【Daily Writing作文特训小组】陶太郎的作业帖

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Moving to a new place is a common event to human beings. Our ancestors moved from place to place depending on the natural environment and they had to adapt to the nature in order to build their home. Nowadays, most people don’t have to move for the reason of the nature, but they move for better jobs, higher salary, more opportunities, etc. (古今承接，作者开头气势好）With the achievement （改为benefits会不会好点呀）moving brings, people have to accept disadvantages at the same time like losing their friends. When consider this dilemma, in my opinion, （这里有点怪怪的，二者取其一如何?）although people may lose their friends by moving to a new town or a new country, if they know exactly what they really want, moving is not a bad thing.(although,if 在一个句子中，我没有看到过这样的用法，不知对不对？）
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It is the fact that moving to a new town or a new country may cause some negative effects, among which losing friends seems to be the biggest challenge. Although moving to a new place does not mean that people will farewell the former environment completely, at least it is not as convenient as before to keep contact with their friends. People can never maintain the friendship by playing sports, shopping during the discount season or chat face to face with their friends. Things seem to be worse for those whose friendship is a critical part of their jobs. Take a businessman as an example, moving to another city may influences the connection between he and his cooperators and maybe he has to suffer a lot from a moving.
    On the contrary, moving also brings more chances for life at the same time. （如果这句是总起，我在下文中找不到具体的展开）People move for various reasons,(若这句是总起 ，我只找到education)however, they all have the same purpose that some of their wants need （直接改为needs如何？）to be satisfied. In many countries all around the word(world), children leave their homes and move to another city for better education and students may even come to other countries just for the same reason. What they have to leave is not only their friends, but also their families. What is more, because of the highly developing transportation technology, it is more convenient for people to move from where they live to other places. Choosing freely where they want to live depends on what they want to achieve. If people want to earn money, they can choose big cities. If people want to enjoy a quiet and relaxed time, they can choose the seaside towns or countryside.（这段写得似乎有点放开收不住的，觉得逻辑不够清晰。还有上一段是驳，这一段有有点驳的倾向，可能会让文章有点失衡吧）不过一开始读的很顺，可能作者有自己的思路和风格，我可能是过于死板了。
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    On the other hand, many people do not have to worry about losing their former friends since the advanced scientific technologies help people get in touched with others wherever and whenever they want. With updating technologies based on either computers or mobile phones, scientists offer people more and more opportunities to keep touch in （in touch)with other people, which beyond their imagination. Despite the fact that people live far away from each other, they can hear other’s voices and even talk with each other face to face, which makes them forget the distance between them. It is said that the future technology may even transport the smell and taste. Thus people do not have to think that losing friends will be the barrier for them to move.这段写得真好。
     Based on the above reasons, although losing friends may be a big challenge for people when they consider moving to a new town or a new country, there are chances and benefits at the same time. In order to pursue the aim of their life, people have to give up some things. After all, the developing technologies help a lot for people to keep their friendship. In a word, I don’t agree that moving to a new place is a bad thing.
作者这篇文章写得很好，一开头，气势很足，先驳后立，中间一段稍显凌乱，后面的论述挺充分的。文章中的长句比较多，要是能长短结合一下会更好些，读起来不会觉得累了。
小小地表达自己的看法，文章谁都会瞎评，但写起来就是另外一回事啦。作者的水平真的很高，以后多向你请教。