Issue194第一篇，谢谢大家乐

SunnyOpenUID：164650

最初由 ialal 发布
[B]Issue 194 cooperation & competition

topic: The best preparation for life or a career is not learning to be competitive, but learning to be cooperative.

Competition spurs develop.(development??) We might go no further to find that there are obvious or implicit contests between nearby countries and, in a larger scale, between governments worldwide for economic profits, region impact and public interest; during sport competitions, sportsmen strife severely for themselves and larger units behind them; even curial competitions emerge when we focus on industrial area where businessmen struggle for maximal profits with a steady will to overwhelm anyone else. To survive and thrive, therefore, and to fulfill their aims, they could do nothing but work harder to make a prominent improvement in themselves which brings them capability in a higher level competition. Hence, it is competition that be(be不要,accompany本身就是动词) accompany with us and inspire our eager(eager是adj把?) to improve with utmost effort.以下省略...... [/B]

因为要调生物钟,再加上这两天睡眠不足,所以先看第一段,感觉开头还不错,不过过于详细了,偶对这个issue还没想过,所以很多只能谈表面 不好意思,boty1的开头简洁得不得了,又很有用,崇拜ing,还有例子也感觉不错 哥们加油 :)

SunnyOpenUID：164650

不好意思 不会用改作文得工具,大家见笑了 :)

SunnyOpenUID：164650

刚洗完澡,清醒了一下 忍不住再上来看看,看完了全文,感觉语言确实有点难懂,开始还觉得第一段还好, 后来读起来吃力了,我用了不少次金山词霸,还是我单词量太少了 :) 其实我觉得不必可以追求语言长句什么得,有时不好把握,如body第二段ts,我觉得是一个病句,可以改为:
Under some circumstances, fundamental lines are not ensured without competetion with others(逻辑上我也没懂,和我不够清醒有关? :))
还有
involves the theory of revolution championed by Darwin
是不是改为 involves the revolvtionary theory championed by Dwrwin ??
总体上如九月说的,论证不怎么好,切以为例子太多反而不太好把握,可以适当多些说理,说理和例证同等重要, 建议 :语言其次,逻辑先行,朴素的语言见真知 :)
btw: 赞九月一个 :)