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本帖最后由 comorain 于 2009-4-15 10:58 编辑
4、段落间结构
段落间结构非常重要,从中可以反映出作者逻辑思维能力的高低。同学们容易犯的错误有五个,我们逐一举例讨论。
(1)事实型命题不能用should型论据证明!
所谓事实型命题,是指陈述一个事实的命题,多用be动词或其他动词的一般现在式。这种命题是没法用should型论据(“应该”如何如何)证明的。比如说,要证明“GRE作文很难”,我们说“ETS应该降低难度”,能证明吗?显然不能。
下面是某版友的一个例子(选自“issue高频前20”,感谢该版友)。
例7:Issue152 "The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies."
Position: I acknowledge that from an economic point of view, profit maximization should be the primary goal for a corporate executive. However, this doesn’t mean that companies could ignore their other socialobligations.
First and foremost, a company’s primary concern should be profit maximization.
Additionally, by acknowledging that companies activities within legal bounds to be ethical and responsible enough, more players will be encouraged to join the competition.
However, any conscientious corporate executive should not make profit maximization their only goal. Firstly, a company should carry out its mission, as stated in its mission statement. Secondly, in areas where laws are not full-blown, companies should be conscientious and abide by the basic moral principles when doing their businesses.
In sum, I agree with the statement insofar as in seeking profit maximization serves not only the interest of the company itself but also its employees, customers and the society as a whole. However, being a member of the society, the company has other duties to fulfill.
该提纲从全文主旨句开始,就将is偷梁换柱成should be了,所以后面的论证就一直围绕这个。
顺便谈谈对这个题目的理解。题目说:公司高管的唯一责任是为公司赚取尽可能多的钱,只要合法就行。要支持这个观点,我们可以从公司聘请高管的目的说起,用股东利益最大化的要求来证明这一点;要反对这个观点,我们可以从“唯一”入手,指出还有其他责任。要拔高一点,我们还可以说“短期利润最大化有时候可能会危害长期利润最大化”。但无论如何,论据不能用should型的。
(2)should型命题只能用带倾向的事实性证据证明!
对于should型的命题,我们也不能用should型的论据来证明,否则就成了循环论证了。比如说,要证明“ETS应该降低GRE作文难度”,我们没法用“ETS应该……”来证明。正确的论据应当是:“GRE作文太难,以至于影响ETS的市场份额”,“如果不降低难度,考生会越来越少”等等。
下面看一道高频的例子(选自“kito小组高频提纲”,谢谢kito小组)
例8:Issue11“All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the progress of solving the world’s most persistent social problems.”
【翻译】所有的国家都应该支持发展一所全球性的大学,它的主要目的是要让学生们致力于解决世界上最难缠的社会问题。
【提纲】agree
1) 各国虽然具体情况不同,但是存在很多共同的问题,且很多问题有相同的根源,global university can help to establish acommon ground or reach a consensus(the depletion of atmospheric ozone或green-house effect 或space exploration仅凭一个国家的经济实力难以实现需要各国合作
2)很多问题各个国家看法不同,产生矛盾,共同研究有利于增进了解。如文化冲突,发达国家和发展中国家的经济贸易争端,巴以冲突等
3)全球性大学应该注意一些问题,首先要尊重各国的观点,不能忽视parochial problems因为各国的经济实力和发展不同,解决问题的方法不同。其次,应该使每个国家的学生都能接受平等的教育。
4)倾听各国的声音,减少大国政治上的影响,使每个国家都能参与解决问题并分享研究的成果。
前两个都可以支持原命题,但后面两个就变成跟命题无关的should型论据了,所以是不合格的。另外,前两个的倾向还是太弱,分量不够,应该改为plays a vital role 之类的。
顺便谈谈对这个题目的理解。什么是最顽固的全球性社会问题?建这样一所大学对解决这类问题有什么帮助?建这样一所大学对各国政府有什么好处?它可行吗?如果要支持原命题,可以说这样的大学可以减少各国政府的重复投资,有望使这些顽固的问题得到解决;如果要反对原命题,可以说这样的大学不可行、效率低等。
(3)比较型命题要突出“比较级”!
比较型命题是对两个事物或两个观点的取舍,在论证时需要全面、深入地比较两者。常见的错误是:A好,B也不错,所以A、B应该结合起来。这种先各说各、最后拉郎配的论证方式实际上并没有认真回应命题:A与B相比是好还是差?要知道,很多主观的词有比较才有意义。举个例子,要证明“太阳比地球大”,老说“太阳很大”、“地球很小”没用(地球还比月球大呢),而要说“太阳的直径、体积、表面积比地球都大”。
有些命题的比较很隐蔽,需要特别注意,下面举个高频为例。
例9:Issue48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individual. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long beenforgotten."
翻译:历史研究过分注重个人。历史上最重要的事件和潮流可能并非由少数名人所创造的,而是由一群无名氏创造的。
根据后面一句话的提示,这道题目本质上是比较英雄历史观与大众历史观。所以在列提纲时一定要有比较的概念,不要各说各的。我们看一个问题提纲(选自水仙高频,感谢Narcissuss)。
Body1: Admittedly, the masses played a vital role in history, making the most significant events and trends in history.
Body2: However, feats of the famous few can not be ignored. It was always the egos or ideals of the famous few that provide the driving force behind the accomplishments.
Body3: Furthermore, because the famous few individuals had superior leadership skills, and got a huge share of the limelight, they were easy tobe immortalized by history, while these people who are behind the scenes never find any mention in history.
大家请看,这三个主题句都没有比较级,因而是不合格的。可改为:
Body1: Admittedly,the masses played a more important role than the famous few in making the most significantevents and trends in history.
Body2: However, it was always the egos or ideals of the famous few, rather than those of the forgotten masses, that provide the driving force behind the accomplishments.
Body3: Furthermore,because the famous few individuals had superior leadership skills, and got a huge share of the limelight, they were easier to be immortalized by history, while these people who are behind the scenes never find any mention in history.
即使这样改过之后,这个提纲还是有问题的,后面再讲。
(4)复杂型命题要“切中要害、兼顾其他”!
这类题目通常由两个及以上的句子组成,需要分析句子间的逻辑关系,然后分清主次。在回应时,火力集中在主要部分,次要部分兼顾一下,甚至一笔带过即可。比如Issue130,后面那一句就完全可以一笔带过。
例10:Issue38 "In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."
此题中,第二句话是对第一句话的解释,表明主题是看电视、读书在学习(而不是娱乐)中的作用。第一句话是主,回应的重点应该是watching TV与reading books在学习中的重要性的比较上;第二句话是次,as much可以作为important的一个方面来进行讨论,其他方面还可以包括as well, as quickly等等。
例11:Issue110 "When we concern ourselves with the study of history, we become storytellers. Because we can never know the past directly but must construct it by interpreting evidence, exploring history is more of a creative enterprisethan it is an objective pursuit. All historians are storytellers."
此题中,最后两句是重点,前面一句是解释。这道题涉及历史研究的主观性和客观性。从支持的角度看,资料欠缺、个人观点都会影响历史研究的客观性;从反对的角度看,这一命题过于绝对,历史研究还是要基于事实和证据,不能胡编乱造,另外像时间、人物之类的史实都不带什么主观性。拔高:主观性和客观性并非完全相斥,而是相互依存,all historiansare both storytellers and fact-recorders.
例12:Issue32 "Aschool or college should pay its teachers at the same rate in all disciplines, regardless of differences in salaries for related fields in the world outside of school. For example, entry-level teachers in mathematics and in the arts should receive the same pay, even if outside of school, math specialists earn amuch higher salary on average than do specialists in the arts."
后面那句虽然只是举例,但它提出了一种情形,在作文中必须对此进行回应。不通学科教师工资是否应该一致?如果回答“是”的话,可以写工种、劳动大体相当,不一致可能导致某些冷门学科缺乏教师等等;如果回答“不是”的话,可以说跟外面的工资有一定的关系,一致可能导致某些热门专业缺乏教师等等。
(5)让步要当心自己绕进去了!
ETS强调:
¨ What reasons might someone use to refute or undermine my position? How should I acknowledge or defend against those views?
从这个意义讲,让步是Issue必需的组成部分。不过,两种情况下它的作用是有差别的:一、当持完全支持或完全反对立场时,让步是为了树靶子供自己批判,提前封死对手的反驳;二、当持部分支持部分反对立场时,让步是承认小部分观点的合理性,让大部分观点阐述起来更肆无忌惮。
大部分同学在让步时都容易出问题,弄成自相矛盾,或搬起石头砸自己的脚。绕来绕去,最后把thesis statement也否定了。
我们看上面提到的例9,body1与body2、body3就是相互矛盾的:body1说无名氏更重要,body2和body3又说名人更重要。可以考虑将body1改为:Admittedly, the masses played an as important role as the famous few in making the most significant events and trends in history.
再看一个例子(选自“issue高频前20”,感谢该版友)。
例13:Issue165 "Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
While agreeing with the speaker that scandals help to draw attention to problems that would otherwise go unnoticed, I found his suggestion that scandals can be useful in any cases a bit over generalizing.
Admittedly, scandals naturally draw people’s attention because of people’s innate curiosity.
However, scandalsare not always beneficial to the society.
The above example exposed a shortcoming of scandals. Due to its widespread awareness among the public, excess attention can be given, especially from people who are not really relevant with the matter or qualified to participate in the investigation.
In the final analysis, scandals are double-edged swords. While they can reveal hidden problems, the widespread attention they drew can sometimes impede the investigation of the matter.
这个提纲的问题在于:让步回应的是第二句,however回应的则是第一句,所以对不上了。可以将让步改为:Admittedly, scandals can be useful by naturally drawing people’s attention.
从上面的例子可以看出,正确的让步有两个特点:一、让步信号词(admittedly等)与转折信号词(however等)引导的内容不冲突,并且都与全文主旨一致;二、让步句通常有程度词,避免绝对化,为后文的转折句留下空间。
常用的程度词有:to some extent, in some cases, certain,one, often, may/might/can/could, if possible...
总之,初稿字数少一点没关系,但结构一定要清晰,逻辑一定要统一!
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下期预告:改漂亮——反复是必须的,语言要震撼的 |
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