同主题第一篇－互改留链接－谢谢

woodygtUID: 2136751

Building a large factory always need to be careful considered in any community as it may bring quite a lot change to that place which includes not only benefits but also damages. And in my community, I think to accept this change may not be a wise decision, although the new factory may have some advantages.

Admittedly, building a new factory in the community can provide more job positions to the residents and can attract more people to choose to live here. And as a result, there will be more tax collected by the government which can be used to build hospitals and schools and also can be used to improve the traffic condition here. This is why many cities have established a series of police to encourage companies to more in. The success in our neighbor community is a very good example. After a big computer company’s moving in, the community’s economy raised in a very fast speed.

However, we can never overlook the disadvantages that the new factory will have. The first problem is pollution. Our community is famous for its fresh air and its beautiful sight. Quite a lot people choose this place to live their life just because they like to live in a place which is free from the pollution. The new factory can only ruin all these invaluable wealth. For an example one need look no further than the new paper factory in another nearby city, which have produced quite a lot waste water. As a result, the residents can never drink the water in their mother river any more, because it is polluted.

And another problem is the security. As the new factory needs a huge number of workers, most of them must be employed from other communities. As these workers do not live in this community, they are difficult to manage. This can also bring a serious problem to the community. Our hometown will not be safe any more!

To sum up, although the new factory can bring many benefits to the community, the problems followed by may be much more. And in my opinion, the disadvantages are more than the advantages, and the decision should be made after careful consideration.

369words
40mins
超时了，sigh

woodygtUID: 2136751

自己顶下,大侠帮帮忙啦.

xizzhuUID: 2195156

Building a large factory always needs to be careful considered in any community as it may bring quite a lot changes to that place which includes not only benefits but also damages. And in my community, I think to accept this change may not be a wise decision, although the new factory may have some advantages.

Admittedly, building a new factory in the community can provide more job positions(jobs) to the residents and can attract more people to choose to live here. And as a result, there will be more tax collected by the government which can be used to build hospitals and schools and also can be used to improve the traffic condition here. This is why many cities have established a series of police(policy) to encourage companies to more in. The success in our neighbor community is a very good example.  you are saying: sucess is an example.???. After a big computer company’s moving in, the community’s economy raised in a very fast speed.  (topic says "a large factory", but not "a company"

However, we can never overlook the disadvantages that building the new factory will have . The first problem is pollution. Our community is famous for its fresh air and its beautiful sight. Quite a lot people choose this place to live their life(读起来觉得有问题) just because they like to live in a place which is free from the pollution. The new factory can only ruin all these invaluable wealth. For an example one need look no further than the new paper factory in another nearby city(can you explain its meaning?  i cannot understand it.  大概是想说造纸厂不好), which have produced quite a lot waste water. As a result, the residents can never drink the water in their mother river any more, because it is polluted.

And another problem is the security. As the new factory needs a huge number of workers, most of them must be employed from other communities. As these workers do not live in this community, they are difficult to manage. This can also bring serious problems to the community. Our hometown will not be safe any more!

To sum up, although the new factory can bring many benefits to the community, the problems followed by(it also bring) may be much more. And in my opinion, the disadvantages are (much) more than the advantages, and the decision should be made after careful consideration. (why you don't tell you position, which is that you oppse .....


here is mine:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

[ 本帖最后由 xizzhu 于 2006-4-14 14:18 编辑 ]

woodygtUID: 2136751

The success in our neighbor community is a very good example.  you are saying: sucess is an example.???

这里我不太明白，是说sucess是example不对，还是不能在让步段里说sucess？

For an example one need look no further than the new paper factory in another nearby city(can you explain its meaning?  i cannot understand it.  大概是想说造纸厂不好), which have produced quite a lot waste water.

这个地方我主要是想说废水的问题，可能表达的不是很清楚。
这个问题我得再好好想想。

结论段是我大意了，犯了个这么严重的错误:L

xizzhuUID: 2195156

原帖由 woodygt 于 2006-4-14 18:18 发表

这里我不太明白，是说sucess是example不对，还是不能在让步段里说sucess？


这个地方我主要是想说废水的问题，可能表达的不是很清楚。
这个问题我得再好好想想。

结论段是我大意了，犯了个这么严重的错 ...

'success is an example' is wrong in the meaning of the sentence.

we can say:   this is a successful example.

"success is xxxxx; this sentence means you are trying to give  "the definition of "success"

personal opinion

woodygtUID: 2136751

i see, thank you!

清荷才露UID: 2163929

Building a large factory always needs to be carefully considered in any community as it may bring quite a lot changes to that place which includes not only benefits but also damages. And in my community, I think to accept this change may not be a wise decision, although the new factory may have some advantages.

Admittedly, building a new factory in the community can provide more job positionsvacancies/jobs?我觉得用job positions好像不是很好。 to the residents and can attract more people to choose to live here. And as a result, there will be more tax collected by the government 我觉得这里用government revenue是不是更简洁明了一些呢？（一家之言^^） which can be used to build hospitals and schools and also can be used to improve the traffic condition here. This is why many cities have established a series of police？policy? to encourage companies to more in读不懂。。。. The success in our neighbor community is a very good example. After a big computer company’s moving in, the community’s economy raised in a very fast speed.个人觉得这句话的句式不太好，the community's economy boosted?

However, we can never overlook the disadvantages that the new factory will have嗯，我觉得用bring比较好。. The first problem is pollution. Our community is famous for its fresh air and its/ beautiful sight. Quite a lot people choose this place to live their life 可以用settle down here或者其他的吧？ just because they like to live in a place which is free from the pollution. The new factory can only ruin all these invaluable wealth. For an example one need look no further than the new paper factory in another nearby city, which have produced quite a lot waste water是不是for example和one need look no further than是等价的引出例子的短语？那么应该去掉一个，否则太罗嗦了吧？还有那个which从句，是修饰factory的吧？那么应该放在factory后面，不然就有点像修饰city了。. As a result, the residents can never drink the water in their mother river any more, because it is polluted.

As the new factory needs a huge number of workers, most of them must be employed from other communities. As these workers do not live in this community, they are difficult to manage.我觉得这两句有点罗嗦，而且开头都是as，是否可以合并成为一句呢？As the new factory needs a huge number of workers, most of whom are employed from other communities and difficult to be in charge of.我觉得自己也写得不好，我的这个句子可以忽略:P，不好意思啊。 This can also bring a serious problem to the community. Our hometown will not be safe any more!

To sum up, although the new factory can bring many benefits to the community, the problems followed by 可省略吧？ may be much more. And/ in my opinion, the disadvantages are more than 可以用outweigh :)the advantages, and用so或者therefore比较和逻辑吧？ :) the decision should be made after careful consideration.

第一次帮人改作文，见笑了，如果你有什么意见的话，请跟我说哦：）希望大家能够互相交流，把TWE考好。：）加油哦~

woodygtUID: 2136751

thanks！

我的词汇还是差了点，虽然你说的那些词都认识，可写的时候就是想不起来，sigh，还要多练习啊。

谢谢！