进军美利坚作文～10.7

hydrusUID: 171899

10.7 Technology cause children show less creative than they were in past.


Technology, undeniably, act as the power of a myriad of creations and inventions such as cell phone, computer, internet, media and online games. Ironically, it is the technology which urges the creative progress of society that undermines the essential creation required by children. Many children gradually lose the ability to cogitation and encouragement to image. Even worse, the value of life is confused among those children to some extent, contributing to lacking will to create.

The foremost reason is that technology encourages children to receive information rather than original thinking. Nowadays, television, media and internet are prevalent and indispensable for every single individual regardless he/she is child or not. On weekends, Children get accustomed to stick on TV program such as violent movies and boring advertisement. Or they are more mesmerizing at internet, randomly clicking on the links in the website and receive a large amount of information some of which is harmful to them. Hardly could a child avoid the attraction without any regulation from public or restriction from parents. However, centuries ago, children have no other choice but to involved in reading, playing games, and interpersonal communication.

Equally important rationale is that technology provides too much convenience to children which contribute to disappearing capacity in creation. Quite a lot of children addict to play basketball in unreal world by knocking the keyboard and clicking the mouse. Seldom would children rather to risk hot sunlight and dingy dust to enjoy the real basketball game in open sky as if they are watched and monitored.


A subtler reason is that technology presented in media games finally breaks the integrity of children’s morality into pieces which lead to a malfunction in creation. Compared with classes and examination holding in school, video game in the internet apparently appeals more children by fostering their unreal ambition and imprudent friendship. They withdraw from classes and elude from the reality of life. Gradually, their encouragement in conquering frustration and challenge totally disappear accompanying with their instinctive creation.

In summarize, technology does bring advantages like convenience, effectiveness and efficiency, yet children are too susceptible  to experience these ostensibl merits. Without necessary protection and supervision on children, technology cannot facilitate our society any more in future.
郁闷的是，还是很难适应toefl的写作，写完后觉得过于严肃，例子不突出，写作时间也长。大家来帮我出出主意。是不是简单随意些好。

larcwingUID: 2528204

Technology, undeniably, act as the power of a myriad of creations and inventions such as cell phone, computer, internet, media（media好像不能说是technology吧？而且这个句型读起来总觉得意思有点怪怪的） and online games. Ironically, it is （the去掉） technology which urges the creative progress of society that(while) undermines(undermining) the essential creation required by children（这个句子有点看不懂，损害了孩子所要求的创造力？句式结构也不太好）. Many children gradually lose the ability to cogitation and encouragement to image.（又是一个看不懂的句子。。。） Even worse, the value of life is confused among those children to some extent, contributing to(attributing to，不好的不能用contribute) lacking will to create.

The foremost reason is that technology encourages children to receive information rather than original thinking. Nowadays, television, media and internet are prevalent and indispensable for every single individual regardless he/she is child or not. On weekends, Children get accustomed to stick on TV program such as violent movies and boring advertisement. Or they are more mesmerizing(mesmerized) at internet, randomly clicking on the links in the website and receive a large amount of information some of which is harmful to them. Hardly could a child avoid the attraction without any regulation from public or restriction from parents. However, centuries ago, children have no other choice but to involved in reading, playing games, and interpersonal communication.（你只做了列举，而没有进一步强调自己的观点。。。）

Equally important rationale is that technology provides too much convenience to children which contribute to disappearing capacity in creation. Quite a lot of children addict to play(playing) basketball in unreal world by knocking the keyboard and clicking the mouse. Seldom would children rather to risk hot sunlight and(or) dingy dust to enjoy the real basketball game in open sky as if they are watched and monitored.

A subtler reason is that technology presented in media games finally breaks the integrity of children’s morality into pieces which lead to a malfunction in creation. Compared with classes and examination holding in school, video game in the internet apparently appeals more children by fostering their unreal ambition and imprudent friendship. They withdraw from classes and elude from the reality of life. Gradually, their encouragement in conquering frustration and challenge totally disappear accompanying with their instinctive creation.

In summarize, technology does bring advantages like convenience, effectiveness and efficiency, yet children are too susceptible  to experience these ostensibl merits. Without necessary protection and supervision on children, technology cannot facilitate our society any more in future

晕了。。。。老实承认我看得很confused。。。你的词汇很丰富，估计是考了G的了，但是你的语句结构和思考模式都太中式了，感觉像是先想好中文的文章再生硬地翻译成英文，这其中你用中文说可能觉得很有说服力，但是到了英语文章里，就完全不是那样了。。。到了有点影响理解的程度。还好每段都有TS~~所以文章结构应该不成问题，但是要试着改变为英式思维。。。。
不好意思啊。。。可能是我水平低没有看懂。。。。