argument117 有拍必回 回拍给链接

tz0412UID: 180794

Argument117  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     

题目：
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
------正文------
The manager suggest that the Valu-Mart (VM) should increase at all its stores stock of home office machines and office supplies in order to make more profits, on the basis that there is a reported trend for people to work at home recently. However, by carefully scrutinizing the manager's argument, I could actually find nothing convincing me to accept his or her recommendation.

First of all, the manager falsely applied the work-at-home trend to all the cities where there is a VM store or more. It is quite possible that the survey only cover the people in a certain city or certain cities and in some other places the work style remains stable and is not influenced by this trend. For that matter, there may be even some cities, in which the trend is just the opposite direction: people are used to finishing all the work at their workplace and never take work home. Moreover, even in the city where such work-at-home trend really exists, only 70 percent ratio does not necessarily means that in all the districts the situation is all the same. Perhaps in some districts the trend is very common and in others not. If this is the case, then in those cities and districts where the work-at-home trend does not significant exist, the manager's recommendation is amount to a poor idea and a waste of money and time.

Even in those cities and districts where people are actually more inclined or required to take more work home, the manager has unfairly assumed that this work-at-home trend is equal to an increasing demand for stock of home office machines and office supplies. Yet it is entirely possible that these home-workers have already purchased or been provided by their companies sufficient such stocks and therefore do not need to buy any more in a long time. Without ruling out this probable condition, the manager could not make any found conclusion relying on the assumption.

Finally, even if there is indeed a increasing demanding for stock of home office machines and office supplies, the manager can not convince me that the consumer would like to choose VW's products rather than those of other companies. Considering the fact that VW's office-supply sales have never been impressive, anyone with a logical sense would think that there might be certainly some comparative disadvantages in VW's products. For example, the quality of the products is not so good as those from other companies; or perhaps the price of the products is too high to afford for ordinary people.  Thus unless the manager could substantiate that VW do have some advantages and merits which make them more outstanding and attracting to consumers than their competitors, I would remain my doubt on his or her recommendation.

In conclusion, the manager's argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it he or she must not only provide more clear and solid evidence that those people who are required to take more work home are actually in a need of more stocks of home office machines and office supplies, but may also modify his or her recommendation to a more practical and feasible extent that only increasing stocks at those districts where such work-at-home trend is largely existing.

amostimeUID: 2117906

The manager suggests that the Valu-Mart (VM) should increase at all its stores stock of home office machines and office supplies in order to make more profits, on the basis that there is a reported trend for people to work at home recently.这句话概括的很精炼！ However, by carefully scrutinizing the manager's argument, I could actually find nothing convincingfor me to accept his or her recommendation.

First of all, the manager falsely applied the work-at-home trend to all the cities where there is a VM store or more. It is quite possible that the survey only covers the people in a certain city or certain cities and in some other places the work style remains stable and is not influenced by this trend. For that matter, there may be even some cities, in which the trend is just the opposite direction: people are used to finishing all the work at their workplace and never take work home. Moreover, even in the city where such work-at-home trend really exists, only 70 percent ratio does not necessarily means that in all the districts the situation is all the same. Perhaps in some districts the trend is very common and in others not. If this is the case, then in those cities and districts where the work-at-home trend does not significant exist, the manager's recommendation will onlyamounts to a poor idea and a waste of money and time.
这段驳的卓尔不群，关于所有城市这个fallacy当时我也想到，只是没有时间很好的穿插进去，你这样写条理清晰，层层推进，很有老外280的味道

Even in those cities and districts where people are actually more inclined or required to take more work home, the manager has unfairly assumed that this work-at-home trend is equal to an increasing demand for stock of home office machines and office supplies. Yet it is entirely possible that these home-workers have already purchased or been provided by their companies sufficient such stocks and therefore do not need to buy any more in a long time. Without ruling out this probable condition, the manager could not make any found conclusion relying on the assumption.
没有什么问题，语言灵活多变

Finally, even if there is indeed a increasing demanding (demand)for stock of home office machines and office supplies, the manager can not convince me that the consumer would like to choose VW's products rather than those of other companies. Considering the fact that VW's office-supply sales have never been impressive, anyone with a logical sense有点chinglish,可以说any sensible person would think that there might be certainly some comparative disadvantages in VW's products. For example, the quality of the products is not so good as those from other companies; or perhaps the price of the products is too high to afford for ordinary people.  Thus unless the manager could substantiate that VW do have some advantages and merits which make them more outstanding and attracting to consumers than their competitors, I would remain my doubt on his or her recommendation.

In conclusion, the manager's argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it he or she must not only provide more clear and solid evidence that those people who are required to take more work home are actually in a need of more stocks of home office machines and office supplies, but may also modify his or her recommendation to a more practical and feasible extent that only increasing stocks at those districts where such work-at-home trend is largely existing.

总的来说语言和思路都比较老练。但是关于office department成为所有部门中利润最多的这个漏洞（重要漏洞）没有提及，可以把它与B3并成一段

我的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=307998

bcomerUID: 182621

看了之后觉得特别好，收下学习了：）

语言上也特别好

唯一能说的是B3 我觉得有点……

似乎ARGUMENT是让你作为公司的一员，甚至经理去找毛病，

对于B3而言，只要市场存在，公司就应该去介入，去竞争，自己产品竞争力不足，要抓

产品，而不是放弃竞争，我所想找的漏洞，是，是否可以讨论一下，进入该地区建厂的

时机是否妥当……

说了些废话,haha 但我可是认真改了，看了，只是改不出别的

tz0412UID: 180794

Originally posted by bcomer at 2005-7-29 08:59
看了之后觉得特别好，收下学习了：）

语言上也特别好

唯一能说的是B3 我觉得有点……

似乎ARGUMENT是让你作为公司的一员，甚至经理去找毛病，

对于B3而言，只要市场存在，公司就应该去介入，去竞争， ...

这个我觉得我只是在攻击他没有证明利润肯定会上升，整篇文章都是在质疑他，指出还应该给出什么论据才能更让人幸福，但是我根本就没有反对他的提议阿，只是他缺乏说服力而已

peacockUID: 2114612

Finally, even if there is indeed a（an） increasing demanding for stock of home office machines and office supplies,

sdkenyyUID: 2128283

感觉上不要出现第一人称为妙，可以增加攻击的客观性。

radical2007UID: 2371513

好文章 使偶有很多收获 谢了哈LZ!