ISSUE DIY四部曲（自己动手，高分无忧）－改漂亮

comorainUID：192455

三、改漂亮——反复是必须的，语言要震撼的

Comorain 原创作品，未经许可，不得转载

应i2000s（晓东）的要求，给出Issue136的提纲：

例14：Issue136"The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."

题目翻译：没有选择（权）的情况非常罕见。

分析：

1、定义：什么是choice？

Definition: 1. actof choosing between two or more possibilities; 2. right or possibility of choosing

Explanation (From Wikipedia,the free encyclopedia):

Choice consists ofthe mental process of thinking involved with the process of judging the merits of multiple options and selecting one of them for action. Some simple examples include deciding whether to get up in the morning or go back to sleep, or selecting a given route for a journey. More complex examples （often decisions that affect what a person thinks or their core beliefs） include choosing a life style, religious affiliation, or political position.

Most people regard having choices as a good thing, though a severely limited or artificially restricted choice can lead to discomfort with choosing and possibly, an unsatisfactory outcome. In contrast, unlimited choice may lead to confusion, regret of the alternatives not taken, and indifference in an unstructured existence; and the illusion that choosing an object or a course leads necessarily to control of that object or course can cause psychological problems.

大家看看，能说的多了去了：
¨

• 最普通的理解：choice是在多种可能性中做挑选的行为；
• 抽象一点的理解：choice是指选择的权利或可能性；
• 更复杂的理解：choice是指选择一种生活方式、宗教信仰或政治立场；
• 更具体的理解：severely limited choice可能导致选择过程中的不舒服和不满意的结果；
• 更具体的理解：unlimited choice可能导致困惑、对未选项的遗憾和漠不关心（在未系统化、杂乱无章的现实中）；还可能导致一种错觉，选择一件事物或过程必然导致对其的控制，这将导致心理问题。

到这里，definition的任务完成了。

2、本质：这道题到底想说啥？就那么简单吗？（生活中处处有选择，如果这么理解的话，这道题就不好反驳。）继续查查资料，才发现“absence of choice”在法律上是一个术语，其中也有好几个解释（Hobson's choice，即被迫做某事；necessity: 必需；not apin to choose: 同等）。从这些理解出发，我们可以揣摩出题人意图——如何理解人与环境的关系？由此可以构思自己的提纲，比如，其一将choice理解为free choice；其二将choice理解为“选择权”；其三……。

在这一点上，我反复强调要追问题目意思和出题人意图，这样可能更能找到题目的核心问题，从而可能使自己的提纲与众不同。

3、限制：very, very，absence ofchoice既不是没有，也不是少见，而是非常非常少见。这说明命题的反面是“没有选择（权）的情况非常常见”，因此，如果我们老拿那种极端例子（如自杀）来举例反驳原命题，那就不对了。另外，根据我们上面的分析，命题的绝对成立取决于一定的条件，即choice就是普普通通的在一堆可能中做选择，离开了这个条件，这个命题不必然成立。

在这一点上，我强调大家看清楚命题的限制条件，在反驳时要注意；想清楚命题的成立条件，从而有助于挖掘命题本质问题。

4、反例：首先，极端例子不足以反驳原命题；其次，很多同学望文生义，说什么“我们不能选择国家、民族、家庭、性别”、“我们不能选择客观规律”等等，这里中文的“选择”分别对应英文determine和violate。“选择行为”最基本的条件是：你得有两个或以上的选项，上面的情况都是先天注定的，你是被动的，没法做选择。

如果我们用“自由选择”或“理性选择”来qualify选择，反例太多了，自己想。

Note: The converse of the assertion is neither “The absence of choice is a circumstance that exists in some cases” but “The absence of choice is acircumstance that is very, very common”, nor “The presence of choice is a circumstance that is absent in some case” but “The presence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare”. When you refute the original assertion, please take care not to make the above mistakes.

提纲（现写的，有不当之处请大家指出，共同讨论）：

As the speaker asserts, the absence ofchoice is an extremely rare situation, since some natural rights orgifts always function. However, when investigating the concept of“choice” from the viewpoints of freedom and rationality, we will findthis assertion is a fading illusion – the presence of such “truechoices” does absent in most cases, but could be enhanced by theprogress of modern society.（如将真正的选择定义为自由和理性，“缺乏选择的情况非常少见”是一个“正在褪色的幻觉”：存在真正选择的情况确是很罕见，但现代社会的进步可能减少这一现象。）

Admittedly, the absence of anyalternatives is so rare that it is a formidable task to conceive anexample: even in those extremely restricted situation, people stillhave some alternatives to choose because some natural gifted rights ofhuman could hardly be damaged or deprived. （让步，没有选择很少见，是由于人类拥有难以破坏或剥夺的天生权利。）

The essence of the concept of “choice”,however, lies in the freedom and rationality of choices; in this sense,true choice are very, very rare. On the one hand, human beings are sofrequently confined by outer circumstances that choices of free arenearly absent. （人类受制于外部环境，因而自由选择是罕见的。）

On the other hand, the absence ofrational choices is extraordinarily prevalent, due to people’ssentimental or hasty behaviors. （由于人们经常感情用事或草率行事，缺乏理性选择也是非常常见的。）

Fortunately, the progress of society hasbeen making great efforts in enlarging alternative numbers and thusweakening the absence of true choices. （升华：人类社会的进步正在努力增加选择可能性，从而减少缺乏真正选择的情形。）

这是第14个例子了，估计写完这个系列，我会给出20多个题目的分析。

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开篇就说了，我的四部曲为两类同学量身定制：“想明白”主要是为“语言好但没话说”的第一类人设计的；“写清楚”主要是为“很能写但语言差”的第二类人设计的。真正做到了“想明白”和“写清楚”，我想完全可以写出一篇4分左右的初稿。至于有些同学说自己是“语言差又没话说”的第三类人，“想明白”和“写清楚”都是为你们准备的！

本篇题为“改漂亮”，主要提供打磨初稿的方法和技巧，以帮助同学们反复改进习作，使其达到高分（5分以上）作文的要求。

下面我们先认识一下6分、5分与4分Issue作文的评分标准：

Score 6
A 6 paper presents acogent, well-articulated analysis of the complexities of the issue and conveys meaning skillfully.

A typical paper in this category
¨

• presents an insightful position on the issue
• develops the position with compelling reasons and/or persuasive examples
• sustains a well-focused, well-organized analysis,connecting ideas logically
• expresses ideas fluently and precisely, using effective vocabulary and sentence variety
• demonstrates facility with the conventions （i.e., grammar, usage,and mechanics） of standard written English but may have minor errors

Score 5

A 5 paper presents a generally thoughtful, well-developed analysis of the complexities of the issue and conveys meaning clearly.

A typical paper in this category

¨

• presents a well-considered position on the issue
• develops the position with logically sound reasons and/or well-chosen examples
• is focused and generally well organized, connecting ideas appropriately
• expresses ideas clearly and well, using appropriate vocabulary and sentence variety
• demonstrates facility with the conventions of standard written English but may have minor errors

Score 4

A 4 paper presents a competent analysis of the issue and conveys meaning adequately.

A typical paper in this category

¨

• presents a clear position on the issue
• develops the position on the issue with relevant reasons and/or examples
• is adequately focused and organized
• expresses ideas with reasonable clarity
• generally demonstrates control of the conventions of standard written English but may have some errors

三者对比如下：

	6分	5分	4分
1 analysis	cogent, well-articulated, complexities	generally thoughtful,  well-developed,    complexities	competent
1.1 position	insightful	well-considered	clear
1.2 structure	well-focused, well-organized,  logically	focused and generally well organized, appropriately	adequately focused and organized
1.3 reasons	compelling	logically sound	relevant
1.4 examples	persuasive	well-chosen	relevant
2 expression	skillfully	clearly	adequately
2.1 ideas	fluently and precisely	clearly and well	reasonable clarity
2.2 vocabulary	effective	appropriate
2.3 sentence	variety	variety
2.4 conventions	demonstrates facility, may have  minor errors	demonstrates facility, may have minor errors	generally demonstrates control, may have some errors

由上可见，高分（5分以上）作文相比低分作文的特点是：一、识别出题目的“复杂性”，因而立场更为复杂；二、考虑到结构的“清晰性”，因而论点论据的组织和连接更有逻辑；三、理由和例子更恰当；四、用词准确，句式富于变化；五、语法错误较少。

前两点我们在“想明白”和“写清楚”中已经介绍过了，本篇会进一步阐述，但重点放在后三点。

前两点我们在“想明白”和“写清楚”中已经介绍过了，本篇会进一步阐述，但重点放在后三点。


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Issue DIY四部曲系列 by comorain

一、想明白——Issue 思路

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-940385-1-1.html

二、写清楚——Issue 初稿（首段、段落结构、主题句、尾段）

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-941249-1-1.html

三、改漂亮——Issue 自改（语法、用词、句式变化、复杂句、举例、说理）

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-943741-1-1.html

编外：comorain的语法自查要点

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-943740-1-1.html

四、记准确——Issue 背诵＋修改铺＋珍藏资料

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-944004-1-1.html

五、谋周全——Issue 备考及写作建议＋习作一篇

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-944669-1-1.html

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comorainUID：192455

1、立场：更有深度、更富洞察力

5分、6分作文对考生所持立场的要求分别是“深思熟虑（well-considered）”、“鞭辟入里（insightful）”，相比4分作文的“旗帜鲜明（clear）”更为复杂。前两者要求深入认识题目的复杂性，理解题目的本质问题，从而给出一个有深度、有洞察力的见解。

由此可见，简单的“一根筋”（“完全赞同”和“完全反对”）很难达到要求，除非严肃地考虑了反对面的观点。同样，“就事论事”也很难达到要求，必须将“千人一面”的论点拔高或升华到一个更为本质的层次。

一般而言，要想得高分，我们应将习作反复修改，使其立场具备两个特点：一是仔细考虑了反对面的观点，二是论点最终能有所“拔高”或“升华”。前者在“想明白”和“写清楚”里面已经讲得够多了，下面举四个例子介绍常见的“拔高”或“升华”的方法。

例15：Issue199"In any realm of life—whether academic,social, business, or political—the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."

翻译：在生活的任何领域（无论是学术、社会、商业，还是政治），成功的唯一途径是采取一种务实的而不是理想化的态度。实用主义的行为可以保证生存，而理想主义的观点容易被更简单、更直接的观点所取代。

这个题目可以用“结合”来拔高一下。Infact, both pragmatism and idealism are indispensable to the true andlong-term success in nearly all realms, though their relativeimportance could vary in different situation.

例16：Issue138“Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress.”

翻译：只有经历错误，发现或进步才有可能。

这个题目可以用“本质”来升华一下。是错误本身导致发现或进步，还是从错误中得到的经验或教训导致发现或进步？Onlymistakes themselves are far from sufficient to lead to discovery orprogress; in fact, the latter must base on adherence and abilities inlearning from mistakes.

例17：Issue135."While most of the environmental problems we face result from the use of technology, society must depend upon technology to find solutions to these problems."

翻译：我们今天面临的大部分环境问题都是由使用技术引起的，但社会必须依赖技术去寻求解决这些问题的方案。

这个题目可以用“新观点”来统一一下。Inessence, solutions to environmental deterioration lie in incentivemechanisms which could motivate citizens to both reduce pollution andpreserve the nature.（激励机制不仅可以促使人们减少污染，还可以驱动人们保护大自然。）

例18：Issue27"Noone can possibly achieve success in the world by conforming toconventional practices and conventional ways of thinking."

翻译：在这个世界上，没有人能通过遵循传统实践和思考方式来获得成功。

这种题目本身比较绝对化，所以很多同学都喜欢用case by case（如分领域或分情形）的方法讨论。这样做无可厚非，但结果往往是泛泛而谈，上不了档次。要知道，一个命题在一万种情形下都成立，仍难以证明其绝对成立，只要我们发现该命题在一种情形下不成立，就推翻它了。证伪的道理一样。那么如何在“具体情况具体分析”的基础上更上一层楼？记得初等数学就学过的分类讨论吧，分类的标准是一个或多个参数的不同取值，从而使整个讨论统一在一个框架之内。如果我们能找到区分或界定case的“标准”，并根据以标准为纲展开分析，则作文的思想性可以上一个台阶。

这个题目就可以用“标准”来融合一下。Whenwe say some people succeed, we mean that their behavior is accepted andhighly valued by other members ofthe society, whereas the evaluation isbased on, whether explicitly orimplicitly, some standards which canvary enormously in different societies.（判断成功与否要看社会的价值标准：当一个社会崇尚传统时，个人想要成功就不能离经叛道；当一个社会崇尚创新时，个人想要成功就不能循规蹈矩）


值得强调的是，每个人的理解都不一样，“拔高”和“升华”的方式并不唯一。

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2、结构：更切题、更有逻辑

4分作文只要求“主题不偏不离、结构像模像样”（is adequately focused and organized）；5分作文则不仅要求“重点明确、组织有序”（focused and generally well organized），而且要求“连接恰当”（connecting ideas appropriately）；6分作文则要求“重点突出、结构严谨”（sustains a well-focused, well-organized analysis），同时“前后连贯”（connecting ideas logically）。

对我们的修改而言，重点需要做到两点：一是从头到尾在说一个主旨，全文意思可以用一个thesis statement概括（千万不要写着写着，弄出来一个八杆子打不着的观点）；二是段落间有内在的逻辑关系，连贯非常一致（不要以为用上几个连接词就觉得有逻辑，内在逻辑强，用firstly, secondly, thirdly都行）。

例19：Issue41“Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry asastrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.”
翻译：一些非主流的研究领域，比如占星术、算命以及通灵和超自然的探索，在社会中发挥了至关重要的作用，因为他们满足了人们无法从主流科学得到的需求。

以下提纲来自“issue高频前20”，感谢该不知名的同学：

Position: Despite of their nonmainstreamnature, at current stage, these areas of pursuits are indispensible inensuring the stability of the society and completeness of our culture.However, they must be closely monitored and meticulously guided to havetheir negative influences checked and ensure they do not go off thetrack. Moreover, we should aim to reduce people’s reliance on them inthe long run.
Admittedly, most of our needs aresatisfied by our attention and progress in the areas of mainstreamscience. ...However, these nonmainstream inquiries are no lessimportant than science studies mention above in that they have theirunique niche in our society.
Firstly, these areas of inquiry satisfy many aspects of human needs not addressed by mainstream science inquiries.
Secondly, these studies are elementsthat are deeply routed in our traditional culture and reflect ourtraditional values, beliefs and rituals.
On the other hand, the damage andinfliction these avenues of inquiry may cause cannot afford to beignored. ...And we should work to raise the awareness of science andreduce people’s reliance on these inquiries.
In sum, these “superstitious” inquiriesdo have multiple positive roles to serve in our modern society andtheir contributions are undeniable when properly controlled. However, Iagree that they are double-edged swords and can easily pose negativeinfluences to people. Therefore, as well-educated and informed citizensof the modern society, we should reduce our reliance on these inquiriesto avoid possible damage.

这份提纲大致有以下几个问题：

A.Thesis statement不明确，倒来倒去，首段结尾又突然冒出一个should。
B. 段落关系非常凌乱：让步段先肯定mainstream，结尾冒出一个however来否定nonmainstream，而后面两段都是围绕这句话展开的；第四段又否定nonmainstream，并在结尾提出should。接过，全文结构成了否定——肯定——否定，三回九转，山路十八弯啊，叫人怎么不迷糊？！
C. 不是很切题：题目问非主流“是不是”发挥了至关重要的作用，“是不是”满足了主流无法满足的需求。文章似乎想说“非主流是双刃剑，现代公民应该减少对其依赖”，这些显然是文不对题啰。

例20：Issue7 "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life thatit has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
翻译：摄像机为当代生活提供了如此精确和可信的记录，以至于它已经成为一种比文字记录更重要的存档方式。

下面是我草拟的一个提纲：

Thesis: No matter howadvanced the technology in video is, video camera could not completelyreplace the important role of written records.
Admittedly, due toits power in preserving images vividly, video camera has become anindispensable tool by which people record their lives.
However, video camera, unlike written records, could not record everything.
Furthermore, evenif video camera could function well, in some cases they cannot producemore accurate and convincing records than written documentation.
In fact, combingvideo camera and written can provide a superb record of contemporarylife, which might not be obtained by each of them alone.

可以明显看出，四个分论点之间是有很顺畅的逻辑关系的。

例21：Issue50“Inorder to improve the quality of instruction at the college anduniversity level, all faculty should be required to spend time workingoutside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses theyteach.”

翻译：为改善教学质量，大学应当要求所有的教员花时间到校外去参加与他们所教科目相关的工作。

下面的提纲来自“kito小组高频提纲”，感谢kito小组：

【提纲】
（1）反对观点。
（2）首先这样会使教员分心，有可能面外的工作占用很多精力，而忽略了教学任务，这样反而会降低教学质量。比如，现在计算机行业很热门，有很多计算机系的老师在外面的公司兼职做项目，导致上课质量下降，很多只是应付任务。（可以举自己身边的例子）
（3）有些学科发展很快，确实需要多了解外面的发展，但也不一定非要让教员出去工作，因为还有很多渠道的，比如参加学术讨论会议、通过网络了解最新动态等等。
（4）此外，有些学科，比如基础研究学科数学、物理的发展是需要在实验室里的，不需要到外面工作，且短期内这些都不会有太大变化，这些老师更不需要必须花时间去外面工作。

如果将后三段顺序调换为（3）——（4）——（2），逻辑可能更清晰一些。

我们再看看Generalists vs. Specialists的那篇6分范文，虽然是平衡观点，但内在逻辑很强。ETS的评语说得很清楚，第二部分从逻辑，到道德，再到个人，很有条理：

The second part presents an equally compelling, well-organized case against overspecialization based on three main reasons:
-- logical (narrowly trained specialists often fail to understand the whole)
-- moral (usually generalists understand what is needed for "the greater good")
-- personal (specializing/pigeonholing too early can be psychologically damaging)

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comorainUID：192455

3、语法：更少错误、更多地道表述

语言要震撼，首先在语法上尽量不要有错误，然后在此基础上改进。无论是6分和5分作文，还是4分作文，语法错误少都是硬件。

字太多了，贴不下。本身内容又很重要，索性单独发。

具体内容参见：

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-943740-1-1.html

4、单词：更准确、更生动

4分作文对单词没有具体的要求，5分作文要求单词“恰当（appropriate）”，6分作文则要求单词“震撼（effective=striking, impressive）”。

同学们往往走两个极端：要么翻来覆去地用那些口语化的甚至有些陈腐的初中生词汇，要么处心积虑地用那些复杂的甚至有些生僻的GRE词汇。这些都不是很好的习惯，一个单词首先要“达意”，然后在此基础上再追求“生动”，而初中生词汇和GRE词汇往往达不到“达意”要求。下面是修改单词的一些方法：

（1）换下口语化的单词或动词短语

其一，GRE写作毕竟是学术性写作，口语化的单词尽量能免则免，尽量用正式的、严肃的书面语言。其二，口语化的单词往往意思很多，含义很模糊，用在作文中往往起不到预期的效果。

话说口语中最常用的十大动词是：bring, come, do, get, give, go, make, put, run,take。大家去查查词典，在这十大动词中，哪一个不得用上一两页篇幅来解释？由它们组成的动词短语，更是多不胜数。

多查查词典，每一个口语化的单词都能找到一个恰当的书面词汇，几乎每个动词短语也都对应着一个贴切的动词。

例如：
make a plan→devise a plan; make asuccess→succeed; make it to be better→improve; make a research on the problem→research the problem; made it impossible→rendered it impossible; make some suggestions→suggest; a matured economy is in the making→weare building an improved economy

took place →occurred/happened
spoke about →discussed
wrote about →analyzed/studied
take steps to →investigate ways to/act to
carry out →implement
is the key to →underlies/informs
paints apicture of →portrays/depicts

I think what the speaker said is not correct. →I disagree with the speaker.
Let’s see the following example. →Consider, for example, ...
Motor traders are looking forward to a further increase in vehicle sales.
→Motor traders are expecting a further increase in vehicle sales.

（2）改掉表意不明的GRE词汇

GRE单词都是从西方学术性文章中摘出来的，按理说适合GRE作文。但问题是我们容易按照红宝书的中文意思稀里糊涂地用GRE词汇，完全不考虑单词的准确意思、感情色彩和适用语境。

例如：
My diehard parents thought it was aberrant for a boy to be interested in ballet.
→My conservative parents thought it was abnormal for a boy to be interested in ballet.（diehard顽固的——conservative保守的; aberrant不循常轨的——abnormal变态的）

The publishing of his opus, A History of Western Philosophy, soon fascinated great wisdom and intelligence to deliberate the causality between searching for help of other disciplines and boosting significant improvement ofcertain one.  
→The publication of his masterpiece, A History of Western Philosophy, soon inspired many intellectuals of his contemporary to contemplate the influence of outsiders on the advancement of certain discipline.（注：opus多指乐曲；fascinate表示“使着迷”；wisdom和intelligence都不能表示人；deliberate作及物动词表“权衡”，做不及物动词表“仔细考虑、商议”；causality因果关系，抽象词；improvement表“改进”）

（3）删掉大而不当的废词

这里我也不废话，强烈推荐大家看看“wglxh的小连载合辑The Element of Style初解读
从修改中见英文功力”。我直接引用如下：

废话类型五：常见的废名词，出现只为凑字数

1. character: Acts of a hostile character →Hostile acts
2. system: Dayton has adopted the commission system of government. →Daytonhas adopted government by commission.
The dormitory system →Dormitories

此外还有nature, process等,当然不是处处为废

补充几个大家常用的废词

1. case
In many cases, the rooms were poorly ventilated. →Many of the rooms were poorly ventilated.
It has rarely been the case that any mistake has been made. →Few mistakes have been made.

2. factor
His superior training was the great factor in his winning the match. →He won the match by being better trained.
Heavy artillery is becoming an increasingly important factor in deciding battles. →Heavy artillery is playing a larger and larger part in deciding battles.

3. respective &respectively
Works of fictionare listed under the names of their respective authors. →Works of fiction are listed under the names of their authors.
The one mile and two mile runs were won by Jones and Cummings respectively.
→The one mile and two mile runswere won by Jones and by Cummings.

wglxh说的另四种类型的废话也很值得看：

废话类型一：傻傻的否定句!
not honest →dishonest
not important →trifling
did not remember →forgot
did not pay any attention to →ignored
did not have much confidence in →distrusted

废话类型二：不必要的修饰!
there is no doubt but that →no doubt （doubtless）
used for fuel purposes →used for fuel
he is a man who →he
in a hasty manner →hastily
this is a subject which →this subject
His story is a strange one. →His story is strange.

废话类型三：最常见废词----"the fact that"
owing to the fact that since →（because）
in spite of the fact that though →（although）
call your attention to the fact that remind you →（notify you）
I was unaware of the fact that →（did not know）
the fact that he had not succeeded →his failure
the fact that I had arrived →my arrival

废话类型四：累赘的插入结构
His brother, who is a member of the same firm →His brother, a member of the same firm
Trafalgar, which was Nelson's last battle →Trafalgar, Nelson's last battle

（4）去粗存精、化虚为实、死去活来

要想让作文有表现力、想象力和冲击力，你就要尽量使用详尽、明确和具体的语言，尽量避免空洞、含糊和抽象的语言。（Prefer the specific to the general, the definite to the vague, the concrete to the abstract.）具体而言，要做到三点：

A．去粗存精：将一般化、含糊不清的单词修改为详细而精确的单词

Weak: My supervisor went past my desk.
Better: My supervisor sauntered (=walked slowly) past my desk.

Weak: She is a careful shopper.
Better: She compares prices and quality.

Weak: She is very beautiful.
Better: Nothing can be compared with her beauty.

Weak: A period of unfavorable weather set in.
Better: It rained every day for a week.

Weak: If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.
Better:If a goal is lawful and obligatory, then any indispensable means to it are also lawful and obligatory.（本句改自Issue212）

B．化虚为实：将空话、套话修改为实话

Weak: a worthwhile project
Better: a promising (useful, valuable, exciting) project

Weak: The book has interested me greatly and deeply for a long time.
Better: The bookhas long intrigued me.

Weak: He showed satisfaction ashe took possession of his well-earned reward.
Better: He grinned as he pocketed the coin.

Weak: One worker's plan is the elimination of tardiness.
Better: One worker's plan eliminates tardiness.（将作表语用的形容词或名词变为行为动词）

Weak: There is no opportunity for promotion.
Better: No opportunity for promotion exists.（在以“here”或“there”开头的句子中，把“be”动词后的名词代词变成改写句的主语）

C．死去活来：将呆板笨拙的单词修改为鲜活形象的单词

这里主要采用一些修辞手法，如拟人、比喻等。下面5个句子由我平时阅读时收集整理，超级精彩：

Weak: Debaters should think carefully before they speak.
Better: Debaters should engage brain before putting mouth in gear.

Weak: In fact, economists who have spent their entire careers on equilibrium business cycle theory are now discovering that their efforts were fruitless.
Better: Economists who have spent their entire careers on equilibrium business cycle theory are now discovering, in effect, that they invested their savings with Bernie Madoff.（From Paul Krugman）

Weak: Large-scale fiscal stimulus is what left in the policy toolkit now that the Fed has exhausted its capabilities andresources.
Better: Large-scale fiscal stimulus is what left in the policy arsenal now that the Fed has shot its bolt/run out of ammunition.（From Greg Mankiw）

Weak: It’s time to bring Keynesian Business Cycle Theory back to use again.
Better: It’s time to dust off Keynesian Business Cycle Theory. （FromPaul Krugman）

Weak: The Treasury secretary’s comments risk indulging and fomenting those protectionists.
Better: TheTreasury secretary’s comments risk stoking those protectionist embers. （From Greg Mankiw）

下面这个句子出自“关于英语写作的一点个人体会”，感谢该不知名的网友：

Weak: Nowadays, more and more people are watching televisions.
Better: Nowadays, television is flooding into each inch of our daily life.

下面四个句子来自6分官方范文：

Weak: Without specialists, our society would be surrounded by overload information.
Better: Without specialists, our society would find itself bogged downin the Sargasso sea of information overload.

Weak: Simply throwing out various discoveries means we have a lot of useless discoveries, it is only when one can integrate them that we can see the full view.
Better: Simply throwing out various discoveries means we have a pile of useless discoveries, it is only when one can make with them a mosaic that we can see that they may form a picture.

Weak: No one can hope to understand the overall situation by only inspecting its parts.
Better: No one can hope to understand the human body by only inspecting one's own toe-nails.

Weak: Specialists provide us with impetus while generalists guide us in the right direction.
Better: Specialists drive us forward in a series of thrusts while generalists make sure we are still on the jousting field and know what the stakes are.

此外，英语中一些习惯用语本身就带有明喻、隐喻等修辞手法，用起来非常形象。

as clearas crystal 清如水晶
as weakas water 软弱无力
to teach fish to swim  班门弄斧
to plough the sand  白费力气
up the tree 骑虎难下
lame duck 强弩之末
above board 光明正大

comorainUID：192455

（5）小词的精妙用法

下面是上海新东方夏霏老师的一篇好文章，供大家参考。在此感谢夏老师。

GRE/GMAT写作中的小词
2009-03-18
作者：
夏霏
来源：上海新东方
国外部

在 GRE和GMAT写作的满分（6分）评分标准中，无论是ISSUE还是ARGUMENT，都会对写作的用词提出要求。如在ISSUE 中提到：Uses language fluently, with varied sentence structure and effective vocabulary.即语言流利，使用多变的句型和有效、令人印象深刻的词汇。ARGUMENT中提到：Demonstrates control of language, including diction and syntactic variety.即展示对语言的掌控，包括用词和用句的多样性。通过这两条，不难看出，阅卷人在“词”这块的要求其实很简单 ----effective（有效、印象深刻）和variety（多样化）。而在写作中，恰到好处的使用“小词”就可以帮助你的文章达到上述两个要求。

首先要说明一点，所谓“小词”并非俚语。由于评分标准明确要求使用standard written English（标准书面英语），因此非正式的俚语、俗语、外来语都不被建议在写作中使用。“小词”------- smart word，指的是一些看似稀松平常普普通通的单词的精妙用法。主要包括以下几种情况：

一．
具体—抽象：

所谓具体到抽象指的是把一个单词的具体含义进行引申从而用在某些抽象的场合。下面我们来看几个例子。

1．Bask. Bask这个单词表示晒太阳，由此可以引申出沉浸，沐浴在（胜利，喜悦，赞美，关怀中）。如bask in the glory of world cup （沉浸在世界杯的荣耀中）或者bask in jubilance.（沉浸在喜悦中）

2．Brew. Brew这个单词也很熟悉，表示酿酒，一引申就可以变成酝酿这个抽象含义。如每逢战争即将打响，我们可以说Storms are brewing on every frontier.（每个边境上都酝酿着风暴。）

3． Swallow. Swallow表示吞咽东西，也就是不加咀嚼地吃东西，因此当我们在描述一个人不加思考就轻易相信别人时，就可以使用这个单词。如Surely, I know better than to swallow hiswords.（我当然不会傻到就这样相信他的鬼话）有时也可以表示取消，如He had to swallow his words。（他不得不取消前言。）

4．Gnaw. Gnaw指的是小动物，如啮齿类动物，咬,啃。稍加引申就变成了使烦恼;折磨。如Thefeeling of guilt gnawed at my conscience day and night.（内疚日夜折磨着我的良心。）

5． Wean. Wean原义指新生儿断奶，引申为使断绝;使戒掉;使放弃。如Theseplants have succeed in weaning from the green house environment.（这些植物已经成功摆脱了对温室环境的依赖。）

二．
名词—动词

不同词性之间的转换也是小词活用的一个思路，这里我们讲讲相对较为普遍也容易掌握的名词到动词的活用。

1．Bridge. Bridge，桥梁。桥梁的作用很显然是连接，因此它做动词就可以表示连接、消除（隔阂，鸿沟等）。如bridge chasm, silence, difference,generation gap（弥合裂缝，打破冷场，消除分歧，弥合代沟）

2．Budget. Budget名词表示预算，动词为合理安排。如She is extremely busy, so she has to budget her time carefully.（她忙极了,所以必须好好安排时间。）

3．Toy. Toy是玩具的意思，由这个名词演变出的动词可以表示漫不经心的考虑，摆弄。如She toyed with a pencil, brooding on something like ahen.（她摆弄着铅笔，似有心事。）

4．Bracket. Brackets 复数形式表示括号。动词bracket指把某和某归入一类，相提并论，Jones and Smith were bracketed in a tie forthe first prize. （约翰和史密斯双双被评为头奖。）

三．
由人到物

所谓由人到物是指这个单词原本形容人，而在某些场合中可以采用“拟物”的手法，形容物体或事件。

1．Flatter. Flatter指谄媚;奉承。拟物后可以表示（照片，画像等）比真人好看。如You are surely flattered by this dress.（你穿这衣服更漂亮了。）

2．Flirt. Flirt最熟悉的意思是调情，而事实上，它还可以表示不当真的对待，玩笑地对待。如Flirt with the idea of resigning (脑子里一直浮现辞职的念头)

3. Conspire.conspire形容人同谋,密谋，也可以形容事物联合发生共同导致（不良后果）。如Wretched weather, nasty food and disgusting companionsconspired to reduce my picnic to be a wet blanket.（糟糕的天气，难吃
的东西，和不喜欢的人，我的野餐真倒霉。）

4．Coax. Coax指人用好话劝,哄诱，指物的时候作耐心地处理,小心摆弄的意思。如Pianists have their own difficulties on thepiano hammers that hit the string have to be coaxed not to sound likepercussion.（钢琴演奏家也有自己的困难处，钢琴上的用来击弦的小锤务必仔细摆弄，以免听起来像打击乐。）

四．
本意引申

有些单词在长期使用中，可能会慢慢衍变成其他我们更熟悉的含义。但是有时恰恰是它的本来意思可以引申出一些奇妙的用法。

1．Throw. Throw原本指的是人在马背上，被马突然摔在地上。因此就有了这样的用法，表示使处于，使陷入（某种状态中）。如Thousands were thrown into homeless by thewar. （战争使千万人无家可归。）

2．Pitch. Pitch除了表示投、掷等意思外，还可以指定标准，用合适的角度，方式表达。这是由于在古希腊的时候，运动会上往往会通过投掷标枪确定一条合格线，因此这个词就慢慢有了定标准这层意思。如The program was pitched at just the rightlevel.( 大纲所定的水平恰到好处。)

3．Blood. Blood鲜血。猎人在猎狐和狗在第一次出猎前给它们尝血的味道。引申后表示使新手取得初次经验。如Many revolutionary devotees were blooded inWuchang Uprise.( 武昌起义使很多热血志士首次经受革命的洗礼。)

希望通过上述的这些小词给大家提供一些思路。其实只要平时多看一些欧美TV，电影，原版书籍或者多收听如VOA，BBC这样的英语广播，多留心，多积累，做个有心人，就可以轻松掌握这些小词，并且在写作中熟练使用，使文章锦上添花。

（6）十对言简意赅的绝妙小词

我在平常写作时经常用这十对小词，感觉它们不仅能精确地表达意思，还可能节约不少笔墨。大家也可以自己积累小词。下面的例句主要摘自北美范文。

① in terms of/with respect to
前者表示“根据，从……方面来说”，用来列举和解释；后者表示“关于，至于”，用来引出话题

My intuition isthat the more a person shares in common with us—in terms ofexperience, heritage, disposition, motives, and evenphysicalattributes—the more accessible that person's heroic traits areto us, and the stronger their attraction as a role model.

With respect toindividual achievements, great achievers are by nature ambitious peopleand therefore tend to be dissatisfied and discontent with theiraccomplishments-no matter how great.

② perspective/viewpoint
都表示“观点，视角”，用来说明看问题的角度

From the perspective of an Imperialist, conquering other lands and peoples might be viewed as an unqualified success. However, from the viewpointof the indigenous peoples who suffer at the hands of Imperialists,these so-called "achievements" are the source of widespread oppressionand misery, and in turn discontent, to which any observant NativeAmerican or South African native could attest.

③ instead of/rather than
两者均表示“而不是”，用于对比

They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.

Even in the arts, students must challenge established styles and forms rather than learn to imitate them; otherwise, no genuinely new art would ever emerge.

④ due to/result from/result in/lead to
四个词都可以用来表示因果关系，后面均需要接名词性结构。用它们既简洁，又可以避免反复使用because

Modern art that violates these principles might hold ephemeral appeal due to its novelty and brashness, but its appeal lacks staying power.

As for the physical sciences, innovation and progress can only result from challenging conventional theories--that is, the status quo.

Also, information overload can result in confusion, which in turn can diminish one's ability to assimilate information and apply it usefully.

These and further discoveries certainly will lead toprogress in dealing effectively with pressing social issues in thefields of education, juvenile delinquency, criminal reform, and mentalillness.

⑤ despite/regardless of
前者表示“尽管，即使”，后者表示“无论”，都用于让步

In sum, despitea deluge of information debunking our false notions about people whoare different than us, as a society it appears we have not reversed ourinclination toward prejudice.

Moreover, in the final analysis anybusiness is indebted to the society in which it operates forits veryexistence, and thus has a moral duty, regardless of any legal obligations, to pay that debt.

⑥ counterproductive/unproductive
前者表示“适得其反的，事与愿违的”，后者表示“没有收益的”

Although the critic can help us understand and appreciate art, more often than not, critiqueis either counterproductive to achieving the objective of art or altogether irrelevant to that objective.

Research workersare well aware that much of their time and effort is unproductive.

⑦ counterpart/peer
前者表示“相对应或具有相同功能的人或物”，后者表示“（官阶、等级、地位或功绩）同等的人，同龄人”，两者都可以用来当代词，避免重复

An informed listener of popular music hears not just the same pleasing sounds and pulsatingrhythms as their naive counterparts,but alsothe rhythmic meters, harmonic structure, and compositionalforms used by the great classical composers of previous centuries, andwhich provided the foundation of modern music.

American childrendid less well in math than their peers in Japan.

⑧ unnecessary/infeasible/ineffective
要区分三者的意思：unnecessary（根本就没有必要干某事）、infeasible（根本就没有干某事情的条件）、ineffetive（达不到预期的效果）。如果要层层递进的话，逻辑顺序是：首先，根本就没有必要干（unnecessary）；其次，即使有必要，也没法干成（infeasible）；最后，即使干成了，也达不到预期目标（ineffective）。

Specifically, whenit comes to learning rote facts and figures, personal interaction with a teacher is unnecessary, and can even result in fatigue and burnout for the teacher.

Re-floating the sunken ship has been proved infeasible because of its fragility.

In sum, while ads portraying people we want to "be like" are undoubtedly effective in selling products, they are equally ineffective in helping consumers feel better about themselves.

⑨
effective/efficient
这两个词容易出错，中文意思虽然都是“有效”，但effective表示“达到预期效果”；efficient表示“没有浪费时间、金钱或精力”

Few would disagree that through theirability to inspire others and lift the human spirit Mahatma Gandhi andMartin Luther King were eminently effective in leading others to effect social change through civil disobedience.

In sum, television and video can be more efficient than books as a means of staying abreast of current affairs, and for education in the arts that involve moving imagery.

⑩ available/accessible
两者均表示“可利用的, 可获得的”

The choice to forego this security is always available, although it might carry unpleasant consequences.

However, equally influential wasJohannes Gutenberg, whose invention of the printing press severalcenturies later rendered Western knowledge and culture accessible to every class of people throughout the known world.

=============================================================================

comorainUID：192455

5、句子：更多变化、更有气势

4分作文对句式没有要求，5分和6分作文都要求句式多变（variety）。
通篇都是短句子当然太低级，但一味地追求长句子也不好。要知道，长句像山珍海味，隔三差五吃一吃还行，天天吃非吃出消化不良病不可！因此，作文中句子的要求是：长短相间、错落有致。修改方法如下：

（1）通过换词避免重复

尽量避免过多地重复使用的某一单词，必要时应选择使用其它恰当的同义词或词组来代替。如果想不出来，大家可以多查查Webster’s Thesaurus。

Weak：I like reading while my brother likes watching television.
Better：I like reading while my brother enjoys watching television.

Weak：We’ve built a new classroom building besides the old one and we’ve also built a library where the old playground used to be.
Better：We’ve built a new classroom building besides the old one and we’ve also set up a library where the old playground used to be.

另外，在很多作文经常会用到people，替换时可以用persons, citizens, human beings, （scholars, students, researchers，具体化）等等。

表“重要”的单词有：important, consequential, eventful,major, material, meaningful,
momentous, significant,substantial, weighty

表示“支持”的单词有：support, advocate, back,champion, endorse (also indorse), patronize

表示“反对”的单词有：object, demur, expostulate(with), kick, protest, remonstrate (with)

再如在Issue51中，specifically-designed education经常需要替换，可以用：specifically-devised education, individualized/personalized schooling/education, particularly-devised programs and courses等.

（2）通过变换句子结构避免单调

除了灵活运用常见的非谓语动词（不定式、动名词、过去分词）、各类从句、介词结构外，我们还可以通过改变语序、组合简单句、使用插入语等方式，使句子跌宕起伏，增强表达力。

Weak: The young man pointed to a policeman not far away and said, “He stopped us an hour ago and told us to catch another offender.”
Better: Pointing to a policeman not far away, the young man explained, “He stopped us an hour ago and made us catch another offender.”（改变句子开头方式，不要一味地都是主语开头，接着是谓语、宾语，最后再在句末加上一个状语）

Weak: My brother was riding the bike and I sat on the seat behind him.
Better: My brother was riding the bike with me sitting on the seat behind.（通过紧缩，去掉一些多余的成分，避免冗长累赘、松散无力，以增强句子的连贯性）

Weak: My parents praised the dog warmly. It had saved my little sister bravely.
Better: My parents praised the dog warmly. It was our brave dog who had saved my little sister.（适当地打破常规，用一些倒装句、强调句或感叹句，可以为意思表达增添一点新意）

Weak: Government should place few restrictions on scientific research and development.
Better: Issue69 Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.

Weak: Censorship is rarely justified.
Better: Issue224 Censorship is rarely, if ever, justified.

Weak: To truly understand your ownculture requires personal knowledge of at least one other culture, onethat is distinctly different from your own.
Better: Issue63"To truly understand your own culture—no matter how you define it—requires personal knowledge of at least one other culture, one that is distinctly different from your own."（在上面三个例子中，插入语不仅使句子更严谨，而且可以调节句子节奏）

（3）通过简单句表达复杂意思

以下为几个经典句型：

A．no more... than/not... any more than:“同……一样不”

He is no more a writer than a painter. 他既不是画家，也不是作家。

B．no less... than：“同……一样”

A dolphin is no less a clever animal than a dog is. 海豚与狗同样都是聪明的动物。

C．not so much as: 与其说……不如说……

Science moves forward, they say, not so much through the insights of great men of genius as because of more ordinary things like improved techniques and tools.

D．It is not too much to say that: 说……并不过分

It is not too much to say that the widespread creation of dictatorships and the resulting World War II stemmed in no small measure from the world’s failure to meet this basic economic problem adequately.

E．to say nothing of/not to speak of/not tomention/let alone：“更不用说”，意思随前一句而定，即前一句是肯定，则追加的也是肯定意义；如果前一句是否定，则追加的是否定意义

In old China, here was hardly any machine-building industry, to say nothing of an electronic industry. 在旧中国，几乎没有什么机器制造工业，更不用说电子工业了。

At that time they could not afford the ordinary comforts of life, not to speak of luxuries. 那时他连普通生活都不能维持，更不要说奢侈品了。

A11 they have to do is press a button，and they can see plays, films, operas and shows of every kind, not to mention political discussions and the latest exciting football match. 他们所要做的只是按一下电钮，就能看到各种戏剧、电影、歌剧和各式各样的演出，而且还能看到各种政治辩论和最近举行的激动人心的足球赛。

I can’t add two and two, let alone do fractions. 我连2加2都不会，更不要说做分数题了。

F．much less/still less：“更不用说，更不必说”，表示一种追加的否定，只能用于否定句中

I could not agreeto, much less participate in such proceedings. 我不能同意这种行为，更谈不上参加这些行动了。

He knows little of mathematics, and still less of chemistry. 他几乎不懂数学，更不用说化学了。


G．The more, the more ……越……，……越……

The more you promise, the more you are telling us you don’t expect to be accountable for promises.

（4）通过修辞手段增强句子气势

此类修辞手段通常包括排比、押韵、对比等。

排比是指把结构相同或相似、语气一致、意思密切相关联的句子或句子成分排列起来，使句式得到增强。如：

You are overwhelming jade, as white as snow, as smooth and moist as grease, as brilliant as candles, and as firm as rock. 你洁白如雪，润泽如脂，你光辉如烛，坚贞如磐，你是令人倾心的美玉。

For instance, progress in social welfare might be measured by the number of homeless people, incidence of domestic violence, or crime rate of thejuvenile.

押韵是指将开头或结尾音节相同或相似的单词排列在一起，使短语有气势。如：

complicate and intricate 复杂的
time and tide 时代
willy-nilly 不管愿意不愿意，被迫的

对比是指将两个意义相反的句子排列在一起，形成强烈的反差。如：

What is noteworthy is that while these crises were transitory, the increase in the scope of government was permanent.

古诗有云：大弦嘈嘈如急雨，小弦切切如私语。嘈嘈切切错杂弹，大珠小珠落玉盘。用在句子上，长句如同大珠，短句恰似小珠，长短相间则如同串起来的大珠小珠，生动活泼。一般而言，段落的主题句和论述性、说理性、描述性的句子，都可以使用长句；而段落的结论句和段中的感叹句、评论句，则可以使用短句，显得铿锵有力。

=============================================================================

comorainUID：192455

6、论证：更连贯一致、更令人信服

4分作文对论据（理由和例子）的要求是“相关（relevant）”；5分作文对理由和例子的要求分别是“逻辑合理（logically sound）”和“精心挑选的（well-chosen）”；6分作文对理由和例子的要求则分别是“令人信服（compelling）”和“有说服力的（persuasive）”。因此，修改论证的方法如下：

（1）使理由更合乎逻辑、令人信服

好的理由论证应该层层推进、环环相扣，逐渐接近本质问题。

例22：Issue51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
翻译：唯有当教育是专门为满足每个学生独特的需要和兴趣而设计的时候，它才是真正有效的。

下面的提纲来自“kito小组高频提纲”，感谢kito小组：

Position: There is no doubt thateducation should pay more attention on the needs and interests ofstudents, but it is possible for education to satisfy every student.

1、从教育的目的上讨论，兴趣对教育的重要性；
对个人，爱因斯坦Albert Einstein有句至理名言：“兴趣是最好的老师”；对社会，教育的目的就是为社会培养各种人才，如果不注重学生兴趣，那么他们到社会不可能尽其可能。有时候可能埋没人才。比如一味的强调分数，那么对发明有兴趣的学生可能会失去动力，eg.哥白尼Copernicus以前学医，爱因斯坦小时候学习并不好（这个例子是以前看到别人用的，我没有想到很好的例子）
2、学校必须努力发现并培养学生的兴趣。因为有些学生没有意识到自己的兴趣，因此学校要在这方面作引导。例如学校可以通过开设对终选修课，增加各类奖学金等方法来鼓励学生培养自己的兴趣；
3、但是，鼓励兴趣的培养不等于学校必须根据每个学生的兴趣来进行教育，这既无意义也不现实；一方面老师是有限的，而学生的兴趣是各种各样的。另一方面，学生没有足够的判断力来决定自己该学什么，比如数学，有些学生不喜欢学，但是能够去掉吗？过分强调学生兴趣势必会造成教学的紊乱，而且学生的兴趣不同阶段可能发生改变；
4、总结

这个提纲从大的方面来看有两个问题：首先，题目是事实型的，但提纲的立场却弄成了should型的；其次，第二个分论点又弄成了一个should型的。从小的方面来看，理由论证不是很令人信服，比如第一个分论点，按“对个人”、“对社会”划分根本没有必要：如果教育迎合个人兴趣，则学生学习更主动，更容易发挥潜力，从而更有可能成为社会的有用之人。

下面是我写的提纲：

审题：1、教育应是狭义的学校教育（student）；2、specifically designed，主题实际上是个性化兴趣教育与模式化大众教育的比较；3、effective: producing a decided, decisive, or desired effect，因而涉及到教育的目的；4、注意needs and interests，这里讲的并非天赋之类的；5、什么是专门设计的教育，与现行教育模式有何差别？

提纲：

对个人而言，专门设计的教育确实比大众教育要好，可以避免个性被标准化教育抹杀。但对全社会而言，这种个性化的教育模式即不可行，也无必要，更不能有效地达到现代教育的目标。

1、承认对个人而言，专门设计的教育可以挖掘个人真正的兴趣和隐藏的天赋，而这些在传统教育下很可能被掩盖。
2、然而，对社会而言，这种教育即不可行也无必要。
3、实际上，现代教育的基本目的就是通过培养大量人才，来满足社会对标准化人才的渴求。

（2）使例子更恰如其分、有说服力

恰如其分的例子应与分论点有着内在的一致性和关联性，从而可以证实一定的逻辑关系。很多时候，挖掘例子本质的过程也是进一步梳理分论点层次的过程。

例23：Issue153.“Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.”
翻译：学生们应该带着怀疑的态度对待他们所学的任何东西。他们应该质疑老师教给他们的东西，而不是被动地接受。

对于这个题目，被大家广泛使用的例子是哥白尼质疑日心说、伽利略质疑亚里士多德、爱因斯坦质疑牛顿经典力学等。但仔细想一想，这三个例子的本质是不同的：哥白尼和伽利略质疑的都是错误的观点；爱因斯坦质疑的牛顿力学却不能说是错误的，只能说是有局限性的。由此出发，我得到下列提纲：

提纲：完全同意。
1、修正谬误(correct)，质疑精神是辨伪去妄的必要步骤；
2、发现新知(refine)，质疑精神是建设新学说、获得新发明的基本条件；
3、增强理解(understand)，即使都没错，多质疑也能增强理解。

另外，有些时候可以用假想、假设、放大或缩小的例子来进行论证。

（3）使段内论证结构更连贯一致

在每个论证段落中，如果能找到一个恰到好处的例子，则详述一个例子并加上适当的发挥就足够了；如果有两个例子，可以递进、比较或对比；如果有多个例子但对其具体情景不熟悉，则可用排比手段；如果一个例子都找不到，则可以假想、假设出一个或多个例子。

在理证上，如果能找到两个及以上的理由来证明分论点，则详细阐述这些理由就足够了；如果只有一个理由，则对其展开并加上例子进行论证；如果找不出任何理由，则可以对主题句做详细的解释。

在形式上，最理想的论证段落结构如下：主题句——理证——例证——总结。记住三点：例证前有引导词，例证后有小结，段尾有呼应主题句。

在语言上，需要注意连接词的运用。同时，要注意逻辑关系的一致。以北美范文的Issue153为例。这个题目讲的是学生，所以最恰当的例子应该是学生质疑老师，如果找不到则需要在语言上有所交待，但北美却来了这么一段：

And history is replete with examples of students of sciencewho challenged what they had been taught, thereby paving the way forscientific progress. For example, in challenging the notion that theEarth was in a fixed position at the center of the universe, Copernicuspaved the way for the corroborating observations of Galileo a centurylater, and ultimately for Newton's principles of gravity upon which allmodern science is based. The staggering cumulative impact ofCopernicus' rejection of what he had been taught is proof enough of thevalue of skepticism.

前面说“学生”，后面举的例子却是哥白尼，因此连贯不是很一致。其实，我们改一句就可以：

And history is replete with examples that challenging what were widely taught in schools at that time paved the way for scientific progress.

总而言之，在“改漂亮”这个环节，大家应该反复修改自己的习作，在立场、结构、语法、词汇、句子、论证上仔细打磨，使这些方面都能达到高分作文的要求。

comorainUID：192455

从word拷过来时，两个单词经常连在一起。哪位达人能教我一办法，解决这个问题？

i2000sUID：2108019

这个问题我也不知道怎么解决#￥%

……

comorain对“改漂亮”这个主题的分析的确够档次！

从官方要求的分析，到策略的回应，再到篇章段句词的分析，

可谓面面俱到，句句经典，节节震撼！

先收藏起来慢慢咀嚼，待到化入骨髓，融入文章之时，再来答谢lz！


另外，感谢comorain对我个人问题的开篇回应！很感动……

yhwzUID：2628211

多谢了

apoloUID：2622543

LZ，写得太好了！正找呢~呵呵，能不能把Word版的给我啊，我想打印出来好好研读~~~

comorainUID：192455

LZ，写得太好了！正找呢~呵呵，能不能把Word版的给我啊，我想打印出来好好研读~~~
apolo 发表于 2009-4-26 01:05

你直接从网页复制到word就可以了。

fancywwUID：2583671

很有价值 虽然后天就考了 来不及深入操作了 但还是很有帮助的 谢谢lz

comorainUID：192455

全面修订完毕，提供pdf文件下载。

huaishi100UID：2621245

进来膜拜一下 我的终极理想 哪天也能学comorain把AW写得华丽丽

hurongchildUID：2595535

顶啊 应该怎么收藏啊？