issue6 同题目写作第二期作业,欢迎大家拍!给连接,必回拍!讲义气!

linxiao1983UID: 203095

不限时
提纲：
1。文化不能仅仅由一代人评定，
2。青年人也不是当今文化的主要推动力量
3。不可否认，从青年人可以预见未来文化发展

Issue6  让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：林晓         610 words
------题目------
The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.
------正文------
The arguer claims that to analyze the trend of youth is the most effective way to understand contemporary culture. I do not agree with the claim for the youth is not the fully representative of contemporary culture. As followed below, I will present my point of view from two angles.

First of all, culture is deposited from one generation to another and is not affected by no matter which single generation. As we all know that culture concludes so many things such as art, traditions, thinking, and so forth, which is far more than I mentions and hence it is nearly impossible to establish so huge a mansion only by efforts of one generation. Take American culture for example, it is well known that the first settlers step into America come from Britain. Obviously, they are just a group of European who came to live in America and keep the same religious brief, have the same habit, share the similar world view with the ones who are still stay in Europe. "First Americans" though we call them, their culture, if it could be separated from European culture, is different from contemporary American culture which experience hundreds of years change and mixed with many other nations’ culture. Impossible, as it is, to define American culture according to the people in "May flower", when it comes to the contemporary youth, it is the same – they are only one generation who join the society and feel the culture not long. The way to understand contemporary culture by examining the trend of youth generation may be questionable.

Second, the youth is not the representative of our culture. The youth shows energy, creativity, ability to the society, however, they are not the mainstream force of the society and the culture which is a composition of the society. In my observation, the middle-age is the main force to construct the world instead of the youth who is lack of enough experience and profound knowledge to help them accomplish most societal work only by their own strength. Just take a look at the realm of entertainment, which is called the battle of new and old culture, there are many actors and actresses who are the youth while the boss and the director, the real conductor of the cultural change, are almost the middle age or elder. Hence, only analyzing the trend of youth is superficial and makes the understanding stays on the surface instead of realizing the internal force promoting the trend. In this way, analyzing the youth is not a well considered way to understand contemporary culture, let it alone of the most effective way.

Admittedly, analyzing the youth is still helpful to understand the trend of culture. For the youth is the generation belongs to future, and they would become the main body of the society one day with their everyday growth. The appetite of them may be the favor of the whole society next decade. Just think about the development of Rock music which is brought about by the 70s youth who has grown up. Examples like this are abundant in the history, which make it clear that it is a good way to understand the future culture by analyzing the trend of youth.

In sum, in order to understand contemporary culture, we should understand the development of the culture and select the most representative people which are not the youth as the speaker claims. Culture is complex for it is mixed with so many things and altered during the long history, therefore it is suitable to study it in various way and put eyes on more group of people, not only the youth.

[ Last edited by linxiao1983 on 2005-7-13 at 09:20 ]

iPodUID: 2105485

我来帮你看！
我的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=299168
请指教！

beckhangongUID: 2104229

带我一个，我一会给你看，先去吃饭。
我的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=299170
哥们也讲义气！

linxiao1983UID: 203095

谢谢二位的光临！

二位的文章都已经改好了，等着你们的回拍：）

beckhangongUID: 2104229

The arguer claims that to analyze the trend of youth is the most effective way to understand contemporary culture. I do not agree with the claim for the youth is not the fully (full 形容词) representative of contemporary culture. As followed below, I will present my point of view from two angles.
开头比较简洁哈，我现在也搞不准到底简洁点好还是把下面要论述的也提一嘴好。讨论一下

First of all, culture is deposited from one generation to another and is not affected by no matter which single generation. As we all know that culture concludes so many things (总觉得这个conclude so many things用的不舒服，换换) such as art, traditions, thinking, and so forth, which is far more than I mentions and hence it is nearly impossible to establish so huge a mansion only by efforts of one generation. Take American culture for example, it is well known that the first settlers step into America come (came) from Britain. Obviously, they are just a group of European who came to live in America and keep the same religious brief, have the same habit, share the similar world view with the ones who are still stay in Europe. "First Americans" though we call them, their culture, if it could be separated from European culture, is different from contemporary American culture which experience hundreds of years change and mixed with many other nations’ culture. Impossible, as it is, to define American culture according to the people in "May flower", when it comes to the contemporary youth, it is the same – they are only one generation who join the society and feel the culture not long. The way to understand contemporary culture by examining the trend of youth generation may be questionable.
可以看出写作的时候确实在考虑句式的变化，挺好。但是，有些词用的还不够地道。这段是说当代文化不能有单纯的一代人体现，是不是应该把例子这样说比较好--比如美国的文化，他现在从欧洲移民那里继承来，上一代人发展，这一代人创新...共同构成当前的文化，这样层次感稍微好一点，更有说服力。

Second (secondly?), the youth is not the representative of our culture. (这样说是不是有点武断，加个sometimes，或者is not the main representative会好点吧，青年一代还是有体现我们当代文化的地方的 ) The youth shows energy, creativity, ability to the society, however, they are not the mainstream force of the society and the culture which is a composition of the society. In my observation, the middle-age is the main force to construct the world instead of the youth who is lack(lacking) of enough experience and profound knowledge to help them accomplish most societal work only by their own strength. Just take a look at the realm of entertainment, which is called the battle of new and old culture, there are many actors and actresses who are the youth while the boss and the director, the real conductor of the cultural change, are almost the middle age or elder. Hence, only analyzing the trend (trends)of youth is superficial and makes the understanding stays (stay) on the surface instead of realizing the internal force promoting the trend. In this way, analyzing the youth is not a well considered way to understand contemporary culture, let it alone of the most effective way.

Admittedly, analyzing the youth is still helpful to understand the trend of culture. For the youth is the generation belongs to future, and they would become the main body of the society one day with their everyday growth. The appetite of them may be the favor of the whole society next decade. Just think about the development of Rock music which is brought about by the 70s youth who has grown up. Examples like this are abundant in the history, which make it clear that it is a good way to understand the future culture by analyzing the trend of youth (today).

In sum, in order to understand contemporary culture, we should understand the development of the culture and select the most representative people which are not the youth as the speaker claims. Culture is complex for it is mixed with so many things and altered during the long history, therefore it is suitable to study it in various way and put eyes on more group of people, not only the youth.

总的来说，本文能够比较清楚的证明自己的观点 已经不错了

不知楼主有没有限时呢 什么时候考啊？ 大家互勉吧，加油！！

linxiao1983UID: 203095

我们同一天啊,28,写了50多分钟,第二天修改后帖上来的,还是很费劲的....

可童UID: 196452

The arguer claims that to analyze the trend of youth is the most effective way to understand contemporary culture. I do not agree with the claim for the youth is not the fully(full 个人认为“全面的”用complete更好) representative of contemporary culture. As followed below, I will present my point of view from two angles.

First of all, culture is deposited from one generation to another and is not affected by no matter which single generation. As we all know that culture concludes(includes/involves/embraces) so many things such as art, traditions, thinking, and so forth, which is far more than I mentions and hence it is nearly impossible to establish so huge a mansion only by efforts of one generation. (整句话可修改为As we all know, culture that embraces various things such as art, traditions, thinking and so forth, is far more than what I mentioned and …)Take American culture for example, it is well known that the first settlers ](who) step into America come from Britain. Obviously, they are just a group of European who came to live in America and keep the same religious brief, have the same habit, share the similar world view with the ones who are still stay(staying) in Europe. "First Americans" though we call them, their culture, if it could be separated from European culture, is different from contemporary American culture which experience (has experienced) hundreds of years change and (has) mixed with many other nations’ culture. Impossible, as it is, to define American culture according to the people in "May flower", when it comes to the contemporary youth, it is the same – they are only one generation who join the society and feel the culture not long. (Therefore,) The way to understand contemporary culture by examining the trend of youth generation may be questionable.

Second, the youth is not the (complete) representative of our culture (to some extent). The youth shows energy, creativity, ability to the society, however, they are not (necessarily) the mainstream force of the society and the culture which is a composition of the society. In my observation, the middle-age is the main force to construct the world instead of the youth who is lack of (is lacking in) enough experience and profound knowledge to help them accomplish most societal work only by their own strength. Just take a look at the realm of entertainment, which is called the battle of new and old culture, there are many actors and actresses who are the youth while the boss and the director, the real conductor(conductors) of the cultural change, are almost the middle age or elder. Hence, only analyzing the trend of youth is superficial and makes the understanding stays (stay) on the surface instead of realizing the internal force promoting the trend. In this way, analyzing the youth is not a well considered way to understand contemporary culture, let it alone of the most effective way.

Admittedly, analyzing the youth is still helpful to understand the trend of culture. For the youth is the generation (that) belongs to (the) future, and they would become the main body of the society one day with their everyday growth. The appetite of them may be the favor of the whole society next decade. Just think about the development of Rock music which is brought about by the 70s youth who has grown up. Examples like this are abundant in the history, which make it clear that it is a good way to understand the future culture by analyzing the trend of youth.

In sum, in order to understand contemporary culture, we should understand the development of the culture and select the most representative people which(who) are not (limited to) the youth as the speaker claims. Culture is complex for it is mixed with so many things and altered during the long history, therefore it is suitable to study it in various way and put eyes on more group(groups) of people, not only the youth.


这可是我第一次修改别人的文章， 甚至上我第一次在GTER论坛上发帖哦！
所以 修改不当之处 还请多多包涵！
我没有贴我的文章， 一来不知道贴哪里（好丢脸哦:$），二来觉得写得不好...
还有一个问题请教楼主， 你能否帮忙看一下ISSUE的31篇。我自己写了，但是在看参考文章时发现它们对RESEACHES的理解和我不太一样， 难道researches仅仅指科学上的研究，而不包括一些商业方面的吗？

新手上路， 还请多多指教:)

[ Last edited by 可童 on 2005-7-16 at 21:42 ]

iPodUID: 2105485

The arguer claims that to analyze the trend of youth is the most effective way to understand contemporary culture. I do not agree with the claim for the youth is not the fully representative of contemporary culture. As followed below, I will present my point of view from two angles. [很简洁的开头啊，最后一句是亮点，学习ing]

First of all, culture is deposited from one generation to another and is not affected by no matter which single generation. As we all know that culture concludes so many things such as art, traditions, thinking, and so forth, which is far more than I mentions and hence it is nearly impossible to establish so huge a mansion only by efforts of one generation. Take American culture for example, it is well known that the first settlers step into America come from Britain. Obviously, they are just a group of European who came to live in [struggle to live是不是更生动准确] America and keep the same religious brief, have the same habit, share the similar world view with the ones who are still stay in Europe. "First Americans" though we call them, their culture, if it could be separated from European culture, is different from contemporary American culture which experience hundreds of years change and mixed with many other nations’ culture. Impossible, as it is, to define American culture according to the people in "May flower", when it comes to the contemporary youth, it is the same – they are only one generation who join the society and feel the culture not long. The way to understand contemporary culture by examining the trend of youth generation may be questionable. [很好的一段啊，结构清晰，论证也比较有力，而且楼主好象很了American history啊]

Second, the youth is not the representative of our culture.[是不是太绝对了啊？] The youth shows energy, creativity, ability to the society, however, they are not the mainstream force of the society and the culture which is a composition of the society. In my observation, the middle-age is the main force to construct the world instead of the youth who is lack of enough experience and profound knowledge to help them accomplish most societal work only by their own strength.  Just take a look at the realm of entertainment, which is called the battle of new and old culture, there are many actors and actresses who are the youth while the boss and the director, the real conductor of the cultural change, are almost the middle age or elder.[boss and director就一定是中年人吗，actors and actresses就一定是年轻人吗？个人觉得这里不严密，不知楼主怎么看]  Hence, only analyzing the trend of youth is superficial and makes the understanding stays on the surface instead of realizing the internal force promoting the trend. In this way, analyzing the youth is not a well considered way to understand contemporary culture, let it alone of the most effective way.

Admittedly, analyzing the youth is still helpful to understand the trend of culture. For the youth is the generation belongs to future, and they would become the main body of the society one day with their everyday growth. The appetite of them may be the favor of the whole society next decade. Just think about the development of Rock music which is brought about by the 70s youth who has grown up. Examples like this are abundant in the history, which make it clear that it is a good way to understand the future culture by analyzing the trend of youth.

In sum, in order to understand contemporary culture, we should understand the development of the culture and select the most representative people which are not the youth as the speaker claims. Culture is complex for it is mixed with so many things and altered during the long history, therefore it is suitable to study it in various way and put eyes on more group of people, not only the youth.

有小的错误有人给你改了我就不再累叙了。
很工整的文章，结构很好，句子的多样性做的不错。语言需加强，有的地方象是白开水一样不生动。楼主的例子做得很好啊，从历史到音乐，很有厚度。要打分的话，稍宽松的老外会打5分吧。不只楼主满不满意我的修改，欢迎与我讨论。

seraph_hydeUID: 184809

The arguer claims that to analyze the trend of youth is the most effective way to understand contemporary culture. I do not agree with the claim for the youth is not the fully representative of contemporary culture. As followed below, I will present my point of view from two angles.

First of all, culture is deposited from one generation to another and is not affected by no matter which single generation. As we all know that culture concludes so many things such as art, traditions, thinking, and so forth, which is far more than I mentions and hence it is nearly impossible to establish so huge a mansion only by efforts of one generation. Take American culture for example, it is well known that the first settlers step into America come from Britain. Obviously, they are just a group of European who came to live in America and keep the same religious brief, have the same habit, share the similar world view with the ones who are still stay in Europe. "First Americans" though we call them, their culture, if it could be separated from European culture, is different from contemporary American culture which experience hundreds of years change and mixed with many other nations’ culture. Impossible, as it is, to define American culture according to the people in "May flower", when it comes to the contemporary youth, it is the same – they are only one generation who join the society and feel the culture not long. The way to understand contemporary culture by examining the trend of youth generation may be questionable.
这段感觉写的不好，把重点放在了culture不受年轻人影响上，但是全文的论点是年轻人不能代表当代文化，此段既没说明culture和contemporary culture没什么区别，也没有说明年轻人是否能代表文化，所以感觉说的有点远了，而且用第一代美国人做例子感觉没有普遍性和代表性，毕竟他们太特殊了。
Second, the youth is not the representative of our culture. The youth shows energy, creativity, ability to the society, however, they are not the mainstream force of the society and the culture which is a composition of the society. In my observation, the middle-age is the main force to construct the world instead of the youth who is lack of enough experience and profound knowledge to help them accomplish most societal work only by their own strength. Just take a look at the realm of entertainment, which is called the battle of new and old culture, there are many actors and actresses who are the youth while the boss and the director, the real conductor of the cultural change, are almost the middle age or elder. Hence, only analyzing the trend of youth is superficial and makes the understanding stays on the surface instead of realizing the internal force promoting the trend. In this way, analyzing the youth is not a well considered way to understand contemporary culture, let it alone of the most effective way.
这段写的就很贴题，例子很有支持力。

Admittedly, analyzing the youth is still helpful to understand the trend of culture. For the youth is the generation belongs to future, and they would become the main body of the society one day with their everyday growth. The appetite of them may be the favor of the whole society next decade. Just think about the development of Rock music which is brought about by the 70s youth who has grown up. Examples like this are abundant in the history, which make it clear that it is a good way to understand the future culture by analyzing the trend of youth.
例子没有展开，是不是没时间了？
In sum, in order to understand contemporary culture, we should understand the development of the culture and select the most representative people which are not the youth as the speaker claims. Culture is complex for it is mixed with so many things and altered during the long history, therefore it is suitable to study it in various way and put eyes on more group of people, not only the youth.

整体还是不错的，尤其是语言感觉很流畅，如果是限时写作这篇文章还是很成功的。

我的文章，帮帮忙吧～～
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

linxiao1983UID: 203095

非常感谢你在gter上的第一帖发在我这了！
你对issue31的疑问research：查了下MW的解释
1 : careful or diligent search
2 : studious inquiry or examination;  especially   : investigation or experimentation aimed at the discovery and interpretation of facts, revision of accepted theories or laws in the light of new facts, or practical application of such new or revised theories or laws
3 : the collecting of information about a particularsubject

在没看见你的文章的前提下，我觉得写商业应该是不算偏离题目的。
不过由于我是理工科出身，我是肯定会因为research而敏感到科研的，可能不会对题目中的investment而敏感到商业，可能这么写比较保险些吧：）

另外，我认为既然是AW，只要不偏离题目太厉害，能表现出你的annalyze的能力就可以了，不必和范文一样。

个人见解，仅供参考：）

linxiao1983UID: 203095

已经修改你的文章

ardorousUID: 2115432

第二段although the boss and director decide what tendency of  entertainment will go, they may be relied on the fad of youth , for obtaining more profit.To another extent, the boss and director are the authority's , since the longer time they occupied in this realm , but it does not stand for the trend of culture. 不知对不对啊。
请有时间时也帮我看看，下次在发文必一笔一划拍今天已有若干高手拍了 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=299010