[习作点评] 求批改！关于儿童图书区改成in-store 咖啡厅的那篇evidence问法 [复制链接]

AlainYan
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2017-7-24 19:38:01 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

先上题目
The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a
large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books
on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop,
announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own
in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national
census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under
age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's
books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition
from Book and Bean."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to
evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the
argument.

自己写的如下，感觉看了寄托上好多点评，以及og中的那篇evidence文章，觉得argument审题还是很重要的，求大家帮忙看一下这篇文章，多多拍砖！谢谢

Although it may seem discreet and logical for Monarch Books to open its own in-store cafe in the present children's book area aiming to compete with Book and Bean (a bookstore combined with coffee shop), one could take more considerations into account before making such an impetuous decision. The argument does not offer enough details which are essential to fully estimate the recommendation by the manager. Thus, we need to figure out some significant evidence which could function in two ways: either to weaken the whole argument or to strengthen it. To finally make a determination requires thoroughly analysis of what we learn.

First of all, according to the argument, Monarch Books is store which has been open for twenty years in Collegeville. It has gained its fame as providing the readers with a congenial surrounding where they could enjoy reading various books. Therefore, any change in the store could cause great reaction from the customers. What is required is the information about how sensitive the customers are to the transformation. If the evidence show that most customers prefer a tranquil atmosphere, then an in-store cafe which will make noise might disturb the reading, thus leading to the decline of customers and profits. Likewise, the disappearance of children's books could also displease the customers for the lack of variety. In this case the argument is absolutely weakened. On the contrary, the evidence could also reveal the fact that young people make up most of the customers and they need a place where they could read and purchase books while entertain themselves with coffee or cakes and talk freely. If so, the change will be embraced by the readers.

Furthermore, transforming the children's book area is based on a recent national census which manifests a great decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Nevertheless, the percentage of population could not be equal to the real population of children under age ten. Another evidence we need is how many children under ten are living in Collegeville. Because on the one hand, the decline of percentage of children's population could result from the increase in elder population, not directly from the decline in children's population. On the other hand, even if the national population of children has greatly decreased, the children's population in Collegeville could be an exception. It might not change or even increase. If the evidence proves that the population under ten in Collegeville is not declining, then the assumption that sales of children's books are likely to decline is unwarranted. Under this circumstance, abnegating children's books is not wise and the conclusion of the argument is weakened.

Moreover, another evidence we need to obtain is how the sales of children's books are influenced by other factors. Presented in the argument, the author seems to presume that the decline in population under ten would consequently generate the decline in sales of children's books. If the evidence indicates that the parents become more interested in improving their children's literacy skills through reading, more children's books are likely to be sold. Likewise, if the local schools introduce reading programs that encourage more children to read, more money will be available for purchasing books written for children. Hence in order to evaluate the effect of turning the children's book area into a cafe, we need to gather more information via market research, surveys, etc.

Finally, profits are decided by two factors: revenue and cost. To fully evaluate the future profit situation, we also need to learn the possibilities of revenue and cost. For example, the construction of a cafe surely will cost some money. After the cafe is built, the employment and the materials for coffee also require expenses. If the total expenses surpass the revenue brought by the coffee shop, then the conclusion that the replacement by the in-store cafe will help increase profits is greatly weakened.

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AlainYan
UID：3817815

寄托新兵

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沙发

发表于 2017-7-24 19:39:13 |只看该作者

结尾：
When it comes to the business choice, a minor error could jepordize the whole commercial enterprise. Therefore, before actualizing the recommendation by the manager, it is vital for Monarch Books to delve into some evidence that could aid in more thorougly understanding the argument. With more detailed evidences covered, the a better comprehension of the recommendation could eventually emerge.

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AlainYan
UID：3817815

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Rank: 2

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板凳

发表于 2017-7-25 10:46:32 |只看该作者

重新修改了一下，感觉这样还不错。
Although it may seem discreet and logical for Monarch Books to open its own in-store cafe in the present children's book area aiming to compete with Book and Bean (a bookstore combined with coffee shop), one could take more considerations into account before making such an impetuous decision. The argument does not offer enough details which are essential to fully estimate the recommendation by the manager. Thus, we need to figure out some significant evidence: the reaction from customers about the change, the reliability of the national census, other factors influencing the sales of children’s books, all of which could function in two ways: either to weaken the argument by the manager or to strengthen it.

First of all, what is required is the information about how will the customers react to the transformation. According to the argument, Monarch Books is store which has been open for twenty years in Collegeville. It has gained its fame as providing the readers with a congenial surrounding where they could enjoy reading various books. Therefore, any change in the store could cause great reaction from the customers. If the evidence show that most customers prefer a tranquil atmosphere, then an in-store cafe which will make noise might disturb the reading, thus leading to the decline of customers and profits. Likewise, the disappearance of children's books could also displease the customers for the lack of variety. In this case the argument is absolutely weakened. On the contrary, the evidence could also reveal the fact that young people make up most of the customers and they need a place where they could read and purchase books while entertain themselves with coffee or cakes and talk freely. If so, the change will be embraced by the readers.

Another evidence we need is how many children under ten are living in Collegeville since we don’t know whether the national census is apropos to the population structure in this region. In the argument, transforming the children's book area is based on a recent national census which manifests a great decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Nevertheless, the percentage of population could not be equal to the real population of children under age ten. Because on the one hand, the decline of percentage of children's population could result from the increase in elder population, not directly from the decline in children's population. On the other hand, even if the national population of children has greatly decreased, the children's population in Collegeville could be an exception. It might not change or even increase. If the evidence proves that the population under ten in Collegeville is not declining, then the assumption that sales of children's books are likely to decline is unwarranted. Under this circumstance, abnegating children's books is not wise and the conclusion of the argument is weakened.

An additional evidence we need to obtain is how the sales of children's books are influenced by other factors. Presented in the argument, the author seems to presume that the decline in population under ten would consequently generate the decline in sales of children's books. If the evidence indicates that the parents become more interested in improving their children's literacy skills through reading, more children's books are likely to be sold. Likewise, if the local schools introduce reading programs that encourage more children to read, more money will be available for purchasing books written for children. Hence in order to evaluate the effect of turning the children's book area into a cafe, we need to gather more information via market research, surveys, etc.
When it comes to the business choice, a minor error could jeopardize the whole commercial enterprise. Therefore, before actualizing the recommendation by the manager, it is vital for Monarch Books to delve into some evidence that could aid in more thoroughly understanding the argument. With more detailed evidences covered, a better comprehension of the recommendation could eventually emerge.

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