so that it is possible for us today to get to know almost every piece of information in the world, no matter where we are or what time it is, by high technical tools such as satellite TV, the Internet, mobile phones, instant communication tools and something related. As a result, due to the availability of such a deluge of information, it is almost impossible to avoid fragmented information. Let us take president voting for example. Although through mass media, we are able to know every aspect of the candidates, such as their interest, their family, their ability, etc. at the same time, it is likely that we neglect the overall of the person as a future president, and just pay attention to his or her one or several advantages or shortcomings. In short, it is obvious that although modern technology supplies us with a host of ways to information, it also brings about fragmented information.

However, the most important reason in support of my view is that a large number of accesses to small pieces of fragmented information do not surely result in little heed to larger issues and comprehensive perspectives in that as a matter of fact, every huge issue or perspective is consisted of fragmented pieces. Most of the time, even an excellent theory which influences the whole world is composed by small ones. Here is a case in point that is very persuasive. Albert Einstein's most successful contribution--Theory of Relativity, is made up of several chapters, such as the relativity of speed, the relativity of length, the consistence of light speed and so on. Meanwhile, every chapter is consisted of an avalanche of theories. In a nutshell, one factor can not make a large issue most of the time, however while putting fragmented information together, overall perspectives may be formed.

Another crucial reason that could bolster my view is that whether people will pay attention to big issues and overall perspectives does not rely on the exposure to fragmented information, but rest on people themselves. Just as a coin has two sides, while fragmented information could bring about distraction from overall views, it also provides possibilities to assimilate knowledge and could broaden one's outlook. A wise person would put pieces of information together and form a large issue while myopia ones could only see the fragments.

To sum up, taking into account all the ingredients judging from all evidence offered, we may arrive at the conclusion that without fragmented information, comprehensive idea could hardly be produced. The crucial point is not to diminish the amount of fragmented information, but to silt useful pieces and put them together to generate a large issue.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-1 at 01:44 ]

cold_sunUID: 210524

Whether people now are paying little attention to the large(larger) issues and overall perspectives? The author believes so for the reason that modern technology provides approaches to small pieces of factual information so that people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information. As far as I am concerned, I concede that contemporary technology indeed makes it possible to get to know small pieces(of) factual information ,however, that does not necessarily lead to the result of less attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.

Admittedly, high technology provides us with a multitude of access to information despite of time and distance. With the invention of computer in the middle of last century, technology is developing at an unexpected speed so that it is possible for us today to get to know almost every piece of information in the world, no matter where we are or what time it is, by high technical tools such as satellite TV, the Internet, mobile phones, instant communication tools and something related. As a result, due to the availability of such a deluge of information, it is almost impossible to avoid fragmented information. Let us take president voting for example. Although through mass media, we are able to know every aspect of the candidates, such as their interest(interests), their(去掉) family（families）, their(去掉) ability(abilities), etc. at the same time, it is likely that we neglect the overall of the person as a future president, and just pay attention to his or her one or several advantages or shortcomings. In short, it is obvious that although modern technology supplies us with a host of ways to information, it also brings about fragmented information.

However, the most important reason in support of my view is that a large number of accesses to small pieces of fragmented information do not surely result in little heed to larger issues and comprehensive perspectives in that as a matter of fact, every huge issue or perspective is consisted of fragmented pieces. Most of the time, even an excellent theory which influences the whole world is composed by small ones. Here is a case in point that is very persuasive. Albert Einstein's most successful contribution--Theory of Relativity, is made up of several chapters, such as the relativity of speed, the relativity of length, the consistence of light speed and so on. Meanwhile, every chapter is consisted of an avalanche of theories. In a nutshell, one factor can not make a large issue most of the time, however while putting fragmented information together, overall perspectives may be formed.

Another crucial reason that could bolster my view is that whether people will pay attention to big issues and overall perspectives does not rely on the exposure to fragmented information, but rest(rests) on people themselves. Just as a coin has two sides, while fragmented information could bring about distraction from overall views, it also provides possibilities to assimilate knowledge and could broaden one's outlook. A wise person would put pieces of information together and form a large issue while myopia ones could only see the fragments.

To sum up, taking into account all the ingredients judging from all evidence(s) offered, we may arrive at the conclusion that without fragmented information, comprehensive idea could hardly be produced. The crucial point is not to diminish the amount of fragmented information, but to silt useful pieces and put them together to generate a large issue.

我第一次改作文，只能看出一些小错误，见谅！ 我觉得你的大方向和论证都很不错的，特别是限时写出这样的文章更是不易，祝好运！

htzdpUID: 2112518

Whether people now are paying little attention to the large issues and overall perspectives? The author believes so for the reason that modern technology provides approaches to small pieces of factual information so that people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information. As far as I am concerned, I concede that (有点重复)contemporary technology indeed makes it possible to get to know （gain knowledge about）small pieces （of）factual information ,however, that does not necessarily lead to the result of less attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.

Admittedly, high technology provides us with a multitude of access(es) to information despite of time and distance. With the invention of computer in the middle of last century, technology is developing at an unexpected speed so that it is possible for us today to get to know almost every piece of information in the world, no matter where we are or what time it is, by high technical tools such as satellite TV, the Internet, mobile phones, instant communication tools and something related. As a result, due to the availability of such a deluge of information, it is almost impossible to avoid fragmented information. Let us take president voting for example. Although through mass media, we are able to know every aspect of the candidates, such as their interest, their family, their ability, etc. at the same time, it is likely that we neglect the overall (好像有点问题) of the person as a future president, and just pay attention to his or her one or several advantages or shortcomings. In short, it is obvious that although modern technology supplies us with a host of ways to (access) information, it also brings about fragmented information(句式有点单一).
However, the most important reason in support of my view is that a large number of accesses to small pieces of fragmented information do not surely result in little heed to larger issues and comprehensive perspectives in that as a matter of fact, every huge issue or perspective is consisted of fragmented pieces. Most of the time, even an excellent theory which influences the whole world is composed by small ones(parts). Here is a case in point that is very persuasive. Albert Einstein's most successful contribution--Theory of Relativity, is made up of several chapters, such as the relativity of speed, the relativity of length, the consistence of light speed and so on. Meanwhile, every chapter is consisted of an avalanche of theories. In a nutshell, one factor can not make a large issue most of the time(at most cases), however while putting fragmented information together, overall perspectives may be formed.

Another crucial reason that could bolster my view is that whether people will pay attention to big issues and overall perspectives does not rely on the exposure to fragmented information, but rest on people themselves. Just as a coin has two sides, while fragmented information could bring about distraction from overall views, it also provides possibilities to assimilate knowledge and could broaden one's outlook. A wise person would put pieces of information together and form a large issue while myopia ones could only see the fragments.

To sum up, taking into account all the ingredients judging from all evidence offered, we may arrive at the conclusion that without fragmented information, comprehensive idea could hardly be produced. The crucial point is not to diminish the amount of fragmented information, but to silt useful pieces and put them together to generate a large issue.

我的改进可能也有点问题，你自己再斟酌吧。
另外，爱因斯坦的例子好像有点问题，光速不变是基本假设，不是一章，而且其他的那几部分都不是分开的，注意准确性。
这么短时间，写得真不错，大家一起家有吧

chan1983UID: 166440

There is a proverb saying "This is a time of erosion of information" which prevails everywhere, and, as the statement writing that contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information, we can easily find any information we wanted in the abundant information. By preoccupying in the small pieces of information, our research would goes further in academic area, however, in some other works, if we pay too much energy to look for the small pieces of factual information and ignore the larger issue and overall perspectives,  we can not hold our work as a whole. So, in my opinion, holding the larger issue and over perspectives is as same important as preoccupying in bits of fragmented information.

Holding the larger issue and comprehending the overall perspectives is the（a） vital step of a job, which draw a frame for the job and guide us. As soon as we accept a job, we will determine the overall frame firstly, and prepare the fragmented information secondly. After we finish collecting fragmented information, we should build it up in a logic way. In this whole process, we should always consider the larger issue and overall perspectives. For example, when we writing an article, no matter how distinguished the details are, if we arrange them disorderly, that the article would not be understand well. It is the same as a（an） organization or a nation, in which the organizer over-emphasize the bits of fragmented information, then the organization/nation will lose balance and  in defect of  overall development.

But, preoccupying with the narrow field of information would deepen the research and increase our comprehending on this field. Current academic area divides to a large numbers of branches and each branch is highly developed, then the day that one can accesses great successes in several branches, for example, Newton who gained great successes both in physics and maths, was（has） gone. Since the energy and time of a human are limited and the whole academic area is so large, paying attention in one point of information will gain more achievement than spending attention dispersedly. The one studying in a point deeply can offers advice to other, and this is the reason why nowaday（nowadays） society need specialists so much, such as doctor and lawyer.（这段感觉论证不是很充分缺少实例支持）

For mending the statement, we should state that both preoccupying the bits of fragmented information and holding the larger issue are necessary in a work. In a large program, such as the national research on stem cell, we need scientists, economists as well as the ethical specialists, which engage in their field only, and we still require some one to hold the larger issue and overall perspectives to harmonize their works; we study the stem cell but would not disobey the ethic, and control the expenditure and consider how to creates economic influence. As the example indicating, cooperating some one who preoccupying the fragmented information and the other who organizing larger issues is efficient method to solve a work, especially in a huge work.

To sum up, in such a complex statement, it can not be generally concluded which one is more important between the fragmented information and larger issue. After the argued above, public should realize that both of two are necessary and unseparated and we should pay attention to all of them.

Ps: 我想跟你探讨一下这个问题：题目中提到当今技术怎么样，怎么样，你写的大纲好像偏离了文章的意思，是不是这样呢？

ahqiuUID: 207682

Whether people now are paying little attention to the large issues and overall perspectives? The author believes so for the reason that modern technology provides approaches to small pieces of factual information so that people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information. As far as I am concerned, I concede that contemporary technology indeed makes it possible to get to know small pieces factual information ,however, that does not necessarily lead to the result of less attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.

Admittedly, high technology provides us with a multitude of access to information despite of time and distance. With the invention of computer in the middle of last century, technology is developing at an unexpected speed so that it is possible for us today to get to know almost every piece of information in the world, no matter where we are or what time it is, by high technical tools such as satellite TV, the Internet, mobile phones, instant communication tools and something related. As a result, due to the availability of such a deluge of information, it is almost impossible to avoid fragmented information. Let us take president voting for example. Although through mass media, we are able to know every aspect of the candidates, such as their interest, their family（用复数）, their ability, etc. at the same time, it is likely that we neglect the overall of the person as a future president, and just pay attention to his or her one or several advantages or shortcomings（可以这样并列吗，I’m not sure）. In short, it is obvious that although modern technology supplies us with a host of ways to information, it also brings about fragmented information.（最后一句好像不太对）

However, the most important reason in support of (用supporting) my view is that a large number of accesses to small pieces of fragmented(small pieces和fragmented有点重复了) information do not surely result in little heed to larger issues and comprehensive perspectives in that as a matter of fact,（用actually吧，否则这句话实在太长了） every huge issue or perspective is consisted of fragmented pieces. Most of the time, even an excellent theory which influences the whole world is composed by small ones. Here is a case in point that is very persuasive. Albert Einstein's most successful contribution--Theory of Relativity, is made up of several chapters, such as the relativity of speed, the relativity of length, the consistence of light speed and so on. Meanwhile, every chapter is consisted of an avalanche of theories. In a nutshell, one factor can not make a large issue most of the time, however while putting fragmented information together, overall perspectives may be formed.（用theory来证明issue，是不是有点偷换概念阿，这个例子可能不是特别好，偶觉得，说一个新闻事件吧，不是每天跟踪报道一些吗）

Another crucial reason that could（could去掉） bolster my view is that whether people will pay attention to big issues and overall perspectives does not rely on the exposure to fragmented information, but rest on people themselves. Just as a coin has two sides, while fragmented information could bring about distraction from overall views, it also provides possibilities to assimilate knowledge and could broaden one's outlook. A wise person would put pieces of information together and form a large issue while myopia ones could only see the fragments.

To sum up, taking into account all the ingredients judging from all evidence offered, we may arrive at the conclusion that without fragmented information, comprehensive idea could hardly be produced. The crucial point is not to diminish the amount of fragmented information, but to silt useful pieces and put them together to generate a large issue.
比我写的强多了，呵呵，关键是提纲不错，呵呵，但是例子可能在斟酌一下，有机会探讨一下。

chenda8201UID: 171368

Issue23: 568 words  45 minutes

Contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information. As a result, people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information that they pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.

提纲：1：科技确实使人带来很多fragmented information:以大选为例
         2：不一定导致不重视large issue and overall perspectives
         3:  是否重视在人而不在科技
[提纲不错]

Whether people now are paying little attention to the large issues and overall perspectives? The author believes so for the reason that modern technology provides approaches to small pieces of factual information so that people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information. As far as I am concerned, I concede that contemporary technology indeed makes it possible to get to know small pieces factual information, however, that does not necessarily lead to the result of less attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.
[观点明确]

Admittedly, high technology provides us with a multitude of access to information despite of time and distance. With the invention of computer in the middle of last century, technology is developing at an unexpected speed so that it is possible for us today to get to know almost every piece of information in the world, no matter where we are or what time it is, by high technical tools such as satellite TV, the Internet, mobile phones, instant communication tools and something related. As a result, due to the availability of such a deluge of information, it is almost impossible to avoid fragmented information. Let us take president voting for example. Although through mass media, we are able to know every aspect of the candidates, such as their interest, their family, their ability, etc. at the same time, it is likely that we neglect the overall of the person as a future president, and just pay attention to his or her one or several advantages or shortcomings. In short, it is obvious that although modern technology supplies us with a host of ways to information, it also brings about fragmented information.
[论述表达得不错，可是例子就不怎么让人信服了。。。是否换个更具说服力的例子来说明问题呢？突然想到一个例子： Let’s take the emails as an example, which most the modern people should deal every day. So many emails are received nowadays and some contain useful and important message while others are just trifle or may be even worse—Spam. That the Spam is the junk fragmented information, which wastes people’s time every day and make them pay little attention to the important things as well as the lager issue and overall perspectives. 不知这个例子如何，可能我表达还是有问题；不过我觉得要是写得好，这里例子会更好些吧～期待大家来探讨^_^]

However, the most important reason in support of my view is that a large number of accesses to small pieces of fragmented information do not surely result in little heed to larger issues and comprehensive perspectives in that as a matter of fact, every huge issue or perspective is consisted of fragmented pieces. Most of the time, even an excellent theory which influences the whole world is composed by small ones. Here is a case in point that is very persuasive. Albert Einstein's most successful contribution--Theory of Relativity, is made up of several chapters, such as the relativity of speed, the relativity of length, the consistence of light speed and so on. Meanwhile, every chapter is consisted of an avalanche of theories. In a nutshell, one factor can not make a large issue most of the time, however[,] while putting fragmented information together, overall perspectives may be formed.
[这个Albert Einstein 的例子说得乱。。。不能这样解读Einstein的Relativity Theory。Einstein的狭义相对论包含两个基本假设：光速不变性原理和各惯性坐标系都等效，一般还提到一个因果律等。就算这个说得顺畅并符合物理学的说法，可是这个例子用在这里也很成问题。。。很难说明论证作者所持的论点吧，至少是让人能相信]
[想到一个例子，拿出来，大家探讨看看：软件工程的例子。For instance, in the field of Software Engineering, the software engineering management should divide the task, like writing a long code in producing a video game, into many pieces of parts and the code writers should pay more attention on the fragmented information of his or her part and the manager will focus on the frame of the game code.接下来再分析几句，点题表明就是在论证所持论点～ ]

Another crucial reason that could bolster my view is that whether people will pay attention to big issues and overall perspectives does [do] not rely on the exposure to fragmented information, but rest on people themselves. Just as a coin has two sides, while fragmented information could bring about distraction from overall views, it also provides possibilities to assimilate knowledge and could broaden one's outlook. A wise person would put pieces of information together and form a large issue while myopia ones could only see the fragments.
[这一段写得不错，值得学习～]

To sum up, taking into account all the ingredients judging from all evidence offered, we may [might] arrive at the conclusion that without fragmented information, comprehensive idea could hardly be produced. The crucial point is not to diminish the amount of fragmented information, but to silt useful pieces and put them together to generate a large issue.
[结束语也写得不错]

[整篇结构和思路不错，可是所用的例子确实不怎么好。。。]


个人意见，也是来学习的；记得你的回拍哦^_^～

thzx0483UID: 179333

我也觉得例子确实不好，但要在45分钟内想出确切的例子实在太难，我现在正在积极收集例子！十分感谢各位的批评指教，受益匪浅啊！马上回拍！

chenda8201UID: 171368

45分钟确实真不好搞啊。。。
例子就是在平时多留意吧
我们每天都会接触很多新的信息，
通过各种渠道了解很多最新的信息，
看到这些不妨想想下一此是否能入我的作文中最为例证。
大家都写Albert Einstein，然后还写得有问题，即与实际有出入，那就不好了。。。