0910AW 同主题写作第三期 ARGUMENT242 by B18 之

sally_zhiyiUID: 2636363

242, （教育/建议/类比+并列）The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.
"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year was reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."




In this editorial, the author recommends that colleges and universities should adopt an honor code which similar to Groveton College (GC) in order to reduce the incidents of cheating. To prove this claim, the author provides the evidence that the honor code played a critical role in dealing with cheating cases in GC. Students said that they would be less likely to cheat with it. What the author analyzed seems at first glance to be convincing. However, a careful examination of the editorial would reveal how unwarranted the conclusion is.



First of all, as the author mentioned, the honor code in GC has replaced an old-fashioned system, the number of cases of cheating from thirty fell to fourteen in five years. However, did the cheating events really declined? The honor code is a system of calling for students’ integrity. But the assumption that students will keep their promise not to cheat in their academic endeavors is unwarranted. Students may not be honor or notify a faculty member when they suspect that others have cheated. Besides, a cheating case can be counted when it is found by teachers. Nowadays, the high-tech means of cheating, for instance, micro earphone, special eraser, and special watch with LCD screen are not easily found in ecen. The author fails to take these factors into consideration.
Even though, the cases of cheating have declined, is that just because of honor code? The reasons may include: the students of MC were afraid of monitors which were installed in classrooms, or the faculty members were not strict when proctored an examination.



The argument is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the inherent differences between other schools and GC. The students in GC might be honest and trustworthy, but it may not the same situation in the other schools. Ignore this, the statistics above shows that in the first year, the students reported twenty-one cases of cheating, and the figure had dropped to fourteen five years later. The students may not report the right number of cheating cases because of personal interests. And they only displayed the figure of the fifth year, the cases might increase during those five years.



Finally, the author neglects to indicate how recently the survey was actually conducted. Because the less recent the survey itself, the less reliable the results to convince the other schools to adopt the honor code. What’s more, the survey was just conducted in GC, it is entirely possible that the students there are not representative of the college and university students overall.

In conclusion, the editorial is not well reasoned. The author would have to demonstrate that the honor code is widely propitious to all of the schools to make the editorial logically acceptable.

本来字数超了，后来删了些~时间用的也短了，嘿嘿~有进步了点~^_^

sally_zhiyiUID: 2636363

都不知道为什么不能编辑原帖了~ 真是郁闷！！！

lucarlUID: 2616426

242, （教育/建议/类比+并列）The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.
"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year was reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."

In this editorial, the author recommends that colleges and universities should adopt an honor code which similar to Groveton College (GC) in order to reduce the incidents of cheating. To prove this claim, the author provides the evidence that the honor code played a critical role in dealing with cheating cases in GC. Students said that they would be less likely to cheat with it. What the author analyzed seems at first glance to be convincing. However, a careful examination of the editorial would reveal how unwarranted the conclusion is.

First of all, as the author mentioned, the honor code in GC has replaced an old-fashioned system, the number of cases of cheating from thirty fell to fourteen in five years. However, did the cheating events really declined? The honor code is a system of calling for students’ integrity. But the assumption that students will keep their promise not to cheat in their academic endeavors is unwarranted. Students may not be honor or notify a faculty member when they suspect that others have cheated. Besides, a cheating case can be counted when it is found by teachers. Nowadays, the high-tech means of cheating, for instance, micro earphone, special eraser, and special watch with LCD screen are not easily found in ecen. The author fails to take these factors into consideration.

本段，是可能学生作弊没有被发现。

Even though, （这里用even though来表达不如用even if） the cases of cheating have declined, is that just because of honor code? The reasons may include: the students of MC were afraid of monitors which were installed in classrooms, or the faculty members were not strict when proctored an examination.
The argument is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the inherent differences between other schools and GC. The students in GC might be honest and trustworthy这个理由其实可以和上一段归于一起, but it may not the same situation in the other schools. Ignore this,（ignoring this?） the statistics above shows that in the first year, the students reported twenty-one cases of cheating, and the figure had dropped to fourteen five years later.这句写完整了吗？

我将你原本这一段给分开了，前面和上一段归在一起，这一段有重复的嫌疑。The students may not report the right number of cheating cases because of personal interests. And they only displayed the figure of the fifth year, the cases might increase during those five years. 重复了，其实这一段最后一句还是在重复没有真实反映作弊数量。

Finally, the author neglects to indicate how recently the survey was actually conducted. Because the less recent the survey itself, the less reliable the results to convince
（我知道你想表达的意思，但是native speakers 未必能懂。换个表达方式：“研究时间越接近当下，结论越可靠。”也许会更好）the other schools to adopt the honor code. What’s more, the survey was just conducted in GC, it is entirely possible that the students there are not representative of the college and university students overall.本句的问题同前一个红色的句子。

In conclusion, the editorial is not well reasoned. The author would have to demonstrate that the honor code is widely propitious to all of the schools to make the editorial logically acceptable.

本来字数超了，后来删了些~时间用的也短了，嘿嘿~有进步了点~^_^

snail8843UID: 2516929

1# sally_zhiyi

ARGUMENT242 by B18_A32 snail8843批改

In this editorial, the author recommends that colleges and universities should adopt an honor code which similar to Groveton College (GC) in order to reduce the incidents of cheating. To prove this claim, the author provides the evidence that the honor code played a critical role in dealing with cheating cases in GC. Students said that they would be less likely to cheat with it. What the author analyzed seems at first glance to be convincing. However, a careful examination of the editorial would reveal how unwarranted the conclusion is.

First of all, as the author mentioned, the honor code in GC has replaced an old-fashioned system, the number of cases of cheating from thirty fell to fourteen in five years. However, did the cheating events really declined? The honor code is a system of calling for students’ integrity. But the assumption that students will keep their promise not to cheat in their academic endeavors is unwarranted. Students may not be honor or notify a faculty member when they suspect that others have cheated. Besides, a cheating case can be counted when it is found by teachers. Nowadays, the high-tech means of cheating, for instance, micro earphone, special eraser, and special watch with LCD screen are not easily found in ecen. The author fails to take these factors into consideration. (很好，我第一个错误也是这样攻击的)

Even though, the cases of cheating have declined, is that just because of honor code? The reasons may include: the students of MC were afraid of monitors which were installed in classrooms, or the faculty members were not strict when proctored an examination.(晕，，，又和我的一样，不过你的论证少了点，不大像一个段落)

The argument is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the inherent differences between other schools and GC. The students in GC might be honest and trustworthy, but it may not the same situation in the other schools. Ignore this, the statistics above shows that in the first year, the students reported twenty-one cases of cheating, and the figure had dropped to fourteen five years later. The students may not report the right number of cheating cases because of personal interests. And they only displayed the figure of the fifth year, the cases might increase during those five years. (如果你的TS是第一句的话，后面的论证明显跑题了…)

Finally, the author neglects to indicate how recently the survey was actually conducted. Because the less recent the survey itself, the less reliable the results to convince the other schools to adopt the honor code. What’s more, (这个错误在上一个段落里面提到了)the survey was just conducted in GC, it is entirely possible that the students there are not representative of the college and university students overall.(这个攻击段落没有TS…或者有二个并列的TS,这是不被允许的。而且这个错误放在这里不该放在最后，最好放在前面。)

In conclusion, the editorial is not well reasoned. The author would have to demonstrate that the honor code is widely propitious to all of the schools to make the editorial logically acceptable.（结尾如此速度…再加点吧）

总结：第二个错误论证的不够充分，第三、四个错误有交叉重叠，而且这二个段落都没有TS，逻辑不是很清晰。结尾也有些仓促。