allyvv的帖子。

allyvvUID: 2485111

9。28   


Never ever is a day like today that juveniles are facing fierce competition, they need to learn as much as they can, including something they might not use in their whole life time. Even worse, some people claims that after entering universities, they should continuing study basic science courses despite what their majors are. As far as I am concerned, I disagree with their statement in following aspects.

Initially, what people need to know about basic science is already being taught in high schools. Most high schools offer classes of basic science and technology. What people need to know in order to handle their daily life issues has been told by their high school teachers. For instance, when I was a first year high school student, one night, a moth happened to fly into my right ear. I woke up and ask my mother to drop some olive oil into my right ear to suffocate it. I succeeded within a few seconds. And I learned how to handle this from my biology science class.

Universities, as everybody knows, is a place for individuals to improve the knowledge and skills of a specific field they have chosen. Whereas, basic science courses might be unnecessary to some students. If the university coerce their student to attend science course, results may be different with their original thoughts. My sister was forced to attend a political science course in her sophomore year in college. And it ends in a decrease of students' attendance rate.

Last but not least, the greatest difference between high schools and universities is that the latter one cherish liberty more.  In universities, one can choose the lecture and even the professor according to their own will. Thanks to this flexibility, we have a diverse society.

To be sweet and short, what subject should students learn in universities must click with their very own major. Basic science course is not a must for every university students.

asamsunUID: 2884772

1.Even worse, some people claims that after entering universities中的claims->claim
2.they should continuing study basic science courses despite what their majors are中的continuing->continue studying
3.what people need to know about basic science is already being taught in high schools-> basic science what people need to know about  has already been taught in high schools
4.I woke up and ask my mother to drop some olive oil into my right ear to suffocate it中ask->asked
5.Universities, as everybody knows, is a place for individuals to improve the knowledge 中的is->are
楼主语言表达很地道，学习了。

allyvvUID: 2485111

9月30日

2008.10.17NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from travelling in their own country than travelling in a foreign country.


Dose traveling in a foreign country benefit us more than traveling in our own country?   As far as I am concerned, going abroad is better for that I can understand my culture better, have a better relaxation and get a fresh perspective of the world I knew.

To experience something more different from my life is like a brighter mirror, which can make me see my own life more clearly.  Because by comparing and contrasting the similarities and differences of two countries, one can know their own culture more. In specific, one friend of mine, who comes to my city from another country as an exchange student, says he saw the border of culture more clearly after coming here.

A totally new environment also let individuals feel more relaxed. Because you know no one there, you behave yourself more true. According to a survey, one feels better when the feelings are not being hidden. Therefore, a journey in an exotic country is way better for individuals to ease stress. I got a stubborn friend who can not forget her ex-boyfriend for a long time. She had tried to have some trips around the country, but none had worked out. However, after a journey in Singapore, the images of her ex-boyfriend finally disappeared.

Last but not least, the brand new culture, language, custom gives you another angle to see the world. Maybe you suddenly realized why people are so different from each other, or you found an aspiring way to make profits. For instance, automobiles are less expensive in the States than it is in my country. So I knew that taxation plays a significant role to decide the price of goods.

In a nut shell, to experience something you have never expected before ignites the light of wisdom. And individuals can have a better relaxation. Therefore, I believe that traveling abroad is better than traveling in one's own country.

towntownUID: 2907332

Dose traveling in a foreign country benefit us more than traveling in our own country?   As far as I am concerned, going abroad is better to understand my culture better前面已经有better可以改为more thoroughly或者further更恰当一点, have a better relaxation and get a fresh perspective of the world I knew.原句的前后不太平行

To experience something more different from my life is like a brighter mirror, which can make me see my own life more clearly.  Because by comparing the similarities and differences of two countriescomparing和contrasting重复, one can know their own culture more. In specific, one friend of mine, who comes to my city from another country as an exchange student, says he saw the border of culture more clearly after coming here.

A totally new environment also lets individuals feel more relaxed. Because you know no one there, you behave yourself more true. According to a survey, one feels better when the feelings are not being hidden. Therefore, a journey in an exotic country is way better for individuals to ease stress. I got a stubborn friend who can not forget her ex-boyfriend for a long time. She had tried to have some trips around the country, but none had worked out. However, after a journey in Singapore, the images of her ex-boyfriend finally disappeared.
( O) l! V5 @$ @- G2 k# S
Last but not least, the brand new culture, language and custom give you another angle to see the world. Maybe you will suddenly realize why people are so different from each other, or you will find为何要用过去时？ an aspiring way to make profits. For instance, automobiles are less expensive in the States than they are in my country. So I know that taxation plays a significant role to decide the price of goods.

In a nut shell, to experience something you have never expected before igniting the light of wisdom. And individuals can have a better relaxation. Therefore, I believe that traveling abroad is better than traveling in one's own country.
我觉得可以适当的把so之类的词替换一些新的。有时候better这种过于宽泛的词还是尽量少用，替换一些别的更准确的词吧。男朋友那个例子有点牵强。要用一个例证去解释她hidden了什么样的feeling然后达到了什么样的效果。注意句式的变换。

asamsunUID: 2884772

Dose traveling in a foreign country benefit us more than traveling in our own country?  新颖的开头方式 As far as I am concerned, going broad is better for that I can understand my culture better, have a better relaxation and get a fresh perspective of the world I knew.不错的平行结构。

To experience something more different from my life is like a brighter mirror, which can make me see my own life more clearly.  Because by comparing and contrasting the similarities and differences of two countries, one can know their own culture more. In specific, one friend of mine, who comes to my city from another country as an exchange student, says he saw the border of culture more clearly after coming here.

A totally new environment also let(lets) individuals feel more relaxed. Because you know no one there, you behave yourself more true. According to a survey, one feels better when the( his) feelings are not being hidden. Therefore, a journey in an exotic country is way better(a better way)  for individuals to ease stress. I got a stubborn friend who can(could) not forget her ex-boyfriend for a long time. She had tried to have some trips around the country, but none had worked out. However, after a journey in Singapore, the images of her ex-boyfriend finally disappeared(同楼上，这个例子有些怪怪的)

Last but not least, the brand new culture, language, custom gives you another angle to see the world. Maybe you suddenly realized why people are so different from each other, or you found an aspiring way to make profits. For instance, automobiles are less expensive in the States than it is in my country. So I knew that taxation plays a significant role to decide the price of goods.

In a nut shell, to experience something you have never expected before ignites the light of wisdom. And individuals can have a better relaxation. Therefore, I believe that traveling abroad is better than traveling in one's own country.
文章的结构很清晰，呵呵~开头不错，言简意赅，但例子需要在自然充实一些，呵呵。如果是限时完成的话，很不错了~

allyvvUID: 2485111

10月4日 独立作文
父母儿童教育  Parents find it hard to control their children for the children are now inf luenced by many things outside home like television or movie. 070616

When it comes to the problem of parents and kids, people usually think it is difficult to control their kids. Children are now so over exposed to the televisions and movies and so on. What information is being transcended from the media is taking an increasingly important influence on  juveniles. But for me, I believe that it is not hard to control over kids as long as parents do care about their children.

To begin with, certain television programs are good to broaden children's horizon while others are bad with violence or ironic pictures. It is significant for parents to keep an eye on what the kids are exposed to. There are softwares that can protect kids from violent information or porn. All parents need is just to install it in the program. If I am a parent I would chose to use it to watch over my kids when I am not with them.

Secondly, communication is always a brilliant way to get to know what the teenagers are thinking about. And parents should be the one to start the talk. There are two kinds of children. One would seek help from their mother or father, which is brilliant, but the other one would never talk to their parents even if they are in big troubles. Hence, to be responsible parents, they should  talk to their kids as much as possible to get to know their kids.

Last but also important, parents are the main source of money to children. To control over the pocket money one can get is another choice for parents. However, this is the last approach I would recommend. Because there are side effects. One friend of mine have gone through his parents' money control by having a part-time job, which reduces his time on study and almost ruined his relationship with his parents.

In sum, parents can do a lot of things to control their kids' behavior, like do not let them have access to some bad media, or talk to them as much as possible, or work on their pocket money.

allyvvUID: 2485111

2010年10月5日 周二：
独立：
个人成功 University Education is the most impor tant factor of success in life. 080629

When it comes to the problem of university education, somebody believes that it is not essential for every person. But for me, the experience of being a university students makes me hold the idea that university life is the most significant aspect of success in one's life.

To begin with, the skills and knowledge which are important factors to achieve success can be learned in universities. After choosing one's major in university, with helps from professors and experts, individual can have a more informative and systematic education, which can save them from wasting a lot of time and energy to try to figure it out themselves.

Besides, life on campus also teaches us how to work with people. University is like a pre-experience of society, we meet different people here, some are classmates and some are roommates and so on. Most importantly, all the people we know, we live and study together on one campus, that makes the whole life of university dynamic and interesting. Team spirits and individual ability are two aspect that I learn from university education, for instance, which I believe will play an essential role in my life.

Last but also important, most students experience their best romantic life in universities, which teaches us how to love people and contributes a lot to the persuit of success in life. Success in life not only means making a load of money, happiness is also very important. Only if we know how to love a person can we achieve happiness.  A love in university can be so romantic and pure, which will light us up upon the questions of what kind of lover fits me best and how to love the one I love.

In sum, university education is essential for one to be successful for that we turn ourselves more professional there, we learn how to cooperate with each other and we understand how to love a person.

allyvvUID: 2485111

综合写作 tpo14

The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the professor, salvage logging will cause long term damage to the ecosystem and is not economical. On the contrary, the reading contends an opposite stand that salvage logging is not only environmental friendly but also a contributor to economy.

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that removing dead tree from the forest does not create the right condition for new trees to grow. In addition the decomposed tree produce nutrients for new trees. Nevertheless, the statement in the reading claims that salvage logging provides spaces for new plants and the dead trees releases chemicals negative for new plants.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that dead plants won't cause insects to come and ruin the forest, which differs from the point made in the reading material that insects like to live around dead organisms.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contrast with what is presented in the reading. As the professor claims the economic value of burned trees are small, plus that the jobs related to salvage logging are often temporary and require no professional skills. Moreover, removing trees from large forest need helicopters which increases the cost of salvage logging. Whereas the reading passage fail to take these facts into account.

taylor.1023UID: 2713071

When it comes to the problem of university education, somebody believes that it is not essential for every person. But for me, the experience of being a university students makes me hold the idea that university life is the most significant aspect of success in one's life.（建议不要笼统地说大学教育对人生的成功很重要，而可以将接下来三部分你的理由先概括一下，也可以暗示一下文章三步走的架构。）

To begin with, the skills and knowledge which are important factors to achieve success can be learned in universities. After choosing one's major in university, with helps from professors and experts, individual can have a more informative and systematic education, which can save them from wasting a lot of time and energy to try to figure it out themselves.（可以来个反面衬托，就说如果没有进入大学，就得不到这些了，可能会导致个人专业知识的缺乏等等。）

Besides, life on campus also teaches us how to work with(deal with) people. University is like a pre-experience of society, we meet different people here, some are classmates and some are roommates and so on. Most importantly, all the people we know, we live and study together on one campus, that makes the whole life of university dynamic and interesting. Team spirits and individual ability are two aspect that I learn from(develop through) university education, for instance, which I believe will play an essential role in my life.

Last but also important, most students experience their best romantic life in universities, which teaches us how to love people and contributes a lot to the persuit of success in life. Success in life not only means making a load of money, happiness is also very important. Only if we know how to love a person can we achieve happiness.  A love in university can be so romantic and pure, which will light us up upon the questions of what kind of lover fits me best and how to love the one I love.

In sum, university education is essential for one to be successful for that we turn ourselves more professional there, we learn how to cooperate with each other and we understand how to love a person.

不好意思啊，改动的地方不多。怎么说呢，我觉得句子句子之间的连接词有点缺乏噢。如果可以能在语义承接上花多点功夫的话，可能整个篇章的结构也会比较顺畅。

allyvvUID: 2485111

[收藏]简单的说些写作中容易被忽视的语法

本帖最后由 hyacinth 于 2009-5-29 11:01 编辑 前些日子偶然得知一本关于英语写作的书,看了以后收获颇多,再联想到去年这个时候在版上改作文的一些经历,于是把看到的和版友常犯的一些写作问题结合起来,有了以下这么些文字. 此外，也经常有版友问我如何修改自己的文章。在文章结构不是问题的情况下，可以按照以下各条逐一对照，然后举一反三，相信作文势必会有质的飞跃。 (英文部分以及例子全来自于William Strunk, Jr. 的 The Elements of Style) 1) ELEMENTARY RULES OF USAGE 1.        Form the possessive singular of nouns by adding ‘s. Charles's friend somebody else's umbrella 2.        In a series of three or more terms with a single conjunction, use a comma after each term except the last. red, white, and blue gold, silver, or copper He opened the letter, read it, and made a note of its contents. 3.        Enclose parenthetic expressions between commas. 主要是关于逗号的一些用法 具体的可以参考下面的附件 4,5 两条在我改作文的过程中经常遇到. 可以说写作时稍有不慎,句子就会变成run-on sentence. 4.        Place a comma before a conjunction introducing an independent clause. The situation is perilous, but there is still one chance of escape. The situation is perilous, but if we are prepare to act promptly, there is still one chance of escape. 5.        Do not join independent clauses with a comma. If two or more clauses grammatically complete and not joined by a conjunction are to form a single compund sentence, the proper mark of punctuation is a semicolon. “ ;” Mary Shelley’s works are entertaining; they are full of engaging ideas. We could also apply Rule 4 here. Mary Shelley’s works are entertaining, for they are full of engaging ideas. 6-10都是比较熟悉的基础语法 具体例子可以参考附件 6.        Do not break sentences in two. 7.        Use a colon after an independent clause to introduce a list of particulars, an appositive, an amplification, or an illustrative quotation. 8.        Use a dash to set off an abrupt break or interruption and to announce a long appositive or summary. 9.        The number of the subject determines the number of the verb. 10.        Use the proper case of pronoun. 11.        A participial phrase at the beginning of a sentence must refer to the grammatical subject 这一条我想单独拿出来说一下。 我自己的语法本身不是特别好, 念高中的时候教的各种从句以及其它英语里各种高深的结构,我基本上从来都不去记用法完全是凭语感... 所以第11条,我也不知道国内的教科书上具体的称谓是什么,但我个人觉得特别实用, 因为直接体现了常规的英文指代方法. 我自己熟悉了这条规则以后,在阅读iBT文章的时候就很少会犯指代的错误. 而在我改作文的过程中也经常发现板油犯这个错误. WRONG:Walking slowly down the road, he saw a woman accompanied by two children. The word walking refers to the subject of the sentence, not to the woman.To make it refer to the woman, the writer must recast the sentence. RIGHT: He saw a woman, accompanied by two children, walking slowly down the road. WRONG:Yound and inexperienced, the task seemed easy to me. RIGHT:Yound and inexperienced, I thought the task easy. 2) ELEMENTARY PRINCIPLES OF COMPOSITION 12.        Choose a suitable design and hold to it. 13.        Make the paragraph the unit of composition. 14.        Use the active voice. The active voice is usually more direct and vigorous than the passive. I shall always remember my first visit to Boston. This is much better than My first visit to Boston will always be remembered by me. The latter sentence is less direct, less bold, and less concise. If the writer tries to make it more concise by omitting “By me,” My first visit to Boston will always be remembered, It becomes indefinite: is it the writer or some undisclosed person or the world at large that will always remember this visit? This rule does not, of course, mean that the writer should entirely discard the passive voice, which is frequently convenient and sometimes necessary. 这里我顺带想提一下的是, 适当的变换主动,被动语态可以增加iBT写作的句型变化. 15.        Put statements in positive form. a) He was not very often on time.   b) He usually came later. a) She did not think that studying Latin was a sensible want to use one’s time. b) She thought the study of Latin a waste of time. 在这里很明显两组的句子b要比a肯定很多。 Statements qualified with unnecessary auxiliaries or conditionals sound irresolute. 同样的在这里，句子b语气要强很多。 a)        Applicants can make a good impression by being neat and punctual. b)        Applicants will make a good impression if they are neat and punctual. a) Plath may be ranked among those modern poets who died young. b) Plath was one of those modern poets who died young. If every sentence admits a doubt, your writing will lack authority. Save the auxiliaries would, should, could,may, might, and can for situations involving real uncertainty. 我个人觉得了解这个有个什么好处呢。 在阅读的过程中，我们可以有效的判断哪些句子是作者在推断的，哪些是事实；在做题的时候也可以以此为依据。 同样在写作过程中，也可以通过这部分助动词来对句式做相应的调整。 类似的结构还有might(not) be able to. 还有一些词语如probably, possibly,likely, unlikely也可以起类似的效果。 16.        Use definite, specific, concrete language. 17.        Omit needless words. 18.        Avoid a succession of loose sentences. (字面上不是特别好理解 参考附件吧 ; ) ) 19.        Express coordinate ideas in similar form. 主要强调的是平行结构的用法  还有一些agreement上的用法 也是板油作文里常见的错误 简单的举几个例子 具体的参考附件里的文章内容 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. WRONG: It was both a long ceremony and very tedious. RIGHT: The ceremony was both long and tedious. WRONG: A time not for words but action. RIGHT: A time not for words but for action. 20.        Keep related words together. 这个也有好几种情况，具体可以参考附件，这里只简单的举两个例子。 熟悉这条规则的好处，除了可以避免自己在写作时犯类似的错误，在阅读时也可以帮助自己有效的理解原文，尤其是在指代上。 NOT CLEAR:The grandson of William Henry Harrison, who CLEAR: William Henry Harrison's grandson, Benjamin Harrison, who... NOT CLEAR:There was a stir in the audience that suggested disapproval. CLEAR:A stir that suggested disapproval swept the audience. 21.        In summaries, keep to one tense. 22.        Place the emphatic words of a sentence at the end. 书中还有两部分是 3) A Few Matters of Form 和4) Words and Expressions Commonly Misused 第四部分个人觉得非常好。尤其是于想用一些难词但又把握不好其准确意思的板油来说是很有帮助的。详细内容可以参考附件我在此不再赘述。 5)An Approach to Style (With a List of Reminders) 最后一个部分一共有21条  挑了5条出来 都是我改作文时印象比较深的板油容易犯的 8.Avoid the use of qualifiers.-- Rather, very, little, pretty 具体原因可以参考附件 10. Use orthodox spelling  拼写是再怎么强调都不为过的了 12.Do not construct awkward adverbs.  不确定的词考试中能不用就不用  免得贻笑大方 切忌自己造词 He climbed tiredly to bed.      --->    He climbed wearily to bed. The lamp cord lay tangledly beneath her chair.  --->   The lamp cord lay in tangles beneath her chair. 19.Do not take shortcuts at the cost of clarity. 我以前改作文的时候 遇到有的缩写还是很郁闷的 还要我自己去google。。。其实用缩写完全省不了多少时间嘛。。。>_< Do not use intials for the names of organizations or movements unless you are certain the initials will be readily understood. WRITE THINGS OUT. However, a good rule is to start your article by writing out names in full, and then, later, when your readers have got their bearings, to shorten them. 20.Avoid foreign language. The writer will occassionally find it convenient or necessary to borrow from other languages. WRITE IN ENGLISH. 看到这一条, 我想说说关于iBT作文举例. 经常有版友问,是用中国的例子好呢,还是用美国的例子好呢.  其实不管你用哪里的例子,都要fit/support你的argument,这样的例子才是好例子.  而且不能assume你的reader都对你的例子都很熟悉了, 尤其是用中国的例子的时候, 对于那些评分的老外,可能你用的典故都很陌生,再加上解释的不够到位,以及语言上的一些欠缺, 通常情况下, 他们都会不知道你在说什么,这就直接影响作文的分数.  so, the bottomline is... 1) 慎用含有丰富中国文化内涵的例子， 比如我以前就见过用西游记的。。。 2) 如果实在想不出别的例子,最好言简意赅的解释下例子的来龙去脉。写完后，可以再过一遍思路，比如，假设自己是个完全没听过自己举的这个例子的读者，自己是否能看懂例子的前因后果。 最后希望大家都能有个好成绩。多总结多思考是王道。。。