【4--6月 Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 奔跑蜗牛 第 一 次作业】

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

第一次作业：Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time; children should not be allowed to play them.

Computer games were created for the purpose of entertainment and releasing stress, but too much time spending on them is not wise choice, especially for children. From my personal alone, I agree with the statement that playing computer games are too waste of time, and children should not be allowed to do that.

First of all, children have weak self-control, when they play the computer games they are easily fascinated and fond of them. The resistance of lure is vulnerable and easily addict to the circular computer games. Consider what happened to children when they play games which is more mystery and have different ranks which only can you pass the former ,the next rank you can access. children who are full of curiosity want to know what will happen next, and show off their ability when she or he pass the most ranks. In order to get more virlual money and receive higher position on the game realm, he or she have to pay more attention and sprint on the games. Once they join in them , they hardly stop and their parents will lose control of them.

Second, too much time pay on the computer games result in a great impact on the time allocation of studying and other benefit things. Lack of knowledge and narrow view is bad for their future and development of intellectual and personality. For example, I have a friend who took first place in the class before he played computer games. After he addict to the computer games, his GPA dropped quckly. Then he did not go to the excellent university, and have a low salary now. He was very regreted that his mistake that pay too much time on playing computer games and lose more opportunities.

Finally, the content and information of the games are filled with violence and porn, and they are easily influence children. When children who play these games, they will proclivity towards violence tends to show up ar schools where they start to bully their classmates. Long-term to access these tremendously harmful materials, we can not imagine the children have a beautiful future.

To conclude, playing computer games has more negative effects than positive ones. Once the children addict to them, it is not only bad for the children’s future, but bring serious problems to the family and society.

lijr03UID: 2522963

总的感觉不错，有些小问题。修改在附件里。

duduyan11UID: 2591951

6月 Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 奔跑蜗牛 第 一 次作业】本帖最后由 奔跑蜗牛 于 2009-2-4 23:18 编辑 *}第一次作业：Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time; children should not be allowed to play them.

Computer games were created for the purpose of entertainment and releasing stress, but too much time spending on them is not a wise choice, especially for children. From my personal alone, I agree with the statement that playing computer games are is too waste of time, and children should not be allowed to do that.



First of all, children have weak self-control, when they play the computer games they are easily fascinated and fond of them. The resistance of lure is vulnerable and easily addicted to the circular computer games（翻译成循环电脑游戏吗，没听说过）. Consider what happened to children when they play games which is  （ are）more mystery mysterious and have different ranks which only can you  （you can） pass the former , then the next rank you can just access. children who are full of curiosity want to know what will happen next, and show off their ability when she or he pass the most ranks. In order to get more (virlual ) money and receive higher position on the game realm, he or she have to pay more attention and sprint on the games. Once they join in them , they （will ） hardly stop and their parents will lose control of them.  

    Second, too much time pay on the computer games result in a great impact on the time (  allocation of studying ) that allocate to study  and other benefit things. Lacking of knowledge and narrow view is bad for their future and the  development of intellectual and personality. For example, I have a friend who took first place in the class before he played computer games. After he （was ）addicted to the computer games, his GPA dropped quckly （quickly）. Then he did not go to the excellent university, and have a low salary now. He was very regreted( that his ) the mistake that pay（ he paied ） too much time on playing computer games and lose   losed more opportunities.   

  Finally, the content and information of the games are filled with violence and porn, and they are easily influence children. When children who（ 删）  play these games, they will proclivity  （拼写错误 ）towards violence tends to show up( ar )schools where they start to bully their classmates. Long-term to access these tremendously harmful materials, we can not imagine the children will have a beautiful future

To conclude, playing computer games has more negative effects than positive ones. Once the children are addicted to them, it is not only bad for the children’s future, but bring serious problems to the family and society.

1文章结构清楚  2看得出作者在尽量用长句子  结尾最好在重述一下自己的观点