【Flyer杀G】小组-7.6 Issue51, by Sean

柏拉图的世界UID: 2581296

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 457
TIME: 00:35:55

DATE: 2010/7/7 15:22:55

The question whether education should be designed to meet individual needs and interests has everything to do with the essential goal of education in a society. I insist that to effectively achieve its own goal, education should be designed to meet individual's needs and interests, but not limited to such term.

An important duty of education is to develop individual's potential, to help one improve himself/herself and finally accomplish self-fulfillment in as large degree as possible. As we know, everyone is so different from each other. One boy may be physically strong and has the dream to be an athletic, while another boy is mad at cynic phenomena in the nature and hope he would be a distinguished scientist one day. It is obviously the most appropriate kind of education to respect their own imagination of their future, since their interests would be the best engine to accelerate their own improvement. Along with that, we are expected to provide all the direction and help to meet their needs in pursuing their dreams.

However, to totally set individual free to follow their own interests may sometime actually misleads them, especially for children. Kids are insufficiently intelligent to measure their own ideas or understand the environmental conditions. Some interests spurred in their minds are just unreasonable. A child may badly admire the popular stars in the TV and music video, thus process a dream to be a singer, although his potential on music is rather inferior in fact. If teachers and parents blindly permits his such unrealistic goal, he would probably spend a lot of money and time in years and years training and exercising, but eventually gain no progress at all. In this way, he lose his time which may be devoted to other aspects he is good. Because a person's best time for getting education is generally childhood time, all his efforts turns out to be uneconomic opportunity cost. To prevent such mishap, it is a good move for teachers and parents to direct children correctly, and to make their interests more realistic and possible to realize via children's endeavor.

In the view that education is not only consituted for individual's development, but also for the society's prosperity, merely adjusting education for individual's request is stands no ground. For unity of the community and society, also for identification of individual in a group, education holds the obligation to indoctrinate ones getting educated some standard thoughts, such as traditional culture, ethical norms, responsibility as a citizen. If these factors are ignored in the process of culturing members of the society, disturbing situations would threaten the societal harmony. Ones may be only focus on their personal like and dislike, the concept of collective happiness would diminish therefore, thus confliction, violence, crimes and other behaviors emerge.

Besides, when we are trying to put the blueprint to meet every individual’s needs and interests in education, a myriad of practical tickler may retard such a process. For example, teacher resources and implement resources are strongly required. Because students in a particular school may hold various fancies, where some boys like football, some girls like piano, and others like scientific experiment, school have to make a great effort and cost to install these devices and employ qualified teachers. Adequate supply for every student would somehow be rather grueling for some schools.

To conclude, it is the essential obligation of education to try hard to meet individuals’ needs and interests, as well as to teach individual some components which might not meet their flavor and might be standard without regard to their distinction at some degree. When trying to respect and arrange education plan by virtue of one’s own interests and therefore needs, reasonable directions and consideration of practical obstacles are at issue.

JonathanmmUID: 2738719

1.兴趣应当好好的引导，因为兴趣是最好的老师。
2.兴趣不能都引导，满足兴趣高天份低的人的兴趣实际是误导。
3.教育的目的不但是面对个人更是面对群体，满足个人兴趣会失去普遍教育，导致社会不稳定。（这段逻辑不严谨，二者不矛盾）
4.全部因材施教的话现实资源未必能满足。（开始偏题）
5.结尾单词还是issue，和AW前后照应还是有意累rater。

JonathanmmUID: 2738719

论点5
论据2
论证3
语言4

综合3.5

师大菜菜UID: 2838404

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 626
TIME: 00:35:55

DATE: 2010/7/7 15:22:55
The question whether education should be designed to meet individual needs and interests has everything to do with the essential goal of education in a society. I insist that to effectively achieve its own goal, education should be designed to meet individual's needs and interests, but not limited to such terms.
An important duty of education is to develop individual's potential, to help one improve himself/herself and finally accomplish self-fulfillment in as large degree as possible. As we know, everyone is so different from each other. One boy may be physically strong and has the dream to be an athletic, while another boy is mad at cynic phenomena in the nature and hope he would be a distinguished scientist one day(这两者有什么关系呢?犬儒现象与科学家). It is obviously the most appropriate kind of education to respect their own imagination of their future, since their interests would be the best engine to accelerate their own improvement. Along with that, we are expected to provide all the directions(感觉这个单词不太好,没想好的) and help to meet their needs in pursuing their dreams.
//这讲教育是重要职责是发掘小孩潜力,挺好的
那句话可以不可以改成 while another boy is crazy about the natural phenomena


However, to totally set individual free to follow their own interests may sometimes actually misleads them, especially for children. Kids are insufficiently intelligent to measure their own ideas or understand the environmental conditions. Some interests spurred in their minds are just unreasonable. A child may badly admire the popular stars in the TV and music video, thus process a dream to be a singer, although his potential on music is rather inferior in fact. If teachers and parents blindly permits his such unrealistic goal, he would probably spend a lot of money and time in years and years training and exercising, but eventually gain no progress at all. In this way, he loses his time which may be devoted to other aspects he is good at. Because a person's best time for getting education is generally childhood time, all his efforts turns out to be uneconomic
opportunity cost. To prevent such mishap, it is a good move for teachers and parents to direct children correctly, and to make their interests more realistic and possible to realize via children's endeavors.
//这段讲,完全依小孩的需要也不行
In the view that education is not only constituted for individual's development, but also for the society's prosperity, merely adjusting education for individual's request is stands no ground. For unity of the community and society, also for identification of individual in a group, education holds the obligation to indoctrinate ones getting educated some standard thoughts, such as traditional culture, ethical norms, responsibility as a citizen. If these factors are ignored in the process of culturing members of the society, disturbing situations would threaten the societal harmony. Ones may be only focus on their personal like and dislike, the concept of collective happiness would diminish therefore, thus confliction, violence, crimes and other behaviors emerge.
//这段讲教育的仅仅考虑个人需要是不可以的,还要考虑社会需要,挺好
//学习 the societal harmony
社会和谐

Besides, when we are trying to put the blueprint to meet every individual’s needs and interests in education, a myriad of practical tickler may retard such a process. For example, teacher resources and implement resources are strongly required. Because students in a particular school may hold various fancies, where some boys like football, some girls like piano, and others like scientific experiment, school have to make a great effort and cost to install these devices and employ qualified teachers. Adequate supply for every student would somehow be rather grueling for some schools.
//实现过程中可以会碰到很多实际的难题
//牛! a myriad of practical tickler may retard such a process
//一句话我3个单词不认识
a myriad of
tickler retard
给你加0.5分
To conclude, it is the essential obligation of education to try hard to meet individuals’ needs and interests, as well as to teach individual some components which might not meet their flavor and might be standard without regard to their distinction at some degree. When trying to respect and arrange education plan by virtue of one’s own interests and therefore needs, reasonable directions and consideration of practical obstacles are at issue.
//结尾总结全面


总结一下:
语言华丽多变,用词到位,字数也够了. 字数应该是626
论点5
论据4
论证4
语言5
========== 4.5分 =========

师大菜菜UID: 2838404

1.兴趣应当好好的引导，因为兴趣是最好的老师。
2.兴趣不能都引导，满足兴趣高天份低的人的兴趣实际是误导。
3.教育的目的不但是面对个人更是面对群体，满足个人兴趣会失去普遍教育，导致社会不稳定。（这段逻辑不 ...
Jonathanmm 发表于 2010-7-7 23:16

3 题目上个人兴趣和要求，是可能跟社会责任相冲突
4 这段偏题么，怎么讲？？ 考虑现实原因，可能无法满足每个人的需要，有什么问题么
5 结尾issue会出什么问题么, 还是我没看懂幽默

iambigstarUID: 173848

1# 柏拉图的世界

The question whether education should be designed to meet individual needs and interests has everything to do with the essential goal of education in a society. I insist that to effectively achieve its own goal, education should be designed to meet individual's needs and interests, but not limited to such term. [不好不坏,基本款的开头,不过在TS部分最好不要只是"not limit to", 说一下还要考量那些,对下文做个启示,会更好一些]

An important duty of education is to develop individual's potential, to help one improve himself/herself and finally accomplish self-fulfillment in as large degree as possible.[这句话如果可以写成The duty of education is to develop..., that .... It is also to help..., that.... 这种, 感觉会更有气势,也体现你对语言的驾驭] As we know, everyone is so different from each other. One boy may be physically strong and has the dream to be an athletic, while another boy is mad [狂热用mad,有点科学怪人的感觉] at cynic phenomena in the nature and hope he would be a distinguished scientist one day. [这段描述的语言感觉跟前后的不是很搭]It is obviously the most appropriate kind of education to respect their own imagination of their future, since their interests would be the best engine to accelerate their own improvement. Along with that, we are expected to provide all the direction and help to meet their needs in pursuing their dreams. [这个地方最好再来个反证, otherwise...., 会更充分. 里一方面, 最好对这一段的TS里给出的三方面都给出论述, 否则感觉有点没有说开的感觉]

However, to totally set individual free to[有点chinglish的感觉] follow their own interests may sometime actually misleads them, especially for children. Kids are insufficiently intelligent to measure their own ideas or understand the environmental conditions[societal? maybe]. Some interests spurred in their minds are just unreasonable. A child may badly admire the popular stars in the TV and music video[这两个貌似没有并列关系], thus process a dream to be a singer, although his potential on music is rather inferior in fact. If teachers and parents blindly permits his such unrealistic goal, he would probably spend a lot of money and time in years and years training and exercising, but eventually gain no progress at all. In this way, he lose his time which may be devoted to other aspects he is good. Because a person's best time for getting education is generally childhood time, all his efforts turns out to be uneconomic opportunity cost. To prevent such mishap, it is a good move for teachers and parents to direct children correctly, and to make their interests more realistic and possible to realize via children's endeavor.[这个地方提高家长和老师的guide的例子感觉有点怪,你是想说明兴趣与能力不符, 但是这个地方与第二段"help one improve himself/herself and finally accomplish self-fulfillment "是一致的; 而且这个地方你想描述的"effective"应该是指时间和金钱, 个人感觉明确的给出定义会清晰一些]

[最好能承上]In the view that education is not only consituted for individual's development, but also for the society's prosperity, merely adjusting education for individual's request is stands no ground. For unity of the community and society, also for identification of individual in a group, education holds the obligation to indoctrinate ones getting educated some standard thoughts, such as traditional culture, ethical norms, responsibility as a citizen.[从句有点凑的感觉] If these factors are ignored in the process of culturing members of the society, disturbing situations would threaten the societal harmony. Ones may be only focus on their personal like and dislike, the concept of collective happiness would diminish therefore, thus confliction, violence, crimes and other behaviors emerge.[最好说一下原因,美国人一直坚信我好了大家就好了]
感觉这一段是对上一段的一个深入论证,但看不到两者在行文中的连接

Besides, when we are trying to put the blueprint to meet every individual’s needs and interests in education, a myriad of practical tickler may retard such a process. For example, teacher resources and implement resources are strongly required. Because students in a particular school may hold various fancies, where some boys like football, some girls like piano, and others like scientific experiment, school have to make a great effort and cost to install these devices and employ qualified teachers. Adequate supply for every student would somehow be rather grueling for some schools.
这一段是从可行性上来看分析,感觉是对"effective"的另一种解答,文中出现两种"effective"的定义....

To conclude, it is the essential obligation of education to try hard to meet individuals’ needs and interests, as well as to teach individual some components which might not meet their flavor and might be standard without regard to their distinction at some degree. When trying to respect and arrange education plan by virtue of one’s own interests and therefore needs, reasonable directions and consideration of practical obstacles are at issue.
最好能给出怎么做的简单建议, 使得结尾不只是一个重复.

师大菜菜UID: 2838404

6# iambigstar

牛人的拍文.....
学习。。。。
开头要引出全文 ， 结尾要提出新的建议
我写了一点，不知道对不

开头+
Education should also place emphasis on the requirements of society. What’s more, what is needed to be considered is whether it is feasible to design education to meet individual’s needs and interests of every student.


中间论证 +
Otherwise, we may endanger some children’s careers which should have been promising.

柏拉图的世界UID: 2581296

2# Jonathanmm
多谢点评哈！
你指出的第三点，我想说一下。因为题目中说的是"only when"，而当课程都被“完全”的调整成适应个人兴趣和需要的时候，必然会缺少关于道德、责任之类的标准教育（这应该算是一种矛盾，可能我没有在文中点明是个失误）。所以我想，在逻辑上应该还是说得过去的。
关于跑题，我觉得我写的这篇多少有一些跑了。因为没有点明与"Effectiveness"的关系。我觉得按照现有文章里思路应该这么修改可以与题目更切合。
1.先说明Education的goal或者obligation有哪些，比如孩子的个人发展，孩子的纪律性和社会责任感，维持社会道德传承和社会繁荣稳定等。那么是否促进实现这些目标和责任就对应了是否高效。
2.然后说明
(1)满足个人喜好的教育可以给被教育者长期的动力，有利于个人实现，这是Effective。
(2)过分的放任自流可能使孩子们难于实现自己真正的价值，这是不Effective。
(3)把课程完全按照个人喜好设置，就会缺乏关于道德等的统一标准教育，不利于教育社会作用的实现，这是不Effective。
(4)具体实施中可能需要大量的投入满足各种兴趣，这样就会使得这一过程实现本身受阻，就不Effective。

柏拉图的世界UID: 2581296

6# iambigstar
谢谢啊！点评很中肯啊，受教了！
我后来想想觉得自己这篇作文里比较严重的问题就是没有把effective说清楚。