2.25-slimh-作文

slimhUID: 2438517

2.25 Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money, agree or disagree?


The year of 2009 must be uneasy year to a major of businessmen due to the global financial crisis. It also caused the deep recession of economy and also increased the number of unemployed. Many companies go to the liquidation because the representative of the company cannot hold the loss. What we can see from this is that money is the motivation of the businessmen.


"Made in Japan" once was the representative of the good quality. However, the hottest issue of TOYOTA's recall, just changed people's mind and made the costumers have negative attitude towards Japan made products. Although TOYOTA's CEO apologized 3 times, hardly reduce the negative effect. The most important reason of the TOYOTA's recall is they used cheap share parts. To an automobile, the quality of the share parts are greatly important, however, to make more profit, TOYOTA choose to use low-price with less quality auto parts. As known to all, finally it caused a big problem.
What if TOYOTA's shareholder, when they made a decision, consider less of the profit, but more focus on the quality? I think things won't turn to the wrong side. Maybe the tragedy of TOYOTA becomes a role model to other businessmen that do not over motivated by desire of money.


In the second place, although the global economic recession knock down some of the countries in this world, seems useless to China. Because during the past 2009, China still hit the record of the rapid economic development. It is undeniable that China is the most developing countries in this world. However, since Chinese government published new labors law to increase local residents’ basic salary, China is no more the name of the low price of manpower. Most of the businessmen whose company relies on the low price of labor moved their company to Vietnam or Indonesia. Because to businessmen’s purposes are consistent with the desire of money.


From what I have discussed above, I firmly convinced that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money when they do business.

bensonseuUID: 2707369

The year of 2009 must be an uneasy year to a major (the majority) of businessmen due to the global financial crisis. It also caused the deep recession of economy and also (个人感觉可以去掉) increased the number of unemployed. Many companies go to the liquidation because the representative of the company cannot hold the loss. What we can see from this is that money is the motivation of the businessmen. 4 X& T* I, Z' J

6 C; B& O* K& i' b% V
"Made in Japan" once was the representative of the good quality. However, the hottest issue of TOYOTA's recall, just changed people's mind and made the costumers have negative attitude towards Japan made products (products made in Japan). Although TOYOTA's CEO apologized 3 times, (?主语呢？) hardly reduce the negative effect. The most important reason of the TOYOTA's recall is they used cheap share parts. To an automobile, the quality of the share parts are greatly important, however, to make more profit, TOYOTA choose to use low-price with less quality auto parts (low-price auto parts with less quality). As known to all, finally it caused a big problem.

What if TOYOTA's shareholders, when they made a decision, consider less of the profit, but more focus on the quality? I think things won't turn to the wrong side. Maybe the tragedy of TOYOTA becomes a role model to other businessmen that do not over motivated by desire of money. (这个clause 需要修改)

In the second place, although the global economic recession knock down some of the countries in this world, (主语？)seems useless to China. Because during the past 2009, China still hit the record of the rapid economic development. It is undeniable that China is the most developing countries in this world. However, since Chinese government published (promulgate感觉更好点) new labors（labor） law to increase local residents’ basic salary, China is no more the name of the low price of manpower. Most of the businessmen whose company relies on the low price of labor moved their company to Vietnam or Indonesia. Because to businessmen’s purposes are consistent with the desire of money.) |+ C& n5 @: s" N

From what I have discussed above, I firmly convinced that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money when they do business.
（楼主能够用到了时下最新的丰田例子很不错，然而感觉只丰田一家就说明其他businessman也是以money为基础总感觉小日本会不爽的；建议可以将丰田的例子压缩下，再举个例子就更充分了。LZ的有些句型读起来有点点拗口，还需要修改；一些语法错误已在文中标出，得注意一下。加油！）

淡笑KathyUID: 2708253

The year of 2009 must be an uneasy year to a major (a majority of) of businessmen due to the global financial crisis. It also caused the deep recession of economy and also increased the number of unemployed. Many companies go to the liquidation because the representative of the company cannot hold the loss. What we can see from this is that money is the motivation of the businessmen. 开头结合了当今世界的情况，FRESH~用词也不错 赞一个    
     "Made in Japan" once was the representative of the good quality. However, the hottest issue of TOYOTA's recall, just changed people's mind and made the costumers have negative attitude towards Japan made products. Although TOYOTA's CEO apologized 3 times,（加个主语或者是hardly can it reduce） hardly reduce the negative effect. The most important reason of the TOYOTA's recall is they used cheap share parts. To an automobile, the quality of the share parts are greatly important, however, to make more profit, TOYOTA choose to use low-price with less quality auto parts. As (加is) known to all, finally it caused a big problem.
What if TOYOTA's shareholder, when they made a decision, consider less of the profit, but more focus on the quality? I think things won't turn to the wrong side. Maybe the tragedy of TOYOTA becomes a role model to other businessmen that do not over motivated by desire of money.

      In the second place, although the global economic recession knock down some of the countries in this world, seems useless to（去掉TO吧要~） China. Because during the past 2009, China still hit the record of the rapid economic development. It is undeniable that China is the most developing countries in this world. However, since Chinese government published new labors law to increase local residents’ basic salary, China is no more the name of the low price of manpower. Most of the businessmen whose company relies on the low price of labor moved their company to Vietnam or Indonesia. Because to（？）businessmen’s purposes are consistent with the desire of money.
       From what I have discussed above, I firmly convinced that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money when they do business.
LZ这篇文章用了很多鲜活的案例~ 读起来新鲜，生动。用词上也还不错~~整体上感觉结构能清晰点就更好了，因为第2，3段分论点好像不太清晰，最好是TOPIC SENTENCE+案例说明就更一目了然一点。继续加油吖！(⊙0⊙)