2009 进军美利坚作文组 小鸟第二次作业

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

Sometimes we have so many varying responsibilities in our lives, ranging from work obligations to caring for children to running a household, we feel we cannot make it all work. Family or work which one need more attention, though ,has been a matter of severe debate for decades. For me , concentrating more on work is my preference, and several conspicuous instances and reasons go as follows.

For sure , family is essential for anyone and almost all education-policy documents and research papers these days start with a reminder that a child’s family background is by far the strongest influence on his educational achievement.

However, work is the only guarantee of living , certainly ,should be highlighted among any other responsibilities. How to survive as the first consideration is recognized by all sorts of organisms on earth. Because only when we feed ourselves can we have the extra vigor helps to advance the progress of history ,and undoubtedly work is the way for subsistence. obviously, family pursue recreation and other mental consumption rely on no concern about living necessities. In other words, work is the fundamental aspect of other responsibilities ,like the children’s education expense, parents’ healthy issue and so forth. Thus, it is rather sensible to spend more time and energy on work.


Meanwhile ,struggling for job can make one’s dream come true and lift our personal merits .amid the sophisticated society and blazing competition atmosphere anyone want to carry out self goals must work hard and make full concentration. A case in point is that prominent scientist’s work time mostly occupying sixteen to twenty hours a day and sometimes confronted key section the little rest time have to give up. Yet thanks to their dedication we are not threatened by tuberculosis , pneumonia and other lethal diseases.Also an evident instances must be quoted is Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft , from his biography we find that during his rush period he usually live in his office steeped in project and often forget what himself is . if Gates does not pay so much attention on his work how can such a tycoon go to emerge in the history stage.


To conclusion , according to discussed above we have no reason to stand the point that spending more time on work is virtually important and sensible than spending on family though family’s irreplaceable vital position .

applo111UID: 2679100

Sometimes we have so many varying(various) responsibilities in our lives, ranging from work obligations to caring for children （and）to running a household, we feel we cannot make it all work. Family or work which one need （needs）attention, though ,has been a matter of severe debate for decades. For me, concentrating more on work is my preference, and several conspicuous instances and reasons go as follows.

我总感觉有些模板的味道，但写得挺好！

For sure , family is essential for anyone and almost all education-policy documents and research papers these days start with a reminder（这句话的主语太长， 用it starts with a reminder by all…可能会好些） that a child’s family background is by far the strongest influence on his educational achievement.

However, work is the only guarantee of living, certainly ,（and）should be highlighted among any other responsibilities. How to survive as the first consideration is recognized by all sorts of organisms on earth. Because only when we feed ourselves can we have the extra vigor helps(helps好像多余) to advance the progress of history, and undoubtedly work is the way for subsistence. obviously,（that） family pursue recreation and other mental consumption rely on no concern about living necessities. In other words, work is the fundamental aspect of other responsibilities ,like the children’s education expense, parents’ healthy issue and so forth. Thus, it is rather sensible to spend more time and energy on work.+ ~* F( @# _7 C; F
论证很好，注意一下句子结构，就更好了！

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Meanwhile ,struggling for job can make one’s dream come true and lift our personal merits .amid（Amid） the sophisticated society and blazing competition atmosphere, anyone (who wants)want to carry out self goals must work hard and make full concentration. A case in point is that prominent scientist’s work time mostly occupying(occupied) sixteen to twenty hours a day and sometimes(when) confronted key section the little rest time have(had) to give up. Yet thanks to their dedication we are not threatened by tuberculosis , pneumonia and other lethal diseases.(词汇量真大呀！) Also an evident instances （instance）must be quoted is Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft , from his biography we find that during his rush period he usually live in his office steeped in project and often forget what himself is . if Gates does not pay so much attention on his work how can such a tycoon go to emerge in the history stage.

例子举得很好！0z( A+ ]% t' \

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To conclusion , according to discussed above we have no reason to stand the point that spending more time on work is virtually important and sensible than spending on family though family’s irreplaceable vital position 。

整体感觉很好，就是句子结构有些问题，加油！. & ]# o  c" ^0 h4 g* m" @+ o
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taoyukun-daidaiUID: 2657922

Sometimes we have so many varying responsibilities in our lives, ranging from work obligations to caring for children to running a household, we feel we cannot make it all work. Family or work which one need more attention, though ,has been a matter of severe debate for decades. For me , concentrating more on work is my preference, and several conspicuous instances and reasons go as follows.(赞～)

For sure , family is essential for anyone and almost all education-policy documents and research papers these days start with a reminder that a child’s family background is by far the strongest influence on his educational achievement.（这段感觉意犹未尽）& B7 h. x* c6 c( d, t; L

However, work is the only guarantee of living , certainly ,should be highlighted among any other responsibilities. How to survive as the first consideration is recognized by all sorts of organisms on earth. Because only when we feed ourselves can we have the extra vigor helps to advance the progress of history ,and undoubtedly work is the way for subsistence. obviously, family pursue recreation and other mental consumption rely on no concern about living necessities. In other words, work is the fundamental aspect of other responsibilities ,like the children’s education expense, parents’ healthy issue and so forth. Thus, it is rather sensible to spend more time and energy on work.

: T' f9 b0 _2 y' L7 i/ R0 _9 E
Meanwhile ,struggling for job can make one’s dream come true and lift our personal merits .amid the sophisticated society and blazing competition atmosphere anyone want to carry out self goals must work hard and make full concentration. A case in point is that prominent scientist’s work time mostly occupying sixteen to twenty hours a day and sometimes confronted key section the little rest time have to give up. Yet thanks to their dedication we are not threatened by tuberculosis , pneumonia and other lethal diseases.Also an evident instances must be quoted is Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft , from his biography we find that during his rush period he usually live in his office steeped in project and often forget what himself is . if Gates does not pay so much attention on his work how can such a tycoon go to emerge in the history stage.- X" o2 M0 ?# p8 {

z* p- g

To conclusion , according to discussed above we have no reason to stand the point that spending more time on work is virtually important and sensible than spending on family though family’s irreplaceable vital position .
感觉加强例子和论证相辅相成这一块，这种文章结构我很欣赏，最好结尾再丰满一点。
加油～