彼岸小组6号习作

fish_snowUID: 2822442

We cannot denied that socialization for children is an imperative process of their growth, however, it is not the only factor that determine the society’s destiny, which importance has been taken too seriously by the speaker. Besides, there is no room for doubt that we today have already made some difference in the field of adopting children.


The process of grasping the ability derived from society, which may be considered as the being socialized, will teach children how to communicate with others and be independent in order to struggle for a better living. During this process, children learn how to show themselves, assimilate from surroundings and, at the same time, they contact with different thoughts and constantly changing so that they can form a wholesome thoughts and values. In collective life children perfect themselves through cooperation and competition gradually. Meanwhile, knowing how to make good interpersonal relation is crucial in their lifetime. As we all know how a great networking will do us a success. Not only because human are social animal and long for being recognized by the society, but also the socialization for children can make a preparation for forming their thoughts and values during they growing up. However,we could imagine a child who haven’t the experience of well educated by the surrounding or the society, who might show solitary, different, selfish and couldn’t tolerate different opinion from others and only live in his own world that separated by the society. What a terrible thing!


However, beyond this statement, much more factors are dispensable such as the ability of creation and or the moral and the perspective about value all influence the development of society. Take Mahatma Gandhi for instance, it is his inner belief instead of the socialization from the high society change the fate of India. Consider Roosevelt’s childhood disability which give rise to his poor early childhood physical development let alone a good education even the socialization, however, there is no obstacles to make him become the only one president in America who reelected three times.

In addition, considering the latter claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children, we find the fact cannot comply with this issue which we have a set of mature methods to educate children. It is an indisputable fact that numerous figures have made great contributions to the world that we today being benefited, which base on their early well education and socialization. Consider Martin Luther King put forward the civil rights movement; or consider Shakespeare brought the world several Vivid characters then left us infinite thinking; Consider Archimedes’ s contribution in geometry…… Their achievements all could not deviates from their early experiences. In addition, look around the world today: greater cooperation across cultural and national boundaries, greater tolerance of differing viewpoints and greater esteem for women and black almost been set up in the most recent half-century. Numerous other instances of this sort might be multiplied indefinitely, but these will suffice.



All in all, from what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that how children are socialized, together with other factors, determines the destiny of society together. Moreover, we have done something in raising children and in making a better society, and we will keep on working hard on it.

melody-quUID: 2970250

We cannot denied that socialization for children is an imperative process of their growth, however, it is not the only factor that determine the society’s destiny, which(whose) importance has been taken too seriously by the speaker. Besides, there is no room for doubt that we today have already made some difference in the field of adopting children.
The process of grasping the ability derived from society, which may be considered as the being socialized, will teach children how to communicate with others and be independent in order to struggle for a better living. During this process, children learn how to show themselves, assimilate from surroundings and, at the same time, they contact with different thoughts and constantly changing(change与contact并列的动词) so that they can form a wholesome thoughts and values. In collective life children perfect themselves through cooperation and competition gradually. Meanwhile, knowing how to make good interpersonal relation is crucial in their lifetime. As we all know how a great networking will do us a success(do one a favor帮助). Not only because human are social animals and long for being recognized by the society, but also the socialization for children can make a preparation for forming their thoughts and values during they(their) growing up. However, we could imagine a child who haven’t the experience of well educated by the surrounding or the society, who might show solitary, different, selfish（应该是名词形式） and couldn’t tolerate different opinion from others and only live in his own world that separated by the society. （这几句有点赘述，后面的描述就是之前说到的solitary）What a terrible thing!
However, beyond this statement, much more factors are dispensable such as the ability of creation and or the moral and the perspective about value all influence(influencing) the development of society. Take Mahatma Gandhi for instance, it is his inner belief instead of the socialization from the high society(??) change (that changes) the fate of India. Consider Roosevelt’s childhood disability which gives rise to his poor early childhood physical development, let alone a good education even the socialization, however, there is no obstacles to make(making) him become the only one president in America who (加was) reelected three times.
In addition, considering the latter claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children, we find the fact cannot comply with this issue which we have a set of mature methods to educate children(we find the fact that we have a set of mature methods to educate children cannot comply with this issue). It is an indisputable fact that numerous figures have made great contributions to the world that we today being benefited (benefit from), which base(is based on) on their early well education and socialization. Consider Martin Luther King put forward the civil rights movement; or consider Shakespeare brought the world several Vivid characters then left us infinite thinking; Consider Archimedes’ s contribution in geometry……（语法有问题，我也在查这个consider 的用法，稍后切磋）
Their achievements all could not deviates from their early experiences. In addition, look around the world today:（有点中式。。。。）
greater cooperation across cultural and national boundaries, greater tolerance of differing viewpoints and greater esteem for women and black almost been set up in the most recent half-century. Numerous other instances of this sort might be multiplied indefinitely, but these will suffice.
All in all, from what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that how children are socialized, together with other factors, determines the destiny of society together. Moreover, we have done something in raising children and in making a better society, and we will keep on working hard on it.

有些小的修改建议你参考一下，也不一定都对，呵呵，另外在每段开头或者结尾处在总结一句可能结构更清晰明了一些。Anyway,加油！

muzhihao1UID: 2959675

We cannot denied （deny最好校对一下哦） that socialization for children is an imperative（？） process of their growth, however, it is not the only factor that determine the society’s destiny, which importance（the importance of which） has been taken too seriously by the speaker. Besides, there is（最好不要用there is，因为is最好用动词代） no room for doubt （）that we today have already made some difference in the field of adopting children.（意思不是很清楚）


The process of grasping（developing） the ability derived from society（？发自社会的能力）, which may be considered as the being socialized（socialization）, will teach （？process can't teach）children how to communicate with others and be independent in order to struggle for a better living. During this process, children learn how to show themselves, assimilate from surroundings and, at the same time, they contact with different thoughts and constantly changing so that they can form a wholesome（不妥） thoughts and values. In collective life children perfect themselves through cooperation and competition gradually. Meanwhile, knowing how to make good interpersonal relation is crucial in their lifetime. As we all know how a great networking will do us a success. Not only because human are social animal and long for being recognized by the society, but also the socialization for children can make a preparation for forming their thoughts and values during they growing up. However,we could imagine a child who haven’t the experience of well educated by the surrounding or the society, who might show solitary, different, selfish and couldn’t tolerate different opinion from others and only live in his own world that separated by the society. What a terrible thing!

个人看下来感觉逻辑很乱，这段话里没有条理性，一句句虽然知道你大概想表达什么，但是句子出来有点突兀

However, beyond this statement, much more factors are dispensable such as the ability of creation（？） and or（？） the moral and the perspective about value all（双谓语） influence the development of society. Take Mahatma Gandhi for instance, it is his inner belief instead of the socialization from the high society change the fate of India. Consider Roosevelt’s childhood disability which give rise to his poor early childhood physical development let alone a good education even the socialization（有点乱）, however, there is no obstacles to make him become the only one president in America who reelected three times.

例子最好展开，不然有点干瘪，一个如果发展的好的也够用了，再来个总结让这段比较自然得结束

In addition, considering the latter claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children, we find the fact cannot comply with（？） this issue which （这个从句怪）we have a set of mature methods to educate children. It is an indisputable fact that numerous figures have made great contributions to the world that we today being benefited（这是动词。。。从句怪）, which（从句放这里，结构乱） base on their early well education and socialization. Consider Martin Luther King put forward the civil rights movement; or consider Shakespeare brought the world several Vivid characters then left us infinite thinking; Consider Archimedes’ s contribution in geometry…… Their achievements all could not deviates from their early experiences（？真的跟以前的经历没关系吗）. In addition（第二次了）, look around the world today: greater cooperation across cultural and national boundaries, greater tolerance of differing viewpoints and greater esteem for women and black almost been set up in the most recent half-century. Numerous other instances of this sort might be multiplied indefinitely, but these will suffice.

写得有点抒情了。。。而且很重要的一点是题目的前提是我们今日不知道怎么让孩子更好的社会化，以至于他们将来不能更好地造福社会，所以讲以前的伟人感觉没多少说服力，因为作者之所以提出这个论点，可能涉及到当代社会孩子成长的一些问题

All in all（=generally，用在这里怪）, from what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that how children are socialized, together with other factors, determines the destiny of society together. Moreover, we have done something in raising children and in making a better society, and we will keep on working hard on it.

整篇看下来，思路算比较主流，但是用词不是很准确，第二段最好把思路整理一下，也可以给别人看，看他的感觉怎么样
批得比较严，郁闷的话批我的解气一下，我的很差的==