argument200 决战830拍砖组14日作业 :)

zhizhiUID: 2123761

又是限时写的 质量就……哎 :( 大家帮我看看了:)

------题目------
Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
------正文------
      In this argument, the author recommends that the dentists should target the male consumer and emphasize both effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. However, the argument is clouded with several fallacies, making it not persuasive as it stands.

     In the first place, the statistics cited by the author cannot lend credible support to the assumption that men are more likely to be distressed about dental work. On the one hand, there is no information concerning the reliability of the statistics provided. The author fails to demonstrate that the statistics collected are representative of the overall conditions. On the other hand, the severity of the dental disease is neglected, which may lead to the difference in the statistical result. It is much possible that the male patients of the statistics suffer a much more terrible dental disease thus more likely to faint. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author cannot rely on the statistics to make a further inference.

   In the second place, the recommendation made by the author is neither necessary nor sufficient to be profitable. On the one hand, there is no evidence that the advertise emphasizing on the effectiveness of the anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of the staff to nervous of suffering patients will necessarily attract more male patients. Even if the author's assumption that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women does is correct, there is no guarantee that men will care more about the pains or suffering in the dental work. There are some other factors, which may be seen to be more important by the male patients, such as the effectiveness or the price. Lacking such information, it is unsound to assert that such recommendation will necessarily increase the profits.

    In the last but least place, the author fails to take into consideration some other strategies that may contribute to increase the profits of the dentists, such as lower the price and provide better service. What is more, the recommendation may even be backfired, since the author has neglected the female patients. It is entirely possible that women are more likely to get a dental disease thus need more dental care than men do. As a result, if the dentists merely focus on the male consumer, they may lose the large numbers of female consumers, who are more likely to bring more profits.

   In sum, the author fails to demonstrate that the recommendation is necessary or sufficient. In order to make the argument more convincing, further information about the difference in the male and female patients, the consumption conditions of the two groups of people and other factors that may be cared by the patients should be provided.

[ Last edited by zhizhi on 2005-8-14 at 19:13 ]

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

In this argument, the author recommends that the dentists should target the male consumer and emphasize both (the) effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. However, the argument is clouded with several fallacies, making it not persuasive as it stands.(开头简练，语言不错，赞一个)
     In the first place, the statistics cited by the author cannot lend credible support to the assumption that men are more likely to be distressed about dental work. On the one hand, there is no information concerning the reliability of the statistics provided. The author fails to demonstrate that the statistics collected are representative of the overall conditions（建议用Sample和Population，这样表意准确，又显得有专业水准）. On the other hand, the severity of the dental disease is neglected, which may lead to the difference in the statistical result. It is much possible that the male patients of the statistics suffer a much more terrible dental disease thus（要不要改成and thus are?我水平有限，如不要，也请回复一下） more likely to faint. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author cannot rely on the statistics to make a further inference.

   In the second place, the recommendation made by the author is neither necessary nor sufficient to be profitable. On the one hand, there is no evidence that the advertise emphasizing on the effectiveness of the anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of the staff to nervous of suffering patients will necessarily attract more male patients. Even if the author's assumption that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women does（？） is correct, there is no guarantee that men will care more about the pains or suffering in the dental work. There are some other factors, which may be seen to be more important by the male patients, such as the effectiveness or the price. Lacking such information, it is unsound to assert that such recommendation will necessarily increase the profits.

    In the last but least place（不懂）, the author fails to take into consideration some other strategies that may contribute to increase（？） the profits of the dentists, such as lower the price and provide better service. What is more, the recommendation may even be backfired, since the author has neglected the female patients. It is entirely possible that women are more likely to get a dental disease thus need more dental care than men do. As a result, if the dentists merely focus on the male consumer, they may lose the large numbers of female consumers, who are more likely to bring more profits.

   In sum, the author fails to demonstrate that the recommendation is necessary or sufficient（后面要再加点东西吧，虽然我知道你的意思）. In order to make the argument more convincing, further information about the difference in the male and female patients, the consumption conditions of the two groups of people and other factors that may be cared by the patients should be provided.（整体不错，条理清楚，限时出来的东西有此水准难得，加油啊）

你给我拍的，我回复了，建议去看看

有时间的话，帮我看看ISSUE41 ARGUMENT39

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=318846

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=318822

[ Last edited by caogenmanchi on 2005-8-14 at 20:39 ]

minorUID: 2127549

题目中并没有说profit的问题,只说了attract more male patients.第二段批判中心词定为profitable 不太好吧.
第三段开头:in the last but not the least place.
the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.并不能对减轻痛苦产生直接影响

zhizhiUID: 2123761

to caogenmanchi 多谢指教 呵呵

to  minor 我自己也觉得有点牵强，限时的时候没考虑那么多，应该是把吸引男性患者作为最直接的靶子比较好 可是总感觉那样话不多
那个应该是没有the的 last but not least (我好像拉了一个not:))

ytrUID: 164422

In this argument, the author recommends that the dentists should target the male consumer and emphasize both effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. However, the argument is clouded with several fallacies, making it not persuasive as it stands.

     In the first place, the statistics cited by the author cannot lend credible support to the assumption that men are more likely to be distressed about dental work. On the one hand, there is no information concerning the reliability of the statistics provided. 个人觉得句式不是很好，the argument provides no information怎么样？ The author fails to demonstrate that the statistics collected are representative of the overall conditions. On the other hand, the severity 应该要有degree吧 of the dental disease is neglected, which may lead to the difference不同不如不可信 in the statistical result. It is much possible that the male patients of the statisticsin the evidence suffer a much more terrible dental disease thus more likely to faint. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author cannot rely on the statistics to make a further inference.

   In the second place, the recommendation made by the author is neither necessary nor sufficient to be profitable.觉得段落主题句应该清楚，一针见血 On the one hand, 后面好像没对应的there is no evidence that the advertise emphasizing on the effectiveness of the anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of the staff to nervous of suffering patients will necessarily attract more male patients. Even if the author's assumption that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women does is correct, there is no guarantee that men will care more about the pains or suffering in the dental work. There are some other factors,句式受不了 which may be seen to be more important by the male patients, such as the effectiveness or the price. Lacking such information, it is unsound to assert that such recommendation will necessarily increase the profits.

    In the last but least place觉得这个用法不是很常见, the author fails to take into consideration some other strategies that may contribute to increase the profits of the dentists, such as lower the price and provide better service. What is more, the recommendation may even be backfired, since the author has neglected the female patients. It is entirely possible that women are more likely to get a dental disease thus need more dental care than men do. As a result, if the dentists merely focus on the male consumer, they may lose the large numbers of female consumers, who are more likely to bring more profits.目的是吸引人把，有点牵强

   In sum, the author fails to demonstrate that the recommendation is necessary or sufficient. In order to make the argument more convincing, further information about the difference in the male and female patients, the consumption conditions of the two groups of people and other factors that may be cared by the patients should be provided.

准备加入本队，有时间也帮我看看吧也是argument200
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=318824