ISSUE DIY四部曲（自己动手，高分无忧）－记准确＋修改铺＋珍藏资料

comorainUID：192455

四、记准确——过程是艰辛的，结果是愉快的

Comorain 原创作品，未经许可，不得转载

本篇是四部曲的最后一章，但绝不是最不重要的一章。相反，“记准确”是四部曲中非常重要的一个步骤，原因很简单：你写得再好，考场上记不住有什么用？

在考前3－5天，记忆写过的习作比写新的习作重要得多。毕竟，写多了，最后到底写了多少、怎么写的自己也记不清了。那么，什么内容需要记忆？我想首先应该记忆的是你的主要观点，包括全文主旨句和分论点；其次是用来论证的一些例子和理由；第三是生单词、生人名地名、容易敲错的单词；最后是一些常见的表达方法。此外，对题材不熟悉的同学，还可以多看看、多背背相关的素材，如Pooh的百宝箱之类的；对例子不熟悉的同学，可以多看看英文版的名人生平、哲学史、物理史等素材，如100 Greatest Science Discoveries of AllTime。

在“改漂亮”这个环节，可以下意识地扩充初稿，比如多写几个例子、多写几条理由。在“记清楚”这个环节，则可以按照题材分类归纳一下，看习作中的某些例子或理由是否可以用在同分类的其它题目里面。如果是的话，这些例子和理由就是记忆的重点。

此外，在“改漂亮”这个环节，还可以有目的地改写习作中的重点句子，除了使其更“漂亮”之外，还能尝试用不同的语言手段（句型、结构、单词、比喻等）来表达同一个意思。在“记清楚”这个环节，可以归纳一下，看哪些表达手段是常用的，将其记忆下来，也许在其它题目中都能拿来“活用”。

如何记忆？本人记忆力不好，所以没有什么好的方法分享。我个人习惯“由上到下、逐步求精”：先记忆习作的核心思想，再记忆各段落的主题句，接着是例子、理由等论证过程，然后是不熟悉的单词和表达方法。有时候我会把生单词打印出来当“红宝书”背诵；有时候我会模考写过的习作，然后对照修改后的习作，看哪些地方有遗漏或错误；还有的时候我会集中精力背诵同一题材的多个例子，当然要是自己改写的。不过，更多的时候，反复修改也是一种记忆。值得注意的是，要记就背准确，不要太模糊，否则在考场上只会耽误时间。

背诵的过程是很痛苦的，但你憧憬一下，如果在考场上抽到了背过的题目，那将是多么令人兴奋的事情！即使你没抽到背过的题目，随便默写上一段背过的素材，那也是很愉快的一件事情！我在考场抽到了考前认真改过的Issue17，兴奋地扫了一眼第二个题目就开始写了。

至此，我的四部曲终于大功告成了。四部曲之间的逻辑关系如下：“想明白”讲如何构思立场和提纲；“写清楚”谈如何写一篇结构基本清晰的文章；“改漂亮”论如何修改初稿使其达到高分作文的要求，“记准确”说如何记忆写过的习作。前两个步骤做好了，一篇4分的初稿不在话下，当然不考虑时间限制。后两个步骤则是作文得高分的关键：不“记准确”，考场抽到了也写不好；不“改漂亮”，即使“记准确”了，默写出来的也不过是一篇4分作文。我想无论是第一类人，还是第二类人，还是“第三类人”，只要遵循这些步骤，在GRE作文备考中都可以见到实际效果。具体如何使用四部曲，我将在下期“谋周全”中介绍。

=============================================================================

理论上的废话（重要性、必要性、可行性等等）不多说了，下面开一个修改铺，为gter版友义务限量修改习作。游戏规则如下：

1、修改习作数原则上不超过5篇，因我在备战6G，时间有限；

2、“中奖者”来自积极参与四部曲系列讨论的3名版友，以及本帖第38楼、88楼发贴人；

3、上述“抽奖”规则一周之内有效，也就是说，截止4月26日如果没有出现积极讨论的版友，同时本帖没有回复到38楼、88楼，则本人不会修改任何习作；

4、“中奖者”名单随时公布。

=============================================================================

最后奉送私家珍藏的Issue复习资料：

1、自己整理的官方范文

2、英文写作圣经：The element of style & On Writing Well The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction

3、Issue例子宝库：100 Greatest Science Discoveries of All Time；现代物理史；影响历史进程的科技成就


=============================================================================

Issue DIY四部曲系列 by comorain

一、想明白——Issue 思路

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-940385-1-1.html

二、写清楚——Issue 初稿（首段、段落结构、主题句、尾段）

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-941249-1-1.html

三、改漂亮——Issue 自改（语法、用词、句式变化、复杂句、举例、说理）

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-943741-1-1.html

编外：comorain的语法自查要点

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-943740-1-1.html

四、记准确——Issue 背诵＋修改铺＋珍藏资料

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-944004-1-1.html

五、谋周全——Issue 备考及写作建议＋习作一篇

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-944669-1-1.html

=============================================================================

comorainUID：192455

第一期名单即将公布

草木也知愁UID：2487572

为那个88楼 加盖一层

i2000sUID：2108019

3# 草木也知愁
我也来打地基哦

yhwzUID：2628211

我也要不要来水水呢？为了38楼。。

comorainUID：192455

我也要不要来水水呢？为了38楼。。
yhwz 发表于 2009-4-20 12:59

支持快考试的同学，第一个“中奖者”为yhwz，请将你的Issue习作贴过来，我晚上抽时间改。你可以提要求，如让我重点关注你的思路，或者语言。

yhwzUID：2628211

谢谢comorain
很荣幸成为第一个
不过也很愁人了，三天后考。每次写的字数也还多 可是延时太多了。
基础不好，语病较多，自己已该了好些了，可能还会有点。。
关注的话，还请看看论述思路，例子与观点的紧密程度了，再次感谢
TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."
WORDS: ?      TIME: 00:??:00    DATE: 2009-4-19 17:27:06
The speaker asserts that social customs and ethics not only are influenced by technologies, but also determined by them. As far as I am concerned, I confess that the impact of technologies is strong enough to change the world in many aspects, but one point I do not agree with the speaker is that the basic ethics and some traditional social customs will not be determined by technologies. And in fact, the two of them indeed can influence each other, but cannot determine each other.

Admittedly, with the development of technologies, many of customs and ethics really have some impactions. These changing can be reflected on some views of values. For instance, in the ancient China, under the low level of technologies, people are costumed to live with the way that men took the responsibility of working in farms and women have to stay home to bring up children and do some house working. Because only men can be competent of hard work which needs energy and power in physics. And in those days all forms of labor is just to do some farm works, which are taken by men, without any light industries which women can join in. This difference among men and women leads to the distinctly different on the position, even discriminations in gender. However, as the evolving of technologies, some large-scale machines and intellectual equipments were born in the past of hundreds years. It start a revolution in the way of life and the position of women. The feminist movement in America in last century is the very example. Besides, some life customs such as the way of communication, transportation, consumptions and so forth, really varied . We can associate friends just call them with a cell phone. And the vehicle we choose to go across the Atlantic Ocean no long by boat only. From these vivid cases, we can conclude that technologies really have changed our daily life.

However, I do not agree with the speaker that technologies can determine the social customs and ethics. Some basic ethics and traditional customs passed down for thousands years refer to the very basic feelings and ideas, such as to be loyal, kind, mercy, and so forth. This kinds of nature as a man will not change, and so will these ethics and customs. For example, in the past, Chinese are more likely to live together, and a family with four generations living together will be seemed as a happy one. Although today the style of life has been changed little by little; however, the custom is still kept that huge number of people choose to return to their hometown and reunion with their family members, especially when the Spring Festive coming, because this traditional custom embodies the love of family. It is this basic feelings which serves as a link with the relations of their families that maintain the customs for thousands years. This illustrates that technologies cannot change the basic feelings of men, so that ethics related to emotion of men will not be changed, too.

Moreover, as a matter of fact, the relation between them is not the relation that one determines the other. That is to say, ethics also have some constraints on the development of technologies. A good example is about a scandal involving science and ethics. In 2006, Hwang woo-suk, an ever renowned biologist in South Korea who once claimed that he had created embryonic stem cells merely based on the body-cells from the patients, was reported that he accepted germ cells  from his female assistants to research, and provide money to them. This behavior goes against the international regulation in science, which is made depending on the basic morals and ethics. Hwang woo-suk, therefore, apologized for his immoral behaviour to the public. From this, we can find that no matter how marvellous the function of the technologies will be, the research of technologies is constrained by morals and ethics. Therefore, it rejects the claims that technologies can determine ethics in the opposite angle.

All in all, I concede that technologies really have great influence on customs and ethics, but we must know that human's basic feelings let customs continues. Moreover, many ethics also can constrain some research of technologies, rather than only be determined by them .

justdoit!UID：2533175

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 477          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-20 16:53:34

In my opinion, although the video camera may have its merits in some aspects, it cannot replace the position of written documentation. The best way to record the cherished memories should be the combination of the two types. Moreover, from the speaker's assertion can we find the trend, popular among our current culture, that today's people place too much emphasis on the modern tools, while ignoring the importance of the traditional essence.

On one hand, the video camera has it advantages, particular in the accurate respects. Due to its prefect recording function, many people prefer using it to record their unforgettable memories. For example, through the video records can we recall the happy times through the motion pictures. In the breathtaking basketball game record, we can enjoy the visual feat, that the famous basketball player, Kobe shoot the key point at the last second. How possible it can be represented in the written records? If there is not the video camera to record this last shoot in details, we cannot appreciate the wonderful moment. However, at the same time, the written documentation can also represent and convey the richer meanings in different ways. Since our humans are intelligent animals, we can absorb the information from the written documentation depending on our own experience and knowledge. For example, from a fiction, we can learn from the attractive plots and imagine the distinctive characters of the heroes in the stories through the written “magic words”. From the letter sent by the love ones can we be moved by the personal content and understand the real nature of love. Hence, the written documentation and the video camera record are both indispensable and important for our people.

On the other hand, considering the subject nature of the written documentation, the video camera can also provide more convincing evidence than the former, especially in the process of fighting against the crime. As we know, in many shops and banks, there are video cameras set in the necessary location to oversee and prevent the potential crime, and furthermore, in the court, the video records are also the most common evidence provided by police. Nonetheless, the written documentation can has its special value in some important documents. For instance, many contrasts and some legal documents are recorded in the written styles. It is the authority of the written record that determines that the video cameras cannot be used, at least in this time.

Further in the analysis of this issue, the assertion manifests today's popular cultural trend that people overlook the necessity and importance of the traditional essence, just as the written records. The reason for this phenomenon may be interpreted by the inherent nature of human beings, that is, the wish to the new matters. Faced with this problem, we should absorb the merits of the traditional essence and make them fusion with the modern advanced inventions.

In summary, we should take balance between the video camera and the written records to achieve the most effective and efficient recording methods, and take the proper view and attitude to this traditional and modern issue.

justdoit!UID：2533175

后天就考了，急死了，求死拍！

justdoit!UID：2533175

谢谢comoria

zfzfzfzflnUID：2589335

我也积极讨论了   LZ大大别忘了我哦
不过，我还有1天了...呵呵
还是谢谢大大

comorainUID：192455

我也积极讨论了   LZ大大别忘了我哦
不过，我还有1天了...呵呵
还是谢谢大大
zfzfzfzfln 发表于 2009-4-20 22:15

你也可以发一篇上来

comorainUID：192455

积极参与讨论的“中奖者”名单：

yhwz

justdoit!(胖胖欢)

zfzfzfzfln(Tim Chou)

另外还有i2000s( 晓东)，不过鉴于你报的是10G，可在6G之后找我，义务为你改两篇，以作补偿。

zfzfzfzflnUID：2589335

那我就发一个

LZ，我想问一下：
1）这篇还没看你的专题时候写的，思路并不太好。如果这样写，有什么值得注意的
2）素材的使用：有时候我通篇都没有素材，相背一两个，却感觉没什么用。一个没素材的文章，分数应该不会太高吧...

题目：ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
字数：715          用时：00:45:00          日期：2009-4-16 10:03:45

Does how children are socialized today determine the society's future? In response to this issue, we need to analyse the proposition from the dialectic perspective comprehensivly, investigating the nature of the truth by critical analyses of concepts and hypothenses. The author declears so and we have not yet learned how to raise children to construct a better society. However, it oversimplifies this issue. The final judgment, in my point of view, should depends on a case-by-case analyses.
First and foremost, children's degree of socialization can bring about a myriad of merits. Socialization, as an significant ability of one person, includes the communication ability, adaption ability of society and so on. In the highly rapid development of society, people are confused with more and more trifles so that they ignore the communication with others and their places in a society. A person who has more socialization can communicate with others more happily and easily and get more success than others. Socialization pose a positive and profound influence on both society and person. At the social level, socialization help people consturct a value system in which people can communicate with others efficiently and learn about the duty in the society. Once people know the value of socialization, people can together make a better society. There is a popular consensus that more socialization, more harmony. At the personal level, socialization give one, who has it well, more opportunities to success than others. And a person can know he/she need to  take more responsibility with his/her liability of the society. From the discussion above, we can know the socialization can make a better society.
However, the socialization can't determine the destiny of society. The socialization is the factor for a better society but not the only one. There are many other factors that can lead to a better future of society such as technology, art, culture, politics and so on. Technology make people more convenient and effective; Knowledge help people explore the nature of the world; Art lead people to a higher moral level; Culture offer a brilliant treasure for people. In addition, actually other factor mentioned above and socializition together determine the destiny of society. Ethics and morality, science and technology, art and literature, politics and culture, together contribute to the future of society. And the attitudes for them directly imply the way of future. Thus a good attitudes make people and society develop well; In turn, a bad attitudes lead to a stagnancy of society, even a failure or depression. The significant of socialization has shown to us evidently.
We must concede that education indeed lack of the effective ways of teaching children socializaition. In the past, the ignorance of socialization lead to more defects and demerits of society. For example, some persons feel that they can't find out the sense of belonging and scared about surrounding things. And other persons can't get happiness and achievement from the society in which they live. That is to say, we need to find and explore new methods to teach children to build a better society not only for the development of society but also for the future. Firstly, we can add some teaching ways of education from the theory to the practice. So, the students can receive the more practice before they formally walk into the society. Secondly, we can reform the education system to adapt the constant development of society. For example, teachers can put their more attentions to the practice of the knowledge and lessons of practice can be offered. Last but not least, the attitude and opinion for the education need to be changed and taken focus on by common people and society. The three points are the crucial and critical actions to improve the socialization of children.
From the analysis above, I strongly commit to the notion that we need to understand the balance between socialization and development of society. The relationship is a crucial point to solve the current problems. At the same time, we can not emphasize the significant of socialization for the reason that we are confronted with many problems which the lack of socialization causes. In a word, If we get a balance between them, we can wish a prosperous and thriving future for not only ourselves but also our descendants.

comorainUID：192455

7# yhwz

谢谢comorain
很荣幸成为第一个
不过也很愁人了，三天后考。每次写的字数也还多 可是延时太多了。
基础不好，语病较多，自己已该了好些了，可能还会有点。。
关注的话，还请看看论述思路，例子与观点的紧密程度了，再次感谢

TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."
WORDS: ?      TIME: 00:??:00    DATE: 2009-4-19 17:27:06

The speaker asserts that social customs and ethics not only are （语序应为are not only）influenced by technologies, but also determined by them.（不简洁，为何不改为：not only are influenced but also determined by technologies） As far as I amconcerned, I confess (注意该词意思通常为贬义——供认，可改为：concede) that the impact of technologies is strong enoughto change the world in many aspects, but one point I do not agree withthe speaker is that the basic ethics and some traditional socialcustoms will not be determined by technologies. And in fact, the two ofthem （指代不明确） indeed can influence each other, but cannot determine each other.

首段：1、不够简洁，有些拖沓。比如第一句话完全可以去掉，后面的speaker之类的稍微改一下，意思完全没有影响。2、thesis statement不够好，记住最好是首段最后一句话为thesis statement，你分成了两句。

Admittedly, with the development of technologies, many of customs andethics really have some impactions（这个单词我猜你是打错了，原本想写impact。但即便是后者，也是错误的，应该是technologies have impact on customs and ethics）. These changing (changes) can be reflected onsome views of values. For instance, in the (该词没有必要) ancient China, under （with）the lowlevel of technologies, people are costumed（were accustomed，注意时态） to live with the way thatmen took the responsibility of working in farms and women have （had）to stayhome to bring up children and do some house working. Because only mencan be competent of （at/in） hard work which needs energy and power in physics.And in those days all forms of labor is
(was) just to do some farm works,which are (was) taken by men, without any light industries which women can (could)join in. This difference among men and women leads (led) to the distinctlydifferent on the position (不是很达意，可改为led to their inequality of social status), even discriminations in gender. However, asthe evolving of technologies (as technologies advance), some large-scale machines andintellectual equipments were born (developed) in the past of hundreds years. Itstarts a revolution in the way of life and the position of women. Thefeminist movement in America in last century is the very example.Besides, some life customs such as the way of communication,transportation, consumptions and so forth, really varied . We canassociate friends just call them with a cell phone. And the vehicle wechoose to go across the Atlantic Ocean no longer by boat only. From thesevivid cases, we can conclude that technologies really have changed ourdaily life.

让步段：例子没什么问题，如果能将美国的例子改成中国的，则贴切。问题有几点：1、语法错误太多，时态错误是大问题，建议考试时留出修改的时间；2、叙述不够简洁，让步段毕竟不是最主要的，不需要那么多笔墨。

However, I do not agree with the speaker that technologies candetermine the social customs and ethics. Some basic ethics andtraditional customs
passed down for thousands of years refer to the verybasic feelings and ideas, such as to be loyal, kind, mercy, and soforth. This kinds of nature as a man will not change, and so will theseethics and customs. For example, in the past, Chinese are more likelyto live together, and a family with four generations living togetherwill be seemed as a happy one. Although today the style of life hasbeen changed little by little; however, the custom is still kept thathuge number of people choose to return to their hometown and reunionwith their family members, especially when the Spring Festive coming,because this traditional custom embodies the love of family. It is thisbasic feelings which serves as a link with the relations of theirfamilies that maintain the customs for thousands years. Thisillustrates that technologies cannot change the basic feelings of men,so that ethics related to emotion of men will not be changed, too.

第三段：我没仔细看语法，反正三天的时间很难在这方面有大的改进。例子没问题，但你需要在叙述例子时提及technologies，而不是仅仅在段尾写出来。比如，以前人们走路、坐马车赶回家过春节，现在人们搭汽车、坐飞机赶回家过春节，虽然技术进步了，但全家团聚的风俗和孝敬老人的伦理没有什么变化。

Moreover, as a matter of fact, the relation between them is not therelation that one determines the other. That is to say, ethics alsohave some constraints on the development of technologies. A goodexample is about a scandal involving science and ethics. In 2006, Hwangwoo-suk, an ever renowned biologist in South Korea who once claimedthat he had created embryonic stem cells merely based on the body-cellsfrom the patients, was reported that he accepted germ cells  from hisfemale assistants to research, and provide money to them. This behaviorgoes against the international regulation in science, which is madedepending on the basic morals and ethics. Hwang woo-suk, therefore,apologized for his immoral behaviour to the public. From this, we canfind that no matter how marvellous the function of the technologieswill be, the research of technologies is constrained by morals andethics. Therefore, it rejects the claims that technologies candetermine ethics in the opposite angle.

第四段：1、them指代不明；2、例子没怎么看懂，或者说并不是很贴切，倒不如说伦理限制了克隆人的研究；3、ethics alsohave some constraints on the development of technologies做主题句更好。

All in all, I concede that technologies really have great influence oncustoms and ethics, but we must know that human's basic feelings letcustoms continues. Moreover, many ethics also can constrain someresearch of technologies, rather than only be determined by them.

末段：仅仅复述开头，不是很好。好的末段一般也有三个要求：（1）再次强调全文主旨；（2）综合并升华正文观点；（3）进一步加深读者印象。



总评：你已掌握英文写作的结构，具备较好的表达观点的能力，段内结构联系也比较紧密。问题主要有三点：1、语法错误较多；2、叙述不够简洁，很多地方完全可以精简；3、语言有些形式化，比如the speaker如何如何，完全没有必要。

建议：看看我的语法自查要点：https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-943740-1-1.html。


另外要注意：此道题已被改为：

88 "Social customs and ethics are not only influenced but actually determined by technologies."
科学技术不但影响而且决定了社会风俗和道德规范。
见：https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-931133-1-1.html

GOOD LUCK！