AW作业贴

噜噜噜啦啦UID: 2982014

处女作，因为图书馆要关门了，逼着两个小时写完的··内容很浅，表达很傻···


112."Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions." （19:20—19:40 提纲；19:40—21:20写作）  字数：500左右
翻译：一些教育系统强调发展学生论证和逻辑思考能力，而学生会更加受益于“
同时也”交他们如何探索自己的情感的教育。
关键词：education · reasoning&logical thinking · emotion
范围：什么样的教育是好的教育？

1.逻辑辩证能力是一个人最重要的能力之一，教育学生使其掌握该能力是教
育的基本任务之一。拥有了这种能力，学生才能用辩证的眼光去理解世界的一切
现象。（e.g.工科、理科甚至文科）

2.然而，一个人立足于社会不仅仅需要逻辑思考能力，还需要其他能力，比
如掌控自己的情绪的能力。一个成功的人必须同时具备高的智商和情商，高情商
的人了解并能控制自己的情绪。学生如果早年接受关于情商的教育，不但可以更
好的融入社会，同时也可以避免不必要的青少年时期的普遍校级问题（打架、酗
酒、吸毒··）。

3.同时教育并培养学生的逻辑思维能力和探索自我情绪的能力并非矛盾的。
关于情商教育的辅修课，以及平时老师对于学生的个别辅导都能够帮助学生更好
的认识和控制自我情绪，调节好了情绪，扫除了心理的障碍，更加有利于理论课
程的学习（即逻辑思维的培养）。（心理教育课等、励志课程）

有用定义：
Emotional intelligence (EI) describes the ability, capacity, skill or, in the case of the trait EI model, a self-perceived grand ability to identify, assess, manage and control the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups.



It is universally agreed that logical thinking is vital for a mature person. In nowadays, people have come to realize that the ability to explore one's emotions is significant as well. The author declares that students will gain more form an education which teach both critical thinking and the capability to learn one's emotion. From my perspective, both these two ability are of great importance to people and it is not impossible to strike a balance between logical thinking and emotion learning education.

Reasoning and logical thinking, as i have metioned,is one of the most essencial abilities one should have. Helping students to gain and practice such ability is a basic task a educator shouldfinish. Only with this ability, can a person understand the world objectively and explain the world scientifically. This is especially important for people who work in science and engineering field. With this ability, scientist can query a phenominon which looks quiet normal and was regarded as a proverbial regulation; With this ability, engineers can finish a precise and safe program; With this ability, writers can express an idea clearly and the organized work will help readers understand the point quickly. Schools and universities all over the world are spending a large a mount of time to teaching this ability and help students to be a rational person.


However, students who have the single ability called logical thinking can not integrate into the society successfully. They need other abilities like emotion exploring is as important as well. It is wellknown that a successful man always have both high IQ & EQ（i.e.intelligence quotient emotional quotient ）.A high EQ person, know his own emotion well,and have the awareness and ability to control it .Even in chaotic situation, they can calm down and find out a way to address problems as soon as possible. Had students receive enough and effective education in their adulthoods, a large number of problems like violence, drug, alcohol abuse, which usally resulted from illness in emotion) could be avoided.

Important as both emotion exploring and logical thinking are, it is quiet essential to give education of both these two aspects to students. And, it is not difficult to keep a balance between them. Schools can regard emtion education as one of the compulsery class whicn will not take as much time as science, and seminars can be hold to discuss several classic emotional problems a people will encounter. An intime tutorial which aims at help the students overcome emotional difficulties will be quiet functional. These education will not hinder the processing of learning logical thinking. Contrarily, without the emotional problems and have the motivation from heart, students can learn more effectively and happily.

From the analyses made above, we may safely come to the conclusion that a students can gain much more from an education which teachs both critical thinking and emotion exploring, not only because critical thinking is an integeral part of one's whole life, but also because the ability to learn and control one's emotion is extremely vital in the stressful modern world as well. All the educators should try their best to strike a balance between them .

噜噜噜啦啦UID: 2982014

1# 噜噜噜啦啦
ARGU53
第一篇ARGU,明显的模板痕迹···(因为我就用了模板的。还没有开始写出自己的模板，近期一定在此方面加强！)
Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
1.SURVEY类：调查基数太少，范围也没有说明
2.因果类错误：并不一定是因为melatonin导致这种容易紧张的天性的产生，也许与季节无关，就算与秋天相关，也可能是因为秋天的其他因素，比如空气中某种分子的含量或者是气候等。
3.外推类：目前是SHY，但是未必这种趋势会持续下去
审题+分析20 min  写作1小时20分钟
---------------------------------
Merely based on unreasonable assumption and suspicious evidence, the author draws a conclusion that children who were conceived in autumn will show shyness in their life, which is due to the increased melatonin in their mothers’ body. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out evidence that these infants showed signs of distress in early years. In addition, he indicates that these children still present shyness during their adolescence. At first glance, the author's argument seems to be convincing to some extent, but further reflection reveals that he oversees some vital considerations that should be add to substantiate the argument. From my perspective, this argument suffers from 3 logical flaws.
Firstly, the author provides no evidence that the study's results are statistically reliable. Unless the surveyors sampled adequate number of infants and did so randomly cover the whole spectrum of country, the study results are not reliable to estimate the infants generally. The number of samples in itself does not ensure representativeness. The sample only included 25 infants, which accounts for a tiny percentage of infants who were conceived in autumn.
Secondly, the argument's author fails to rule out alternative explanations for the shyness. The author observes a correlation between the increased melatonin in their mothers' body when conceived and the shyness of a child , then concludes that the former is the cause of the latter. However, the argument fails to rule out other possible explanations for the shyness of infants. For instance, the environment infants lived in .The climate details in autumn such as the humidity of the air and the temperature. Meanwhile, the density of several kinds of molecules may also bring shyness to the infants. Without ruling out all other factors it is unfair to conclude that increased melatonin caused the shyness of people.
Finally, even if accepts the survey results, the argument remains questionable. The author claims that the shyness will continue into later life of those children, because they showed shyness thirteen years ago and now as well. This assumption is unwarranted because things rarely remain the same over a extended periods of time. There are possibilities for them to overcome the shyness in later years, and this could be a general trend for all of them.
To sum up, the arguer fails to substantiate its claim that the increased melatonin in a conceived mother's body can lead to shyness of a baby, because evidence cited in the analysis does not give strong support to what the author maintains. To make the argument convincing, the arguer would have to provide a broader survey which provide convincing statistics .Additionally, information relevant to other elements which may lead to shyness of infant should be given. Therefore, if the argument had included the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and logically acceptable.


狠狠地拍啊~

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

1.      ARGUMENT53 ````by adolph

Merely (用于句首，是否倒装，斟酌之) based on unreasonable assumption and suspicious evidence, the author draws a conclusion that children who were conceived in autumn will show shyness in their life, which is due to the increased melatonin in their mothers’ body. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out evidence（evidence可以直接去掉，改成宾语从句） that these infants showed signs of distress in early years. In addition, he indicates that these children still present shyness during their adolescence. At first glance, the author's argument seems to be convincing to some extent, but further reflection reveals that he oversees (是想说忽略吧，oversee没这意思，建议overlook) some vital considerations that should be add to substantiate the argument. From my perspective, this argument suffers from 3 logical flaws.（开头很好，原argument的结论和论证不足都有，典型的argument开头）
Firstly, the author provides no evidence that the study's results are statistically reliable（给出不足点）. Unless the surveyors sample
adequate number of infants and did so randomly cover the whole spectrum of country,（提出建议） the study results are not reliable to estimate the infants generally. The number of samples in itself does not ensure representativeness. The sample only included 25 infants, which accounts for a tiny percentage of infants who were conceived in autumn.（这段的时态好乱哦，我改了过来，你看看对不？）
Secondly, the argument's author fails to rule out alternative explanations for the shyness（指出不足）. The author observes a correlation between the increased melatonin in their mothers' body when（这个就看不懂了） conceived and the shyness of a child , then concludes that the former is the cause of the latter（这样表达好怪，这样行不：the author concludes that the increased melatonin results in shyness of child in terms of their correlation.）. However, the argument fails to rule out other possible explanations for the shyness of infants.（与本段首句重复） For instance, the environment infants lived in .The climate details in autumn such as the humidity of the air and the temperature. Meanwhile, the density of several kinds of molecules may also bring about shyness to the infants.（举例论证） Without ruling out all other factors it is unfair to conclude that increased melatonin caused the shyness of people.
2.

Finally, even if （省略了主语，可后面的argument 不能做这里的主语，还有even if 用虚拟语气）the survey results were accepted, the argument would remain questionable. The author claims that the shyness will continue into later life of those children, because they showed shyness thirteen years ago and now as well. This assumption is unwarranted because things rarely remain the same over a extended periods of time. There are possibilities for them to overcome the shyness in later years, and this could be a general trend for all of them.论证清晰明了
3.

To sum up, the arguer fails to substantiate its claim that the increased melatonin in a conceived mother's body can lead to shyness of a baby, because evidence cited in the analysis does not give strong support to what the author maintains. To make the argument convincing, the arguer would have to provide a broader survey which provide convincing statistics（给出建议） .Additionally, information relevant to other elements which may lead to shyness of infant should be given. Therefore, if the argument had included the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and logically acceptable.
文章结构清晰：
1开头摆出argument结论，然后提出论证不足
2正文首段驳斥结论没有统计学的依据
3然后说仅凭孕妇体内melatonin 的增加不能证明melatonin与shyness的关系，并指出还可能存在他因
4第三段反驳孩子现在shy并不代表将也shy
至于语法，参考建议^_^
能力有限，不一定都对，楼主斟酌之！

噜噜噜啦啦UID: 2982014

3# Adolph.hu.85
楼上说的是！我的语法的确非常混乱，而且居然还出现了重复的句子，总之，非常感谢，还会继续努力滴！

zerrUID: 3006555

见附件

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

It is universally agreed that logical thinking is vital for a mature person. In nowadays, people have come to realize that the ability to explore one's emotions is significant as well. The author declares that students will gain more form an education which teach both critical thinking and the capability to learn one's emotion. From my perspective, both these two ability are of great importance to people and it is not impossible to strike a balance between logical thinking and emotion learning education. 开头比较简洁，建议楼主进一步打造自己的开头模板，使开头更加生动一些。

Reasoning and logical thinking, as i have metioned,is one of the most essencial abilities one should have. Helping students to gain and practice such ability is a basic task a educator shouldfinish. Only with this ability, can a person understand the world objectively and explain the world scientifically. This is especially important for people who work in science and engineering field. With this ability, scientist can query a phenominon which looks quiet normal and was regarded as a proverbial regulation; With this ability, engineers can finish a precise and safe program; With this ability, writers can express an idea clearly and the organized work will help readers understand the point quickly. （writers can express an idea clearly with organized work that readers can understand the point quickly） Schools and universities all over the world are spending a large  mount of time to teaching this ability and help(helping) students to be a rational person.


However, students who have the single ability called logical thinking can not integrate into the society successfully.( They need other abilities like emotion exploring is as important as well. 两个谓语了 拆开或改成从句)It is wellknown that a successful man always have（ has）both high IQ & EQ（i.e.intelligence quotient emotional quotient ）.A high EQ person, know his own emotion well,and have the awareness and ability to control it .Even in chaotic situation, they can calm down and find out a way to address problems as soon as possible. Had students receive enough and effective education in their adulthoods, a large number of problems like violence, drug, alcohol abuse, which usally resulted from illness in emotion) could be avoided.
Important as both emotion exploring and logical thinking are, it is quiet essential to give education of both these two aspects to students. And, it is not difficult to keep a balance between them. Schools can regard emtion education as one of the compulsery class whicn will not take as much time as science,（这话完全没有必要，不必假设一定是logical的课时间多于emotional 建议楼主不要讨论具体做法，而把重点放在论述emotional education对学生的benefit上，以照应话题） and seminars can be hold to discuss several classic emotional problems a people will encounter. An intime tutorial which aims at help the students overcome emotional difficulties will be quiet functional. These education will not hinder the processing of learning logical thinking. Contrarily, without the emotional problems and have the motivation from heart, students can learn more effectively and happily.

From the analyses made above, we may safely come to the conclusion that a students can gain much more from an education which teachs both critical thinking and emotion exploring, not only because critical thinking is an integeral part of one's whole life, but also because the ability to learn and control one's emotion is extremely vital in the stressful modern world as well. All the educators should try their best to strike a balance between them
作为初次尝试，楼主的本文已经相当不错了。在行文结构上比较严谨，但看得出模板化比较严重，建议在日后的联系中进一步发掘自己的独立写作潜能。
另外观点有些浅，特别是本话题重点应放在论述emotional 教育的合理性与优势上，楼主在文章上试图将其简单地概括为增加一些心理辅导课程，我想有些失之偏颇，explore emotion也可指进行艺术教育、进行反思教育等等。
此外句式有待于进一步复杂化，可以尝试做同义改写。我帮你简单改了几处（括号里），但我在这方面也是刚刚起步，帮不上太多忙了。。。咱们一起加油吧！

噜噜噜啦啦UID: 2982014

嗯，都说模板化很严重，创造模板要加紧了！

卧沙场UID: 3016143

3.2  周三 I 112
"Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."   
FROM 卧沙场

It is universally agreed that logical thinking is vital for a mature person.(conj.) In nowadays, people have come to realize that the ability to explore one's emotions is significant as well.（Although it used to be widely accepted that logical thinking is of vitality for a mature person, yet in nowadays, there is an increase in the realization for the significance of the emotional exploration.）
Certain that ……The author declares that students will gain more form an education which teach both critical thinking and the capability to learn one's emotion. From (In) my perspective, both these two ability are of great importance to people and it is not impossible to strike a balance between logical thinking and emotion learning education.
Reasoning and logical thinking, as I have mentioned above, is one of the most essential abilities one should have(that each of us ought to possess避免重复). Helping students to gain and practice such ability is a basic task a educator should finish（这里用it is句型更合适）. Only with this ability, can（be able to, be likely to别小看这些短语，一方面可以增加字数，还能避免重复can） a person understand the world objectively and explain the world scientifically. This is especially important for people who work in science and engineering field. With this ability, scientist can query a phenomenon which looks quiet normal and was regarded as a proverbial regulation; with this ability, engineers can finish a precise and safe program; with this ability, writers can express an idea clearly and the organized work will help readers understand the point quickly. Schools and universities all over the world are spending a large a mount of time to teaching this ability and help students to be a rational person.

However, students who have the single ability called logical thinking can not integrate into the society successfully. They need other abilities like emotion exploring is as important as well.(这两句话典型的中式英语，revised version：However, it is never sufficient to get along well in society maintaining the logic thinking style all the time, which, in another word, suggests that the significance of emotional exploration is no less than that of the logic and reasoning.) It is well-known that a successful man always have both high IQ & EQ（i.e. intelligence quotient emotional quotient ）.A high EQ person,
know his own emotion well, and have the awareness and ability to control it .Even in chaotic situation, they can calm down and find out a way to address problems as soon as possible. Had students receive enough and effective education in their adulthoods, a large number of problems like violence, drug, alcohol abuse, which usually resulted from illness in emotion) could be avoided.
Important as both emotion exploring and logical thinking are(Considering the magnitude of ……), it is quiet essential to give education of both these two aspects to students. And（既然用了and,可以使用逗号）, it is not difficult to keep a balance between them. Schools can regard emotion education as one of the compulsory classes which will not take as much time as science, and seminars can be hold to discuss several classic emotional problems a people will encounter. An in time tutorial which aims at help the students overcome emotional difficulties will be quiet functional（it will undoubtedly do a lot of good to students if such tutorial could be hold in time, aiming to improve or solve the difficulties in the way of their maturing）. This education will not hinder the processing of learning logical thinking. Contrarily, without the emotional problems and have the motivation from heart, students can learn more effectively and happily.
From the analyses made above, we may safely come to the conclusion that a students can gain much more from an education which teaches both critical thinking and emotion exploring, not only because critical thinking is an integral part of one's whole life, but also because the ability to learn and control one's emotion is extremely vital in the stressful modern world as well. All the educators should try their best to strike a balance between them.(and, moreover, a balance between them should be taken in consideration as well)

Comments:
1.
思路不用多说，按照你的思路，文章可以展开。
2.
文中拼写错误挺多，建议你先将写好的文章放到word中去，看看标记的错误。这里直接给你改过来了。
3.
主要问题是表达，对于所有考G的同学来讲，这都是问题，我给你改几个句子，你考虑考虑。