欢迎拍文修改小组7.24作业 i

迷失的鱼UID: 2850922

TOPIC: ISSUE116 - "With the growth of global networks in such areas as economics and communication, there is no doubt that every aspect of society-including education, politics, the arts, and the sciences-will benefit greatly from international influences."
WORDS: 628
TIME: 01:00:00
DATE: 2010/7/24 16:21:19

When we buy goods from America through Internet just by clicking the mouse, or link foreigners tens of thousands of miles away just by pressing the bottoms on the phone, we can realistically feel the convenience with developing global networks. While I admit that it indeed bring about some positive influence more or less, we should not ignore the negative effects on some area.

Firstly when it comes to education as the issues mentioned, we should undoubtedly applaud for the globalization in that field. That action expands the extend of educational amelioration that can better offer people who are skilled or talented the best education in the world, and in another word, it makes a more efficient use of educational resources. Those universities in US are the precursors on the road of international education that they can choose the best students from their enormous students pool, and this way in fact gains an obvious success, making those universities in US become the heaven of applicants all over the world.
Moreover, after those students become great in their field those universities will win honor as well as profit. In that case, educational globalization is a way to choosing the students throughout the whole world and developing the students and schools through competition worldwide.

Similarly, it is also the case in the realm of science, for nowadays a production or invention need the combination of science in several fields while it is not possible that one country could have all the tined technique or enough scientists to support a whole program. Therefore, science of international cooperation is of course paramount. Let us get to the Apollo Program, a space exploring program developed by US, aim at making more energy-saving and more safe aircrafts, more mature exploring technologies and relative equipments. It is not only low efficient but also unreal to operate the whole program just within one country. Sophisticated technologies coming from worldwide can make the program more efficient and offer a chance to spread one tined technologies to many country as well as learn from other countries' leading technologies, the share of which will accelerate the development of international science and return to create more scientists. Taking into the example above, we can say that globalization and cooperation of science worldwide bring benefit.

However, when we are happy at the benefit and convenience brought by the globalization, we cannot ignore the negative effect. In early 2008, all over the world suffers a financial crisis causing millions of people losing their bread-earning jobs and countless companies bankrupt. Who should respond to this serious crisis?
Is it the unhealthy mortgage system in US only or together with the development of economic globalization? International economics brings about competition worldwide which will introduce advanced management and technologies on the one hand, but on the other hand, domestic economic relies more on other countries' financial situation, which may cause a chain reaction that enlarging economic problems, especially those problems aroused from countries playing an important role in international financial play, to a large extend. Therefore, before taking an active part in the current of financial globalization, those decision maker should first consider whether they have lost national economic control.

Sum up, the process of globalization is a operation that linking all the countries together. While its action better use the resources all over the world, it also each countries depend more on each other. Leaders of nations should have an efficient use of globalization while regulating it with reasonable policies.

alickenUID: 2845947

When we buy goods from America through Internet just by clicking the mouse, or link foreigners tens of thousands of miles away just by pressing the bottoms on the phone(这个状语也太长了点吧), we can realistically feel the convenience with developing global networks(我们能真实地感觉到建设全球网络的方便， 是不是应该是 network给我们带来方便). (这里应该过渡一下，感觉马上提出自己观点有点突兀)While I admit that it indeed bring about some positive influence more or less, we should not ignore the negative effects on some area.(while表示轻微的让步，给人感觉作者后面的论述应该是侧重于后半句negative effects。但是作者却用了两段将好处，一段讲坏处)

Firstly when it comes to education as the issues mentioned(去掉), we should undoubtedly applaud for the globalization in that field. That action expands the extend(extend是动词) of educational amelioration that can better offer people who are(去掉) skilled or(and) talented the best education in the world, and(去掉) in another word, it（globalization） makes a more efficient use of educational resources. Those universities in US are the precursors on the road of(in) international education that they can choose the best students from their enormous students pool(有这种说法？), and this way in fact gains an obvious success(这句的主语是this way), making those universities in US become the heaven of applicants all over the world. Moreover, after those students become great(great men ，great不是名词) in their field(fields) those universities will win honor as well as profit. In that case, educational globalization is a way (provide a way to universities) to choosing(choose) the(干掉) students throughout the whole(throughout 和 whole同义) world and developing the students（没听说过“发展学生”） and schools through competition worldwide. (In that case, educational globalization provide a way to universities to choose students throughout the world so that universities can win in competitions worldwide.)

Similarly, it is also the case in the realm of science, for(去掉) nowadays a production or invention need the combination of science in several fields while it is not possible that one country could have all the tined(cutting-edge 或front-line，tined好像指的是形状) technique or enough scientists to support a whole program. Therefore, science of international cooperation is of course paramount. Let us get to(get to到达) the Apollo Program, a space exploring program developed by US, aim at making more energy-saving and more safe(safer) aircrafts, more mature(advanced) exploring technologies and relative equipments. It is not only low efficient but also unreal to operate the whole program just within one country. Sophisticated technologies coming from worldwide can make the program more efficient and offer a chance to spread one tined technologies to many country as well as learn from other countries' leading technologies, the share of which will accelerate the development of international science and return to create more scientists. Taking into(这个词组用得不对) the example above, we can say that globalization and cooperation of science worldwide bring benefit.

However, when we are happy at the benefit and convenience brought by the globalization, we cannot ignore the negative effect. In early 2008, all over the world suffers a financial crisis causing millions of people losing their bread-earning jobs and countless companies bankrupt. Who should respond to this serious crisis? Is it the unhealthy mortgage system in US only or together with the development of economic globalization? International economics brings about competition worldwide which will introduce advanced management and technologies on the one hand, but on the other hand, domestic economic relies more on other countries' financial situation, which may cause a chain reaction that enlarging economic problems, especially those problems aroused from(被叫醒) countries playing an important role in international financial play, to a large extend. Therefore, before taking an active part in the current of financial globalization, those decision maker(makers) should first consider whether they have lost national economic control.

Sum up, the process of globalization is a(an) operation that linking all the countries together. While its action better use the resources all over the world, it(去掉) also each countries depend more on each other. Leaders of nations should have an efficient use of globalization while regulating it with reasonable policies.


都看语法去了，没仔细看内容
后面2段没有前面改得认真，粗略看了一下

貌似以后"去掉"还是用一种颜色比较好，好像写了很多次