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[活动] 独立作文 by Eva 求修改 感谢!! [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-3-2 15:37:54 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 makeithappen 于 2010-3-6 20:22 编辑

32 08.5.17
It's better to watch serious movies to get deeper think or watch movies that amuse or entertain you.
I do strongly support to watch movies that amuse or entertain people. This I support with the following reasons.
First of all, movies are original created as an entertainment tool which helps people relax and decompress. When trapping into the plot of interesting film, people definitely are pleased, or even inspired, by the performance of actors. But serous movies lack of element of delighting people, they even can destroy people’s pleasure. For example, people buy the movie tickets of Spiderman, watch the Spiderman defect the bad guy, and leave the cinema with enjoyable imagination of becoming the superman. The only reason for most people to buy the ticket is to feel the decompression and happiness rather than think, thus the amusing film is the best choice.
Secondly, watching serious movies is not the appropriate way to get deeper thinking. Contrast to the watching the film, reading the book generates more profound speculation, since reading speed is self-control while watching speed is set up and the movies are much less than the reading materials. Despite people can get profound thinking from a limited movies, it is still not an intelligent decision that people pay to find speculation, even sadness, rather than happiness.
Finally, it is not a seldom thing that there are mistakes in the film, so it is not wise to treat the entertain tool—movie—with serious. Now, huge amount plots of film are fabricated, and seldom of film give delicate clue about them. People will probably generate an unrealized or wrong view based on a faked plot. Avoiding making mistakes like that, people should regard the film with amusement and watch the film only for entertainment rather than thinking.
To making watch movies fun and enjoyable, the amusing films are recommended.

welcome to revise, thanks!!! 32indenpendentwriting.doc (26 KB, 下载次数: 5)
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发表于 2010-3-3 14:52:35 |只看该作者
It's better to watch serious movies to get deeper think or watch movies that amuse or entertain you.
I do strongly support to watch movies that amuse or entertain people. This I support with the following reasons.开头虽说简洁但是太单薄了,最后稍微铺垫下。

First of all, movies are original created as an entertainment tool which helps people relax and decompress. When trapping into the plot of interesting film, people definitely are pleased, or even inspired, by the performance of actors. But serous---->serious movies lack of element of delighting people, they even can destroy people’s pleasure. For example, people buy the movie tickets of Spiderman, watch the Spiderman defect the bad guy这个defect用法我觉得很怪, and leave the cinema with enjoyable imagination of becoming the superman. The only reason for most people to buy the ticket is to feel the decompression and happiness rather than think, thus the amusing film is the best choice.7 i  `6 D, T* |# u$ a' J& p0 v/ `

Secondly, watching serious movies is not the appropriate way to get deeper thinking. Contrast to the watching the film, reading the book generates more profound speculation, since reading speed is self-control while watching speed is set up and the movies are much less than the reading materials. Despite people can get profound thinking from a limited movies, it is still not an intelligent decision that people pay to find speculation, even sadness, rather than happiness.可以论证的时候加一点例子和细节,全是道理有些单薄了。

Finally, it is not a seldom thing that there are mistakes in the film, so it is not wise to treat the entertain tool—movie—with serious. Now, huge amount plots of film are fabricated, and seldom of film give delicate clue about them. People will probably generate an unrealized or wrong view based on a faked plot. Avoiding making mistakes like that, people should regard the film with amusement and watch the film only for entertainment rather than thinking.9 g7 K; p* v# k( P
' L4 U! G; R

To making watch movies fun and enjoyable, the amusing films are recommended.


语言都没有什么大问题,逻辑也还好。但是觉得每一点,除了第一点有例子以外都只有空洞的道理,需要例子进行佐证。ets特别偏好details和examples。然后就是结构,觉得首尾太简单了。

welcome to revise, thanks!!!

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发表于 2010-3-3 21:15:57 |只看该作者
eva.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 4)
一家之言,仅供参考~~
加油\(^o^)/~
I forsee the dark ahead if i stay

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发表于 2010-3-6 18:51:11 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 makeithappen 于 2010-3-6 20:22 编辑

3.6
The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.9 I, C3


The statement "the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide" is questionable, which fails to consider the different preference of individuals and specific details of various situations.

First of all, although traveling in a group has specific fun, no everyone prefers traveling by group. Traveling alone also has large number of benefits. For example, one can use most of his time to enjoy the scenery rather than communicate with others when travel alone. What's more, singleness also creates a chance to generate deeply thinking. Traveling alone especially enjoy by those who like quite and peace. I have a friend who is wordless, and she used to take a bus around the city alone once in a month, which helps her to relax. Thus, there is not sufficient evidence to support that all the people loves travel in a group.

Secondly, although traveling in a group can be consider as an advantageous behavior, the tour guide might not be a best choice for everyone. The leader--the tour guide--may follow most people's opinion to determine the schedule of the trip. So, dissatisfaction exists, definitely, in a group travel. What's worst, the leader possibly arranges the trip on its own interest, which may produce a group’s unhappiness during all the time of the travel. In addition, there is nothing to guarantee the quantity of the leader. An unqualified tour guide can change a lighted travel into a tried process. A tragedy create by a leader's impropriate guidance often appears on the newspaper. Whether a tour guide increases the pleasure of the travel is challenged by hundreds of sad memories that a trip was destroyed by a tour guide.

Individual have its own likelihood in travel. Furthermore, the characteristics of different trip are suitable for distinct method of travel. Regarding the diversity of situation, it is impossible to draw a conclusion about which is the best travel way.

3.6independentwriting.doc (26 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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发表于 2010-3-7 10:33:44 |只看该作者
The statement "the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide" is questionable, which fails to consider the different preference of individuals and specific details of various situations.8 h0 z. k% {+ K
, ]2 W$ i# V$ z, q( C) q* n" f  a

First of all, although traveling in a group has specific fun, not everyone prefers traveling by group. Traveling alone also has large number of benefits. For example, one can use most of his time to enjoy the scenery rather than communicating(我好像记得rather than后面接名词,不确定,去爱词霸找了下,没找到相关例句。) with others when travels alone. What's more, singleness also creates a chance to generate deeply thinking. Traveling alone especially enjoyed by those who like quite and peace. I have a friend who is wordless, and she used to take a bus around the city alone once in a month, which helps her to relax. Thus, there is no(这个改的也不确定) sufficient evidence to support that all the people love travelling in a group.8 X, e7 Z9 C$ Q
1 O4 d) F- e; R3 C5 a" m" ?

Secondly, although traveling in a group can be considered as an advantageous behavior, the tour guide might not be the best choice for everyone. The leader--the tour guide--may follow most people's opinion to determine the schedule of the trip. So, dissatisfaction exists, definitely, in a group travel. What's worst, the leader possibly arranges the trip on his own interest, which may produce a group’s unhappiness during all the time of the travel. In addition, there is nothing to guarantee the quanlity(我猜这应该说的是质量而不是数量吧?) of the leader. An unqualified tour guide can change a lighted travel into a tried process. A tragedy created by a leader's impropriate guidance often appears on the newspaper. Whether a tour guide increases the pleasure of the travel is challenged by hundreds of sad memories that a trip was destroyed by a tour guide.( |6 m8 p1 \" t- }; d: s  p6 d- P, ~

Individuals have its own likelihood in travel. Furthermore, the characteristics of different trips are suitable for distinct method of travel. Regarding the diversity of situations, it is impossible to draw a conclusion about which is the best travel way.

LZ的essay思路清晰,用词华丽,大赞一个哦~~~~~! t% u: k( Y" A+ R4 D2

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发表于 2010-3-7 19:34:30 |只看该作者
The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.9 I, C3

修改版
The statement "the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide" is questionable, which fails to consider the different preference of individuals and specific details of various situations.

First of all, although traveling in a group has specific fun, no everyone prefers traveling by group. Traveling alone also has large number of benefits. (我觉得你的TS要明确,你这样的句子应该用到第一段,分论点在这里应该明确给出,点明优点是什么)For example, one can use most of his time to enjoy the scenery rather than communicate with others when travel alone. What's more, singleness also creates a chance to generate deeply thinking. Traveling alone especially enjoy by those who like quite and peace. I have a friend who is wordless, and she used to take a bus around the city alone once in a month, which helps her to relax. Thus, there is not sufficient evidence to support that all the people loves travel in a group.

Secondly, although traveling in a group can be consider as an advantageous behavior, the tour guide might not be a best choice for everyone. The leader--the tour guide--may follow most people's opinion to determine the schedule of the trip. So, dissatisfaction exists, definitely, in a group travel. What's worst, the leader possibly arranges the trip on its own interest, which may produce a group’s unhappiness during all the time of the travel. In addition, there is nothing to guarantee the quantity of the leader. An unqualified tour guide can change a lighted travel into a tried process. A tragedy create by a leader's impropriate guidance often appears on the newspaper. Whether a tour guide increases the pleasure of the travel is challenged by hundreds of sad memories that a trip was destroyed by a tour guide.

Individual have its own likelihood in travel. Furthermore, the characteristics of different trip are suitable for distinct method of travel. Regarding the diversity of situation, it is impossible to draw a conclusion about which is the best travel way.

同学的语言句式词汇都很好。。但是我觉得这样的逻辑安排不太容易高分
每段的TS一定要明确,最好2段明确讲某一个的优点。。或者是2段说好的,一段不好。。这样例子细节也比较好把握
博观而约取,厚积而薄发

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发表于 2010-3-8 09:49:14 |只看该作者





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Human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals.

The perspective that human needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals is refuted by the human's terrific dream about future. The limited earth land is treasure to all creatures on the earth, not just human being. The contrary between the human's need and endangered animals need for the land is subjective.

Human's desire for land is a reasonable requirement, since the land is the foundation to all the human activities. But if the whole land was used for human's living and development, the earth would be destroyed by human beings themselves. The dense forests turn into soaring skyscrapers and various animals die out rapidly. And then the human lives alone in the earth. Without the animals and their habitats, not only the pleasures of touching the various species, but also the applications of animals’ potential value disappear. For example, some animals’ organisms, as the magic beans, can heal specific disease. What's worse, The unbalance of natural might generate disaster, such as earthquake, which may exterminate human beings. Thus, ignoring the animals’ need surely equate to the suicide of human beings.

However, exaggerating the animals' need for land will definitively lead to a strategy, too. The increasing population generates more urgent need to the land, which illustrated by Shanghai rocking property price. Sacrificing the human's demand to satisfy the animals’ need does not look like wise and reasonable.

The demand of human and endangered animals should all to be took into account. And it is difficult to find a metric to measure the importance between those two. In conclusion, the statement lack of sufficient evidence to support that the need of human for land is more significant than the need of animals.
Human needs for farmland.doc (27 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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发表于 2010-3-8 19:27:18 |只看该作者
仅代表个人观点,有不对的请包含,一起加油~~~攻克写作!

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发表于 2010-3-9 11:54:21 |只看该作者
Universities should give every member of the team the same grade when the team finishes a project.;
When universities mark a project, they should evaluate every member’s specific work, not just simply give a same grade to all members.

First, the contribution to the project of every team member may be different. Even some of the team members do not take part in the project. In my cases, every time doing the class project, my team always has some persons do not take any contribution to the results and have a huge amount of explanations, such as “we are busy in the activities of performing”. And it is so hard to blame them or give up them when considering the friendship. Thus, getting a same grade would definitively lack of fair regarding the different quality and quantity of every member’s work.

In addition, although everyone makes the same level contribution of the final result under a reasonable arrangement, the time used on study should also take into account when evaluate someone’s performance. In another word, the one diligent on the class should be given a higher grade than the one not, though they take same contributions to the final project. The university and class are not all about the project, so it surely including the performance in other areas. I used have a friend who is addition about chemistry. So she paid much attention on reading chemistry book and research about different complement. She should be given an A+ in chemistry no matter what kind of project she had done. When mark a student, it is fair and reasonable to consider other areas’ performances of the student.

At last, some effective methods to measure the student performance should be use in marking. For example, the profession could refer the results either the mark each member mark each other, or the list about the specific work each member did. These methods could express a objective process how this project had been done, and surely useful in considering every member’s work.

In conclusion, Giving every member the same grade would definitively appear unfair, and take other areas’ performances into account as well as use effective methods to evaluate each member’s work could be use to give a objective point of every student.
3.8.doc (27.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

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发表于 2010-3-9 18:10:31 |只看该作者
39.doc (25.5 KB, 下载次数: 1) Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

The question whether homework should be assign daily is complicated. The teacher should take course content and the student's ability into account when assign homework.

First, the content of the course is a significant factor to determine the frequency of the homework. For example, if a freshman takes in mathematical classes, such as probability, daily homework deserved recommend. The mathematic is a delicate theory, which should take a huge amount of time to understand. So only by insisting on practice, the student can get better sense to use the difficult theory. I am still grateful to my mathematical teacher who arranges mathematical problem everyday on the first year in university. Although at the begin I felt, in some extent, tired and difficulty in solving them, later i appreciate the steady founder of mathematic made by daily homework, which is helpful in my later study.

However, there are some kind of study, such as film evaluation, should not be assign homework daily to the student who just want to get a sketch of these subject. If the musical professor give a student majoring chemistry assignment daily, how could the student focus on its main subject--chemistry--any more?
And the research link between musical and chemistry seems limited at all. Therefore, the course targeting at developing students' interest or hobby ought to decrease the frequency of assignment.

In addition, the students' situation, for example learning ability and abundant of class, also play a important role. If the student already spends 12 hour in the class, he or she would definitely no any time and energy to do the assignment. Without giving sufficient spare time to student, the consequence to the teacher would be a whole class students' sleeping noise when the class begin. Furthermore, it is unintelligent to assign homework when most of the student could not understand the approach once had been told. Otherwise, all the teacher receives would be one piece answer and a huge amount of copied answers.

Therefore, daily homework is necessary to some class, and inappropriate to some class. One conclusion about this question appears to be subjective. There are thousands class everyday, how could we just set up only one type frequency of homework?

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发表于 2010-3-10 09:00:56 |只看该作者
The question whether homework should be assign daily is complicated. The teacher should take course content and the student's ability into account when assign homework. 7 D  m9 [) H  F3 u5 @) k

First, the content of the course is a significant factor to determine the frequency of the homework. For example, if a freshman takes in mathematical classes, such as probability, daily homework deserved recommend. The mathematic is a delicate theory, which should take a huge amount of time to understand. So only by insisting on practice, the student can get better sense to use the difficult theory. I am still grateful to my mathematical teacher who arranges mathematical problem everyday on the first year in university. Although at the begin I felt, in some extent, tired and difficulty in solving them, later i appreciate the steady founder of mathematic made by daily homework, which is helpful in my later study. ! ?; w4 h% J( v2 |- _

However, there are some kind of study, such as film evaluation, should not be assign homework daily to the student who just want to get a sketch of these subject. If the musical professor give a student majoring chemistry assignment daily, how could the student focus on its main subject--chemistry--any more?, z6 t! o- U* H; }( L
And the research link between musical and chemistry seems limited at all. Therefore, the course targeting at developing students' interest or hobby ought to decrease the frequency of assignment.

`. X: f# \! w7 r
In addition, the students' situation, for example learning ability and abundant of class, also play an important role. If the student already spends 12 hour in the class, he or she would definitely no any time(觉得似乎有语病,但不知道哪有问题……) and energy to do the assignment. Without giving sufficient spare time to student, the consequence to the teacher would be a whole class students' sleeping noise when the class begin. Furthermore, it is unintelligent to assign homework when most of the student could not understand the approach once had been told. Otherwise, all the teacher receives would be one piece answer and a huge amount of copied answers.


Therefore, daily homework is necessary to some class, and inappropriate to some class. One conclusion about this question appears to be subjective. There are thousands class everyday, how could we just set up only one type frequency of homework?

LZ的essay freshed my mind,这个题目的重点不是homework而是daily,于是乎恍然发现我又写偏题了……PS,LZ的举例很合适,语言也很fluent~~~

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发表于 2010-3-10 17:36:21 |只看该作者
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can benefit more from traveling in their own country than traveling to foreign countries.

I disagree with the statement that traveling in own country is more beneficial than traveling abroad

Comparing to traveling in homeland, one can study foreign language when traveling abroad. When one is traveling to foreign country, he or she have to listen, speak, read in the country's language in a relatively long time. This validity of this method to learning language has been proved by a huge amount of institution research, even some scholar think this method is the fastest way to learn a foreign language. And proficiency in a foreign language is a treasured skill, especially to our university students who is looking for a job. When interviewed by American manager, the native speaking of American would surely give a deep impression to the manager.


In addition, traveling abroad one can get in touch with different culture and featured food. One of my friends used have been to France. She told me that most of French women are addicted by fashion. They all dress as a famous actress. And Sun bath on the beach popular around all the France, which is really an effective way to relax or decompress. Furthermore, the French yogurt combines the deliciousness and health. The words she told me about France arouse my intense interesting about the world outside my countries. How I wish I could go abroad to know about different countries one day.

At last, going abroad to travel also is a symbol of wealth. The cost of traveling to foreign countries usually more than the cost of travelling in own country, especially in my country. So if one has a experiment of travelling abroad, he or she would get proud of this travel.

In conclusion, one can benefit more, when travel abroad, since the advantages of studying foreign language, learning foreign culture and wealth symbol.


这个和以前也得很不一样不太objective 加了很多自己的经历。。不晓得好不好
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发表于 2010-3-11 01:46:23 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 eejchen 于 2010-3-11 02:05 编辑

3.9 by 米

因为直接拷过来颜色都没了,so,请见附件

39.doc

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且行且珍惜……

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发表于 2010-3-11 11:48:34 |只看该作者
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can benefit more from traveling in their own country than traveling to foreign countries.

I disagree with the statement that traveling in our own country is more beneficial than traveling abroad. 【个人认为后面应该在跟一个肯定的观点。这句只是对前一观点的态度。最好后面再换种方式肯定一下。】

Comparing to traveling in homeland, one can study foreign language when traveling abroad. When one is traveling to foreign country, he or she havehas to listen (to), speak, (and) read<感觉这样并列有点怪。用两个就够了。> in(去掉) the country's language in a relatively long time(个人比较喜欢用period. This validity of this method to learninglearn a language has been proved by a huge amount of institution researches, even some scholars think this method is the fastest way to learn a foreign language. And proficiency in a foreign language is a treasured skill, especially to our university students who is (are) looking for a job. When interviewed by American manager, the native speaking of American would surely give a deep impression to the manager.
【个人认为学习外语的好处只需一句带过,因为是第二层论证了,不必要再加例子去证明。】

In addition, traveling abroad one can get in touch with different culture and featured food. One of my friends used have been to (used to have been?!好像有点怪?) France. She told me that most of French women are addicted by fashion. They all dress as a famous actress. And Sun bath on the beach popular around all the France, which is really an effective way to relax or decompress(这词不错。我没用过。(*^__^*) . Furthermore, the French yogurt combines the deliciousness and health. The words she told me about France arouse my intense interestinginterest这个短语不错。) about the world outside my countries. How I wish I could go abroad to know about different countries one day.【最后两句可省略。这个例子只要说明French的特有文化和食物等就可以了。】

At last, going abroad to travel also is a symbol of wealth. The cost of traveling to foreign countries is usually more than the cost of travelling in own country, especially in my country. So if one has a experiment(some experience 笔误吧。) of travelling abroad, he or she would get proud of this travel.【关于这个论点,感觉在说,人们出去是为了虚荣。个人认为这个观点采用的不太好。】

In conclusion, one can benefit more, when travelling abroad, since(这个词用的好像意思不对吧。可以改成:as a result of advantages in studying foreign language, culture and revealing a symbol of wealth as illustrated above. the advantages of studying foreign language, learning foreign culture and wealth symbol.【总结不错。思路很清晰。学习!】

【以上仅是个人观点。我是新人。多多关照。写的不错。思路很清楚。语法方面注意一点。有些错误明显的自己在复查的时候要改过来。顺便问下亲,怎么在帖子里传附件的?】

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发表于 2010-3-11 16:20:39 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 何惜醉流霞 于 2010-3-11 16:22 编辑

I disagree with the statement that traveling in own country is more beneficial than traveling abroad

to traveling in homeland, one can study foreign language when traveling abroad. When one is traveling to foreign country, he or she havehas to listen, speak, read in the country's language in a relatively long time. This validity of this method (validity是正当性吧) to learning language has been proved by a huge amount of institution research, even some scholar think this method is the fastest way to learn a foreign language. And proficiency inof a foreign language is a treasured (precious?) skill, especially to our university students who is looking for a job(who are looking for jobs). When interviewed by American manager, the native speaking of American would surely give a deep impression to the manager.- B" e1 b1 x2 A3 t
4 `) d- S+ g9 s4 f$ g9 _' _

In addition, (+by) traveling abroad one can get in touch with different culture and featured food. One of my friends used have been (has been ) to France. She told me that most of French women are addicted by fashion. They all dress as a famous actress (famous actresses). And Sun bath (sunbathe) on the beach (+is) popular around all the France, which is really an effective way to relax or decompress. Furthermore, the French yogurt combines the deliciousness and health (中式的说法了 直接delicious and nutritious就可以了). The words she told me about France arouse my intense interesting about the world outside my countries. How I wish I could go abroad to know about different countries one day.$ u! {& K) [4 h1 D! `

- F% @) [! D1 ?  j
At last, going abroad to travel also is a symbol of wealth. The cost of traveling to foreign countries (+is) usually more than the cost of travelling (traveling) in (+one’s) own country, especially in my country. So if one has a experiment of (gets an opportunity to) travelling (traveling) abroad, he or she would get proud of this travel.


In conclusion, one can benefit more, (不需要逗号) when travel abroad, since the advantages of studying foreign language, learning foreign culture and wealth symbol. (这个句子是不通滴..建议改成since it’s a chance to improve foreign language skills and learn about foreign culture. Meanwhile, it is also a symbol of wealth.)

. U5 \1 Q3 K) I& S
语言上,建议关注一下语法,减少相关的语法错误。


结构上段落层次很清楚。个人觉得第三个论点,symbol of wealth在价值取向上不太好……


论证逻辑上,这篇的题目是说境内游和境外游那个更能使旅游者获益,个人觉得重在比较,你选择了境外游,但是几乎没有提及境内游与之相比的劣势,这样只能证明境外游benefit tourists 但是不能证明 benefit more,这样扣题似乎不够严谨吧~
就算世界只剩下我独奏

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RE: 独立作文 by Eva 求修改 感谢!! [修改]

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独立作文 by Eva 求修改 感谢!!
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