0910AW SPECTACULAR之【同主题写作】第二期 Argument173 by xdjtf

xdjtfUID: 2615699

The conclusion drawn by the author appears at first glance reasonable. The record of the poorest-selling is created by those magazines with international news on the front covers and other competing news-magazine have greatly reduced the number of cover stories of international news,and additionally,
to maintain the foreign bureaus whose chief function is to report the international news seems more expensive, therefore, we do not need to continue to emphasize the international news as much as before and these stories which concentrates on the international news should be refrained from displaying on the magazine covers. However, from my perspective, the resoning of this conclusion is doubtful as well as problematic.

In the first place, the magazine with poorest-selling records were characterized by having international news stories on its front covers, however, the author misinterprets the difference between the correlation and the cause-effect relation, in other words, the disappointing sales of these magazine may not solely or even completely not caused by the front covers. There possibly are many other factors influencing the sales of the magazines like whether the masses prefer to read magazine during this period or whether there are competitive opponent firms which outperforms in this field. Meanwhile, the author mentions that competing news-magazine have decreased the number of the cover stories about international news to illustrate the necessity of decreasing our emphasis on this field. However, this proof is not convincing due to the condition of the competing news-magazines is not totally the same as ours, that is, the reanson why they pay less attention to cover stories with international news may be that they are no longer competent to take hold the market so that they have to quite this domain.



In the second place, the increasing cost of the foreign bureaus is not a persuasive reason to report less on the international news. As far as the company is concerned, the profit does not simply rely on the cost but relates to the income as well, that is, the increase in the cost does not necessarily indicate the decrease in the profit. In fact, the profit of this company may rise only if the income of this sort of news-magazine is high engough.Meanwhile, the author fails to substantiate the fact that this increase is chiefly due to the correspondence of international news, which means the shift in the cost may be brought about by some other factors such as the increase in the level of local economical status or there are extra unnecessary expenses which is not related to report the international news.

To sum up, the situation revealed by the author is informative and the suggestions given are, to some extent, helpful. However, the conclusion reached is hasty and cursory, to strengthen its argument, the aughor needs to pinpoint the casual relationship of those listed evidence and the conclusion; otherwise, giving an immature recommendation may be misleading.

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

The conclusion drawn by the author appears at first glance reasonable 与at the first glance颠倒一下顺序吧. The record of the poorest-selling is created换成caused吧 by those magazines with international news on the front covers and other competing news-magazine have greatly reduced the number of cover stories of international news,and additionally,
to maintain the foreign bureaus whose chief function is to report the international news seems more expensive, therefore, we do not need to continue to emphasize the international news as much as before and these stories which concentrates on the international news should be refrained from displaying on the magazine covers.这一句太长了 而且都是描述性的甚至照抄给出的信息 显得繁琐 你可以自己总结 精炼一下的 However, from my perspective, the resoning of this conclusion is doubtful as well as problematic.

In the first place, the magazine with poorest-selling records were characterized by having international news stories on its front covers, however, the author misinterprets the difference between the correlation and the cause-effect relation, in other words, the disappointing sales of these magazine may not be solely or even completely not 去掉 caused by the front covers. There possibly are 颠倒many other factors influencing the sales of the magazines like whether the masses prefer to read magazine during this period or whether there are competitive opponent firms which outperforms in this fieldagain太长 偶觉得factors 后面就是短语了 两个长句中间又有一个定语从句，太长. Meanwhile, the author mentions that competing news-magazine have decreased the number of the cover stories about international news to illustrate the necessity of decreasing our emphasis on this field. However, this proof is not convincing due to the condition of 改为thatthe competing news-magazines is这么肯定吗？用may 吧 not totally the same as ours, that is, the reanson why they pay less attention to cover stories with international news may be that they are no longer competent to take hold 加of the market so that they have to quite this domain.



In the second place, the increasing cost of the foreign bureaus is not a persuasive reason to report less on the international news. As far as the company is concerned, the profit does not simply rely on the cost but relates to the income as well, that is, the increase in the cost does not necessarily indicate the decrease in the profit. In fact, the profit of this company may rise only if the income of this sort of news-magazine is high engough.Meanwhile, the author fails to substantiate the fact that this increase is chiefly due to the correspondence of international news, which means the shift in the cost may be brought about by some other factors such as the increase in the level of local economical status or there are extra unnecessary expenses which is not related to report the international news又很长 偶真的是看不懂了 你说作者没有提到收入提高是因为国际新闻？ 这偶就彻底模糊了.

To sum up, the situation revealed by the author is informative and the suggestions given are, to some extent, helpful.文章的主体部分并没有提到 就没有必要最后让步说好话了 However, the conclusion reached is hasty and cursory, 。To to strengthen its argument, the aughorauthor needs to pinpoint the casual relationship of those listed evidence and the conclusion;另一方面没说 otherwise, giving an immature recommendation may be misleading.
不好意思哦 我觉得吧 思想都被这些长句给弱化了 长句有点让人催眠和烦躁 语言需要改进哦：）

fiefuytUID: 2303116

The conclusion drawn by the author appears at first glance reasonable. The record of the poorest-selling is created by those magazines with international news on the front covers and other competing news-magazine have greatly reduced the number of cover stories of international news,and additionally, to maintain the foreign bureaus whose chief function is to report the international news seems more expensive, therefore, we do not need to continue to emphasize the international news as much as before and these stories which concentrates on the international news should be refrained from displaying on the magazine covers. However, from my perspective, the reasoning of this conclusion is doubtful as well as problematic.（第一段给人感觉有点拖沓，不精炼）

In the first place, the magazine with poorest-selling records were characterized by having international news stories on its front covers, however, the author misinterprets the difference between the correlation and the cause-effect relation, in other words, the disappointing sales of these magazine may not solely or even completely not caused by the front covers. There possibly are many other factors influencing the sales of the magazines like whether the masses prefer to read magazine during this period or whether there are competitive opponent firms which outperforms in this field. （这句话似乎有点问题，我怎么老读不通？）Meanwhile, the author mentions that competing news-magazine have decreased the number of the cover stories about international news to illustrate the necessity of decreasing our emphasis on this field. However, this proof is not convincing due to the condition of the competing news-magazines is not（这样句式有点问题） totally the same as ours, that is, the reanson why they pay less attention to cover stories with international news may be that they are no longer competent to take hold the market so that they have to quit this domain.（这句话似乎有点不太通顺，我读了老半天才看懂，能不能换个方式表达呢？）

In the second place, the increasing cost of the foreign bureaus is not a persuasive reason to report less on the international news. As far as the company is concerned, the profit does not simply rely on the cost but relates to the income as well, that is, the increase in the cost does not necessarily indicate the decrease in the profit. （这段话可用于说明cost 和profit关系的套话，8错8错）In fact, the profit of this company may rise only if the income of this sort of news-magazine is high engough.Meanwhile, the author fails to substantiate the fact that this increase is chiefly due to the correspondence of international news, which means the shift in the cost may be brought about by some other factors such as the increase in the level of local economical status or there are extra unnecessary expenses which is not related to report the international news.

To sum up, the situation revealed by the author is informative and the suggestions given are, to some extent, helpful. However, the conclusion reached is hasty and cursory, to strengthen its argument, the aughor needs to pinpoint the casual relationship of those listed evidence and the conclusion; otherwise, giving an immature recommendation may be misleading.

第一段是对问题的重复，似乎可以更加精简一些，而在后面多增加一段对题目的挑刺，毕竟A考试的十分主要的一个目的是对你的逻辑分析能力的考查，而这篇A刚好是三个句子三个批判点，如果能依次顺序批判下来可能思路会更清晰，一孔之见:P
自己改完后又看了大薇改滴，又发现差距啦，还要好好加油呀：）

实在不好意思，这几天忙着搬宿舍，没法上网，本来四五天前就改好的文章一直没发上来，望楼主见谅呀：P