【daily writing作文特训小组】Thanks_the_moon作文练习贴！

cedericaUID：2818833

新手上路！求指导~！~！

cedericaUID：2818833

8.23 独立写作
Books have more influence on society than television.
    The impact that books and television has had on our daily life, and society in general, is undeniable. No doubt it will become even greater as the scope of which continue to grow, and as the relevant technologies become more and more sophisticated, and so fascinatingthat virtually nobody will be able to escape. In my point that the influence of television outweigh that of books from several aspects.
    Television, invented in last century, with its vivid scenes ,increasingly prosperous programs, becomes one of the most powerful means of conveying the information to the public in history. Television is as much a part of our lives as our meals, work, or school.Studies consistently shows that almost every family has a television and they will watch television everyday, and the average of American child spends almost as much time watching television as dose he or she in school, while just a little people keep the habit of reading books everyday. From the number of audience, we can find that the influence of television is bigger than books.
    Furthermore, television will boost the economic development more greatly than books. Every channel will broadcast hundreds advertisement every day, which impart a large number of produce information to the public and attract people to buy them. In this case, the television have a remarkable contribution to the prosperity of the commercial trades. In short, books cannot achieve the same economic goal as television does.
    In addition, television can deliver the state-of-the-art information to us while books can’t. Whenever you turn on the television, change channels, you can get whatever latest information you want to know, however, books have no such function. That’s why people like to watch television than books when they get off work or school.
    In brief, the advantages of television are in favor of most of people now, and in such era of information,
which means can get latest information and be accepted by most people will has more influence than others. Apparently, television have more influence than books.

cedericaUID：2818833

怎么上传附件啊？？？求指导啊！！！

宁夏zoeUID：2847514

The impact that books and television has had on our daily life,and society in general, is undeniable. There is no doubt it(这个it指代的是什么) will become even greater as the scope of which continue to grow, and as the relevant technologies become more and more sophisticated, and so fascinating that virtually nobody will be able to escape. In my point that(of) the influence of television outweigh that of books from several aspects.
    Television, invented in last century, with its vivid scenes,increasingly prosperous programs, becomes one of the most powerful means of conveying the information to the public in history. Television is as much a part of our lives（life） as our meals, work, or school.Studies consistently shows that almost every family has a television and they will watch television everyday(every day), and the average of American child spends almost as much time watching television as dose he or she in school, while just a little people keep the habit of reading books everyday（every day). From the number of audience, we can find(conclusion) that the influence of television is bigger than books.
    Furthermore, television will boost the economic development more greatly than books. Every channel will broadcast hundreds of advertisements every day, which impart a large number of produce information to the public and attract people to buy them. In this case, the television have a remarkable contribution to the prosperity of the commercial trades. In short, books cannot achieve the same economic goal as television does.
    In addition, television can deliver the state-of-the-art information to us while books can’t. Whenever you turn on the television, change channels, you can get whatever latest information you want to know, however, books have no such function. That’s why people like to watch television than books when they get off work or school.
    In brief, the advantages of television are in favor of most of people now, and in such era of information,which means can get latest information and be accepted by most people will has more influence than others. Apparently, television have(has) more influence than books.
COMMENTS:文章结构完整。措辞也很好。论据和例子都很典型。我要向你学习。另外我觉得，长句太多，这个很容易犯错。大家以后要多多交流哦~

xieqy0326UID：2653877

改好了~~加油！

cedericaUID：2818833

谢谢啦，看了，貌似是单复数有点时候没弄好，那个prefer也很好。那个句子应该是没有问题的把?我以前在一些好文章里面总结出来的。还b] 5# xieqy0326

cedericaUID：2818833

4# 宁夏zoe
谢谢啦！写些复杂句可以令文章看起来更多层次的感觉。而且可能以为我准备GRE，所以有时候就会用多重从句吧。大家一齐努力进步！

alohasallyUID：2860276

改好了

cedericaUID：2818833

8.24独立写作


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should play sports only for fun, children should not attend competitions.*

    It is a common activity for children to spend amounts of time playing and practicing sports for fun, exercise , and to keep healthy and relax themselves. When it comes to competitions, some parents will forbid their children participating in fierce contest in case of injuries. In my opinion, children take part in some competitions will has a prefunding influence in their lives and not regard the sports as a tool of entertainment.
    As we all known, children will be stronger and healthier because they are getting exercise. This not only has the immediate effects of being healthy children, but also affects their health later in life. In most cases, kids will lose their interests easily in the sports when they just play it for fun and then to find other alternatives entertainment, while they will attracted and even addicted to some competitive sports because children will more concentrated on the competition and do their best to win the match. Thus, attending competitions is a good way to keep children’s zeal of sports.
    Besides, the spirits of competition and cooperation are the result of taking competition, which have a significant impact on children’s development. Only through the competition, can kids find out their defects and difference with others. During the competition, children need to allocate assignment, work with each other, share the experience and communicate with teammates, which is the requirement of surviving such a competitive society. It is the competition that motivates our children to be a better player and work harder to achieve the gold.
     In the meantime, sports contest will select brilliant athletes from our children which has a outstanding contribution to the development of nation’s sports evens. Most of excellent athletes, when they were young, begun their professional career and won many matches in international competitions, which won glory for motherland and gained fame and benefit for themselves. Therefore, children should take some competitions to show their talent in sports and not just take it for fun.

      In brief,sports in contest bring them more fun, and even help them to grow better both physically and mentally. It improves the sports development as well. That is the reason why I recommend children should also attend competitions.

宁夏zoeUID：2847514

It is a common activity for children to spend amounts of time playing and practicing sports for fun, exercises, and to keep healthy and relax themselves. When it comes to competitions, some parents will forbid their children participating in fierce contest in case of injuries. In my opinion, children take part in some competitions will has a prefunding influence in their lives and not regard the sports as a tool of entertainment.
    As we all known, children will be stronger and healthier because they are getting exercise. This not only has the immediate effects of being healthy children, but also affects their health later in life. In most cases, kids will lose their interests easily in the sports when they just play it(them)  for fun and then to(这个to是不是要删去，不然没有谓语动词了） find other alternatives entertainment, while they will be attracted and even addicted to some competitive sports because children will more concentrated on the competitions and do(try)  their best to win the match. Thus, attending competitions is a good way to keep children’s zeal of sports.2 t! ]7 ?" l. _
    Besides, the spirits of competition and cooperation are the result of taking competitions, which have a significant impact on children’s development. Only through the competitions, can kids find out their defects and difference with(between) others. During the competition, children need to allocate assignment, work with each other, share the experiences and communicate with teammates, which is(are) the requirements of surviving such a competitive society. It is the competition that motivates our children to be a better player and work harder to achieve the gold.
     In the meantime, sports contest will select brilliant athletes from our children which has a outstanding contribution to the development of nation’s sports events. Most of excellent athletes, when they were young, begun(began) their professional career and won many matches in international competitions, which won glory for motherland and gained fame and benefit for themselves. Therefore, children should take some competitions to show their talent in sports and not just take it for fun.
      In brief,sports in contest bring them more fun, and even help them to grow better both physically and mentally. It improves the sports development as well. That is the reason why I recommend children should also attend competitions.
Comments：三个论点找的很好。但是每个论点都缺少具体的例子。显得文章议论性过强，说服力不够。。。

萝卜须根多UID：3008387

改好了，有改错的地方和我说下哈~