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The speaker asserts that personal economic success requires conformity. I concede that conformity is a necessary premise of personal economic success, yet individuality still play a key role (key role 是不是太高了,算不上key吧fairly important觉得比较恰当) in personal economic success. The combination of conformity and individuality can lead people to economic success.(开篇表达出自己观点,爽快,喜欢)
On the one hand, people should conform to laws, moral and business rules in business trades. It is those laws and rules which protect the benefits of each business man. Laws and business rules can ensure the equity of business trades. For example, if you have been cheated in a business trade, what would you do? An effective way to solve this problem is to raise it to the court. With the help of laws and business rules, you can get back what should be owned by you------(这句话很土,-what belongs to you). Turn to moral. If a businessman can obey moral of the society in the business trade, others would respect him and be willing to deal with him. A polite person can build up good relationships with different people or organizations. Hence, it is possible for him/her(前面都是him,这里脑袋又热了) to have more chances, earn more money and reputation in business field, which is very essential for personal economic success. In the contrast(没见过这么用的,是不是我不够温柔)_-----on the contrary, if a businessman always violates morals, for example, not be punctual for appointments(这不能充分说明他violate morals吧,程度不够感觉), others may cannot (我也不多见) bear him, thus he would miss many chances. Therefore, the conformity ensures a reciprocal environment.
On the other hand, individuality plays a key role in personal economic success as it creates initiative and innovations. Individuality let people break the traditional thoughts and conventions, thus create some famous brands. For such an example, we need to look no further than Dell, which is the second largest computer company in the world. Instead of selling computers to different agents, Dell sells computers directly to its customers. Dell can make computers according to customers' requirements, thus computer buyers need not to go to the stores and spend hours on selecting suitable computers. In addition, this selling method also reduces the price of Dell computers, as no agents would earn money from the company or from the customers. Moreover, Dell never produces the basic elements of computers but buy them from other companies. In this way, the number of personnel can be greatly reduced thus the fee spent on labor force can be reduced, which also results in the low price of Dell computers. With all methods above, Dell, the first CEO of Dell computer, achieved the personal economic success by individuality. Therefore, personal economic success also depends largely on the individuality.
A balance between the individuality and conformity can create a better environment for businessmen to achieve personal economic success. Overemphasis on any one of them may lead to danger. If a businessman only focuses on conformity, he may always follow the conventions, which can hardly attract people's attention and thus can never lead him to personal economic success. By contrary, if he only pays attention to the individuality, it is possible for him to violating laws or business rules, or it is impossible for a businessman to establish a good relationship with his partners, cooperators and competitors. A balance between conformity and individuality can solve the problems. It can provide a businessman good environment to develop, frequently communicate with different parties and create marked brands.
In sum, conformity is the premise of personal economic success, while individuality is the key factor for a businessman to be success. A balance between conformity and individuality can help to earn more chances, build up good relationship with people in that field, and win success in the competition.(重复的东西太多,缺乏新东西)
第二段句子太过零碎,总的来说思路很清晰,不错 |
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